Chapter 26
...and where truth was...
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
Snape's death should have appeased Harry's feelings of frustration, sadness and hate. Yet, Harry had imagined the whole thing differently.
Their plan should have worked out and they were supposed to have avenged Sirius' death and enjoyed the outcome; the more brutal it was, the better. In theory it had all looked so good. They'd write the letter and Voldemort would either chase Snape away or kill him. So simple - in theory. But it didn't happen that way. Somehow he had failed to think about that, in order to be dead, Snape would actually have to die.
No, that was stupid. Of course he had known that, but never would he have imagined witnessing how someone still alive fought so much and yet was inevitably doomed. The helplessness of a single desperate breath, when it was so clear how in vain it was. The fight, the fear and the panic. The torturous slowness in which someone could die so brutally. Cedric had been different. He hadn't suffered, he had only fallen dead. Just like his parents or the McGregors. They didn't really have to die. They had just been dead without the pain, without the useless fight for one single breath.
Without that terrible fear in their eyes.
And it was this that had robbed all of it of its simplicity and brought it into a bloody reality.
During breakfast, Harry didn't eat much and he felt sick just looking at his Porridge. Somehow, every time he glanced at the whitish mush it seemed to change into a bloody red.
His revenge was supposed to erase his hatred for Snape, but now he hated him even more for the fact that he had been forced to watch that all. He smirked bitterly. It almost looked as if Snape would make him pay for the false letter, even in his death.
Damned Slytherin.
On the seat beside him, Ron told Hermione in hushed whispers and with obvious delight about the vision. The girl took it in with a frown. She didn't seem very happy about this news, but neither did she look really surprised. It had taken a bit of convincing from their side to persuade her that their actions would be saving lives. That looked logical, even to her, and Hermione was a person who trusted logic. Still, when Ron mentioned how Snape had been killed, a terrified gasp escaped her.
Their first class this morning was 'care for magical creatures' with Hagrid.
Since the days this time of the year were rarely nice and sunny anymore, the half-giant had decided that they'd better profit from the rare occasion and let them sit down in the grass under the warming sun, close to the boarder of the forbidden forest.
The big man sat down in front of their semi circle. Like more often lately, Lupin was there too, sitting besides Hagrid and scratching Fang behind the ears who lay panting and with closed eyes besides the wizard and seemed to enjoy the special treatment immensely.
Most of the students liked to have the werewolf there. He was rarely missing, especially when Harry and his friends were in class. Harry suspected that Lupin felt kind of responsible for him, now that Sirius was dead.
More than most of his classmates was Harry glad that they didn't have to share the class with Malfoy anymore, so they didn't have to endure the constant sarcastic comments and insults. Harry liked this class. Not particularly because of its topic, but because of its teachers. The ever-present Auror held himself pretty much in the background too, thank God.
Harry was more than thankful about Remus' and his friends' calming presence, who helped him to ignore the terrible pictures of his vision.
He managed quite easily to concentrate on the class too, as long as Hagrid told them about the Uldras, Lapland's earth-living beings who fed the animals in their hibernation, or the Nagumwasucks of America and their most prominent differences to the common fairies in Europe. But then, Hagrid begun to talk about the sphinxes and their related families. The Greek and Egypt, or Andro-sphinx and the Crio-sphinx, another sub-species of the former. At first, Hagrid explained their difference in appearance with help of pictures, Lupin sat up and then he begun to explain their difference in behaviour.
"The sphinxes in the near east," Hagrid begun, "Are famous fer deir' wisdom, which dey' rarely show. Dey'r proud, self-lovin' creatures who love it wen' they'r bein' worshipped an' people pay homage to em'."
"That reminds me strongly of a teacher we once had," Ron whispered to Neville. A low chuckle escaped all those who were close enough to hear, even Harry.
Hagrid however, continued unwaveringly. "The Greek species are quite diff'rent. Dey' talk a lot and're very aggressive. Dey're predators, and humans 're their favourite prey. Sphinxes 'ave a feline character, like a cat, or some women too – because sphinxes are mostly female – dey' have the tendency t' play with their victims. They talk to 'dem, even sooth 'dem, before dey' kill them in a cruel an' very bloody fashion."
The soothing voice –'My Severus, still so proud.'—Splashing blood -- panic --death.
The picture was back and Harry felt the blood leave his face at the detailed memory. Only after some deep breaths did he manage to push the picture back. When would it finally fade for good? Damn Snape, damn Voldemort.
Fortunately, his classmates didn't look like they noticed anything of his little dilemma, since their gazes were still on the half-giant who was just telling them of the famous sphinx-riddle. But when Harry looked back in front, he met Lupin's glance, which was studying him with a thoughtful frown.
"Hagrid," the werewolf interrupted the gamekeeper holding eye contact with Harry for a moment longer, before he faced the half giant. "If you don't need me here anymore, then I would like to go. You know that we need to gather firewood before we go on patrol tonight."
"Yer' right about 'dat, Remus," Hagrid agreed in his deep, nearly thundering voice. "But will yer' manage to carry it alone?"
"I'll manage, Hagrid." Remus got to his feet. "I could take a student with me to help and tell him some more about the sphinxes on the way."
Harry dreaded the worst.
Hagrid looked uncertain for a moment but then nodded reluctantly. "If ye think..."
Lupin smiled benevolently and addressed Harry. "Harry. Would you be so nice as to help me?"
Harry groaned inwardly. So Lupin had noticed his reaction from before. Just great, now he definitely would want to know the reason why Harry had been startled that much. Reluctantly, he pushed off the floor and went over to Lupin, who led him away from the class.
The werewolf first walked over to Hagrid's hut to retrieve a basket and then led him into the forbidden forest, until they were completely surrounded by trees. Only then, he stopped, put the basket on the leaf-covered ground and sat down on a fallen trunk. He patted inviting at the space beside himself. "Take a seat, Harry."
Harry felt nervous and terrible. What should he tell Lupin? He remembered all too clearly the lessons about werewolves, who were supposed to have such a defined instinct, that it was very hard to mislead them. To be on the safe side, he sat down on a rock a short distance in front of Lupin. The space gave him at least pretence of security.
"What is wrong, Harry?
Harry lowered his head. "Nothing," he started a pathetic attempt.
"Harry." The single word showed very clearly how much Lupin believed him. Not at all.
Harry sighed deeply and looked at the werewolf who still studied him with kind eyes. "Please, Remus. It's better if you don't ask."
"Something scared you, when Hagrid talked about the sphinxes. Something in particular. It looked like it was his explanations about the way they kill that bothered you so, and I'm asking myself why that is."
'Shit', Harry thought. To hell with those sharp Werewolf senses.
Lupin rose to his feet and squatted down in front of Harry. "You can tell me what's bothering you, Harry. Last year was hard on you. If there is some way in which I can help you, then please let me."
Harry thoughtfully chewed his lower lip. It was true that Remus would probably understand how much the vision had unsettled him, more so than Ron or Hermione. After all, Lupin was a werewolf and had surely had to work through some abhorrent things on his own after he was bitten. If he could indeed talk to someone who would understand how it was, looking at such things, it would certainly be easier to forget all the blood and terror, to solemnly concentrate on the fact that Sirius was avenged. But for that he'd have to tell Remus about the letter too.
Would Lupin condemn his action? But then again, Sirius had been Remus' best friend and he had certainly already wished death upon Snape himself, since the murder. If someone could understand his motivation and feeling for revenge, then that person would be Remus Lupin. More so, he may even approve.
Harry took a deep breath. "Do you promise me, not to tell anything to Dumbledore? What I'll tell you now has to stay confidential at all costs."
Lupin nodded and Harry took another breath before he started to talk. He spoke of his grief and his hatred for Snape, about his disappointment at first, when Snape had escaped the kiss. How he had started to befriend that fact at last and started to work through it all. He then talked about how Snape's breakout and the visions of him had nourished his anger again about the murder of the McGregors and how that, together with the article of the daily prophet had made him decide to do something.
He then told Remus about their plan and the letter and ended with the latest vision and the effect the grisly pictures had on him and how he didn't seem able to get rid of them anymore.
Lupin hadn't said a word for the whole time, but Harry had clearly seen how the werewolf had paled more and more, an unbelieving expression on his face.
The werewolf stayed silent for at least two full minutes, even after Harry had finished, so that Harry already started to fear that the werewolf had fallen into a trance. But eventually he talked and when he did, his voice was hardly more than a hoarse whisper. "By Merlin, Harry. With that letter you have signed Severus' death warrant."
Harry would have expected a lot. Anger because of his action, pleasure that Sirius was finally avenged or even unbelief that Harry had managed something which the ministry tried to do for weeks; getting a hold of Snape.
He had never, however suspected such a shock and sadness, like he now saw in the werewolf's eyes. "But it was Snape! He deserved it. HE KILLED SIRIUS, GOD DAMMIT!" he shouted, angry at Lupins reaction.
Lupin shook his head sadly. "We have to notify the headmaster right away."
"But you promised not to tell him anything!" Harry screamed alarmed.
Lupin regarded him with such severity that Harry had never before seen on the man and instinctively he yanked back a little.
"I usually don't break my promises but he has to know about this. Come, let's go."
He stood up and took Harry's hand, helping him to his feet. With a hand on his shoulder, Harry was led out of the forest, across the lawn and back to the school.
Faster than he would have liked, they stood in Dumbledore's office and the old wizard came from the adjoining room through the shelf-door and greeted them with a kind smile.
"Ah, Remus and Harry. What can I do for you?"
Harry lowered his head guiltily. Dumbledore cared so much about Snape. He would never forgive Harry for what he had done.
For the whole way he had tried to convince Lupin to leave Dumbledore out of the affair. It wasn't just to pull himself out of the responsibilities of his acts, but he knew that Snape's death would break the old man's heart. Even more so, if his theory about them two being related was correct.
"Severus is dead," Lupin informed Dumbledore rationally, and Harry heard a terrified gasp from Dumbledore, but he didn't dare to look the man in the eye.
"H...how?" the headmaster breathed after several seconds.
The grip on Harry's shoulder tightened in an encouraging gesture and so, he repeated his story from before. Only was his voice very feeble now and he didn't dare to look the headmaster in the eye, staring resolutely at his toes. This time around he also contented himself to tell the raw facts without going into too much detail of the execution.
After he had finished, a pregnant silence laid for several seconds over the room until a shadow in front of him let Harry look up.
The headmaster stood barely a meter in front of him, wearing a look so sad and disappointed that it nearly broke Harry's heart. Tears started to gather in Dumbledore's eyes and then traced freely down the old wizard's cheeks.
"Harry, what have you done?"
The accusation in the words let Harry's heart drop even more until a new voice hit him like a bucket of cold water.
"Leave the boy alone, Albus. He has only done what his heart has told him to."
Harry jerked around and looked over to the 'door' that lead to the adjoining room. There stood, arms crossed casually over his chest, an alive Sirius Black.
T.B.C.
Authors Note: So, my dears. I'm usually not the 'please-review-whiny-kind-of-gal'. But now I will be shamelessly begging for reviews. I want to see how many „I knew it from the beginning!" I'll get:-P
The next chapter will be after X-mas, but with some luck, before the new year.
Cheers and hugs to you all. You're the best!
Merry Christmas to all!
Special wishes to Slytherin's silver snake,