I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. Been crazy busy and work has been rough on me but I had to write. I'm sorry and I hope you think this was worth the wait. Love Always, ChelseaMarieC

"And up until now I have sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness because none of it was ever worth the risk…"

I emerge in the dress that I had originally wanted to wear and I'm happy to see that he is still there. As I get closer to him, I see that he has his shoes off. "You're still here."

"I told you to trust me, looks like you do." His eyes go wide and his entire face breaks out into a smile. "Was this the original dress? You were right, you should have trusted your instincts, I like this one way better." He pats the spot next to him on the couch. "Now that that's dealt with, let's talk."

"But don't you think you should get back to your party?" But I sit on the couch with him and get comfortable. He puts his feet up on my coffee table and I do the same. I don't want him to go.

"If you want me to go, I will." He goes to leave but I grip his arm.

"No! Don't go. Stay!" I watch him look at my hand on his arm. I pull away and bite my lip. I look down at myself and feel myself blush.

"Ok I won't." He laughs and I can't stop the smile on my face.

"Ok."

"Anyway, I'd rather talk to you. Besides, sure I am a party guy but I can tell that you aren't the party girl type. No need to worry. But I say we ditch that party, and stay held up here. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds like a plan." I can't believe how he makes my heart twitch and how happy I am around him. Even when I act like a fool he still stays.

"But if I am going to stay up here then I will need a drink. Got a beer?"

"Of course. Budweiser ok?" I skip to the kitchen and hurry back with two bottles. I pop the tabs off both then hand him his. I take a long sip and I hear him laugh. "What?"

"I think you should slow down there. But I do enjoy a woman who can handle her liquor. So tell me your story." He leans back onto the couch and I shake my head.

"I don't have much of a story. I'm twenty one. I'm single. I go to NYU. I have very good friends. I have two amazing best friends, one happens to be my cousin. I share this apartment with my other best friend, Madi. And that's it. I told you I'm not that interesting." I bite my lip and look down at my beer. I take another long sip and wait for him to speak.

"Wrong. I think that's a pretty good story. And on the contrary, I think you are very interesting Kate Beckett. Especially the single part." That gets us both to laugh. "No but honestly, having very good friends means you are friendly, keeping two best friends means you are loyal, having your own apartment means you are mature, and going to NYU, good for you. It means you are smart. And if you don't think that's interesting then I can't help you."

I force myself to look at him and he is so easily smiling at me that I know I'm falling for him. I finish my beer and he takes the empties to the kitchen. He begins to rummage through my liquor cabinet and I lean my arm on the back of the couch and watch him.

"I know there is more to you Kate Beckett then just what you let everyone see and I look forward to getting to know more. Just like there is more to me, which I am more than happy to share with you." He comes back with two cups and I don't even know what it is before I take a sip. "It's my own concoction."

"Strong but I like it." I take another long sip.

"Glad to see you enjoy your alcohol. It's nice to see you relax, you were a little nervous earlier. Why?" He leans near me and I down the rest of my drink.

"You make me nervous. But yet at the same time I want to tell you everything." I reach for his drink and being to drink it. "Sorry but this shit is so good."

"No worries. And I'm glad I make you nervous. You make me nervous as well. Please tell me everything." He leans closer to me and he knows how he makes me feel. And yet him knowing things doesn't bother me.

And I open up to him, I tell him things I don't want anyone else to ever hear and he does the same. It's weird how comfortable I really am with him for only having known him for a little while. But yet I share fears and worries with him, but I don't tell him the greatest fear I have at the moment: losing him.

"No fucking way! So let me get this straight, your cousin, the crazy one downstairs who practically jumped me when I got out of the car, held an intervention for you because she though you were gay? That's nuts! I can tell your straight just by looking at you."

"Thank you. Wait, you can?" I lean closer to him and feel the alcohol loosening up my reins.

"Yes. Because I've caught you undressing me with your eyes a few times."

I spit up some of my drink. "Shut up! I have not been undressing you with my eyes!" I playfully shove his chest but I don't get to pull my hand away. He grabs it and places my palm over his heart.

"You feel that? That's what you do to me Kate." And he leans in, I want to but I shove him off.

"No! I can't. I'm not worth it." I grab our cups and toss them in the sink. I can feel him right behind me. I regret everything that just happened. I know where this is headed. I am leading this right off a cliff. Just like I always do.

"Wait, why did you push me away? I was gonna kiss you." He turns me around and pushes me against the counter. He leans in and I arch away from him.

"You were going to kiss me?" I feel myself letting him get closer. "I said no!" I begin to shake and I can feel everything falling apart. "I told you earlier that I'm not worth the risk. Just let me go."

"Was I misreading things? I thought you were into me. Was I wrong?" He begins to doubt himself and I feel horrible.

"No, it's me not you. You weren't misreading things or imaging things, we were going somewhere but I can't. We shouldn't. I'm not worth it."

"But Kate, I thought you wanted to kiss me. And why are you so intent on saying that you aren't worth it?"

"You should just go. Your party is waiting for you downstairs." I feel hot, fresh tears, fall along my face and I have never felt more foolish.

"Maybe I should just leave." His hand hovers near the door and I regret letting him go. But he waits, he wants me to fight for him. He wants me to beg him not to go.

"Maybe." With one icy word, I watch him leave. I sink down to the floor because I know I just made the biggest mistake. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted everything from him. And I just went back to my old tricks. I pushed him away because it's easier than getting hurt. But I wish I had never met him at all because losing him is unimaginable. I want to chase after him. Wait, I want to chase after him? Seriously, what is wrong with me? I'm not the same with him. Pushing other guys away was easy but why does pushing him away feel like I'm losing a part of myself? And I know that I can't let him go. I force myself up off the kitchen floor, wipe away my tears, and try to chase him down.

The minute I start to run downstairs, I know something is wrong. There isn't any noise. I creep along the grass and stuck to a lawn chair is a note.

TOOK THE PARTY TO JEFF'S PLACE. TALK LATER, MAYBE ;)

I know it's Kellie's writing. It's just like her to make the party go somewhere else so Rick and I could be alone. And it was working up until I ruined it. I don't see another car in the driveway except mine. What if going after Rick is a bad thing? He may think I am just this big tease of a girl. He may not want me. But he was into me, he did want me. I want him. Who am I to deny ourselves the company of each other? I don't hesitate any longer. I whip my car out of the driveway and slowly travel down my street. It doesn't take long to spot Rick walking, trying to figure out where to go.

I pull my car up to the curb, shut my engine off, and bolt out into the street.

"RICK!" He turns around and sees me standing in the middle of the street. I run to him, avoiding the cars that clearly need speeding tickets. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. It's easier than getting hurt. I'm so afraid that you'll stop liking me or run away from me that I just end it before you get that chance. I don't want to be hurt again. But I also can't lose you. I probably sound insane right now but I get so nervous around guys but not you. I want to spill my guts to you and that terrifies me. You make me nervous but you also have made me happier than ever before. I'm sorry." I am panting now and all he can do is smile at me.

"I won't hurt you Kate."

"How do I know that?" I let him brush my hair from my face.

"You'll just have to trust me." He smiles and I join him.

"Want to hear the crazy part? I do." And the way he is looking at me and the way I am feeling right now, I know that my life will never be the same.

TO BE CONTINUED…