Interesting Times
"Sister, dear!" Azula rapped softly at the door to Katara's suite, smoothing her dress down. Though the Fire Lord and Lady normally slept together, the master Waterbender had her own boudoir for those less compatible nights of which there had been many recently. According to the servants, the Fire Lady had been cloistering herself here often, coming out only to practice her bending in the royal arena, or to take a brisk walk.
The princess knocked again when she didn't get an immediate response. "Katara? It's Princess Azula." She emphasized her honorific as if in reminder.
From behind the door came a muffled "Go. Away."
The Firebender pursed her lips. No one even dared refuse her!
Well, except for Aang. And Jet. And Sokka. And Haru, though she'd managed to convince the Earthbender to accede to her wishes readily time and again.
She called through the door, "Oh, come now, you can't hole up in there forever." She reconsidered. "Well, you can, but I don't recommend it. After a while, without proper airing, the rooms get awfully stuffy and they start to smell like feet. You don't want your apartments to smell like feet, do you?"
She heard the shuffle of soft-soled slippers across the marble floors. The door was abruptly yanked open.
Azula blinked. The Waterbender had definitely seen better days: Her waist-length hair was wild and stuck out at odd angles. Her skin, normally an even shade of rich mocha, was ruddy and blotchy. The shapeless, dull-gray robe she wore was so hideous, Azula didn't think even the beggars at the market would deign to wear it.
"What do you want?" Katara growled, a fierce frown straining her pale, cracked lips, her bloodshot gimlet eyes boring into her sister-in-law.
"I wanted some company on my shopping trip," Azula replied as casually as she could without betraying her shock, inspecting her fingernails to keep her eyes averted from the sight before her. "I was thinking of doing a little bargain hunting before I went Haru hunting." She peered past Katara's shoulder, as if the Earthbender might be hiding in her apartments. "You haven't seen him around, have you?"
In answer to both her queries, Katara muttered, "Ask Ty Lee," and started to close the door.
Azula put her palm firmly against the door. "Now, now, Miss Moody Pants. I'm extending a generous offer. It's not every day the princess of the Fire Nation comes a-knocking."
"I'm not in the mood," the Waterbender bit out. Azula could see she'd adopted her husband's mercurial manner. If Katara had been born a Firebender…well, the palace would probably be a charred, smoking crater by now. But that was neither here nor there.
"If not shopping, perhaps we could go for a royal hair combing?" Azula suggested. "You need to be pampered, dear. You hardly make use of any of the palace facilities, I can see." She gave her a disapproving once-over.
"Not interested." Katara tried unsuccessfully to close the door on her sister-in-law once more.
"Oh, but you must be," the princess insisted as she shoved her way into the suite. Katara drew back, arctic defiance blazing in her eyes. Pivoting around, Azula planted her fists on her hips. "It's not like we aren't friends. I was your maid of honor, wasn't I?" She fluttered her lashes prettily.
Katara grumbled something unintelligible, though the words "mistake" and "what the hell was I thinking" did figure prominently among the ones the princess could hear.
But as usual, Azula ignored the Waterbender. "As your beloved sister-in-law, it is my duty—no, my pleasure—to draw you out of your dismal little shell and take you out for some girl time."
The Waterbender's wintry eyes narrowed. "What's your scheme, Zula?"
She raised her hands up defensively. "No scheme. Only…" Her voice softened. "Well, I do worry about you. The pressure of producing a child for Zuko, someone strong enough to take over the throne…" She tsked, shaking her head a little. "I'm just as eager to become an aunt as my parents are to become grandparents. If they were here, I mean." She tilted her head to one side. "But I am concerned for your well-being, too."
She peered at Katara then, a worm of doubt niggling in her mind, and asked, "You're not, are you? Pregnant, I mean." It would, after all, explain a lot.
"No!" Katara blasted, fists clenched at her sides. "What are you saying? Are you saying I look fat? That I'm an unattractive, moody, whale of a wife to your brother? Huh?"
"Not at all, not at all." Azula was only mildly surprise by this revelation. She'd heard bets going around that Fire Lady Katara was already pregnant, though knowing Zuko's MO, she somehow doubted that. If his lovemaking skills were anything like his Firebending skills…well, his hit/miss record on the latter wasn't stellar, to put it bluntly.
And anyhow, what was the fun in betting on the sure win?
Katara wasn't finished her tirade, stomping across the room as she huffed, "Geez, what is it about people that, as soon as I act a little grumpy, they think it's hormones, or PMS or that I'm pregnant!" She threw up her hands in exasperation. "I have a spirit-given right to a bad day now and again!"
Of course, those bad days had become weeks and months...but Azula was not about to point this out.
"Look," Azula said, laying her palm against Katara's shoulder, "I know I'm the last person anyone would go to for comfort. But if something's wrong, I want you to know I'm here for you." She forced what she hoped was a genuine look of concern for her brother's wife onto her flawless porcelain features, letting her brow soften until she thought she might look a little less like Mai and a little more like Ty Lee.
Katara tracked her with unease, doubt flickering over her face. "Right. Sure."
"You know what I'd bet you'd enjoy?" Azula exclaimed suddenly. "Target practice. That always makes me feel better, and Sokka's a laugh and a half to watch when he tumbles through the course, trying to dodge my fireballs." A wicked gleam filled her gold eyes. "And then a nice hot stone massage. The Dai Li agents are multi-talented, you know. Nice, strong hands. Not as nice as Haru's, but they can do wonders to the body—"
Lips twitching, Katara said, "I think I'll pass. But thanks. Really." And when she graced her with a teeny-weeny smile, Azula knew she'd cracked her sister-in-law's shell.
Her mouth curled at the corners. "If you're bent on hermiting yourself here, I won't stop you. I just wanted to let you know that I care."
In the distance, she thought she heard someone bust a gut laughing. But Katara looked like she was actually buying it.
The princess laid it on even thicker. "I'll come calling later. In the meantime, would you like me to have dinner sent up to your rooms? I can get chef to make some ginseng soup and vinegar cow-pig feet. You like that stuff, don't you?"
Katara nodded slowly.
Azula gave a gracious bob of her head. "You go do whatever it is you're doing, then. We'll talk when you're ready."
She left the Fire Lady's apartments, a strange sense of satisfaction sweeping through her. But she attributed that warm, fuzzy feeling to her nefarious nature. After all, there was nothing quite as satisfying as a well-executed double-cross, she thought smugly as she plotted the next step in her twisted course.
She'd inveigle her way into Katara's confidence and get to the bottom of Zuko's performance issues. Citing a danger to the crown, she'd use that as leverage to make him officially declare Azula the next in line for the throne. As it was, Uncle would act as regent if anything ever befell her brother, and the old man was so well-preserved, the princess didn't think he'd ever die. From there, it was a simple matter of …
She burst out laughing all of a sudden. Unfathomably, she couldn't make herself stop, falling back against the wall when cackling sobs wracked her whole body. When her fit finally subsided, the princess wiped the tears from her eyes with as much royal dignity as she could muster and righted herself.
Sighing and still giggling, she proceeded back down the hallway. Heck, why was she even pretending she had a greater plan? Since the war had ended, palace life had become so dull.
No, Azula much preferred to live in interesting times.
She'd do this just because she enjoyed messing with everyone.