Adventures of John: Ravages of War
Chapter 3: The First
"WHO ARE YOU?" The voice resounded from all around me, so loud it seemed to shake the air. The only other time I had heard a voice was like that was when I spoke with the three celestial beings back at the dawn of the universe, and at that time they were little more than newly formed spirits, so even their voices at the time could hardly compare. As far as I could tell, the creature was gripping me between its thumb and forefinger, a grip that must have been not even the slightest amount of effort for it, but if not for my magically-enhanced strength I would have been crushed.
"I am John the Adventurer," I replied, trying to sound relatively normal as I struggled for breath. "And I'm afraid I must inform you that you have a serious case of foot fungus. You should probably get a doctor to check that out."
The creature stood in silence, obviously confused at my statement. It seemed to be examining me carefully, as if it had discovered a particularly interesting insect. Considering our size difference, I wouldn't be surprised if that was how it thought of me. "STRANGE," it muttered, or at least I think it did. This statement was slightly less thunderous than the previous question, so I guess that it was the closest the creature could come to a mutter. "ARE YOU NOT AFRAID OF ME? HOW DO YOU SPEAK TO ME SO CALMLY?"
I laughed at that, realizing the source of his confusion. Most people, when faced with a creature so large that you confused their foot with a landmass, would attempt to run in terror. Yet here I was, recommending the creature find a doctor to treat his foot fungus. Personally, I blame pop culture. Our heroes these days have far too much sass for their own good, and I guess I picked it up from them. It really doesn't help when you meet them for yourself. I'm fairly certain that their sass is contagious.
"I guess I'm just a bit thick," I told the creature. "I'm just not that smart. I make all sorts of stupid decisions, like picking fights with Thor and opening rifts in the universe. I'm sure you are a truly frightening creature with terrible powers, but at this point I don't really care. Either you're going to kill me or the universe is going to find some contrived way to keep me alive like it usually does. Either way, it's out of my hands."
What felt like an earthquake shook the creature, and after a moment I realized it was chuckling. "I LIKE YOU, LITTLE ONE," the creature told me. "IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAVE LAUGHED. TELL ME, WHY ARE YOU HERE?"
"A crazy ex-soldier was trying to kill me," I replied. "I wanted to go somewhere I could do something about it, and we kind of tumbled into this realm and onto one of your feet. He fell off, and I think you might have stepped on him somewhere along the way."
"AND WHY DID THIS SOLDIER WISH YOU DEAD?"
"There is a war going on," I told him, "between the forces of Order and Chaos. His insanity made him an easy target. They were using him like a puppet on a string."
"I KNOW OF THIS WAR," the creature stated. "EVEN IN MY YOUTH IT RAGED ACROSS THE REALMS IN A POINTLESS STRUGGLE. TELL ME, WHAT SIDE OF THIS WAR ARE YOU ON? ARE YOU HERE TO TRY TO CONVINCE ME TO JOIN YOUR SIDE IN THIS WAR?" Its voice had grown dangerous, anger making the rumbling grow into a thunder.
"Neither," I replied. "If Order were to win, the world would be subject to absolute tyranny. If Chaos were to win, the world would be plunged into an era of random violence and destruction. The only way for our world to survive is for neither force to win, for the equilibrium to be maintained. If I am on a side, it is not the side of Order or Chaos, but of Balance."
"WISE WORDS, FOR A MORTAL," the creature told me. "THOUGH I CAN SEE WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT BEING THICK. FACING TWO UNSTOPPABLE FORCES IS NOT THE MOST INTELLIGENT OF DECISIONS." The creature laughed, shaking the air around me. "I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK. PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR REALM. I WILL WATCH YOUR PROGRESS."
"If you don't mind my asking," I began, "who are you? What are you? I've never encountered anything quite like you before."
"I AM THE FIRST," it replied. "THE FIRST MONSTER. TROLLS, GOBLINS, OGRES, GIANTS, IMPS, I AM THE ORIGIN OF ALL OF THEM. I AM THE FIRST."
"You seem a little too nice to be a monster," I told it. "You're not exactly the prettiest creature I've seen, but you'd be the first monster to not attempt to kill me."
"I AM OLD," the First responded. "I AM TIRED. ONCE I WOULD HAVE GLADLY BATHED IN THE BLOOD OF A MILLON MEN. BUT IN MY AGE I HAVE LEARNED HOW POINTLESS CONFLICT IS. DEATH AND PAIN HOLD NO MORE JOY FOR ME. NOW I WATCH AS MY CHILDREN DO WHAT THEY WERE CREATED TO DO, THE CREATURES OF LIGHT DO WHAT THEY WERE CREATED TO DO, AND THE MORTALS DO EVERYTHING EXCEPT WHAT THEY WERE CREATED TO DO."
"I-I guess I'm glad that you've mellowed with age," I stuttered.
"IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO LEAVE," the First told me. "GO NOW. I WILL WATCH YOUR PROGRESS WITH INTEREST."
He lowered me to the ground far below, and I created a portal back home to earth. I'm not sure if I had made an ally that day, but I do think I made a friend. In a world where allies become enemies quicker than Superman changes clothes, I believe that friends are far more valuable.