56
She was awake, she knew that, but opening her eyes and facing reality was a whole other thing. Opening her eyes meant she had to face it all, had to acknowledge that it was true, that Mick, that her own brother had been the one to shoot her, been the one to coldly pull the trigger and shoot her twice – and then leave her for dead. Mick, big brother Mick, the one she'd adored as she'd grown up, the one who'd (along with their Dad) inspired her to become a cop, the one that she loved, flaws and all.
Mick had shot her that cold night at the railyards, shot her and left her to supposedly bleed to death.
Mick had caused all of this, her 'death' had hurt PJ, had caused her memory loss, caused her to lose the one man who completed her, who – Maggie drew a deep breath, feeling her heart race in her chest and forcing herself to calm down. Deep breath, long, slow deep breath.
When the images behind her eyes got too much, Maggie forced herself to open her eyes, knowing instinctively he was nearby, knowing that he was there, and what's more, that he'd been there the whole time.
Moving slightly, she looked down her side, seeing him beside her bed, half sitting, half lying there there, his head resting on top of his arms on her bed, her hand still safely entwined with his. A small smile escaped her as she drank him in, absorbed his strength, his belief in her.
A movement at her door caused Maggie to look up, smiling at the delighted look on Zoe's face. Moving over to the bed, and standing on the opposite side to PJ, Zoe quickly ran a check on Maggie, and finding nothing to worry about, drew a chair up against the bed and sat down.
"Hey you!" Zoe whispered. "Welcome back. How do you feel? Do you – "
The light fell from Maggie's eyes as she realised what Zoe was asking. "I remember. I remember everything." Her eyes dropped to the man who slept next to her. "Zoe, he looks exhausted, how long have I been here? Has he been here the whole time?"
"You've been here for a week, Maggie, and yes, he's been here the whole time, apart from the time he's spent with the boys." Zoe moved to reassure her, worried at the sudden concern that raced across her face. "They're fine, Maggie. They've been staying with me and Nick, and they're happy and healthy, although they're missing you."
"And PJ? How – is he – "
"I'm not going to lie to you, Maggie. He's struggling, but he's been determined to be there for you. He loves you so much, and even though he knew you being here, like this, was the best thing for you, Maggie, he's - well, let's just say that he's going to be so happy to see you've woken up. He wanted to be the first thing you saw when you woke up – "
"He was" Maggie injected.
"You know what I mean, he wanted to be awake when you woke up. I think he knew this would happen and that's why he refused help for so long. He's exhausted Maggie, the only reason he's asleep now is that I forced him to take something." Zoe said, smiling over at PJ, who let out a small snore in response.
Maggie grinned down at him. "Does he know how much I love him?" she said, moving her hand slightly to take his even tighter in hers. "He's - I love him so much. He's always been there for me Zoe. All of this, he's stood beside me, supporting me, he's stood back when I needed him to, held me when I needed him to – he's waited for me, he's – " Maggie swallowed, a tear making it's way down her face. Reaching up, she brushed it away, a small shake of her head revealing her confusion.
"Maggie, don't worry. What you're feeling, the confusion, the emotional backflips, it's normal. You've had a lot to think about over the past few weeks, let alone the past two years, and it's all catching up with you. You do – "
Maggie's face darkened. "I remember. I remember who shot me and I remember why. The rest of it, it's hazy, but it's there."
"Good. Sort of." Zoe said, glad that her memories had returned, but her heart clenching with sadness for Maggie as she finally understood what had happened to her. "You know what I mean. Maggie listen, you don't have to go through this alone you know. Don't try to bottle it all up. I remember what you're like, and I know what he's like. He bottled it all up, held it all inside and it almost killed him. Don't you do that. He wants to be here for you, he wants to help you through it, and you need to let him. " Zoe leant forward, her gaze falling on PJ, before moving to look at Maggie again.
"Maggie, you need to let all of us help you through this. Now that you understand it all, you need to get through it and then you need to let it go. You have so many people who love you and want to help you, and you have - Maggie, PJ loves you so much – and you love him just as much. And if you let him in, if you trust him, then that's all you really need, Maggie. You two can get through this."
Maggie closed her eyes for a second, letting Zoe's words wash over her, before opening them again, watching PJ sleep, the sounds he made, the light snores that rumbled around the room all so achingly familiar, so reassuring and so grounding. Something seemed to click inside her, to fall into place and she suddenly knew, without a shadow of a doubt that everything would be all right. It wasn't going to be easy, hell it might feel as if her heart had been ripped out and shredded when she thought about her brother – but having PJ, having him beside her, loving her and caring about her, needing her as much as he did – they'd get through it, there was no doubt in Maggie's mind.
Zoe watched as the determination stole across Maggie's face, followed by a look of complete love and adoration as she smiled at PJ. "Good girl"
Perhaps feeling her eyes on him, or maybe feeling the strength of her love, whatever it was, PJ began to stir, his need to check on Maggie pulling him from his relaxing sleep. Catching Maggie's look, Zoe stood, smiling at her, before quickly moving over to the door, wanting PJ and Maggie to be alone when he woke.
He'd been dreaming of her. Dreaming of her walking down the aisle towards him, of her holding their daughter minutes after her birth, the boys gazing down at their new sister, dreaming of her telling him she loved him, and he responding in kind. He'd been dreaming of their future, their house full of laughter, of happiness and contentment. Dreaming of them getting through this, together and making their way out the other side. Dreaming, closer to home, of her waking up and of being able to tell her how much he loved her
Quite simply, he'd been dreaming of her.
With a sigh, PJ sat up, ready to face another day of waiting, of hoping – and of having those hopes shattered. Yes, Zoe had said she'd be waking up soon, but they'd been thinking that for a while now, and as stubborn as she ever was, Maggie was taking her own sweet time.
Rolling his shoulders in a vain attempt to dislodge the kinks that had cramped his muscles, PJ readied his heart for the inevitable disappointment of once again seeing Maggie still asleep in her hospital bed. Rubbing his eyes, he allowed his heart to hope against hope for a split second, almost falling off his chair in surprise when he saw her amused eyes shining right back at him.