49

"Mummy! Mummy, watch me, watch me!! Throw it Daddy!" Maggie grinned over at Tom as PJ gently threw the football to him, Tom flapping his arms as the ball flew, his look of surprise when he actually caught it making them all laugh. Joe was next, clutching the ball on his third try, and Maggie kept smiling as she turned back to Zoe.

They'd stopped for a break on the drive to Mount Thomas, the boys had been getting fidgety and bored, and, PJ had been getting cramped in the back seat between their car seats. She'd offered to sit there, being smaller than her was, but he'd refused for some odd reason – and there was no way that he was going to tell her that while he loved sitting with his sons, the other huge part of him sitting in the back was so that he could stare at her as they drove. So he could watch every move she made, so he could watch the sunlight shine through her blond hair and the way she smiled. Zoe knew – she'd caught him a couple of times when she'd been checking in the rearview mirror, but if he was honest, he didn't care if Zoe knew. Didn't really care if Maggie knew, but - well, he just wanted it that way, and Maggie hadn't minded.

Zoe stretched out on the park bench, luxuriating in the warm sun. Maggie glanced over at her.

"Want me to drive for a bit? Or PJ?"

"Nope. I've been in cars with PJ driving before – once is enough thank you." Maggie grinned at the image, before PJ, a son under each arm, suddenly appeared before them.

"Oy! I'm a good driver, I'll have you know! Now, seeing as we've straightened that out, these eagle-eyed boys of ours have spotted a playground over there, so I thought I might go and see if I can wear them out again? That ok Mags?" he asked, leaning down and placing a kiss on the tip of her nose, the boys shrieking with laughter as PJ dipped down to do so.

"Fine, but keep an eye on them, they love to go as high as possible and as fast as possible" she told him, reaching out and pulling Tom's t-shirt back down from where it had ridden up.

"Take after their father" Zoe teased, and laughed when the boys copied their father, sticking their tongues out at her then grinning like loons.

"Love you Mags," PJ said, blowing her a kiss, their sons instantly copying him again.

"Love you Mummy," the told her over PJ's shoulders as he carried them down to the playground.

Left alone on the bench, Zoe glanced over at Maggie, concerned when she noticed worry wind it's way across Maggie's previously happy features.

"Maggie?" she asked softly. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Maggie tried, standing and turning to start cleaning up their impromptu picnic.

"And Tom Croydon hates chocolate. Try again." Zoe said, reaching up and gently making Maggie sit down again.

Maggie ran a hand over her face, before sighing. Leaning forward, she looked out over the park to where PJ and the boys ere playing, shrieks of laughter occasionally reaching Maggie and Zoe.

"Zoe, I – I love them. The boys, PJ, the whole thing. They're my family. They're all I know. " Looking down again, she sighed, picking at imaginary lint before turning to face Zoe.

"Except they're not, are they? They're not the only family I have. I apparently have a father, and brothers that I can't remember. And PJ, he's not telling me something. He's hiding something, and I'm scared to ask him, because whenever I even hint about it, he gets this look. He tries to hide it, but Zoe, he looks – he – I don't know. It's like there's something he needs to tell me, but it scares him so much that he can't. And - and - " Maggie drew a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.

Zoe sat quietly, letting Maggie get it all out.

"I want him to tell me, Zoe. I want to know what it is he's scared of telling me, but I don't want to know too. I mean, if it's scaring him this much, it must be - Zoe, it must be bad, and – but I want – " Zoe leant over, wrapping Maggie in a hug.

"He'll tell you when he's ready Maggie. Whatever it is, he'll tell you when he's ready." She was pretty sure what it was that PJ was hiding, and telling Maggie that it was her own brother who had been the cause of her supposed death, who had tried to kill her – and the pain that would follow that revelation was something that Zoe couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"I know he will, and I trust him, but, Zoe, it's just another thing to add to the list. There's so much happening here, so much all at once. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster or something, and I can't get off for a breather, because every time I think about slowing down, something new happens. Another memory pops up and I'm at its mercy, because I want to know who I am, I want to remember it all, but – " the tears were falling now in a steady stream down her cheeks.

It was his scent that gave him away, his scent and his strength as he wrapped her in a hug, having gently disengaged her from Zoe's arms. The boys were staring up at her, worry written across their little faces, and Zoe squatted down next to hem.

"You know how sometimes you get sad, and nothing will make it better except a cuddle from Mummy?" she asked them, watching them as they watched their parents. Joe nodded, followed a second later by Tom. "Well, your Mummy just needs your Daddy to hold her for a little while. She just needs to know how much your Daddy loves her and that everything is going to be all right. They just want to spend some time cuddling so Daddy can make it better," she said, glancing up at Maggie, whose face was tucked into PJ's neck, his turned into her hair, placing small kisses against her temple as he held her. She could hear PJ gently murmuring words of comfort, holding the woman he loved close to his heart.

"How about we go and sit in the car, and I'll read you a story? Did you bring any books with you?" Joe nodded, wrapping an arm around Zoe's neck.

"Cuddle too?" he whispered, his worry lessening, but not entirely, and Zoe had to bite her lip hard to keep her tear at bay.

"Cuddle too" she whispered back, reaching round and wrapping both boys in a hug, before lifting them up and tucking them into their car seats and softly beginning to read to them.

Maggie stood there, wrapped in his arms, feeling the new but so familiar warmth that she knew she had always felt when he held her. Resting his chin on the top of her head, PJ blinked tightly. He'd known she'd picked up on it, he'd known she'd seen him shy away from it, and he'd coerced himself into thinking she was ok with it. But she wasn't, and deep down, he'd known that she wouldn't be. It was just that it was so much easier not to tell her.

I mean, how was he supposed to reveal that one? Slip it in as a 'by the way…? 'Hey Mags, There's a new hospital in Mount Thomas, oh, and by the way the man who shot you? Try your brother Mick…"

Yeah, right.

He sighed, feeling her burrow in deeper, knowing her so well. He could read her like a book. She wanted to know what he was hiding, but the very fact that he was hiding it was terrifying her. And that alone was like a knife to his heart, the fact that he was causing her to feel like that. But the truth was so much worse.