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Maggie lay back against PJ's chest as she let her words sink in. Holding his arms tightly around her, she began to talk.
"I – PJ, it was all happening so fast. I was leaving, you remember that, I was going into Witness Protection and – and I was going to – it was too dangerous for you to – I couldn't uproot you like – " Maggie swallowed a sob.
"I knew." PJ whispered, kissing her shoulder before his voice grew in strength. "I knew you were going to go without me, that they'd convinced you that it was too dangerous, and I was going to come with you anyway. I was going to tell you that night, I – Mags, I loved you. I couldn't have lived without you, and I was going to come with you whether you wanted me to or not"
Maggie smiled up at him, a watery exhausted smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I wanted you"
Reaching down over her shoulder, PJ captured Maggie's lips in a kiss, a quick kiss, but a kiss that spoke volumes. "I would have been there." PJ said softly.
"I know" Maggie smiled at him, before taking a deep breath and continuing, PJ's arms once again holding her safe, his chest solid and safe behind her. "I - PJ, you have to believe me, it wasn't your fault."
PJ tensed, knowing exactly what she was talking about. The call, the one that had enticed her to the Rail Yards, she'd thought it had come from him. It had been his voice that had brought her there, his words that she had trusted, him that she had come to meet.
But he had not been the one to make the call.
Mick had.
And Mick had been the one to shoot, to put two bullets into his sister in a desperate attempt to cover his tracks.
"PJ, - "
"I know. Mick played around with the tape, and it sounded like me, but it wasn't. It - that bastard used the way we felt about each other to entice you there. He – " Maggie felt PJ bristle with anger, before swallowing it down in an attempt to remain calm. PJ's anger, the intense viscous anger that he felt every single time he thought about Mick Doyle, that was the last thing Maggie needed right now.
Maggie took another deep breath, feeling his arms safe around her, feeling them tighten and feeling the kiss he placed on the top of her head. She could feel the anger radiating off him – could feel the anger and then feel the way he reigned it in, the way he brought himself under control again. They would have a lot to talk about, she knew that, but not right now.
"I went to the Rail Yards, and, well you know the rest. Mick shot me twice." Behind her, PJ winced. "The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital, pregnant and confused. They gently fed me the story about Rick and the car accident, and I fell for it." Maggie said, bitterness creeping into her voice. "Peej, I believed them," she half sobbed, struggling to turn in his arms to face him. She had to apologise, had to make him understand, had to –
"Mags," PJ leant down and kissed her again, a kiss of trust, of love, of understanding. "It wasn't your fault. You'd been shot, you'd been in a coma, you had amnesia, traumatic amnesia – how the hell were you to know they were lying to you? Why wouldn't you trust them?"
"But I forgot you, I didn't remember you, and I let you go – " the tears were streaming down her face. PJ moved around from behind her, coming to sit beside her, gently taking her face in his warm hands, forcing her to look into his blue eyes.
"Maggie, you listen to me. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. You had amnesia, you didn't remember anything. If they'd left you alone and not filled your head with that story about Rick, then you might had had a chance, but how were you supposed to know that it wasn't true? How were you supposed to know that you couldn't trust them?" PJ kissed her nose, pulling back with a smile. "If they'd left you alone, you would have remembered me, I'm sure of that. I mean, just look at me, who could forget this gorgeous face, and as for this body…." PJ let his eyebrows wiggle in no uncertain way, smiling as she couldn't hold back a burst of laughter. "There you go, that's the Mags I know and love"
Maggie burrowed deep into his shoulder, breathing him in and sighing. "I love you" she said, pulling back and looking him in the eye.
"I love you too," PJ responded, leaning forward and kissing her deeply. Breaking apart, he smiled down at her, before moving back around behind her and wrapping her in his arms again.
For a moment there was a contented silence, both PJ and Maggie happy to lie there, wrapped up in each other. Reluctantly breaking the moment Maggie continued.
"They told me that I'd been in a car crash, and that I'd been impaled on something, which was why I had these scars," she said in a quiet voice. "They told me that my husband had been killed and that I was pregnant, with twins and both babies had survived. They – they showed me pictures of – " she stopped, pausing to gather strength, her strength arriving in the form of a gentle kiss. "They showed me pictures of a man they said was my husband. And I believed them"
"Mags, we've just – "
"I know," she gave him a tearful smile, still not quite understanding how she could have forgotten the man who held her, the man who had stood beside her, who had loved her since the first time he'd lain eyes on her. The man she loved just as much as he loved her.
"Not your fault" PJ said firmly.
"Not my fault" Maggie said,, almost believing it.
PJ frowned, using a finger to tilt her head up until she was looking him in the eye.
"Not"
She hesitated.
"Repeat after me and say if like you mean it, " PJ said firmly, before smiling at her to take the edge off his tone.
"Not"
"Not" Maggie said in a soft voice, repeating it when his brow furrowed slightly, "Not"
"My'
"My"
"Fault" PJ finished, waiting until she had repeated this words until he kissed her, kissed her with all of the love he could muster, trying to seal his words, to make her believe them.
"Mags," he said, somewhat breathlessly when they broke apart, "It really wasn't your fault. If you'd have known about me, and if I'd known you were alive, there would have been nothing on this Earth that would have kept us apart, yes?"
Maggie nodded, finally starting to believe.
"So what happened next" Zoe gently prompted, having stayed silent for the past hour.
Maggie looked over at her, taking a deep breath and continuing. "You probably know most of it. I got out of hospital and moved in next door to Kay and Luka, who sort of became like a surrogate family. Kay looked after me, and Luka, well he tried. Kay was like a mother to me, and she was there for all of the scans, for the hospital appointments."
"Was she – "PJ stopped. It was killing him that he hadn't been there through her pregnancy, that it hadn't been him that she'd turned to. It hurt beyond belief that he'd not been there for the birth of his sons, but nothing could change that, and it wasn't worth making life miserable because of something that couldn't be changed.
"She was there when they were born" Maggie said in a soft voice. She could see how much he was hurting. "I know it wasn't my fault PJ, but I am sorry. I'm sorry you weren't there. I'd give anything for you to have been there, but – "
"It's ok. " PJ forced a smile, relaxing into it when he realised he should be taking his own advice. "It's not your fault, and I know we need to talk about it, but I want you to know I'll be there for our next baby," he told her, his grin widening almost as much as her eyes had, the smirk smothered in the kiss which she bestowed on him.