Author's Note: Again, sorry for the delay. When I said updates would be quicker, I assumed it was because school was slowing down and I wouldn't be piled with an obnoxious amount of homework. That, and I also forgot it's not May yet. Or anything relatively close to that-damn you college. Anyway, thank you for all the reviews-glad to know people are still enjoying this.
"Shelby?" The word is a whisper on the blonde's lips as the older brunette woman looks up from behind long eyelashes. Shelby wipes at her eyes and glances around for a moment, trying to get her surroundings into check. They have spent the past ten minutes on the floor now, the tea resting in its place in the kettle on the stove, long forgotten. She sighs softly, berating herself for breaking down so easily. She cannot help but feel childish and slightly ashamed at herself as she pushes herself onto her feet.
Quinn swallows the snowball in her throat as she too, stands to her feet and glances at the woman-slightly apprehensive of what is to come after said woman, has just broken down. However her feelings are put on hold the moment the floor creaks and she adverts her eyes from Shelby to the doorway, finding Rachel standing there with a blanket wrapped around her small frame.
Shelby clears her throat and gives a small smile to her daughter before turning back towards the stove and mumbling something incoherent under her breath. Rachel is wringing her hands in a fit of nerves and confusion as she glances from the small, pregnant blond to the older, rigid woman. She takes a step forward and stops; unsure of whether she should go to the blond or to her mother-and lets out a small, helpless whimper.
At the sound, Shelby turns swiftly on her feet and rushes toward her daughter. She can practically see the gears turning in the younger brunette's head and it terrifies her beyond reason. Quinn stands back, suddenly unsure of what to do as she rubs her hand absentmindedly over her baby bump. It seems as if the days have all passed by in a blur and she can no longer keep up. Everything that had just happened between her and the older brunette now feels so surreal and she can't help but wonder if it is.
She sits back and watches the interaction between the two wearily, wondering if Shelby is going to break down again. She can't help but let a small smile graze onto her face as she thinks of how far the older woman has come. She's gone from being completely detached and cold to being open and vulnerable, at least a little bit. Rachel sighs in content as she feels her mother's arms wrap around her small frame and rests her head against her shoulder-the sleep from earlier creeping back up.
"Why don't you go lay down baby? I'll bring you out the tea in a moment, alright?" The words are small and Rachel pretends not to notice when her mother's voice cracks ever so slightly as she nods her head and turns around. Within seconds she's gone, leaving Quinn and Shelby alone once again.
"Shelby?" Quinn repeats her voice soft and concerned. She watches as the woman turns in her direction, nods and retreats back to the stove. Quinn chews nervously on her lip and takes a tentative step forward, reaching out to rest a small hand on the woman's shoulder. She feels her tense immediately and withdrawals.
"Are you okay?" She whispers, slightly unsure of whether she wants to hear the response that falls from the woman's lips.
"Fine." It's short, and Quinn knows for a fact that she's lying because her voice has cracked again and a lone tear makes its way down her cheek.
"No you're not." Quinn retorts knowingly. "I thought I told you before-you don't have to be so strong all of the time."
Shelby nods shortly and sighs before slumping forward, her body holding a defeated stance. She waits a moment and then turns to face the blond once more.
"I don't know Quinn." She murmurs, voice full of confusion and slight anxiety. "I don't know how I feel or what to feel, but I can't help but think that this is just…" She pauses, and shakes her head.
"That this is what?" Quinn continues, pushing her ever so slightly to continue.
"That all of this is some warped and fucked up nightmare. I should be able to help her, you know? She's my daughter and I can't make things better for her." The tears are falling faster now, like faucets from her eyes as Quinn nods in understanding.
"I feel the same way. I want to help her so much, but I feel like everything I do is just pushing her further and further away. But that doesn't mean I can just stop trying. She's my friend, Shelby. My best friend, and I hate seeing her like this."
Quinn's crying too, well sobbing actually, if she were to be more accurate and this time it's Shelby's turn to comfort the blond, even if she can't comfort herself.
"I know," She squeaks out.
"I just keep thinking of my baby, of my daughter and what would happen if this was her-if-if…" She stops, unable to continue as sobs racket through her body. Apologies fall from her lips as she holds tightly onto the woman.
It takes her a moment, and Shelby's soft whispers to calm her down, but when she does, Quinn wipes hastily at her eyes and clears her throat. "We should bring the tea out to Rachel." She murmurs, before turning on her heel with a mug and the kettle and exiting the kitchen.
Shelby nods her head absentmindedly as she grabs the remaining mugs on the counter and follows the blond into the living room. She smiles slightly at the sight of her daughter curled up in a ball on the couch, sleeping peacefully. Setting the kettle and mugs onto the coffee table, the women take a seat across from her, an awkward silence falling over them.
Neither are sure of what to say now, their minds still too wrapped up in the exchange in the kitchen. Quinn tucks her legs under her and rests her hand back onto her stomach, watching as Shelby's gaze falls to the protruding area.
"You're going to make a great mom," She whispers softly, a small smile set upon her face. Quinn winces lightly and shakes her head.
"I'm not keeping it." She croaks, burying herself further into the couch. Shelby raises an eyebrow in question and Quinn continues. "I'm in high school, I can't be a mom. I don't know the first thing about a baby. My parents kicked me out, so it's not like I could go to them for support-not that I'd want too anyway, but it's all the same. I can't keep this baby."
"Quinn." Shelby murmurs, reaching out to rest her hand atop the blonde's free one, which is resting lazily on the couch. "I can't tell you what to do-"Quinn automatically cuts her off.
"No, please do."
"I think that you should reconsider. Sure, raising a baby in high school will be hard, but with a heart like yours, I don't think you're in any trouble."
Nodding her head, Quinn glances down.
"I don't know," She whispers. "A baby takes a lot of time and care and money, which Puck nor I have and I can't exactly stay at his parents' house for the rest of my life. I want to know that I'll be able to finish high school and go to college and get a good job. I don't want to be like every other statistic and have to drop out and struggle to make ends meet. I want to know that my baby is taken good care of and that she has the best of everything. I can't give that to her. I just can't."
"Quinn," Shelby repeats, edging herself close to the blond teen before her. "I understand all of that, believe me I do-but there's daycare facilities in Lima that she can go to and you can still get your education."
"I know," Quinn mutters. "But like I've said, I want this baby to have the best of everything, and be happy and healthy. Being raised by two teenagers isn't going to cut it. I don't want her to be royally fucked up in the long run because of my stupidity with Puck."
"Well, it sounds to me like you know what you're doing." Shelby adds, smiling. "You do realize that giving up your baby isn't going to be easy right? In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do-and I should know, I mean-I was a surrogate to two gay men. I didn't meet my daughter until just recently, but looking back on it I know it was the right thing."
"Rachel's happy with you." Quinn sighs, glancing towards the sleeping brunette. "I can see why. You're a good mom."
"Thank you."
"Don't thank me; I'm just speaking the truth. When she's with you, I can see parts of the old Rachel peeking out."
"I see it in the same way when she's with you."
Quinn automatically glances back down at her stomach. The guilt of what she used to do and say to Rachel creeping back upon her. "You shouldn't." She mumbles, voice cracking.
"Why's that?"
The intrigue in Shelby's voice doesn't go unnoticed and Quinn can't help but stiffen at what she's about to tell the older woman. Shelby will surely hate her after Quinn informs the woman of what she used to do to the young brunette.
"I wasn't always nice to Rachel."
"What do you mean?" There's no trace of anger or resentment in Shelby's voice, only wonder.
"Rachel isn't exactly…liked by the student body of McKinley. When I was on the cheerio's, I treated your daughter horribly. I called her vicious names and ordered copious amounts of slushy attacks on her. I…I was so horrible to her and I fucking hate myself for it. She says it's okay, that she's moved past it-but it's not okay because I know that if I wasn't pregnant right now and that I was still on the cheerio's, nothing would've changed. I'd still be treating her with the same viciousness as I did before."
Shelby nods, slightly surprised at the blonde's outburst. "Quinn."
"No," The blond chokes out. "I was horrible to her, completely and utterly horrible. I'm so terrified of what will happen when this baby of mine is gone and everything has gone somewhat back to normal. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't say that it won't happen. I hate not knowing what I'm capable of. It terrifies me."
"Quinn, let me inform you of something." She pauses and watches as the blond winces slightly. Quinn is silently bracing herself for what's to come from Shelby's mouth.
"Rachel is an easily forgiving person; she gets that from her father, Leroy. She can't hold a grudge and she's a little head strong, but I know she wouldn't want you to feel like this. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past, although I'm not entirely thrilled at the revelation, I appreciate you telling me. But you've got to try and get past the guilt you're feeling, or it's going to eat you alive."
"I know." She whispers, "But I can't. Because every time I see Rachel, I see what I did and said to her and I fucking hate myself for it."
Shelby sighs in a defeated manor, and pulls the blond girl into her arms again. A fresh set of tears are cascading down Quinn's face and her body is shaking and she feels as if an invisible band has just wrapped itself around her rib cage because suddenly it's getting harder to breath and the world is moving much too fast.
"Take deep breaths Quinn. In through your nose and out through your mouth, it's alright. It's okay."
"It's not." Quinn chokes out. "It's not okay because Rachel is broken and I was a part of that, and now I can't fix her."
"Listen to me," Shelby says suddenly, her voice firm as she removes herself from the embrace to stare the girl down. "You were not a part of what happened to Rachel when she was attacked, she's not broken from what you've done-she's broken from what that bastard has done. I get that you want to fix her and believe me, I want that too, but the only thing either of us can do right now is be there for her. I don't ever want to hear you say that you were a part of why she is the way she is right now, ever again. Got it?"
Sniffling Quinn nods her head and lets her body drop back forward into the brunette. There's something oddly comforting about Shelby's presence and she can't help but wish that for just one moment, her mother could've been like this with the blond. But she doesn't dwell on that matter long because her eyes have suddenly grown heavy and she's weaving in and out of consciousness.
"Get some rest Quinn, you need it."
Nodding, Quinn lets one last shuddered breath fall from her lips as her eyes droop shut and she's pulled into a world of blackness. She just hopes that when she wakes back up, that things will start to go back to normal, or whatever normal had started to become around here.