Happy Lunar New Year and a lovely Valentine's Day to you all!

The Second Coming

After Toph's smackdown talking-to, Katara took her friend's advice to heart and began preparations for a very sensual night to enjoy with her husband.

She prepared a bath, filling the en suite's tub for two with scented bathwater and flower petals. She ordered the cooks to prepare a sumptuous feast of finger foods she and Zuko would feed each other. Servants brought fresh flowers and silk curtains in to decorate the suite, and the royal candle lighter (yes, there is, in fact, a Firebender whose sole job is to adjust lighting) set up an elaborate display of long-burning lamps and tapers to create just the right mood and atmosphere.

Finally, Katara brushed her hair out and donned her sexiest outfit—soft, sheer, and leaving nothing whatsoever to the imagination, the floozy.

At her desk, she penned a note to her husband in her florid script, spritzed a touch of perfume upon it and gave it to a valet to be hand-delivered.

And then she waited, anticipation drawing every dewy ounce of excitement to her…heart.

The note came during the middle of an important state of affairs meeting. Irritated by the interruption, Zuko snatched the piece of paper out of the timid valet's hand.

I'm ready, the note read. Come and get me.

He shot to his feet. "Gentlemen, I have urgent business. I must ask you all to leave now."

One minister protested, "But my lord, the birth rate is at a critical low and we must—"

"I'm working on it."

As he exited, he addressed the steward: "Evacuate the royal wing of all non-essential personnel. I want no disturbances, do you hear? I don't care if Agni himself is on the doorstep. No one is to bother me or my wife until we both emerge. Anyone who does will be executed on the spot."

"E-evacuate…? Execute…?" The steward's face actually lit up, because the only other time the Fire Lord had made such a threat was right after his wedding. Zuko was, after all, a very noisy lover and everyone within a mile radius knew when he was…well, you know. In fact, the Lord of the Firebenders was out-grunted only by his lovely Waterbender wife, who, at the apex of their passion, was prone to screaming out obscenities, most of them not fit for repetition.

Being familiar with the Fire Lord's recent marital issues, his command could only mean reconciliation was on the make. The steward saluted smartly, pleased by this development. "Yes, Your Majesty! Right away!"

Zuko quickly made his way to his conjugal bedroom, nearly tripping over himself to meet his wife. When he finally arrived, half-undressed and panting, he was met by a sight even the blind could appreciate.

"Hey, Zuko." Katara shimmied up to him seductively. "Wanna show me your Dancing Dragon?"

"Way to go, Sugar Queen," Toph murmured to herself some hours later when a joyous howling noise shattered the sepulchral silence in the palace.
The royal couple stayed in their bedroom all night and into the next day…and still they did not emerge. But the racket that could be heard throughout the capitol assured everyone the Fire Lord and Lady were alive and very, very well.

"They're at it again?" Sokka groaned three days later as his tower of books juddered, shaking and at the mercy of the rhythmic pounding reverberating throughout the library. "I swear, even Azula's not this…this…"

"Energetic? Ravenous? Nymphomaniacal?" Toph suggested.

"Violent."

A piece of plaster loosened from the ceiling, nearly hitting Sokka.

The Earthbender turned her face upwards, listening. "Maybe they're getting help from Haru. He's good at making…" she coughed "…aides."

"I hear he's still on the loose."

Odd, Toph thought. Azula was expert at hunting him down, and Haru didn't exactly make it difficult.

Sokka went on, "Besides, Zuko's not into Rock 'n' Roll."

How Sokka knew what his brother-in-law was into, Toph didn't bother to ask. She did, however, think his term for Earthbending sexplay was stupid.

"Well, whatever they're into, we should all be so lucky to have that kind of love and passion in our lives," she intoned sagely, taking a page out of Iroh's big book of spouting random bits of wisdom. "With everything that happens in the world, a lot of married couples don't have healthy sexual relationships."

"But this has got to be…" he counted on his fingers "…the sixth time today! Something's gotta give!" He crossed his legs just thinking about the friction burn.

"They do have a lot of time to make up for." Toph grinned. "So give 'em a break. After all, they are trying to make your future niece or nephew."

Sokka gagged. His stack of books tipped over and scattered across the workbench as another dual moan of ecstasy ripped through the walls. He covered his ears with his hands.

"Oh, don't be such a prude. It's not like you and Azula do anything different."

His eyes snapped up angrily. "Why does everyone assume I do anything with Azula?" He snarled, his voice growing harsh. "I've never done anything with or to Azula! I'm not Aang or Jet and I'm definitely not Haru!"

Toph paused, perplexed. "But...I always thought..."

"You thought wrong."

Then Sokka made a noise Toph had never heard before—a growl, or a snort, or a laugh…it was a sound describing an emotion she couldn't quite name.

She furrowed her brow. "What was that?"

"What was what?" Sokka ground his jaw.

"That noise you just made. It almost sounded like you were—"

"It was nothing," the Water Tribe warrior said, staring intently at his book without reading.

"Liar." She studied him in only the way she could. "Sokka…what's going on between you and the princess?"

"Absolutely nothing." He repeated, slamming his book closed. "I need to concentrate. I'm taking this to my room."

With that, he stomped away, leaving Toph bewildered…and with yet another mystery on her hands.

"I swear I'm the only one who knows how to fix things around here," she sighed, and went to find Azula.