It was as if she was in the midst of a raging sea, being buffeted this way and that, as if a thousand hands were pulling her in a thousand different directions. He was there, he was in front of her. She could sense him, see him, his scent was everywhere, radiating off him in waves and clothing her in a terrifying sense of familiarity. She stared at him, desperate to take him all in, her mind reeling and her heart close to exploding – and then, and then his blue eyes captured hers, and all was still.
She was sure the world had stopped, that the entire world had stopped as they stood there, staring into each other's eyes. Neither moved nor even breathed. The silence was crushing, until Maggie drew a ragged breath and stepped into him just as he reached for her, wrapping his arms around her, burying his head in her neck, drinking her in frantically.
"Mags'" he sobbed, "Mags," he held her tighter, feeling his heart beat in time with hers. Straightening up slightly, he stared at her again, the tears flowing unheeded down his cheeks. Raising a hand between them, he placed it against her heart, staring down at it as he felt it beating against his palm. "You're real," he whispered, 'You're real."
Maggie was still staring at him, images beginning to crowd her mind again. Blue, streams of blue, soft and silky, wrapped around her, complete and utter adoration, wrapped up warm against him, laughter, exhilaration, passion, so much passion, more laughter – but above all, above everything, there was love. She loved him. She knew that now, knew that she loved him, always had and always would.
"Maggie?" he whispered again, "Do you – " he swallowed dryly, his voice disappearing with an overwhelming fear.
"I remember that I love you," she whispered, "I remember that I have always loved you", the words were tripping over themselves in an effort to exorcise that look of pure terror from his eyes. And as she spoke them she was all too aware that it wasn't only PJ she was talking to, she was confirming it for herself as well. "I remember that I love you, I love you so much ". Her words were stolen away as he kissed her, kissed her with so much love and relief that she almost sobbed, until she forgot to think, forgot even to breathe – the only thing that existed for either of them was the kiss, and the bond that was instantly rebuilt between them.
The unfortunate need for air finally forced them apart, and PJ woke from perfection to find that it was real, that she was in his arms, and that she in turn was holding him as tightly as he held her. "Mags" he whispered again, his voice strengthening as it began to sink in. She really was alive – and she really was here, in his arms. And she had kissed him, really kissed him, like she remembered. Like she still wanted him, still needed him as much as he needed her – had always needed her.
"Maggie" he smiled.
"So, are you just going to practice saying her name all night, or can we actually go inside sometime soon?" came a voice from behind him, and he couldn't help but smile as Nick peered over his shoulder. " 'lo there Margaret"
And it was in that moment that it all fell apart again. It was when she flinched, when the look she gave Nick was one of confusion, of - of fear? – that everything came crashing down around both of them. PJ instinctively drew her closer, held her tightly to him.
"Mags?" he whispered again, "Mags, what is it? What's wrong?" he turned to glance over his shoulder to see what had scared her, but couldn't see anything around Nick. Straining slightly, he managed to peer down the path, but there was nothing there. He felt Maggie stiffen in his arms, before relaxing again, and he felt the lightest of kisses against his neck. Turning back to her, he smiled again as, once again, he realised who he had in his arms.
"You're alive."
"I am" she smiled up at him.
"And you remember me" he said, sure of it now.
"I – " she hesitated, wanting to lie, to make everything ok.
PJ's smile faltered, but still he held her in his arms. "You - " he swallowed tightly, fear nagging tightly at him. " You – "
Maggie sighed, moving slightly and leading him inside and the other man – the one she knew that she should know, the other so familiar man – followed them both into the lounge.
"Look who I found" she said as cheerfully as she could, not letting go of PJ for a second. "It's PJ and - and "
"Nick!" yelped Zoe, and she was in her husband's arms, hugging him to her as Nick placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
"Missed you too, Zo" Nick told her, tilting her face up to him for a kiss, breaking away only when a harrumph from Tom permeated their consciousnesses.
PJ had been watching Maggie. He'd not taken his eyes off her since she opened the door to them, and he was quite convinced he never would again. He loved her – had never stopped loving her, and by the reaction that he'd seen when she opened the door, she still loved him. Her words said as much, and her body language indicated the same. The only problem, the only gut wrenching, sanity jarring problem was that -
"You don't remember me."
Judging by the way Maggie's head whipped round, her tired eyes meeting his confused blue eyes, he'd spoken that out loud. Glancing over at Tom, who looked back at her, and at Zoe and Nick, Maggie took PJ's hand and led him down the corridor, not wanting to tell him in front of the others. She was inordinately grateful that Zoe stopped Tom from following. He was like a father to her – or at least to the 'her' that she was convinced that she would remember soon – but she didn't want to have this conversation in front of anyone except PJ.
Closing the front door behind her, she led PJ over to the seat on the verandah, and they sat down. PJ instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she just as instinctively laid her head in the crook of his neck. She smiled as she felt him place a small kiss on the top of her head, felt comforted as he stayed that way, breathing her in.
Maggie took a deep breath, and beside her, she felt PJ flinch slightly.
"I don't remember you." She said softly, watching his fist clench against his leg, "But I do remember the feelings I get when I'm around you. I remember being loved, being IN love. I remember being happy, being so happy. I remember how it feels to kiss you, to hold you. I remember how it felt when I saw you laugh, how worried I was when you were in trouble, I remember – " she swallowed, and blushed slightly, "I remember making love with you, I know how you like to be touched, I remember your face when you – I remember you, PJ, but I just – I don't know you." She sat up slightly, reaching over to take his chin and turn him to face her.
"PJ, I don't remember where you live. I don't know if you have any brothers or sisters, or anything about your family. I don't know when you joined the Police, or where you lived before you went to St Thomas – "
"Mount" PJ whispered
"Mount?"
"Mount Thomas"
"Whatever. PJ, what I'm saying is that I know you. I know YOU; I just can't remember the details. I'm saying that I know that I love you. I know that you love me, and that here, right now, I have never felt safer, righter – if that's a word – or - or – whatever it is, I just know that you and I are meant to be together. It's like there's a piece of me that was missing, and you're it. Do you – can you understand that?"
PJ broke the eye contact, and Maggie's heart began to shatter into a thousand pieces, each one shattering again and again. He didn't understand. He was going to leave her, he was going to leave, and her world would cave in on her until she shriveled up and died. Zoe had been right. It was too much pressure to put on anyone, and - the breath caught in the back of her throat and she tried and failed to hold back a sob. In an instant, she felt his arms around her, pulling her to him, tight against his chest.
"Maggie, Mags, my Mags, I – I don't know what to say. I – " he stopped, drawing a deep breath, before leaning back and wrapping his arm around her again. " I love you. I know that. I love you, and I want you back. I want you back in my life, in my arms, in – in everything. You recognised me, you knew it was me, didn't you?"
He felt Maggie gasp against him, and sat up, turning to look at her, worry written across his face. "Mags, what is it?"
"I recognised you! PJ, I recognised you!" she grinned, her face lighting up at the idea.
"Ah, yes, you recognised me. You've got photo's of us all, although why you didn't recognise Nick, I'm not sure, but anyway, you – "
"But that's just it! I haven't seen pictures – " Maggie interrupted, the grin widening and she turned to face him even more, tucking a leg under her on the bench.
"Doyley, don't fib to me, you may have lost your memory, but Nick hasn't, and he told me that Zoe had shown you pictures, so – "
"That's just it, Detective Hasham" Maggie grinned, a sense of happiness rushing over her as they fell into their old ways of teasing each other, "That's just it. Yes, Zoe showed me the pictures, but you weren't in them. I haven't seen one picture of you. Or one of us together, so how could I know it was you?"
"You didn't remember what I looked like?" he gestured towards himself and grinned, "How could anyone forget this fine specimen of a man"
"Shut up, you idiot" Maggie grinned, leaning forward to kiss him. "What I mean is that when I opened that door, I had no idea what you looked like, apart from whatever looks you gave the boys, but PJ, I STILL knew it was you. I was still drawn to you, and I still knew that I was totally, crazily head over heels in love with you – and that I have never, and will never stop needing and loving you." She finished breathlessly, her smile bright, but fading almost instantly as the full ramifications of her words set in.
She drew back slightly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Sorry? Mags, please don't say you're sorry. Please don't back away from me again. I – " he looked at her, really looked at her and understood. " It's not too much. It will never be too much. I will never tire of hearing you tell me you love me, and I will never stop saying it back again. So what if you didn't remember what I looked like – although I still don't get how you could forget this" again he gestured to himself, and again she smiled at him, which was just the reaction he had been looking for – anything other than that haunted look which had raced across her features for a second there.
"Listen Mags, " he said softly, reaching across and taking her hands in his. " I don't care. I don't care that you didn't know what I looked like. All that matters is how you felt when you saw me. And the first thing that you felt was love. That you loved me. That's all that matters. I love you so much, and you love me too. The rest of it we can learn together. I mean, I don't know anything about your life here either do I? I don't know where you work, who your friends are – " PJ took a deep breath. " I don't know these two boys who are asleep in there" he gestured to the window behind him where he was sure his sons were sleeping, "but we can fix that. We can talk it out, find out whatever we need to know. What we can't talk out, or fix is the way we feel about each other, that's just instinct. And my instinct is telling me that I love you so much, and it's telling me that you love me. It's as simple as that. The rest of it we can work through together, ok?" He moved closer, wrapping her in his arms, kissing her hair, her neck, her chin and finally, after what felt like forever for Maggie, their lips met in a kiss that stole her breath and she forgot about everything else as she began to kiss him back.