Disclaimer: It's JK Rowling's masterpiece not mine, I merely am a puppet master that takes out her creations to play from time to time.
This is my attempt at Jayu's, "has somebody seen an orange fur ball?" challenge. Read and enjoy.
A/N: This is Post HBP…so assume Voldemort, the Horcruxes, and all of the deatheaters were destroyed when a house fell down on them from the sky…and the house was sent by Harry.
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I'm a no frills kind of guy, I mean give me a warm lap, a rub down, and your complete undivided attention and I am low maintenance individual. Fortunately, my witch is quite content to dole out the comfort and I try to repay her kindness when I can.
The problem is that right now my witch is wistfully looking at the messy haired ponce again, and I can tell her heart breaks a little bit more each time her look goes unreturned. What few people know about me is that I was near the end of my line in the pet shop at Diagon Alley; in a way my witch is also my guardian angel. My attempts to return her gift have been spotty at best, my first year with her I had tried to catch the rotten little rat of the loud boy, and in the end my efforts had led to success of a sort. However, as my witch's adventures have grown more exotic and dangerous I have found my role being limited to that of a glorified bed warmer.
The messy haired one has had a difficult life, I can tell just based upon his appearance that his minders never really fed him, and that his scrawny appearance is less of choice and more of hardship. I also know that the evil one had become fixated on messy hair, and only with some divine providence had the evil one been dispatched a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, the end of the evil one had lifted a veil from my witch's eyes, I think she had expected messy hair to die, and didn't get as close as I could smell that she wanted to.
One lovely perk of being a feline is that you can smell when the humans are excited or aroused at the appearance of another of their kind. My little witch has had this smell about her since I first encountered messy hair, and I imagine if messy hair was a part kneazle like me he'd just sniff her back side and figure it out like anyone with half a brain would have.
But no, humans have some convoluted mating dance where they dress up and touch the object of their desires in more intimate ways. My witch has only really had eyes for messy hair, but her roommates seem to be in heat year round and it's usually some new wizard each time that they go to bed smelling of. Last year one of them even mated with the loud one, if that wasn't a direct affront to Darwin I don't know what would be.
That year had been particularly hard on my witch, and I think that she became more brittle or fragile as a result. However, since the evil one died she has been crying a lot more lately, and as much as I'd love to help the little witch out, my fur can only soak so many tears up. No, it was definitely time to get my witch and messy hair to fess up and do some of their silly human mating dance.
Now, don't get me wrong my witch makes up a big part of my existence, but I don't want any of you to get the wrong impression and think that entertaining her is all I do with my time. I have goals and aspirations a lot like my witch; I've even organized a group of my own, although membership has been spotty at best.
It might surprise you to know that my witch stole the name S.P.E.W. from me, because I organized my group, The Society of Pets to Extraordinary Witches, before the end of my first year with her. That year had been a boon, and even though we accepted Hedwig into the group in spite of the name, she couldn't really compare to the rest of us that had masters with an actual brain. Messy hair is alright, but I don't think he has ever been particularly bright. I mean if he was I wouldn't have the mess I have now, would I?
Anyways, S.P.E.W had a variety of members, most were owls and pigmy puffs, but there were a few other kneazles like me. I think the best thing we ever did was planting that cat nip is Ms. Norris' bed; her master wasn't too pleased to see her into his candy stash stoned out of her gourd. Ah that was a good night; of course it was also the night I met that good chap Snuffles. Remarkable fellow he was, he was a human and an animal if you could believe it. Too bad he died, my witch wailed about that for a long time. I can only imagine how bad messy hair was, but that's a story for another time.
As the years passed the witches and my friends all graduated from Hogwarts replacing new members became difficult, most of them were ridiculous enough to think that their witch had claimed messy hair, and being the territorial bloke I am I had to dispel those notions as much as I could. After all, my witch staked her claim from the beginning, it wouldn't do for someone to poach on her territory.
So now the once mighty organization of S.P.E.W. has been pared down to three scant members, Hedwig has hung tough with me from the beginning, myself, and Arnold the Pigmy puff, loud boy's sisters pet…he is a rather dim bloke. I believe the most interesting thing he has offered at a meeting was a squeak followed by a fart….Hedwig was amused, but a quarter kneazle will not laugh at flatulence…well ok I laughed a bit but I did not snort like old Hedwig did.
About the one thing useful about Arnold is that he is our in to see how his witch is trying to make her move on messy hair. Truthfully, messy hair did succumb to some rubbing with loud boy's sister the past year, and at the time even I had been fooled by my witch's reaction. After years of being in heat for messy hair, she was happy that he was with this other witch? I should have known then, my witch has always been good at hiding her feelings, why would then have been any different.
But now, messy hair seems to have moved on and is back to a similar form of my witch's condition and this is where my scheme actually comes together. Messy hair appears to have finally figured it out; he seems to finally return my witch's feelings. Now this was no simple fortuitous discovery on my part, I caught messy hair talking to the loud boy and he said he liked my witch as a potential mate. Now, the beauty of being part kneazle like I am is that I could tell messy hair was completely serious, and as time goes on I am beginning to notice other little things that are going to make my crowning achievement a shoo in when I set them into motion.
Oh my witch seems to have found a bit of cat nip, well the plans can keep another day. But, I promise that Crookshanks Matchmaker Extraordinaire will make an appearance soon, and messy hair and my witch won't know what hit them.
A/N: Part two of my little story will actually have something beyond a feline's perspective as we figure out why Harry and Hermione remain oblivious to the other's feelings.
Disclaimer: It is JK Rowling's stable of characters and everything so, yes its not mine nor do I make any money off of my use of them.
Adrenaline is in the air, messy hair is having another nightmare, and of course I have to make sure my mistress helps. After all she seems to take each nightmare as a direct affront as to her role of the protector of the great protector. Opening my eyes I see she is already awake and slipping on her robe, I better make sure this goes off without a hitch, because I can finally set my plan into motion if I do.
Up to my feet and through the open door, my witch is moving far too fast for just having awoken, but then she has always been like that for messy hair.
"Oh Harry, I'll never leave you I promise."
"It seemed so real this time, Voldemort had come back again and he said he'd take you from me, and I couldn't stand that."
Oh there is it again, the pheromones in here are so thick and I can't believe they haven't realized it yet. Just looking back into the other's eyes, both too scared to actually make the first move, ah I swear if I didn't love my witch and understand how much messy hair means to her I'd swat them both upside the head.
Ah well, time to set my grand plan into motion. Messy hair's glasses completely unguarded, what is a kneazle on a mission to do? Ah that's right, swipe them and drive my witch crazy as she chases me about the castle.
"Crookshanks! What are you doing?"
Sorry little witch but if you won't make the first move then I guess I'll have to make it for you.
"Hermione, what did Crookshanks do?"
"Oh Harry, he um he took your glasses. But, I swear I'll get them back."
"Hermione, we have that big potions exam today. Even Slughorn wouldn't be insane enough to let me in when I can't even see."
"I'll get him I promise, just give me a few minutes. I'll get dressed and find him, and if he stays away too long I'll cut his food supply off."
"O-ok."
"Why don't you get some more sleep, I'll have your glasses by the time you wake up."
Ah my witch, she hasn't even noticed I'm still in the room. Well, I'll make sure she has a bit of a chase on her hands. Thank heavens Hedwig showed me how to put messy hair's glasses on my back. For an owl she is rather quick on the uptake, not like loud boy's stupid owl. That is one pet that would never get an invitation to join S.P.E.W. I mean what kind of name is pigwidgeon? Ah well, that's a thought for some other time.
Time to make my move I suppose.
"Crookshanks, come back here Harry needs his glasses."
I'm sorry little witch but you'll have to catch me, and I need you good and frustrated for this to work.
"Crookshanks, I don't know how you got out of the tower but please I'm begging you Harry needs his glasses for this exam."
Oh no my witch is getting teary eyed, oh I hate when she gets like this. But, I need to stay strong; a few tears now will be well worth all of her smiles later. I'd better hurry back and I can catch messy hair just as he is waking up, the sun is rising.
"Crookshanks please stop I need..."
Oh dear she's sniffling now, stay strong old chap, just a bit further and it will all come together. But, I need to keep her mind off of where we're going for it to work. Now where is that hidden passageway I see messy hair takes up to his room? Ah, there it is, keep coming little witch.
"Hey Crookshanks, are those Harry's glasses?"
Oh no, it's loud boy's sister and by the look on her face she is up to no good.
"Come here Crookshanks, give me the glasses. I'll rub you behind the ears just like you always love."
It was then that I realized I had succumbed to the same deviousness that had worked on messy hair in the past. It was liberating in a way to feel such a kinship to messy hair, and it only served to increase my resolve as I shot by her in a blur, taking care not to get too far out of sight of my witch. That was the thing about the red haired witch, she never did know when to stay and when to follow, and I smirked slightly as my witch ran right by her, not even noticing the glare the other witch sent in her direction.
"Crookshanks, where on earth did you find out about a hidden passageway? Oh, Harry I do hope you aren't too angry with me. I hate when Harry is angry at me…."
Keep coming little witch, I need you nice and upset for messy hair to figure it out.
"Hey Crookshanks is that you buddy? Bringing back my glasses I imagine."
Oh this might even be better, messy hair isn't wearing a shirt and my witch is still teary eyed.
"Crookshanks, please stop run-Harry!" Ah little witch I've never seen your face so red before, I like it, note to self make my little witch blush like that as much as possible.
"Hey Hermione, what why are you crying? Did Malfoy say something to you? I swear I am going to kill that ferret, redeemed or not."
Ah this has taken an interesting turn; messy hair is hugging my witch without his shirt on and she definitely appears to be enjoying it.
"Honestly Harry, I was just upset at Crookshanks."
But my witch's voice is surprisingly husky, and now messy hair is turning a delightful shade of red. I wonder if I turn red when I am embarrassed. I think maybe I'll have to ask that pretty calico that lives next door to my witch's summer house, she seems to know more about that sort of thing than me.
"Harry…" But yes she was cut off by the lips of messy hair, and I let out a little breath of relief before it hits me.
Finally!!!! Messy hair is kissing my witch, and she is kissing him back.
"Mmm Hermione, you taste good."
"Less talking more snogging Harry, and you had better do good on the potions exam or I mmpph…"
Oh…oh I think I should probably give them some privacy now before I am scarred for life, I just hope they realize who is to thank for all of this. Chalk one up for Crookshanks matchmaker extraordinaire.
A/N: There is part two of the little three part series; next chapter will be an epilogue from Crookshanks perspective three years into the future. Thanks to everyone that has reviewed thus far and thanks to everyone that has read.
Disclaimer: It's JK Rowling's masterpiece not mine, I merely am a puppet master that takes out her creations to play from time to time.
Three years later and life has changed a lot for me and my witch. I had always dreamed my little witch would be the Minister of Magic and I would be her first advisor. The Messy Haired one finally got his act together and I guess somewhere along the line he became my wizard. I know Hedwig has always claimed my witch as her mistress, so I guess turn about was fair play.
So my witch now runs a magical school for children younger than the age of attendance at Hogwarts. Thankfully the school is only open during the day so she can come home at night and give me the proper attention. My wizard, well he is apprenticing with the wizard with hairy ears. I think my wizard called him Ollivander once, but hairy ears seems to be a more accurate description.
Of course while my witch and wizard have stayed busy they seem to be even more focused on each other, I mean I even had to carry a couple of rings on a pillow for them once just so they could kiss. Let me tell you, a lesser kneazle would have refused, but as much work as I've put into those two I figured I might as well finish the job properly.
I like our house now, my witch and wizard decided to tear down some wrecked out house and build something new over the top. My wizard was rather weepy during that, I can't say I like when he or my witch cries but he seemed to get better as time went on. Anyways, the house is rather nice for only the three of us, but I have a feeling that's about to change if all of the smiles and belly rubs between my wizard and witch means anything.
I can tell when I'm bored, that's the only time I keep wandering from my tangent of thought like this. My wizard put in a nice garden during his spare time which means plenty of mice and other things to hunt for me. Professor Minnie, a rather fetching feline in her own right used some of her magic to put an enchanted meadow of lilies out near the back of the property, once again my witch and wizard cried happily about that. Who cries when they are happy, I swear I'll never understand humans.
In fact crazy humans notwithstanding, life has been pretty much perfect for me, aside from seeing loud boy and dreamy eyes I've nothing to complain about. Although based upon all of the hustle and bustle today, I have a feeling I might be making some changes to that list.
Not only is dreamy eyes prancing around in my house, but she is hanging banners and decorations all over the place. My witch has been laughing a lot, which is always a good thing, and my wizard but the bullet and left with loud boy to save the rest of us from the moron. Well, for a wizard I'd say messy hair was about the best me and my witch could have hoped for.
Uh oh…the green flames in the fireplace usually mean that the rest of the redheads from loud boy's family are coming over.
"Hermione, Luna where are you two?" Loud boy's mother, whom I can clearly see gave loud boy his manners bustled past me and into the other room. A moment later loud boy's sister, looking rather disgruntled, as she has been since my witch and wizard traded rings.
As she passes I hear her mumble bitterly, "It should be me that's having the baby shower."
Deciding that it would be best to keep an eye out for my witch I follow the redheaded women into the next room.
My witch seems to be grinning so widely it's amazing her face hasn't cracked under the strain. Loud boy's mother is speaking, "…pick up your parents…side along…be here soon."
My witch spots me in the corner of the room and gives me the universal sign to call me forward, open arms and a smile.
I jump into her lap and we both watch as the party slowly comes together, as various girls she went to Hogwarts with piled into the house. Messy hair has arranged for some aurors to act as security, because as much as they both would like to deny it, we have had some crazy people trying to get into our house.
My witch decides to talk to me like she used to, when we were both a lot younger and less wise about the world, "So Crookshanks, I never asked you what you thought of having babies in the house. Are you ready to share Harry and me with little ones?"
That gives me reason to pause, I mean I expected one baby but from the sounds of things I might have been mistaken. Fortunately, my witch continues her talk.
"I haven't even told Harry yet, but I know what sex the twins are going to be. But, since you are going to be neglected for a little while I figured it was only fair."
Suddenly I begin to envision fewer and fewer talks like this with my witch in the future. Where exactly will I be in the grand scheme of things? But, as always my witch has the answers I need.
"I've already thought of names for both of them. I think Harry will like both of them. I was thinking Lily Jane for my little girl, and Charlus James for my little boy. What do you think?"
I have to admit both names are fitting, Lily for messy hair's mother. Jane because that was my witch's grandmother, and I know my witch misses her terribly. For the boy, Charlus was my wizard's grandfather and James for my wizard's father. Once again my witch seems to have all of the right answers, so I purr to show my approval.
"I thought you'd like them. Just wait because before you'll know it you can go back to Hogwarts with Lily and start a whole new round of adventures. After all, you are a young and vivacious feline, aren't you?"
Ah she is stroking my ego, my witch always knew the best way to get my complete agreement, usually it was food but words seem to be appropriate today.
The rest of the day seemed to go by in a blur, I was happy to watch my witch smile at the various tiny clothes.
Nearing the end of the party Hedwig finally joined me, the coward bird had escaped earlier in the day. I always thought Owls were nocturnal, but apparently they only are when it suits their purposes.
Hedwig trilled mirthfully, "You do realize your stubby little tail is going to be a chew toy for the foreseeable future, don't you?"
I closed my eyes and picture a little girl with bushy brown hair reading a book, and a little black haired boy chewing on my tail. I could think of much worse fates, and hey who knows when I go back to Hogwarts I might even be able to reopen my chapter of S.P.E.W.
A/N: There it is the end of my challenge entry. I hope you all enjoyed the short trip through Crookshanks' mind, it was an exercise in narcissism but I had a lot of fun.