27
Maggie sat down, the idea had crept up on her and the more she thought about it, the more she began to believe it. Rick, the man she had believed to be her husband, the man they had told her was her husband, he wasn't real. He hadn't existed. The look on Tom and Zoe's faces had confirmed what she was saying, the look –
"This PJ, he – " Maggie swallowed, her throat suddenly very dry. "He meant something to me, didn't he? He – we – " her eyes drifted to the long line of photo's arranged across the mantelpiece and it all began to fall into place. "He's their father. This PJ, he's their father. He – Tom, I – he's their father, isn't he?"
It was all Tom could do to nod, Zoe sitting silently beside him.
For a moment there was silence, and the Maggie couldn't stand it any more. "I – PJ and I – he's their father" she repeated herself, before standing, frustration evident in every move. "Maggie Dale – Doyle " she corrected herself, " and PJ – "
"Hasham" Zoe filled in quietly.
"And you'd think I'd know that. Or remember it. You'd think I'd remember the man who fathered my children. You'd think that, wouldn't you?" she said, standing, pacing around the room. "Do they look like him? Is there anything of him in them? Tom, I – why can't I – did I love him? Did, this PJ, did he love me? Or - was it just a one off, was that why I left - "
Zoe stood, moving over to her, but Maggie restlessly brushed off her concern. Glancing back at Tom, he read the request in Zoe's eyes and took her place. Standing behind Maggie, he gently placed his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him.
"Maggie. You and PJ, you were made for each other. You and he – I've never seen two people more suited to each other, more in love with each other. PJ loved you. He absolutely adored you. You should have seen those blue eyes of his light up when you came into the room. And the way you smiled when you saw him – I really have no idea why I didn't spot it before I did. You were crafty though, you pair. Kept it hidden from us all. You had Dash running round in circles – " he led Maggie back to the sofa, sitting down with her, gently wrapping an arm around her as she listened to him.
"Dash was convinced you and PJ were together, or at least you were interested in each other, but you never once gave any indication of how you felt. You two snuck around behind our backs and apparently had great fun doing so. " He smiled down at her, placing a careful kiss on the top of her head. "Maggie, believe me, you and PJ, it wasn't a one off. If you hadn't – " he shook his head, unable to believe he was about to say this, "if you hadn't died, I reckon you two would have been married by now." Maggie sat up, looking Tom in the eye, her confusion breaking his heart.
"What happened to me? Why did you all think I was dead? And why did I think I was – why am I here – " she looked around the room, taking it all in, this life that had been made up for her, fabricated for her. "Why did he let me go?"
"Maggie, he didn't. PJ never let you go. He still hasn't, he still loves you," Zoe said softly. "But he thinks you're dead. He watched you die, he held you in his arms as you died." Maggie's already pale face paled even further as Zoe's words sank in, and neither Tom not Zoe made a move to stop her as she stood.
"I – I'll be back in a minute, I just need – " Tom stood, watching as she moved down the corridor to the twins room, following her and watching as she stood and gazed down at her sons. "I'm all right," she whispered, sensing him there. "PJ, he – "
"He loved you Maggie."
"Then why can't I remember him?" she sobbed silently, a tear trailing its way down her face and on to Joe's blanket. "Why have I blocked him out so completely?"
"I don't know. I honestly don't know," Tom said sadly. "Maybe it hurt too much, maybe you just miss him so much that him not being here was too much to handle and your mind just blocked him out." He reached over and took Maggie's hand, leading her out of the boys room and back to the lounge.
"But I – well, I think I loved you all as well, it feels like you were all family too, and I'm remembering you lot, but he's still a blank. If we were so good together, me and Peej, then why can't I remember him?"
Tom stilled for a second, risking a glance over at Zoe, who's eyes were glistening. "Remember who?"
"PJ. You heard me, Tom. If PJ and I were so in love, so in tune, how come I've blocked him so completely? If Peej and I snuck around, did from you guys, then we had to have some pretty intense feelings to risk everything like that, so – "
"Maggie," Tom swallowed, hope sneaking up and embedding itself in his heart. "Who's Peej?"
"Peej? Boss, what are you on about, you know who it is, Peej is…." Her voice tapered off. "Peej is PJ. I called him Peej. I – I do know him. I – I do feel something for…..for him. I – Tom – I – there's something there. I just – I can't see him. Can't picture him at all. I – she sighed, the emotions catching up with her as a snuffle was heard from the baby monitor.
Silence invaded the room for a while, as Maggie tried to make sense of everything that was happening to her world. Tom smiled slightly as Maggie sat down next to him again, allowing him to wrap her in a hug.
"Listen, why don't we all step back from this for a while. You take the boys for a walk, and Zoe and I will go back to the hotel and – well, we'll just go back to the hotel. The footy's on tonight anyway, and you know those Pies are going to l – "
"Win" grinned Maggie, knowing, just knowing that this was most definitely a familiar argument. "You're never going to listen, are you? No matter what PJ and I say, you're never going to accept that the Pies are going to win the final?" and her grin widened as she realised what she'd said, as she realised that another memory had slotted into place. She and this PJ – this admittedly faceless PJ – teasing the Boss about his poor choice in footy teams. "Thanks Boss. I – thanks," she managed, before reaching over to wrap him in a hug.