Karma wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping lately. The blonde's dreams were filled with hopes and memories, all involving the girl sleeping next to her. Tonight she had dreamt it was the first day of fourth grade, the day she learned that she and Karma would be in the same class for the first time since first grade. Two whole years of only seeing her best friend at recess would finally be put to rest. It was one of the happiest moments of Amy's life.
She dreamt she burst into the classroom, excited to see her best, and admittedly only friend, as Amy never really got along with her peers. Other people would attempt to befriend Amy, but she would always shake them off as she'd rather be on her own, or more preferably, with Karma. She sat down at a desk waiting for her best friend to arrive. Students piled up and the clock struck 8:15. Class had started, and Karma was nowhere to be found. Maybe she's just sick, Amy thought. She made it through the day, disappointed her best friend was nowhere to be found, and decided to take the bus home to Karma's house to make sure she was okay.
She knocked on the door of the Ashcroft residence, only to be met with silence on the other end. After five minutes of intense knocking, she began screaming Karma's name. Something felt off, this wasn't how she remembered her first day of fourth grade going. Finally, Mrs. Ashcroft opened the door and silently stared at Amy. Amy ran into the house and up to Karma's room, which wasn't Karma's room at all. It was just a plain room. Nothing on the walls, no furniture, nothing. "What happened in here? Where's Karma?" She went downstairs but Mr. and Mrs. Ashcroft were nowhere to be found.
She rushed out the door and began running down the street, screaming Karma's name. This was all wrong. Where was she? She turned the block to be faced with Shane, Liam, and Lauren. They were all the same as age they are now, which didn't make any sense to Amy. She had no time to question it, she had to find Karma. "Where's Karma?" She begged of them. "You had to be honest. Now it's ruined because you couldn't hide your feelings," Lauren said. "Karma doesn't like girls, Amy. I thought you knew better than that," said Shane. "Now she's gone, and neither of us can have her," said Liam. 9-year-old Amy's world had just collapsed in on itself. None of this made sense. She just wanted Karma. She runs past them yelling Karma's name. "Karma! Karma!"
"KARMA!" she screams out loud as she shoots up, sweating and breathing heavily. It was just a dream. She glances to her left to see a very concerned half-asleep Karma looking at her. "Amy, what happened?"
"I just had a nightmare. I'm sorry for waking you up."
"It sounded intense, what was it about?"
"Oh, you know. Standard nightmare stuff. The zombie apocalypse. Everyone was uh.. dying."
"Jeez, sounds scary," Karma says as she cuddles up to her. "I'm pretty sure you were screaming my name. Was I in trouble?"
Amy looks at her softly, taking her in as she realizes that losing Karma would be the worst thing in the world to happen to her. "Yeah, I was afraid I lost you…"
"Well, you didn't, I'm right here," she smiles, as she slings her arm around Amy's waist, pulling her closer. "You could never lose me to a few zombies."
Amy laughs at her friend's attempt to make her feel better. She wasn't afraid of losing Karma because of zombies, she was afraid of losing Karma because of her. She looks at the clock that says 11:18 AM, and decides she probably won't be falling back asleep.
"Did you sleep alright Karma? A lot of stuff went down last night."
"No, I really didn't, but I had a lot of time to think."
"About..?"
"Not Liam, don't worry. He's the last thing on my mind," Karma says, still cuddled up tight against Amy.
Amy tried to suppress a dopey grin when she said this, because not only was she not thinking about Liam, but she had to have been thinking about them.
"You're gonna have to be a little more specific, Karma."
Karma unwrapped herself from Amy and sat up on the bed, staring down at her hands for a few seconds before looking Amy in the eyes. All she could see was unconditional love and support. She couldn't believe she didn't realize Amy had feelings for her sooner. The way she looked at her, the way she always went along with whatever she wanted, everything Amy did was because of Karma. Maybe she didn't realize because Amy had always looked at her this way. She knew she couldn't hurt Amy anymore than she already has, but Karma didn't want to lead her on either.
"Amy, I care about you more than anyone else on earth. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. Your… feelings.. for me. They aren't going away anytime soon, are they?"
"No. No, they're not. Believe me Karma, I couldn't make them go away if I tried. I have tried too, before you ask. I don't want to put any pressure on you though. I really do just care about your happiness."
"I just don't want to get your hopes up. I want to figure this out too, but I have to be honest, your feelings are a lot stronger than mine right now. And if I end up not feeling the same.. I just don't want to break your heart."
"I know it's scary. I was scared too. I tried to repress the feelings for so long that I didn't even fully realize I had them. I mean, I had a clue, but it wasn't until I talked to Shane about it and started fully processing everything that I realized I have feelings for you on a much deeper level. Just open yourself up to the possibility that this could be something more."
Karma looked at Amy and really took her in. This was inevitable. They had always been a little too close to be just best friends. Karma had always thought it was natural to get butterflies whenever she saw Amy, she cared about her more than anyone else on earth. She liked kissing her, and holding her, and she could never get sick of being around her.
"I guess, Amy.. I'm just scared that I'll never be able to feel for you what I would feel for a guy."
The words sliced through Amy like knives. In one sentence of brutal honesty, she was able to tug at Amy's biggest insecurity: the fact that Karma had always been into guys, and Amy was a girl. Karma noticed the pained expression on Amy's face. "I'm sorry, Amy. I've lied so much lately. I need to be honest with you. I'm willing to think about this, I really am, and I never thought I would be able to. But if we do end up becoming more than friends, and I do end up falling for a guy, it's going to break you."
"Since we're being honest, being just your friend is breaking me, and it would break me just the same if you were off with Liam right now."
Karma sat there in silence, realizing that Amy was right. Her options were few, and she desperately wanted to fall in love with Amy so none of this would even be an issue. But she couldn't rush it.
"Okay, I'm sorry Karma, this puts a lot of pressure on you. That's the last thing I want to do. If you need to date a few guys first, I understand. I really do have all the faith in the world that we will end up together. You're my soulmate, it's as simple as that. So, you don't have romantic feelings for me right now. That's fine. But you have felt things for me before, and just consider the fact that you may be feeling things for me right now. I mean, seriously," Amy gestures her hand pointing back and forth between the two of them, Amy's arm around Karma, "we are pretty fucking adorable."
Karma laughs and rests her head on Amy's shoulder. "Alright, Raudenfeld. Just don't try anything funny yet."
"Yet," Amy repeats, a smile growing across her face. "Do you really think I'd do anything to make you uncomfortable?"
Karma looks up into her eyes and smiles. "I know you wouldn't. Can we get some breakfast now? I'm starving."