Go Geelong!! (the AFL Grand Final's on at the moment).
Thanks for reading and reviewing, I've got to say, I'm really enjoying writing this at the moment, and your comments make it even more worthwhile. Oh, and this one is all segmented up for a reason - hopefully it'll all become clear.
Helen...quiet?? Yeah right. Follow the arrows and all will becme clear.
C
Sharp.
So sharp, scratching, painfully bright, shards of light, bright searingly bright. Snatches, flitting, out of reach, out of grasp – there and not there, elusive, so frustratingly elusive – and then dark again, mercifully dark.
Still PJ sat, her small hand in hers, warm, peaceful – and still just out of reach.
"Mags, come on. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Come back Mags, come back to us. The boys, your boys, they're missing you. They need you. I - " he swallowed tightly. " I need you. I need you here with me. Standing beside me, facing the world together, the dynamic duo. You and me. Think about it. Think about the future. Our future. There's so much more we need to do, so much out there waiting for us."
Scrambling, reaching, grasping – and missing. Ribbons, scything through the air, holding treasures, holding the past, the key, random, confusing, searingly intense, and ultimately elusive.
"Anything?" Zoe came and stood beside PJ, once again checking her notes and replacing the chart at the end of her bed. At PJ's silent shake of the head, she gave a small sigh, before turning back to face him.
"It's been two days, Zoe. Two days." PJ said, his voice tired and hoarse.
"I know, but PJ, you've got to remember, she's got a lot of things to sort through, she's got a lot of things to put together'" Zoe said gently. "And health wise, she's fine. Her blood pressure is fine, her temperature, her reactions, everything's fine, we're just waiting for her to wake up."
"I know, I know, but – " he turned, glancing at Zoe, before returning his attention back to Maggie. " I just – I miss her. I – Zo, I lost her for so long, and it almost killed me, and now, now I find her again, and - and then this? Zoe, it's not fair. It's not right, she – I need her back, Zo. I need her here with me, next to me."
"I know you do, and I wish she'd wake up too, but PJ, she needs this. She needs to rest. She needs the chance to make sense of it all, and I really believe that that's what she's doing. And she's in the best place for it, you know that. She's here, in Mount Thomas, at home with all of us; she's with you, where she needs to be. And the boys – "
PJ tensed, guilt scratching away at him. They'd dragged the boys away from the only home they'd ever known, driven them all the way down here, and then he'd deserted them. Their Mum was in hospital, and their Dad had all but deserted them.
"It's all right Peej, they're fine. Everyone's stepped up, PJ, we're all looking after them. They're ok. They understand. They know you love them, and they know where you are. They know that their Mum is having a sleep to make her better, and they know that their Daddy is looking after her. If you want, I'll bring them by later, but believe me, they're fine. Tom's got them today, he's taken them fishing – and yes, before you ask, they are wearing lifejackets."
"Fishing?" PJ said, and Zoe had never been so pleased to see a small grin flit across PJ's face. "My poor boys. Sitting around for hours on end, waiting for some bored fish to raid a hook. Actually, come to think of it, I can't see that working. Tome and Joe, they're, ah, not exactly sitting down and staying still types, are they?"
"Which is why Nick's going to do a drive by about now," Zoe glanced down at her watch, "and rescue them. The Mudlarks are having an Auskick session in about ten minutes, and the team have promised to come down and have a kickaround with the kids" Zoe grinned, coming to sit on the edge of Maggie's bed.
Tying, tying the ribbons together, slotting them in, matching them up. Calmer, slower, still scratchy, still hesitant, but – but more.
"They let two year olds play? PJ asked, looking at Zoe in surprise, running his thumb over Maggie's hand, his fingers entwined with hers. "I mean, I know the boys are footy mad, but they're still so little,"
"It's ok, they run an Under-5 team, well, not so much a team, more a kickaround group, but the little ones get their chance to kick the ball. It's apparently really rather cute, so they tell me. And it's all supervised, very carefully supervised, with little footballs, and soft goalposts and all that."
PJ grinned at her, the thought of a mob of ankle biters, Tom and Joe included, running amok rather appealed to him. "You hear that Mags? Our boys joining the Mudlarks. What do you think of that, hey? "
There was no response, not that he'd expected one, not really. Hoped, but not expected.
"Goal" Joe yelled, his blue eyes wide with surprise, giggling as Nick swooped down and scooped him up into the air. "Kicked goal!!"
"That's my boy!" Nick beamed, before catching the umpire's eye and placing him down again.
"Mr. Shultz, please don't make me tell you again. This is just a kickaround, and you can't just – "
"I know, I know. They're just practicing their skills, and besides, I might step on one. I'm sorry. I'll stay on the sidelines." Nick said, carefully stepping over a rather determined four year old, who had his eye on the ball, and not the giant that had stepped into the mini-oval.
Longer, clearer, alternating - joy, agony and sheer terror.
Slower, warmer, blue – blue, gentle, safe – intense, breathless – blue – warmth, need, blue…
"I'll leave you alone then Peej, but listen, this'll take as long as it takes. Maggie's – she's got a lot to go through, and you know her, she never does things by halves. She loves you PJ, you and those boys of yours. She'll come back to you, but it'll be when she's good and ready. Don't doubt that. Don't ever doubt that." Zoe said, running a hand down PJ's arm in support.
"I know." PJ sighed. "I know, it's just – I'm not the most patient of people, and I "
"You miss her. I know. But, like I said, she needs this, and she's doing it her way."
Calmer, surer, resignation, guilt, acceptance, blue, safe blue, love, trust, love,….
PJ turned back to Maggie as Zoe shut the door behind her. He sat back, and studied her, taking in her pale face, her blonde hair, shining slightly in the late morning sunshine, her chest, rising and falling with each breath. Reaching forward again, he rested his chin on his forearms.
"I love you Maggie Doyle. And I want you to marry me. Did you hear that? I want you to marry me. You just need to wake up so that I can ask you properly. So you need to get it sorted, you need to think it all out, and then you need to wake up, so that I can put a ring on your finger, just here, and you can put a ring on my finger, and– " his voice tailed away as emotions over took him. Standing slightly, he leant over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
Trust, love, touch, warmth, blue, love……..