The Perfect Son

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Three - Between Loss and Hope

Michaelangelo:

I hated the fact Raph wouldn't let me go with him topside to help him look. I mean, two sets of eyes were better than one, right? Besides, going to look for an AWOL Leo was far better than sitting here at home while waiting and wondering and…well, doing nothing.

I sighed, as Raph took off . I brought out one of my chucks to toy with them a little while flipping through channels to see if I could find anything half ways decent to watch.

I suppose I could try to play a video game, but I was concerned about Leo and I didn't really want to lose myself in a video game. It was so unusual for Leo to be gone for this amount of time, it was a little unnerving not having him back.

Master Splinter emerged from his room some time later, he had the strangest look on his face. It was sorrow crossed with deep concern and a little something else, I don't think I had ever seen him look quite like this, and I thought I'd seen all of his expressions over our years of growing up.

"Master are you all right?" I asked arching an eye ridge.

Splinter shook his head he looked suddenly, very old -older then his years even- and frail. He moved as if he was stiff and soar and he turned to look at me, his eyes full of pain and sorrow.

"Michaelangelo, have you heard anything on Leonardo?"

"No, Master. But Raph went out to look for him," I replied.

Splinter sighed and bowed his head, his one hand clutched his walking stick tighter in his grip, "I fear he will not find him."

"Something happened to Leo and I'm sure Raph will be able to learn a few things, hopefully enough that we can go out and track down where Leo is." I stated optimistically.

It was what we had always done before, so I saw no reason why it couldn't be done this time. All we had to do was find out where Leo was, if he was hurt or captured it was a matter of getting him back.

"No Michaelangelo, I fear the worst" Splinter sighed heavily, "I have spent the last hour or more searching the astral plane and I was not able to find Leonardo anywhere."

I scowled not liking that news. Splinter normally, was capable of searching the astral plane through meditation for any one of us, and he was quite able to find us, or at least give enough clues to where the rest of the family could find the missing link in our family.

'So, why was it that he could not find Leo now?'

"There is nothing of Leonardo, or he is far gone and is beyond my means to reach him," Splinter said morosely.

I didn't want to hear this. I couldn't believe this. I didn't want to believe this.

Leo was the responsible one, he didn't get into trouble. He was our fearless leader, willing to go where no other turtle dared, he set the example. He was over protective and he cared about us.

Leo was over protective, caring and he was always willing to listen to any problems, offer gentle though often stern advice the sort of advice, and he was often willing to bale you out if Don or Raph were ready to kill you for some little misdeed.

He acted, I guess, in the very way an older brother ought to act. Though it was hard to tell if he was really older or not. I mean we were all born ordinary turtles- if you could say born was the correct word.

No one was there to tell us who came first. Or if in actuality we had all come from separate egg clutches. The fact of the matter was, we considered ourselves brothers, and we all sort of saw Leo as the older brother.

Even Raph, thought of Leo that way. Though he sometimes disputed the fact and told Leo otherwise, in more ways then one.

I couldn't see Leo getting into trouble, not after the Christmas Eve a few years back. Leo, learned from his mistakes -unlike me. - I knew that from the many times I tried to play practical jokes on Leo. I had to be pretty creative to outwit him. I had to say my big bro brought out the best in me!

I shook my head in disbelief. It just didn't make sense.

Then Raph came in and I looked his way hopefully, Splinter also glanced his way but I don't think that he was as optimistic as I was, and the look on Raph's face was stern and hard.

Okay, worse case scenario, he found enough information to know Leo was captive somewhere.

Yet the glower in his eyes, the firm clench of the jaw and his hands balled into tight fists said that he wasn't just pissed off he was, right off the Richter scale ready to destroy.

Raph took a deep breath and explained what he had seen, and learned then he withdrew the broken katana and the blood drenched mask. Splinter rose from his chair and slowly reached out for the weapon.

Suddenly, he grasped at his heart, staggered back and then everything went crazy.

I stood shocked and then was spurned on by Raph's yelled orders. Tea, of course- Sensei needed tea. I used the microwave to boil the water, knowing time couldn't be wasted.

I could hear Raph and Don working on our father. I came back into the living room offering the cup to Raph. He somehow managed, to get our Master to get a drink or two while they worked on him.

As the Master showed no sign of coming around, Raph began to cuss and swear as if to urge Splinter to fight or wake up, and tell him that such language was not appropriate.

"His heart isn't responding. He's not breathing. It's over Raph his heart was too weak." Don claimed as he sat back. "Raph enough," He reached out a hand to touch Raph on the arm.

Raph whirled and glared at Don, then shook his head. I stood there stunned.

I felt something wet on my cheek and reached up to feel it a tear. I felt cold and numbed. I stared at my brothers near the Master, who was far too still on the couch. I could see my brother's mouths moving, but for the life of me I couldn't hear anything they were saying.

The world was tilting, and stuff was going crazy. Leo was gone, and our father was dead.

XXX

We buried Splinter in a deep underground tunnel, Don detonated some explosives, to bring down enough of the tunnel to see to it that he was buried deep.

I cried, and Don cried. But Raph didn't, I knew he was grieving and hurting but he wasn't going show it not here or now. Raph just stood tall, his frame shaking slightly from pent up anger.

When the last rocks had finished tumbling and moving, Raph went and kneeled by the make shift grave, while Don stood with one arm around me, his head bowed and occasionally wiping his own tears.

"I'm sorry Master Splinter, sorry for so damn much I don't know where to begin," he admitted, his voice low and quiet, "I should have done more. Forgive me?" He asked. He rose to his feet his fists clenched at his sides, "I promise you the Foot will pay."

With that said he stuck the end of Leo's broken katana into the rocks and draped the soaked blue mask over the sword hilt. Then he turned and walked away, without even looking back. "What do we do now Don?" I wondered, sure my face was scrunched up with confusion and uncertainty. I felt hollow and empty.

"I don't know. I have no idea," Don replied, "let's go home."

When we returned to the lair though, Don took off to disappear into his lab and left me feeling even more alone then before. The whole world was coming down around me and, I just wanted to be near my family.

I went into the kitchen and looked in the fridge, but realized nothing appealed to me. I shut the door and with a heavy sigh turned and left the kitchen.

I saw Raph was sitting on the couch and I smiled weakly in relief, at least I could hang with him for a bit. "Raph?"

He turned and gave me a small nod of his head, "I know what Splinter said Mike, but I don't believe it. I think that Leo is still alive somewhere. We just have to figure out where the Foot are hiding out, where they might have him. I might have to get a hold of some of my contacts."

I arched an eye ridge, that meant he'd be going out and searching the streets for the two bit hoods, con artist and the other low lives that Raph often got his information out of.

Raph would have managed well, in the mafia. He just had that sort of instincts.

"Raph," I knew he would resent me saying this, but I couldn't keep it to myself, "Be careful out there and don't be gone long."

Raph nodded slightly, "I'll only be a few hours Mike. The more we learn and the sooner we get the information the better chance we have of getting Leo back." He declared, "We need him back!"

"Splinter said he was dead," I told him. "Splinter might have been wrong Mike. Just because he couldn't feel Leo, doesn't mean that Leo isn't alive. We got to believe and we got to try every chance we have." Raph insisted, "Leo will be found alive."

"What if we don't?" I asked, feeling odd for thinking this way.

"I don't know, I don't have all the answers. Hell, and I could be wrong I suppose…But I…." his voice trailed off, "I rather try and find out one way or another."

I took a deep breath and then asked him what I had asked Don, "What are we going to do?"

"Will get by somehow Mike. I promise we will get through this as a family." Raph assured me, as he gave me a comforting pat on my shoulder.

XXX

Over the next few days we all sort of did our own things, Raph would go off on his own at night to see what he could learn. He worked out in the dojo totalling at least a dummy a day.

Don of course spent a good deal of time in his lab, he said he couldn't concentrate on any of his work, so I don't know exactly what it was he was doing in there.

I talked with Don and Raph, moving between the two of them. Neither, Raph or Don worried about us practicing much. No one was there to push us, so why bother?

I know Raph said we'd get through this, but it didn't seem like we were getting through anything. If anything we seemed to be pulled under, as if it was some sand trap.

I didn't know what to do. I was lost, the things that used to interest me, no longer did. I just felt lost and alone, a deep hollow void filled me. We were sinking, drifting, fading we were slowly growing a part because there was nothing to keep us together.

There was no Leo, or Splinter to take charge and get us back on track, to get us to focus and deal with things instead of allowing ourselves to be distracted.

None of us, were leader material. Don was good at fixing, repairing, building and creating. He was good at strategy and plotting but had no interest whatsoever in bossing anyone around.

I didn't like practice myself, so why would I convince myself never mind the others that it was good to practice.

Then there was Raph, the loner, the hot head. He didn't seem very appropriate for leadership either.

As the days passed though, Raph had to be coming to grips with the fact that Leo just couldn't be alive. If he was someone, somewhere- sometime - had to have heard from him, or knew where he might be.

I had lost track of days so I didn't know exactly when, Raph called for a meeting. I believe that it was probably some time around, a week and a half -maybe two weeks tops.

Don and I sat on the couch and Raph stood looking at us. I doubted that this meeting would solve anything, and Raph well, who knows about Raph -even at the best of times, never mind now when things were just so out of whack.

"Mike, Don this has gone on long enough!" Raph snapped. "I'm not saying we should stop mourning or all but we can't keep on like the way we are now. At the moment we are easy pickings for whoever, whenever," He stated, "We are all hurting I know that, but we have to focus and work together or everything that we've been taught to this point in our life, means nothing."

Raph paused and looked at the two of us, "We have to keep practicing and keep our skills up because the Foot are out there- they got Leo- they can pick us out one by one just as easily, and they'll be able to do it if we keep on like this." He looked at first me then at Don, "Your choice bros, start pulling together, or deny everything that we have trained for?"

Don shook his head giving Raph a baffled look "It's not that easy Raph."

"Those are the choices as I see them Don," Raph pointed out, "The way I see it we stay like this we are all going die one by one. We won't be able to pull together later if we let things go now." He narrowed his eyes "You really, think Splinter would want us falling a part?"

"Are you doing this for revenge Raph or what?" I asked.

Raph whirled on me, a look of anger and fear on his face his eyes held me in a hard vice. "I don't want to lose anymore of my family Mike." He declared firmly, "You two are all I've got. Hell, all my life I was wishing that Leo and Splinter, were in my life complicating things -and I'd just about give anything to hear one of their famous lectures on how I screwed up again!"

"Well, I think I know enough of the lectures that I could give them to you, if you missed them then that much Raph." I couldn't help teasing him because I suddenly realized, he was right. We were all hurting, and we needed to help each other. "I'm with you Raph."

Even as I said that I swore I saw a light piercing the darkness that had surrounded me. This was the life line I'd been waiting for and I grasped it, not wanting to let go.

Don bowed his head, then raised it, "Me too Raph, but where do we start?"

Raph blinked then shrugged, "I guess with working out again. But I'm no slave driver, we have to make sure our skill stay sharp. We've got to learn to rely on each other."

I groaned, "I hate working out though, it's not much fun." I complained, because it was true. I found it hard to hype myself up for something like practice, even with knowing that Raph would probably be far easier with us then Leo or Splinter ever had.

"Then how would you make it fun, Mike?" Raph inquired.

"Easy, I uh…um…" I gave a wicked grin, "Competition of some kind. Loser has to do all the chores for the day."

Raph looked towards Don who nodded his head.

"Oh and Raph, if you lose your temper and go ballistic then you get to do chores for a whole week, no matter who loses the competition."

Don snickered a little, "We all should pick the competitions that we decide to play."

Raph shrugged and gave a small grin, "We can write them out and place them in a jar. Three competitions a week, we all pick one. Sound fair?" He stretched out his hand.

I placed my hand on top of his, and Don placed his hand on mine. We shook our hands. Raph leaned over and wrapped his arms around us, pulling us both into a hug. "We are doing this for each other. But if we catch the Foot they will regret it!" he vowed firmly.

XXX

It was funny, how when even if Raph won one of the competitions he would still help out the loser do the chores so that, the loser had some company.

I don't know what he and Don talked about, but I know Raph and I covered a lot of things; like his rivalry with Leo, Splinter's death how it had affected us, for ourselves and as a family.

Don and I could both see Raph was really trying to keep his temper, so we cut him some slack when he did go a little crazy, or get angry. Old habits could die hard though, but there was no doubt in our minds that Raph was actually working to change those habits.

I think Splinter, would have been proud of him, and Leo would died of heart failure himself, if he had seen how hard Raph was trying.

All I could think was that it was such a pity that it had to be that way. I mean why couldn't it have happened sooner?

Donatello:

Raph kept his word about getting us to practice and not slave driving us, but I think we all looked forward to the mini competitions we held with one another.

There were some really odd competitions in our jar- all of them had to do with ninjitsu skills that would come handy in battle. Of course there was other ones connected to things like lock picking, stealth, escaping from certain traps and so on.

Today's competition just had to be paintball, whoever got tagged first got to clean up the mess. Unfortunately, Raph and Mike had joined forces together to get me out first. They made a wonderful mess of the place too, I'd have to consider myself lucky if I managed to get all this mess cleaned up by midnight, never mind the rest of the chores.

I muttered and silently vowed ways to get revenge on my brothers for their schemes, there was so many other things I could be doing right now. I scrubbed at a paint splash on one wall, knowing I had been tricked.

"I am so going get Mike for this," I mumbled under my breath.

"Wouldn't be fair to Mikey now would it?"

I looked up to see Raph towering over me watching as I sat on my knees to scrub at the stubborn paint marks.

"Raph we both know that Mike would be the only one to consider paintball as a ninja competition." I grouched. Then I noticed the slight grin playing on his face. "You! It was your idea!" I snapped as realization dawned. I rose to my feet my eyes narrowing.

"Yup, fraid so," Raph agreed amiably. "Mike said he wanted fun so I felt I had to put in a few to oblige him."

"Like he needs help thinking up this stuff." I growled.

"At least he isn't as directionless as he was at first. I mean, he wasn't really doing anything. None of us were." He stated, casually.

I knew Raph had a hard time with communication, on just about any level. He wasn't comfortable saying how he was feeling, he was far more at ease in battle, so I knew what he was trying to say even without him saying it.

Mike hadn't been himself, Mike who usually would pick us up when we were down with jokes or light hearted comments had been rather quiet and most often then not walking around aimlessly, with a mournful look on his face.

I couldn't concentrate, or focus on my work. I made lots of mistakes in different projects. I couldn't say how it effected Raph, out of all of us, he seemed to have the most difficulties with Leo and Splinter.

True, I didn't think he'd be happy to have those two removed from his life, I knew at the same time that he had to feel some sense of relief that he wasn't going be lectured or set some dull punishment for some misdeed or other.

I looked at the bright orange, green and yellow paint splatters on the wall and floor of the dojo and sighed, "Splinter would have been ready to kick us all out of our shells if he saw this mess, and Leo would be lecturing us all for hours."

Raph looked around and nodded almost wistfully, "Yeah, luckily we don't have to worry about that huh?" he said reflectively.

I moved to another paint splatter, knowing how much more there was yet to clean and feeling more than slightly irritated I began "You really have to learn some responsibility Raph…"

Raph whirled and arched an eye ridge at me. "Aw, come off it Donny, it was much more like this," Raph suddenly began to imitate Leo's voice "You're gonna get us all killed Raphael. Why can't you just grow up and start thinking about others for a change. Act responsible for once, you ought to know by now…"

He carried on for a bit, then switched to Splinter, but that didn't last for very long.

I stopped, and stood up staring at Raph in utter shock and amazement. I had never realized that he knew that much of the lectures. Of course, Raph had heard them often enough, it just seemed that he never paid them any real attention.

Nor did he ever bother to change his ways. Raph just did what he did, and continued to hear the same boring lectures continually from the elder members of the house hold.

Raph gave me a sad smile, a pained look entered his dark eyes. It was then I realized that Raph was grieving for them in his own way. He turned and walked away.

I shrugged and returned to my cleaning of the dojo, but Raph returned with another bucket of warm soapy water and some fresh rags. He crouched down near me and began to assist in the work.

Raph and I had never been that close, oh we got a long all right. But there were times when he let his anger go, when he just let loose all of his rage, that he scared me.

We worked side by side talking some and staying quiet for periods of time. He asked me about certain projects I was working on, and other things. By the time the day was over, and the chores were all done, I found that I felt closer to Raph then I had ever felt with him.

Maybe, that was Raph's whole plan, his way of getting to know me on his terms. If that was the case, how much planning and forethought had he put into the paintball scheme. If it was an idea of what he could do for fun, or to get to know a brother, what would he do in a more serious situation?

What could Raph do, if given the chance to prove himself?

Unfortunately, I knew with Leo gone Raph might just as easily, throw all logic and reason away opting to let his temper take over and in the thick of a battle, when logic and reason must prevail, it could be a dangerous combination.

Suddenly, I missed having Leo.

TBC