They decided to take it very slowly from then on. They'd go down the pub and moan about their lives and then, if Vince was feeling up to it, they'd head back to one of their homes, normally Howard's because they could be alone there, and watch TV, fingers linked together.
Slowly, Vince grew in confidence and would steal a cheeky kiss on the cheek before leaving Howard's flat to go home. Howard never forced anything, never tried to get Vince to go any quicker than he wanted to and Vince was grateful for his unrelenting patience. One night, when the film was long, the lights were low and Howard and Vince were cuddled close together on the sofa, the younger man leant across and kissed Howard's cheek gently. Howard lips flickered into a small smile but he didn't want to show it too much, he has tried not to draw attention to these random kisses when they happen. It usually stopped there, with the peck to the cheek, and that was always enough but tonight it wasn't enough. Vince kissed him again and again and again, each soft touch closer to his lips than the last. Howard held his breath in anticipation as a final lingering kiss was placed at the corner of his mouth. Then, warm lips connected with his own.
Howard was so surprised, he forgot how to react for a moment but he soon regained his composure and kissed back, simple lips to lips in an expression of love, though neither was ready to admit it yet. Then, Howard felt Vince's tongue lap lightly at his bottom lip and he found himself pulling away and whispering,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. It's not like I'm a virgin and you're taking my first time." Vince responded, angry at having been cut off despite his best efforts. Howard gave in after that and they spent the rest of the evening led on the sofa kissing lazily.
Now that they were kissing, Howard felt like it was a proper relationship. He didn't mind waiting until they were behind closed doors, it was always worth the wait. Eventually, Vince built up the courage to do more, little touches to the chest in public. Little shy glances, flirtatious smiles and licks of the lips, all in full view of anyone who was observant and open-minded enough to see it.
After a few weeks, when Vince and Howard were walking home from a restaurant and no one else was around, Vince slipped his hand through Howard's. The older man's fingers tightened around his hand and he couldn't stop the grin from flowing across his face. This was a big step. They walked for a long time, hand in hand, in peaceful tranquillity. Every now and again, Howard would look down at Vince, who'd be chewing his lip nervously but he'd put on a brave smile if ever he noticed Howard looking and the older man would squeeze his hand encouragingly.
Just as they were nearing Howard's flat, they heard a shout from the other end of the street,
"Get off the street you poofs."
Howard glanced immediately at Vince, who seemed to freeze from the waist up, his legs still moving in robotic fashion. His grip on Howard's hand tightened like a vice and he went very, very pale.
"You okay?" Howard muttered under his breath.
Vince nodded lightly but didn't say anything. He looked like he was trying not to throw up and perhaps he was. The anger welled up inside Howard as he watched Vince battling bravely with his past.
Vince sat on the sofa quietly. He still looked frozen, he hardly moved. Howard was really worried about him and went to get them both a coffee. He watched Vince over his shoulder whilst the kettle boiled and he was disturbed to see that Vince still hadn't moved a muscle. He brought back two steaming, if slightly stained, mugs of coffee and passed one to Vince. The smaller man took it but he didn't bother to look at Howard or say 'thank you'. He just sipped it and cupped it in his cold hands. It was quiet for a while. Howard didn't want to speak first, he'd learnt to be patient where Vince was concerned. So, he waited.
The silence dragged on, broken only by the tiny slurping of coffee being sipped.
"Can I stay here tonight?" Vince asked suddenly. The shock must have been apparent on Howard's face because Vince clarified, "I don't wanna go back out there alone." he glanced to the window as though the people who'd shouted at them earlier might leap through it at any second. His body tensed a little.
"Umm. Yeah. That's fine. My bed's… well…. you're kinda sat on my bed." Howard blushed. So far, he'd tried to hide the painfully small size of his flat.
"You sleep on the sofa?"
"No. It folds out." Howard continued to blush. "Into a double bed. You can have that." he forced a kind smile. "Jump up and I'll unfold it."
Vince stood up slowly and stepped to the side. Howard reached down between the cushions and fished about until he found a tiny blue rope. Under his breath, he muttered one, two, three and heaved. The bed sprung up like a jack in the box causing both men to leap away.
"There you are." Howard smiled at him. "It's ready-made and everything."
"Thanks." Vince gave him a grateful smile and then looking around the tiny room he asked, "Where are you gonna…?"
"Oh, there's some blankets in the cupboard. I'll use them and set up camp on the floor."
"You could…" He stopped. Howard looked at Vince inquiringly but chose to say nothing. He knew what Vince was going to suggest but he didn't want to push it. He'd learnt never to mention one of these steps as it made Vince anxious again.
"You could… you know, stay on here with me." Vince winced as the words left his mouth.
"It's okay." Howard said, walking over and rubbing Vince's arm gently. "It's fine. I can sleep on the floor."
"No." Vince shook his head, reaching up and kissing Howard's cheek. "I don't want you to put yourself out." He eyed the bed warily, swallowed and said "There's plenty of room."
"If you're sure?"
Vince blinked slowly, let out a long breath and nodded. It was what he wanted, he was sure, it was just hard to ignore the churning in his gut and the nagging in his brain.
Howard went to find his pyjamas. He always wore them because the sheets were thin and the flat was cold. They were embarrassing really, when he thought about it. On the front was a picture of two mice, or maybe they were rats, called 'Pinky and the Brain'. He took pride in never having seen the show. He knew it was a brand new programme for kids but he'd bought the pyjamas because they were cheap, really cheap because there was a hole by the collar. He threw the rest of his clothes in the washing basket and walked back into the main room. Vince was already under the sheets wearing just his thin shirt and boxers.
"You okay?" Howard asked as he slid into the bed.
Vince nodded and curled into a ball facing away from Howard. Howard could feel the sheets shaking a little. He couldn't work out if Vince was crying or just cold. He hoped so hard it was the latter.
He looked up at the ceiling. He'd always liked the patterns there despite the fact they were caused by an old leak in the flat above. He always watched them before he slept, swirling prettily around the ceiling. He tried to let the patterns take him over and pull at his heavy lids. Just as he was beginning to feel drowsy, Vince's voice broke the peace.
"Howard." he squeaked. "Are you awake?"
"Mm-hmm." Howard mumbled sleepily.
"I'm cold."
"Oh. I'll get you another blanket." Howard said, getting up lethargically, a yawn capturing him and coursing through his body.
"No." Vince whispered, twisting his head to look at his friend. "Maybe, maybe we could share body heat."
Howard's eyes widened in delight and surprise. "Are you sure?"
"Stop asking if I'm sure." Vince smiled slightly. "You're acting like my bloody minder."
"Sorry." Howard grinned.
"Just come here and keep me warm like a big hot water-bottle."
"Is that all I am to you?" Howard jibed, slipping back under the sheets and shuffling over to Vince. He didn't move any further than that. He felt Vince's hand reach back until it connected with Howard's arm and pulled it around his body.
"S'better." he mumbled, shuffling back into Howard so that they were pressed together. Vince felt Howard press a kiss into the back of his head. He felt Howard's grip around his waist tighten and heard his breathing even out as a slight, soothing snore filled the room.
Vince took ages to fall asleep. He felt comfortable and safe; safer than he'd ever felt before in his life but still, in the pit of his stomach, he could feel the guilt and nausea bubbling up. He swallowed it down. He tried to block out all those feelings and just lose himself in Howard's smell and the feel of him pressed along his back, his arm around his waist, tight enough so he felt secure but not so tight that he felt penned in. Eventually, all these positives took Vince over and his eyelids drooped shut. He didn't have one nightmare that night and when he woke up it was because the smell of bacon was wafting up his nose.
"Hi." he croaked, when he spotted Howard in the kitchen part of the room.
"Morning." Howard turned to smile at him. "Sleep well?"
"Yes. Best for a long time." And that was the truth.
Howard nodded and turned back to the grill. "You still like bacon?"
"Yes. It's my favourite."
"Thought so." Howard smiled. He was surprised to hear the creaking of bedsprings as Vince got out of the bed and the padding of feet on old thin carpet as Vince came over.
"Mmmm." Vince hummed as he got closer to the grill. "D'you remember when your mum made bacon sandwiches after we went fishing?"
"Fishing." laughed Howard. "I don't think we even saw a fish."
"Well, we were using cardboard rods and a paddling pool." Vince laughed. "I caught loads of imaginary fish and an octopus. Remember?"
Howard remembered. He remembered sitting there in a huge stripy deckchair as Vince removed his soggy, cardboard fishing rod from the paddling pool claiming to have caught yet another fish and telling Howard that if he used his imagination, he'd catch something too.
"Aha!" Howard had grinned as something imaginary had tugged at the hook.
"Ooo!" Vince had giggled, "What d'you get?"
And for some reason, instead of saying fish, or eel or any other water dwelling creature, he'd said; "Funky merman."
And Vince had rolled around the floor laughing for ages until Howard had splashed some water over him, trying desperately to blame it on the imaginary merman. A ferocious water fight had ensued, which of course, Vince had won because he'd never been afraid to take it one step too far, whereas Howard couldn't break a rule, only bend it just to breaking point.
Howard chuckled lightly at the memory saying, "Good times." as he dished up some bacon sandwiches onto a plate and passed it to Vince.
They lazed around the house all morning, long periods of reminiscing broken only by fleeting touches and pecks to the cheek. It was peaceful and Howard felt as though he could get used to this everyday. Of course, eventually, it had to end. Vince had to be at the radio station by three so Howard had offered to drop Vince home after lunch on his way to the newspaper office.
Vince bounced through the front door waving madly as Howard's car disappeared down the street. As he positively skipped into the living room, Kath looked up from her magazine and said,
"You stay at Howard's?"
"Yep." he laughed, pulling her to her feet and spinning her around in a circle, in a weird happy dance.
"Did you sleep with him?" she gasped.
"No." Vince laughed. "Well, yes but not like that. We just sorta… cuddled. It was nice."
Kath laughed and hugged him tight. "I'm very proud of you, you know that, don't you?"
She felt Vince nod against her shoulder.
"I'm sorry I put you through all this." he sighed. "I'll try and move out soon, let you get on with your life."
"Don't be silly. I like having you here." she said "And there's no way I'd be able to pay rent on my own."
"Hmm. Well, I've gotta go to work." he grinned.
"You had no intention of moving out, did you?" she laughed.
"Well… no. But I thought I should mention it, just in case." he winked, and rushed up the stairs to get changed.
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