The Perfect Son
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Chapter Four-
Christine returned home from work, she set her keys down on the little table just inside the door and walked towards the living room, she could see Raph standing near the window, peeking around the drape outside, he was never quite comfortable when the drapes were open during the day.
Raph had recovered quite well, from his injuries his bruises were faded or totally gone by this point, most of his stitches had been removed and even the worst damage seemed to be healing well, with little or no sign of infection.
In spite of his good recovery, he had not seemed to be himself the last three or four days. He wasn't as talkative, had little interest in reading, and if she could put a finger on it she would say that he was depressed, or upset.
"Raph," She spoke softly.
"Hmmm?" He turned from the window, removing his hand and allowing the drape to go back into place. He walked over to an arm chair and sat down, "What is it?"
Christine sat on the couch near the chair, "Is there something that is troubling you?" she wondered.
"You mean besides the fact that I still can't remember any thing, from before I woke up in your guest bedroom?" He inquired his tone bitter but there was almost the lightest touch of humour there too, as if he was trying to soften his words.
Christine pursed her lips a bit, "You can't recall anything?" She pressed concerned, surely by this time he ought to have recovered some of his memories.
Not, that she knew a great deal about brain function and how damage to the brain could effect a person, but if he was getting better outwardly, then it stood to reason that inwardly he was getting better as well, and some part of his past should be making itself known.
"Well," he hedged, "There are a few things but even those aren't really what I'd consider as memories, it's more a feeling…a sense of it feels right. I'm not sure if these feelings are real, or if they are connected to me or not." Raph explained more fully, "I try to follow them through, or back to a certain point and confirm the memory but I get so far and I feel like I hit into a wall."
He sighed in frustration and slumped a little in his chair giving a shake of his head, "I really, don't know how to explain it better then, that."
Christine considered his words, silently for a moment or two before she responded, "Maybe, these feelings, as you put them, are hints to your past Raph," She suggested kindly, "What are they, can you tell me?"
"The feeling, the sense that I have family somewhere in this city. But at the same time, I don' know who they are, or where they are. I don't know their names, or anything that I could connect to, to say yes I know for a fact that this is true." He paused and scowled a bit, "Is the belief that I have family, though I can't remember anything about them enough? The feeling that I know someone named Raph and I'm sure it isn't really my name- but I don't know what my name is."
Christine nodded, "When you gave that name it was the only one that came to you, I will call you whatever you wish to be called." She pointed out.
"That is just it any other name might feel just as wrong on me as the name of Raph. I might even hear my own name and feel it is strange because I don't even know it or recognize it as my name," he took a bit of a breath and continued, "There is the feeling that I know I like the sun, but also I know that I shouldn't reveal myself that much. There is a sense of wanting to stay hidden, keep to the shadows."
Christine grinned, "The last one seems justifiable Raph, I mean you are not your normal or average person. You are quite a bit different, so you probably learned early on that exposing yourself to the world, just isn't all that safe for you."
Raph gave a quick jerk of his head in agreement, "True, I doubt many people would be willing to accept me. They might want to study me, but I don't think they'd welcome me with open arms," he confessed. He gave a small grin, "Funny thing is, I'm not even sure how I got like this in the first place. I should count myself lucky that you were the one who found me, and not someone else."
"You just consider yourself lucky because you haven't gotten my bill yet. There is the money for medical supplies, room and board. You might have to sell yourself to a scientist yet," She teased. Christine then became serious, "I think these feelings- as you call them- are possibly the start of your memory return. You were hurt badly, it might take time for you to fully recover them, in the meantime maybe these feelings are leading you in the right direction."
She leaned forward in her chair, "Like the feeling of the name Raph being familiar, but not your name. It is possible a friend or family member you know is named Raph- or a variation of it. Perhaps there are more people like you out there, perhaps you are unique and the only one of your kind."
"You think Raph could be a human that I know of?" He wondered aloud.
"Anything is possible Raph, many people name their children Raphael or Rafael, or something similar. We have to keep an open mind, but trying to find a single human who might know who you are, could be very difficult. We may have to be very patient and give it more time." She declared.
"True, why is it so difficult thinking of my life from before a couple of weeks back?"
"Because, Raph amnesia is a funny thing."
"I fail to see the humour in it" Raph retorted dryly.
"No, what I mean by that, is some people who have had amnesia really forget everything- they forget how to read or write," Christine had learned that from looking it up recently, "But, there are some things -triggers- I guess you might call them, the smallest smell, or seeing something, a certain word that can just open things up and suddenly a whole bunch comes pouring back to you," Christine sat back. "You said there is a wall, we need to possibly try and find someone who might be able to open your wall a little for you. Who knows once a few holes get punched into that wall, you may be far more likely to remember certain things."
Raph looked at her a glimmer of hope in his eyes, he did want to remember he hated these holes in his life, the constant not knowing. It made him feel lost, alone and disoriented.
"Right now, we don't know anything about your friends, or family all we can do is guess. Your best bet, I think, for the moment is to continue on doing what you have been doing follow your feelings through, see if it reminds you of something else," Christine encouraged, "If you get nowhere once, keep trying who knows just one of those feelings, hunches, or whatever they are might be the one to give you what you are looking for."
"What if I continue to fail and find nothing?" He asked, his brow furrowed in concern. A hint of desperation crept into his voice, "I don't want to fail at this." He declared as a hand clenched into a tight fist.
"As long as you keep trying you are not going to fail." Christine was quick to assure him.
He cocked his head, the furrows on his brow deepened at hearing her words, he scowled and then a few seconds later shook his head in frustrated resignation.
"What?" Christina pressed, knowing from the look on his face alone that something had happened.
"What you said, it sounded familiar. Like I've heard it before and in a different way from someone else. But I can't figure out who I heard it from or when, or why it even feels familiar to me," He admitted.
Christine rolled her eyes and threw up her hands in exasperation, "Raph, you try too hard. You're not perfect you know, and no one expects you to be!" She exclaimed.
"Don't they?!" He asked his voice full of astounded wonder, as if he had never heard such a thing in his life before, and that the very idea of it had never occurred to him.
Perhaps, it hadn't. But Christine found that rather hard to believe, almost everyone knew that failing happened frequently, things went wrong or not quite the way you wanted. Even children failed often at different pursuits, but once they accomplished the task would be full of pride at preserving. So, Christine dismissed the thought.
Everyone knew, perfection was an almost unattainable concept, that no matter how good you were there was someone better than you out there. Course there was nothing wrong in striving for perfection, or working hard towards certain goals and dreams. But striving for and reaching as well as maintaining perfection was often two different things.
Surely, even Raph had to be aware that there was limits, even to wanting or longing for perfection itself.
"Raph be patient give yourself time, don't expect too much all at once."
He gave a snort, "I'd be willing to settle for even just a little Christine," he grumbled, "I hate feeling like there are things that I should know, that I should be aware of and not knowing them is irritating as hell." He began to rant a little, "Not to mention that something is missing, and I'm not talking about just my past here Christine, it is more than that it goes deeper and further. Yet all it is a feeling no more, no less. Nothing I can base anything off of, or even pinpoint no matter what."
He sighed and paused to take a deep breath, giving a regretful shake of his head, "A feeling that too much is expected of me." He concluded.
Christine rose from her seat and went to rest a hand on his shoulder, "You seem to expect it of yourself as well, Raph," she pointed out.
"I do," he nodded, "I have a feeling I will be unravelling the mysteries of myself for some time to come. I just wish there was an easier way of doing it."
Christine grinned, "Maybe there is an easier way, we just haven't found it yet. Until you do you have to work with what you've got."
"True enough," He agreed wearily, "at the moment it might not be much, but I guess it is a place to start."
Christine nodded, "Come on help me get some dinner going why don't you, and worry about the past later."
Raph glanced up at her and realized that she was still telling him to let it be, and quite possibly she was right. Maybe if he left it alone for awhile, he'd get his answers much faster then by pushing for it.
TBC