Baby, I'm amazed at the way
You love me all the time
And maybe I'm afraid of the way
I love you

*Wings – Maybe I'm Amazed

Authors note; Don't hate me. Wings weren't that bad. In fact I bet you're humming this tune right now, aren't you...?

Belle sat the tea in front of him along with some bread and soup she'd made before he'd thrown her out and took the seat next to him. A happy consequence of living in an enchanted castle was that food cooked in said castle did not turn and Rumplestiltskin's stomach growled in anticipation.

Rumplestiltskin, The Dark One, the most feared being in all the Kingdoms, cleared his throat. He was about to bare his soul to someone for the first time in a very long time, not that he ever really had before, and he was scared. He wanted nothing more than to flee to his workrooms, his sanctuary from this siren, but he had to do this. Rumplestiltskin the man had to tell her everything and take the chance that she would still want him. Rumplestiltskin the Dark One raged deep inside against the potential loss of control.

"So you remember my mentioning my son, and that I lost him many years ago?" Rumple asked, his voice shakier than he would like. Belle nodded.

"What I failed to mention is that this was my fault. My son, Bae, was scared that I was using my power to gain revenge against slights against me so long ago they were all but forgotten except by me. He was worried that instead of using my powers to simply better our lives as I had originally planned, I was letting it destroy me, and in turn I would lose control and let it destroy us, our lives. Bae was right. He'd been searching for a way to reach a land without magic so that we could go there. I would be free of my curse and my former reputation as a coward. And he found a way. But when the time came I couldn't go through with it. Ever the coward I let go of his hand. And so he fell through the portal alone. I've been searching for a way to find him since". Rumple had been looking away but chanced a glance at Belle, expecting to see disgust at the evidence of his cowardice. But there was none evident on her face. She reached across and took his hand, and he continued.

"I had always been a coward. I injured myself to leave the first ogre wars. I refused to fight for my wife and I could not fight for my son".

"You said you'd lost your wife" Belle asked softly. There was no pity on her face, just understanding. "What happened".

"Ours was an arranged marriage. There was no love between us although we got along for the most part, and on the birth of our son things seemed to get a little better. I thought for a while that maybe, even after the loveless start, love could grow. But then the ogre wars came. I tried to prove my worth as a soldier, as a brave man, but I could not. Milah was ashamed at being shackled to the town coward. I could not provide the life she wanted and I could not be the man she wanted. She spent more and more time at the town tavern to escape the life that my cowardice had provided for her, and in time met with a pirate who offered her adventure, and the sort of love she craved that she couldn't find with me. A lady from our village came to warn me that Milah was leaving with the pirate one evening. I went to the docks to beg her return. The pirate challenged me to fight for her and threw me a sword. I would not fight. Instead I fled, having to tell our son that she had left us because she couldn't bear her life with me. Some years later as the Dark One I came across him again. I fought that duel, but I did not kill him. He lost his hand though in recompense." Rumple took a sip of the tea, the painful memories clouding his eyes.

"What happened to Milah?" Belle asked. Rumple took a deep breath, "She had died at sea by that time and been buried at sea. I had not seen her since she left with him. So not only did I had to tell Bae his mother had left us, had been so ashamed of me that she had left him, but that she had also died without the chance for him to see her again." Rumple felt like choking on this lie but he couldn't tell Belle that he had killed his wife himself; that he had ripped out her heart with glee and watched the pirate suffer through her death. He knew she would leave him again then. After all, if he can kill a woman who he did not love he could easily kill his one true love. There were some secrets he could never tell.

"My power grew over the years, and I took an apprentice. Someone in whom I could see a flicker of darkness like mine. It amused me to see that grow. But her power also grew and it now nearly equals mine. She would like nothing more than to bring about my death. At this she could take the power of the Dark One."

Belle's eyes widened in understanding; "This would be the Queen that you talked of, that you thought I was in league with?" Rumple nodded. He felt ashamed. Ashamed that he was still keeping back the whole truth from his Belle, ashamed that he could not trust her enough to share everything with her, and ashamed that he could ever think she would join ranks with the Queen against her.

"Regina uses her mirrors to communicate with people, and to spy on people. We have an uneasy truce most of the time but I don't doubt that should an opportune moment arise she would use it to her advantage. I think you were that opportune moment. I should not have doubted you." Rumple said as Belle edged her chair closer to him and ran her hand up her arm. "I would never betray you Rumple" she said, the veracity of this making her eyes shine.

Rumple cleared his throat. "There is more though. Regina has a curse that she plans to unleash on all of us. She intends to take us all to a land without magic. I need the power of the Dark One to prevent this". Neglecting to tell Belle that he had no intention of preventing Regina using the curse, and that furthermore he was the creator of this curse, Rumple held her gaze, nearly losing himself in its cerulean depths and almost challenging her to see the lies he held on to, and the words unsaid. The beauty in front of him was still here, still wanted him.

"So where does this leave us?" Belle enquired, worrying her lower lip in that absent minded habit that set his nerves on fire. "Can we never be together?" Rumple's mischievous smile returned and he sprang up from his chair with exuberant glee. "Oh, Dearie, you forget I am the Dark One! I have spent my life planning for every eventually." He giggled at Belle's confusion; that wicked laugh that had entranced her from the start. Rumple held out his hand. Belle joined her hand in his, and in a now familiar plume of purple smoke found herself in his bedchambers.