Chapter 4
Three weeks later
"Amy, I need you over here!" Chris called out.
"Ok, I'll be there in just a second!" I called back over my shoulder. I turned back to the young trainee in front of me. "Alright, Samantha why don't you clear these tables while I go see what he needs ok."
"Yea, sure." Samantha said and I ran off to help Chris.
I was at work at Papa Bill's where I was head of the waitressing staff. It was Friday and we were swamped with customers. And on top of that we were missing both a waitress and fry guy, and I was training our newest recruit Samantha. It had been three weeks since I stormed out on my cousin, and I hadn't spoken with any of the guys since. Though Jackson had called my cell a few times, I never answered or returned his calls; it was just too painful.
"Pull the fries." Chris said as I approached.
"On it." I answered. I pulled the fires out of the fryer and separated them into their baskets and added salt. When the bell on the door jingled, I looked up just in time to see the four guys that were on the bottom of my "People I Want to See" list.
"Damn." I whispered. "Rachel, can you get the party that just walked in?"
"Sorry, Amy but the pregnant lady got sick in the bathroom; I'm cleaning it up now." Rachel responded, and Kristen, the other waitress on duty, was already helping a table.
"Since when do you pass up a customer?" Chris asked.
"Since all I wanna do is strangle one of them." I responded.
"Oh. Are you gonna be ok to handle it?"
"Yea, yea I'll have Samantha take it."
"Alright. Call me if you need me."
"You know it." I winked. "Samantha!" I grabbed four menus and motioned for Samantha to meet me. "The party that just walked in, you want it?" I handed her the menus.
"Really?" She asked surprised.
"Yea, you've really been catching on. Don't worry I'll be right there with you. You'll do fine. Now come on." I placed my hand on her back and gently guided her to the table where my cousin and his friends were sitting.
"Hi welcome to Papa Bill's. My name is Samantha and I'll be your waitress today. What would you guys like to drink?" Samantha said with a smile as she passed out the menus. I watched from a safe distance and tried to keep my eyes off of Jackson or Ben while Samantha took down their drink orders. Together we filled and delivered them.
"Are you guys ready to order or do you need a few more minutes to look over the menu?" She asked.
"I think we'll need a minute or two." Jerad answered.
"Very well then, signal us when you're ready." I responded hastily before turning Samantha around and heading off.
"Are you ok Amy?" Samantha whispered when we were a safe distance away.
"Yea." I lied "It's just that…my order is out."
"Order out please!" Chris called.
"Thank you!" I replied. "Give me a hand?"
"Yea." Samantha replied.
I put on a smile and went to the kitchen to load up the tray. I had to pull myself together. It was ridiculous to let them affect me this way. I shouldn't let my emotions affect my job; I was better than that. But so many questions were running through my head, the most dominate one being 'why.' Why were they here of all places? Why Berkeley? Why Papa Bill's? Why today?
I had finished passing out the food and refilled all the drinks at my table when I saw Jerad motioning for me to come over. I called for Samantha and she followed me over to the table and took the guys order. Like before, I tried to keep my focus on her. She did very well. She smiled, she was perky, and she tried to up-sell all the right items. When she had all their orders she collected the menus and we turned to leave.
"Amy wait." Benny called out as I was walking away. I stopped in my tracks but kept my back to him. Samantha looked at me warily. I motioned for her to go on without me, and I turned around and slowly walked back to the table.
"Yes Sir, what can I do for you?" I asked formerly.
"Amy please, can we talk?" Why did he have to sound and look so pitiful? He was making this even more difficult.
"I'm sorry Benjamin, but I'm very busy now. I can't afford to waste my time one you." Ouch, that was cold, even for me. I was walking away when I got a pain in the pit of my stomach: guilt. I hated guilt. I sighed, took out my order pad, jotted down a number on the back of one of the sheets, and walked back to the table defeated.
"I'm off at four. If you still wanna talk then, give Kellie a call. She'll let you into the apartment, and you can hang out there." I handed him the slip of paper.
"Thank you." He responded.
"Sure,' was all I could say before walking off again. I didn't return to the table anymore while they were there, and I never really went back to normal after they left. The rest of my lunch shift seemed to rush by and before I knew it, four o'clock had rolled around and I had driven home. I sat in the old impala for a good ten minutes before crawling out; I was trying to stall.
"Honey I'm home!" I called out in a sing-song voice as I entered the front door.
"Oh Darlin' I've missed you so." Kellie threw on a fake accent and greeted me cheerily with two air kisses on each cheek. Ben was already there, along with the others, looking only slightly better than when I saw him at Papa Bill's. I decided to ignore them for the moment; I thought that maybe the best way to not let him affect me was to pretend that he wasn't really there.
"Ooo, Kells I've got something you might like." I pulled out two twenties from my apron pocket.
"Is that for the party box?"
"Yup." Kellie grabbed an old shoe box off the book shelf and I stuffed the twenties through a slit in the top; it was our party box.
"Party box" Ben G asked confused.
"Yea, Me-Me and I are going to throw this huge party at Leo's for graduation. Leo said he'd give us the club at a discounted price and then we could invite whomever we wanted. So every time Amy makes over a certain amount in tips she'll put a twenty into the box, thus our party box." Kellie explained. "Wait, did you just put in forty?"
"Yup." I confirmed.
"Busy day then?"
"Unbelievably. First off, Friday lunch always busy. Second, I was training Samantha. Third, neither Kayla nor Zack showed up for work and neither of them called in sick; they just didn't show. We tried calling Kevin and Kyle but they were both sick. We finally got a hold of Tyler but he didn't get there until 1:30. Meanwhile, Chris is the only cook there so I had to help out on the grill plus cover my own tables, and cover for Kayla, and train Samantha. God I wish people wouldn't be so stupid and hook up with co-workers."
"Kayla and Zack hooked up?"
"That's the rumor at least."
"And you have to work at Leo's tonight don't you?"
"It's Friday isn't it? Oh I'm so exhausted, physically and mentally, and ugh, I hate working the grill because I feel like I'm covered in grease now." I buried my face in my hands.
"Are we still going to talk?" Ben suddenly asked; there was a tremor in his voice, like he was afraid I'd say no.
I wanted to yell at him to buzz off, to tell him I didn't care how he felt, to say go away and leave me alone, but I couldn't. I simply nodded and said: 'yea, give me a minute.' I walked into my bathroom and took a wet wash cloth and began to rub it over the exposed skin. Then I went into my bedroom and changed into fresh clothes. And then I returned to the bathroom and washed again; I was definitely stalling. Finally Kellie came to see what was taking me so long.
"I feel disgusting Kells." I said.
"Well hurry up. I've only been around him for thirty minutes now and already I'm sick of his depression. That boy is downright pitiful. It's like he just found out his dog died or something; or even worse, his sister." She whispered severely.
"Frankly Kellie, I don't really care how he feels and I don't want to speak to him."
"Now look here Miss Amelia Lynn Cox," yikes, my full name. "You are being just as stubborn and cruel to him now, as he was to you three weeks ago! Now get your skinny ass out there and talk to your cousin. Don't make me call your Aunt Suzie, because you know I will."
"I…I can't talk to him in front of everyone." I stammered for an excuse.
"Then take him to the park down the road."
"The park?"
"Yea, that way if you get the urge to strangle him then maybe at least the prospect of witnesses will stop you."
"Fine. You win." I whispered through clenched teeth.
"Damn right I win." Kellie could be pretty frightening when she wanted to be.
I rolled my eyes and walked past her and stepped slowly into the living room. I shoved my thumbs into my back pockets, and shifted all my weight to one leg.
"So, ah, you ready?" I asked.
"Yea." Ben stood up. "Where did you want to talk?"
"There's, ah, a park down the road a little. We could go there. It's public, so maybe I won't hurt you."
"Sounds good." He laughed nervously.
"Right." I nodded as I walked towards the front door. Ben followed behind. We walked to the park in silence, and then we walked through the park in silence. "Maybe we should sit down." He suggested.
"Sure." I said again, and we sat a foot apart on the nearest bench. I was not going to make this easy for him. After a few seconds of just sitting there, Benny let out a heavy sigh.
"Amy I'm sorry." He blurted out. "I…I don't know why I didn't say anything. It was stupid, foolish of me to let you think such ridiculous things."
"Ridiculous things?!" I gasped.
"Amy please, let me finish."
I folded my arms over my chest and fought the tears that suddenly rushed forth.
"Of course I care about you. Of course I think of you as my baby sister. It's ridiculous that you thought otherwise, or rather that I let you think otherwise. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking letting you walk out like that; or maybe the problem is that I wasn't thinking. You've always been like another Johnson… Dad thought so too. You were the little girl he never had; his little princess."
"I'm sorry I stopped calling you. I don't know what happened. I guess I just got busy, the band started taking off, and I never stopped to think of how you would interpret it. I never intended to hurt you, Aims. I didn't call mom either you know. Then she called me one day and mentioned how she couldn't believe you were twenty-two already. I felt like shit when I realized I had missed your birthday. That's why I invited you to the show; I wasn't going to say anything of course, I was too ashamed. I was just hoping you'd enjoy it so much that you'd forget that I forgot."
Benny paused for a moment and I unfolded my arms and stared at the ground below my feet. I was still crying but for a whole other reason now.
"When I saw you drinking the next day," he continued, "I suddenly realized that my little sister wasn't so little anymore, and I panicked. I started thinking of all the things I must have missed; all the guys I couldn't beat up because I wasn't there. When you came over to talk to me, I was so engrossed in my own self pity for not being the brother I promised to always be, that I took it out on you for some reason, and I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
"I've been completely miserable these past three weeks without you as my little sister, and everybody knows it. I haven't been sleeping well; I lay awake at night because every time I close my eyes I see your pain stricken face. It's messing with the band because I can't focus. The guys finally had enough of it so they loaded up the car and drove up here without even telling me where we were going. Kellie had given her number to Kristina, so Jerad called ahead and asked where you were. And Jackson's been in a foul state."
"Jackson?" I suddenly asked; I couldn't contain my curiosity.
"Yea," he was surprised that I was speaking to him. "Yea, I think he blames himself. He says he was the one who convinced you to come talk to me. And he thinks he should have tried harder to make you stay."
I shook my head. "There was only one person who could have made me stay, and he wasn't talking."
"I know. That's exactly what I told him. I'm really sorry Amy."
I looked into his eyes and saw that he was sincere. "I know." I sighed. "I probably wasn't really thinking that night either; I was drinking after all."
"No, I will not let you take the blame for this."
A smile flickered across my face.
"Can you forgive me?"
"Well…." I drug out my response.
"Brat." Benny said playfully as he pushed my shoulder lightly; I laughed.
Benny and I sat on the bench and talked for a while and then we walked around the park and talked some more. Soon the whole incident was behind us and things were back to normal. We talked about life and school and the band. I ranted to him about the insane professors I had and all the work that I still had to do before graduating in a month. And he talked about the band and their hopeful plans for touring this summer. We eventually made it back to the apartment, and when we walked through the door laughing there was a gush of wind as everyone simultaneously let out their held breath.
"He's alive," Jerad said matter-of-factly. "And it appears that he has all his limbs still." Benny flipped him the bird playfully.
"Sorry for rendering your drummer temporarily ineffective." I apologized.
"Eh, just thanks for bringing him back." The other Ben said with a wave of his hand. Jackson was the only one who didn't say anything, and he didn't look as relaxed as the others.
"What do you want for dinner tonight?" Kellie asked.
"I don't know; it's your night to cover dinner." I responded
"Well the guys are stayin so how's pizza sound?"
"Sounds great. You order and I'll shower and get ready for Leo's."
"Leo?" Jackson suddenly sounded worried.
"Yea, you guys only saw me at one of my jobs this morning, a waitress at Papa Bill's Diner. Well I also work at Leo's Lounge as a cocktail waitress. An education at Berkeley isn't free after all."
Jackson looked a little relieved when he found out that Leo was just a job and not something else; Benny looked worried at the mention of cocktail waitress, but he didn't say anything against it.
By the time I had showered, shaved, dressed, and fixed my hair the pizza had arrived. We all ate in the living room because the kitchen table wasn't big enough for all six of us. Jackson kept his distance from me; his reserved attitude must have had to do with me like I had suspected. I knew I needed to apologize, but when, and how? My opportunity came when he went to the kitchen to refill his drink; I casually followed. I tested the waters with a simple 'hey.' He responded with a head nod.
"Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and say it then." I said and he looked at me curiously.
"I was a bitch. I complained to you about how it hurt when Benny wouldn't answer or return my calls, and then I turned around and did the same thing to you. It's just that I didn't think we could still be friends after what had happened. And instead of talking to you and explaining things it seemed easier to just push you away. I know that doesn't excuse my actions but I didn't know what else to do."
Jackson remained quiet for several heart-stopping seconds and I studied his face for any kind of clue as to his reaction.
At last he shrugged his shoulders and said, "A simple 'sorry' would have sufficed."
I smiled, relieved, and said, "I'm sorry."
"Apology accepted. You were right though; you were a bitch."
"Every girl is at some time or another, usually multiple times a week. And some are just permanent bitches."
"Tell me about it. I've had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting a few." He smiled that earth-shattering, breath-taking, out-of-this-world smile of his, and I about lost all self control.
"So," he looked down at the floor and fiddled with the cup in his hands. "Friends you say?" He kept his head bowed but looked up at me with pleading eyes.
NO! I wanted to scream. No, anything but just friends. I desperately wanted to be more.
"Yes." I answered. "I just got my cousin back I don't want to risk losing him over some guy. That's just silly."
"Right," He nodded. "I understand, and I respect that. Besides, you tell your friends all your secrets anyways. And let's be honest, that's all I'm really after."
"I am not telling you any of my dirty little secrets Jackson."
"I didn't say anything about them being dirty, but now I'm even more curious. You have to tell me something now."
I shook my head and smiled.
"Me-Me the time!" Kellie called out loud enough for me to hear her from the living room. I glanced at the clock on the all. It was already nearly a quarter till nine.
"Shit, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later Jackson."
"Yea, later friend." Jackson emphasized with a smile and a wink. Damn. I could already tell that being "friends" with Jackson was going to be a lot easier said than done.