Adventures of John: Ravages of War
Chapter 11: The Final Battle
During my time in the prison a dozen more battles had raged across the magical realms between the forces of Order and Chaos. Looking up the news online showed me that things were also heating up in Syria, Iraq, and the Ukraine, and it didn't look like they were getting better. This war was escalating, and soon it would reach the tipping point. In the following days I devised my plan, a desperate plan that had only the slimmest of chances at succeeding, but it was all we had. And judging by the state of things in the realms both mortal and magical, if this didn't work, there wouldn't be a second chance.
The opposing forces had been testing each other, pushing and pulling to see who was stronger. As of yet, no more gods had died in the struggle, but only because they fled whenever defeat was eminent. Horus battled Loki, Odin battled Set, Zeus battled Kali, and the war was kept at a standstill for the time being, which was just what I needed. However, I knew the time was approaching as I felt those forces gaining strength. The wild, violent emotion of Chaos against the bland, uniform greyness of Order, both of them becoming stronger and spreading, filling the minds of both monsters and men, the tiny beings multiplying, whispering fervently in everyone's ears. So this morning I put the plan into action.
I chose my location carefully, a massive valley filled with light and darkness, a place where Balance held sway. Concentrating, I conjured what I had begun to think of as my Godslayer Blade, a beautiful weapon with a silvery blade and a golden jewel in the center of the cross guard. I then sent a burst of power into the air, declaring for everyone in the magical realms that I was there, and that I was ready to fight.
Before long I felt a dark presence and watched as a faceless man in a top hat and waistcoat slither out of the shadows. "If you wanted to die sssso much you could have ssssimply assssked me to do it," the Shadow Trickster hissed. "Now everyone isss coming. You've grown too big, Johnny Boy. They all want you dead." His arm morphed into a scythe which swept down towards my skull, only to be blocked by a spear of light.
"Foul creature!" the Queen of Spring, my former benefactor, declared haughtily. She sent out another blast of light, forcing the Trickster to retreat into the shadows. She turned to me, kindness in her eyes. "It is not too late," she told me. "Join the side of Order. You can take Mars's place. You have his power now."
"I cannot do that," I replied. "I stand with Balance. I will not let this world fall to either force. This ends today."
"It can never end!" Zeus declared, appearing in a blast of lightning. "Not until Chaos is destroyed!" Set appeared then, and Odin, and Loki, and Horus, and every other god. Magical creatures of every shape and sort appeared around me, from the most benevolent to the vilest of them all. As they came I could feel the two forces coming as well, unbalancing the valley as they clashed. After killing three gods, I was public enemy number one, and everyone had shown up for what they assumed was my execution. But they were wrong.
"Woohoo!" came a cry that shocked everyone as a massive ship suddenly appeared in the sky, entering our universe from the Void. Cannon fire burst into the sky, killing swarms of flying demons and faeries. "We've got your back, Captain!" The man I affectionately know as Pirate Jack waved at me from the helm, Wiznet and Alara both taking a moment to do the same. "Let's show these bloody idiots who they're dealing with!" Pirate Jack shouted, steering the Great Adventure, my Void ship, back into the fray.
Zeus reached for his lightning bolt, only to find it was gone. In fact, many of the assembled gods suddenly found themselves missing their primary weapon. "Now this is interesting," a leathery-faced Native American man stated as he sat atop a boulder, inspecting Odin's spear, a hundred other weapons at his feet. "You would think that out of a hundred different gods, at least one of them would take better care of their belongings." Coyote gave them a savage grin, flipping the spear in the air. "You should really learn to never trust a Trickster." The grin vanished then as Loki slammed his hand into Coyote's chest, ripping out the fellow Trickster's heart.
"You should have never left the side of Chaos," Loki snarled at him, eyes blazing.
"Doesn't really matter," Coyote laughed, choking on his own blood. He turned to me, his smile pained. "See you tomorrow kid."
Loki reached down to grab Odin's spear, but it was suddenly gone, along with all the other weapons. Loki spun around to see that they were all at my feet, Hermes standing beside me in a basketball outfit, wearing a cocky grin. "How are you holding up?" I asked him.
"Not too bad," he replied. "Mercury definetly isn't happy about this, but I think I've got him under control."
"Good. Go help Pirate Jack out. Take some of the stress off of him." Hermes flashed away to help out Jack, just as I turned to see another Jack appear. "Long time no see," I told the Guardian.
"I've been busy!" he replied, holding his hands up. "I'm here now, aren't I?"
"Yes you are," I answered with a grin, giving him a firm man-hug. "Now come on. A few of us against unbeatable odds. Just like old times."
"With a ninety-nine percent chance of complete and total failure," he added. "Just like old times." He flew off with a grin, soaring into the midst of a swarm of Nightmares.
"Do you really think this is enough?" Zeus laughed. "These allies of yours are pitiful. Soon you will see what a true god can do." He reached out his hand to summon his lightning bolt, but with a wave of my hand I sent it back to my feet.
"You're going to have to do better than that," I told him. "If you really want your precious lightning bolt, if any of you want your weapons, you are going to have to kill me first."
"You go too far!" Zeus declared.
"Now I've gone too far?" I asked with a laugh. "It wasn't too far when I killed your son, but now that I've taken your lightning bolt it is too far? Well aren't you father of the year."
"I hereby remove your diplomatic immunity from the affairs of the gods," he told me sternly.
"I think that's a moot point by now," I replied with a chuckle. "What with me killing three of you and all. Besides, I sort of got that diplomatic immunity on false pretenses anyway." I told you all before that I stole the golden apples from Asgard because Hermes recruited me to, but that was a lie. You don't lie to a bunch of gods and then tell everyone else about it. That's just not smart. "I didn't steal those apples from Asgard as a task from Hermes," I told him. "I did it because I was bored. I had nothing else to do, and I thought it would be fun. Hermes found me afterwards and told me about how Thor had previously insulted you, then we came up with that lie together. He's a really cool guy you know. You should give him a raise."
"I will destroy that traitor myself," he spat, "but first I will destroy you!" He began to charge at me, only to be knocked off his feet as the ground began to shake violently.
"This isn't part of the plan," I muttered. "Is Poseidon doing this?" Just then a massive purplish thing rose out of the ground, covered in boils. A massive field of purple followed it, and I flew up in the air to get a better idea of what it was. It was a hand, an incredibly ugly hand the size of a small island. The ground burst open again, scattering gods aside as something far larger broke the surface: a head. "First!" I laughed. "I wasn't expecting to see you here!"
"Don't lie to me little one," he rumbled. "I know full well that you knew I would come. Now, let's see how many of these so called gods are squashable!"
A portal appeared then, an old man in a green suit and top hat popping out, dragging a green-skinned woman in a black dress behind him. "I heard you needed help!" the Mad Hatter told me. "Good to see you again John!"
"You always have to drag me into your stupid conflicts, don't you?" Elphaba sighed grumpily.
"Would you rather see the universe destroyed?" I asked her.
"Of course not!" she snapped. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here!" She flew off then, blasting the surrounding creatures with green energy.
They weren't the greatest heroes from across the multiverse, that was sure. But they had come when I needed them. They were outcasts and criminals and lunatics and dangerous immortals and ancient evils, but at that moment they were on my side, and many of them were good friends. They, unlike the rest of the world, stood with me against forces most believed to be unstoppable. Besides, I didn't need the greatest heroes of creation for this. I just needed a large enough conflict.
The battle had drawn the focus of the two forces, their near-sentience sensing the conflict. They clashed all around us, the faces of some combatants twisting into wild snarls, the faces of others becoming completely blank. With the focus no longer on me, I sat down and began to meditate. I drew upon the powers of Balance, seeking to alleviate the unbalance caused by the warring forces, and they immediately focused on me. I was instantly assaulted by a million different emotions, and at the same time I was drowned in a feeling of blank emotionlessness.
I smiled, pulling a small wooden box out of my pocket. I opened the box and spoke a single word, a word of power that rang throughout the valley, turning the heads of everyone present. The two forces were suddenly sucked down into the box as if by a planet-sized vacuum cleaner, looks of shock on everyone's faces as the corrupting influences were suddenly stripped from them. The lid slammed shut, the two forces locked inside, still engaged in battle. Order and Chaos were still at war, but inside the confines of this prison they could barely affect anyone, much less the entire world. In essence, I saved the world with a box.
The gathered creatures looked about in confusion, leaving one by one. The gods simply stared at me, more shocked than ever. I had just done the impossible. I had defeated two forces that not even the gods had dared stand against. Many of them left then, the few remnants fleeing when I took out my Godslayer Blade. I pocketed the box, looking at the devastation around me.
"You really did it!" Jack laughed, landing next to me. "We need to celebrate. We could have a party over at the Pole."
"Sounds fun," Hermes cut in, now dressed like your average mailman, a package under his arm. "Unfortunately, I've got work to do."
"Zeus said he was going to kill you," I informed him.
I don't think Olympus is the best place for you right now."
"He needs me too much to kill me," Hermes replied. "Olympus wouldn't keep running if it wasn't for me. He'll probably just make my job harder, and I'm used to hard work." He flew off then, zipping away into the sky.
"So what now?" Jack asked, the rest of the group crowding around. "What's next?"
"Next?" I laughed. "Next we rest. After that… I guess we just keep on living. Until the next disaster at least. But until then, we go and we live our lives."
Author's Note: I think this is it my friends. The last universe-threatening disaster. I may be wrong of course. I might be very wrong. But with the conflict between Order and Chaos contained, the world should slowly go back to normal, whatever normal is. I will make sure to keep the box safe, and we should all be safe, as long as some idiot doesn't open the darn thing. Hopefully I'll be able to keep that from happening. Personally, I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with my family again. I've spent too long at this war. For now at least, it's my wife and kids that need me, not the universe. I will keep making more stories as story-worthy things happen, but hopefully they will be less apocalyptic. And if story-worthy stuff doesn't happen, I can always go back to writing fiction. I've almost forgotten what that's like… Well, see you some other time, faithful readers. Thank you for your support and good night.