A Summons
Dear Ursa,
I hope this letter finds you well. Are you enjoying your tour of the Earth Kingdom? Bumi tells me you've made quite a lot of friends among the citizens of Omashu. They say Ozai looks just like his old statue…LOL!
Thanks for sending me along that painting of the toppled "New Ozai" monument, BTW. I'm glad to see they've put it to good use as a manure depository. (ROTFLMAO)
Unfortunately, I'm writing with less than friendly intentions. Azula has requested your immediate appearance…and I mean immediate. Her exact words to me—and she's standing over my shoulder right now, making sure I write them in—are "Mommy, please come home, I need you. I know I'm not the best daughter and that I've caused mayhem and destruction—"
Okay, I admit, that last part was mine. I'm afraid Azula is upset I put it in. She has run from my suite crying. She's been doing a lot of that lately.
In any case, I have no intention of rewriting this letter. My hand is cramping up a lot these days.
I hope curiosity will compel you to return post-haste.
Zuko says hi. He also has news for you when you get back.
Send my love to Ozai. By which I mean punch him in the face for me.
Your Brother-in-Law,
Iroh, Dragon of the West.
P.S. Could you please pick up some milk on the way home? We seem to be out.
"Ozai!" Ursa yelled, her tone pitching high with alarm.
"My sweet? What is it?" The ex-Fire Lord rushed to his side, eyes moony with concern for his beloved.
"Pack our bags. We have to head home." She handed him the letter and got up from the desk.
"But we just got here! Don't they know we're on our second honeymoon?" He grabbed the letter and read it, eyebrows jerking up in annoyance. "Get milk? What on earth is that supposed to mean? The royal family is lactose intolerant!"
Ursa smiled patiently at her husband. Sometimes she thought the Firebending suppressant she fed him was affecting his wits. "It means," she settled her hands over his shoulders, "that we're going to be grandparents."
Ozai blinked.
He blanched.
He staggered backward.
Then he fainted, hitting the ground with a behemoth crash.
Tsking, Ursa stepped over her husband's prone body and muttered, "Lightweight," as she began preparations for their return.