Tony didn't want to leave the lab for at least a week, or whenever the bruise in the shape of Steve's hand went away, but the man seemed almost desperate to apologize, and Tony couldn't stand any more of him standing outside the door to his workshop, looking like a lost little puppy.
So he had Jarvis tell him that he'd be at movie night, and spent the rest of the afternoon experimenting with makeup to cover the bruise before realizing it was the middle of winter, and wearing a long sleeve shirt would solve half of his problems.
He knew Bruce would never let him get away with not wearing the sling, but he chose a dark shirt and hoped that it wouldn't be very noticeable.
Of course, he should have realized, on a team of a super soldier, two spies, and a demi-god, there was no chance of it going unspoken.
"Friend Tony, what has happened to your arm?" Thor boomed, his face furrowed in concern.
Tony waved the arm that wasn't in the sling dismissively. "Stone monster incident, nothing to worry about. Bruce fixed me up."
He would have clapped his hands together at this moment, except one of them was sort of stuck, so he settled for clearing his throat dramatically. "But that's not why I'm standing in front of the tv. I'm here because some members," he glared at Natasha and Clint as he said that, "Of our little team seem to enjoy spreading rumours that are not at all based in fact, and collecting on their mutual deceptiveness." He frowned, wondering if that was a word of not, before deciding it was not of import. "I'm referring specifically to the spies sitting in the middle of my couch."
Clint had the sense to look slightly ashamed, but Natasha looked nonplussed.
Thor was only confused, and Steve didn't have a clue that they were talking about him.
"Anthony, of what do you speak?" Thor asked.
"It has come to my attention that there was a friendly betting pool going on, as to when Steve and I would finally sleep together." Tony ignored the way Steve turned bright red and appeared to choke on his tongue. "Apparently the wonder twins over here hatched a plan, and cashed in early." He frowned. Maybe early wasn't the best word. Early implied that it was going to happen, and by the way Steve was turning purple in the corner of the sofa, it wasn't looking likely.
He flapped a hand. "Whatever. I'd tell you to give your winnings back, but you can't, because you didn't bet with money at all, did you? You bet with secrets, like any good spies would." He held a hand to his arc reactor. "After my own heart," he announced. "So instead you're going to have to let me in on those little secrets, or else I'll tell Fury that you tricked him, and I'm sure that won't go well, considering what his bet was for. Also, his little shipper heart might get broken, and we can't have that, can we?" He raised an eyebrow at them. "And if Steve can handle them, you can tell him too. He has a right to know, because he was the topic of conversation after all."
In his corner of the couch, Steve had remembered how to breathe and was returning to a normal shade.
Tony didn't bother waiting for a response, but threw himself on the couch between Thor and Bruce, who was blushing slightly.
"So you and Steven are not participating in lovemaking?" Thor asked, a bit too loudly for Tony's liking.
"No big guy," Tony told him, patting him on one massive shoulder. "I heard it was your movie night. What did you pick?"
Thor lit up. "Lady Jane suggested it to me, with a great deal of support from Lady Darcy. It is supposed to be most enlightening."
Tony nodded, not sure if their definition of enlightening would be anything that resulted in an interesting movie, but hey, his phone was in his pocket, and he could always sleep if he got super bored. Thor was a great pillow.
Tony wasn't sure if Jane and Darcy were joking when they suggested the movie to Thor, if they were genuine, but somehow Thor believed it would be a genuinely enlightening movie.
Tony would call Monty Python's The Meaning of Life a lot of things, but he wasn't sure enlightening was one of them.
When the movie ended, Steve was the first one out of the room, and Tony didn't think too much of it, just headed to his lab to spend a few hours working on his suit.
Okay, maybe more than a few hours.
The sun was rising when Steve appeared, literally, like, just in a split second, at Tony's side, and he wondered briefly how the hell he'd gotten in while jumping a foot in the air.
"Steve," he gasped, mockingly holding his chest for effect. "Heart condition. Do you want to kill me?"
Steve frowned. "I was calling your name for a good few minutes."
Oh.
Tony shrugged. "I was busy."
Steve softened, and dragged a stool over next to Tony's, which was never a good sign. Stool meant long visit, which meant dealing with Steve and whatever he had on his mind.
"Did I do that to your arm?" he asked, so quietly that Tony thought he imagined it, if it wasn't for the look of utter despair on Steve face.
Tony startled. "No, like I said, rock monsters. Big giant things, made of rock? Surely you remember them."
"But that's the arm I grabbed when we were arguing," Steve insisted. "If it was already hurt, you would have felt it, and winced away. Which makes me think that I was the one who did it, and it didn't get sore until later, which was when you went to Bruce."
Tony set his tools down, rubbing his face with his good arm.
Crappy decision time it was. Because Steve had a point, and he wasn't stupid, or oblivious. Tony couldn't lie to him like he count to Thor, because Thor took everyone at their word, never doubting that they would lie to him. Steve would wear him down, and in the end, lying would only make it worse.
But by god, how much worse could it be than the truth? That Steve was the one who broke Tony's arm.
It wasn't really that much of a decision.
Tony sighed, and hummed and hawed before speaking. "Okay, I'm going to tell you something that I don't really tell people. I told Bruce yesterday because I had to, and some higher ups in SHIELD know, so probably Natasha, but other than that, I don't tell people, okay?"
Steve nodded solemnly, and Tony sighed before opening his mouth again.
"I have this thing. It's a condition, congenital, so I've had it forever, but because of it, I basically can't feel pain. It's actually a really rare mutation, and kinda cool, but it sucks in other ways, because pain is pretty important. There are a bunch of different forms of the disorder, and most of the people with it can't sweat, so they risk dying from hyperthermia. But I have the even rarer kind, so I can sweat, but I still don't feel pain." He glanced up at Steve. "So it's not that you grabbed my arm, and I didn't feel the pain, which led you to believe it wasn't broken then, that you did the damage, but it's the simple matter that I can't feel pain. Period."
And okay, it wasn't entirely true, but he wasn't going to overwhelm Steve at this point by bringing up genetics.
"Then how do you know it was broken already?" Steve countered, and damn that man was good.
"Jarvis," Tony replied simply. "He's in the suit, and although I don't have x-rays, he can tell when an impact is enough to fracture a bone. He would never have told you about it, because I've sworn him to secrecy, but it's the truth." Tony shrugged, and it was almost painfully easy how the lies came to him. (Ha. Pain.)
Steve considered it, his brow furrowing with new worries now that his initial concern had been abated.
"Tony, do you realize how incredibly dangerous this is for you?"
Tony rolled his eyes. "Oh my god, no!" he exclaimed. "I'd never realized it. Wow, thank you Captain America for rescuing me from myself. I don't know how I've made it this far without you." He looked up into Steve's eyes, looking as adoring as he could. "Marry me, and you can take care of me forever, my Prince Charming."
Steve blushed, but it was a testament to his character that he managed to not simply run away.
"Not like that," he began, but Tony was having none of it.
"I've already had a mother to take care of me, and I don't need another. I am a grown man, Steve, and I am perfectly capable of knowing my limits and working within them."
Steve flashed angry. "Yeah, well how do you explain that then?" he said hotly, gesturing to Tony's arm.
My teammate got a bit handsy, and didn't realize he's built like a tank, Tony thought, but certainly didn't say.
"Rock monsters Steve. Rock. Monsters. There is no precedent for that." Tony rolled his eyes. "Now get out of my lab."
Somehow it worked, because Steve disappeared, and Tony returned to whatever he was doing before being so rudely interrupted.
Except he really didn't know what he was doing, and was also kind of really tired, and then fell asleep on the couch instead.