The Perfect Son

Disclaimer: Still owning nothing. *Sniff walks away sadly.*

Author's note: for Dozer: While this is based off the original comics, the Foot clan didn't enter too much or too often in the original comics for some time after Return to New York series when they killed Shredder for the second time. This story takes place sometime in that time frame, after Return to New York. Quan is my own character. In the original comics Karai eventually came to lead the New York Foot and made a truce with the turtles, but that wasn't for some time after. In Image comics - Raphael lead the Foot clan for a while and even put on Shredder's armour. Leo and Splinter weren't amused. Don was a cyborg, Leo lost his arm, and Splinter became a mutated bat for a few issues. Ramica

Epilogue:

Leonardo:

The hardest part for me about being home and having my memories back, was the fact that Splinter was dead. He was no longer there for me to turn to for help, advice, or guidance. I knew my brother's had told me about his death while I had amnesia, but at that time I had no memory of who he was, his death then meant nothing to me. I recalled how upset they had been when they spoke of Splinter, while trying to revive my memories, for them the grief was new and it was painful.

For me now, the grief was just starting, my brothers had gotten over the worst of their pain over his loss but for me it was fresh and raw and it hurt. I couldn't help feeling that somehow I had been to blame for it all.

Raph one day took me to where they had buried him and left me alone so I could pay my respects. I saw my old broken katana marking the grave along with my battered torn, bloodied red mask tied around the handles of my old swords. I could easily see how my family had come to believe that I had died too.

If it hadn't been for Christine I probably would be dead. I would have died in the dumpster squashed under refuse, dying slowly from shock and blood loss. Even by the time Raph had come looking for me, if he had found me it would still would have been too late to do too much for me.

I sat for a long time by the grave, hurting, mourning. Trying my best to find some answers and feeling a hollow cold bit in my gut that told me I had failed again.

"Leo you all right?"

I turned and saw Raph standing behind me. He came and rested a comforting hand on my shoulder. I don't know how long he had been there.

"He was old Leo. You know how his memory was goin. How stiff and sore he was in winter or when it rained. We all knew he had problems with his heart, had them for the last coupla years. Your not to blame. It's just the way it is, ya know?"

It was strange, Raph's voice sounded so caring and soft not the gruff rough tone I was so used to with him.

"Splinter wouldn't want ya blaming yourself Leo. Besides he knows we'll do okay, cause he taught us to stick together to be family. He knows we'll look out for each other, so he's at peace now."

Raph spoke with such a certainty that I could almost believe his words. I need to, I had to believe it.

I noticed that Raph had changed a bit while I'd been gone. Yes, he was still cynical, bad tempered and obnoxious and still as wild as ever, that I doubt would ever change. But it was as if some of his rough edges had been smoothed out, I could see that he did accept a little more responsibility.

I talked to Mike and Don who confirmed what I saw and they both insisted that it had been Raph who had managed to pull them together and kept them training while I had been away. I found that difficult to accept, I figured Raph would push the family away, or let them do their own thing. The whole "you don't bother me and I won't bother you" attitude.

Regardless of my feelings on the matter, I had to admit that Mike and Don did seem to look to Raph for a few things, and I recalled where Raph had quickly stepped in, during our escape from the Foot.

I also couldn't help notice that Raph spent a little more time at home, oh he still liked to patrol at night and go off to do his own thing but he was never gone long and he would always phone if he was going to be late.

I'd been home for about two weeks now I had gotten my brothers back on to a regular practice schedule, to a great deal of protests on their part. Though all of them insisted quite strongly that we had to maintain the competitions. Since, I saw no harm in the competitions we continued to do them.

I could tell there were times now Mike and Don would look to me or come to me for something or other. Mike, more then Don was starting to put me back in my role of leader of the clan.

The Perfect Son, is expected to lead his brothers after all.

I knew it was what I was trained for. I knew one day it would be expected of me, but I resisted it now. Accepting that sort of responsibility now, scared me and I knew no matter what I did, no matter what choice I made. I would fail.

I would fail my family if I accepted the responsibility and wasn't ready for it. I would fail them if I didn't accept the responsibility.

I suppose that is when I sat down to really look at what had happened to me and with it came the harsh bitter knowledge that I could never be perfect. I wasn't perfect before and I could never be perfect but perhaps to one or two of my brothers, they needed me to be.

That is when I made my decision. I came to a conclusion that I hoped wouldn't end up causing the family to fall apart or end up with me regretting ever having made the choice in the first place.

A part of me knew it might be the best thing for me and the family.

I knew it wouldn't be easy. Nothing was ever easy when dealing with Raphael, but I couldn't put it off much longer.

I went and knocked on his bedroom door and was told to enter.

I did, he was sitting on his bed working some hand weights "Raph do you have time to talk?"

"Leo I don't need a lecture form you and I don't know what you think I did but…"

"Hey Raph, hold on," I held up my hands in front of me, "I said talk not lecture." I stressed noting that he was all ready getting his back up and becoming defensive. He placed down the weight and stared at me through narrowed eyes.

"Your talks always turn into lectures Leo," He growled at me.

I rolled my eyes feeling this was a big mistake. "Raph I'm not here to fight with you, or lecture you all right? Do you miss our fights so much that you have to go out of your way to cause one now?" I demanded my tone getting a little sharper then I had expected it to.

"Then what the fuck do you want Leo?" He snapped.

Nice to know something at least hadn't changed. I thought to myself. "I just want to talk about what happened while I was gone Raph. I've talked to Don and Mike. Now I need to talk to you," I explained. "You seem to be a little more family oriented then you used to be."

"Yeah, so?" Raph sneered and gave an indifferent shrug. Giving me little or no clue as to what was going on inside of him.

I grinned, "I also recall someone giving me a lecture about responsibility. I never realized you took all those lectures to heart Raph." I couldn't help teasing him. I saw a small flicker of a smile cross his face in response.

"Finally get the family joke huh, Leo?"

"Which one of us is the joke Raph?" I countered lightly.

"You are Leo. Always have been" Raph replied quickly.

I wasn't going try and dispute that with him at the moment.

"Listen Leo, you're the leader. It's your job and I'm sicka playin daddy to the other two. It's past time for me to go back to doing what I do best. You're the leader, I'm not gonna fight you for that. You can have it." He blurted out.

I blinked, "Raph, do you think that is what this is about?" I gasped shocked. It hadn't occurred to me that Raph who had lead my brothers while I was gone would suddenly feel ousted by my returning. He thought I come in here to demand he step down so I could take my place as Jonin (leader) of the clan.

I shook my head, "That isn't what this talk is for Raph. I could use your help."

"You don't need my help Leo," he retorted.

"I do Raph, things are different now. I can't do this alone I need a second, our clan has never had a chunin before but I could use a second."

In normal historic ninja clans the leader or Jonin would be hidden from the ninja in the clan, his son would be raised to become the next jonin. The chunin or second in command was the go between he would take the jonin's orders to the jenin or ninja. With our small family all we had ever really had was our Jonin Splinter.

"Get Don to help you Leo. You and me were too different, we'll end up killing each other for sure. You don't need anyone's help Leo."

"What makes you think I don't need help Raph?"

"Oh come on Leo, you're the perfect son …needing my help it's…"

I interrupted him quickly. I suddenly hated and loathed that nick name with a passion. "I'm not perfect Raph and I don't want to be," I yelled at him. "Do you know what trying to be perfect got me Raph? It made me want to forget all about the people I care most about, and when I finally remembered I ended up going crazy. I don't know what Christine did but I know somehow, some way she got me back to where I am now."

I took a breath and continued my rant, "I'm tired of being Perfect. I just want to be me and I don't even know who the hell I'm supposed to be. I'm more scared right now then I've been in my whole life," I confessed "I'm scared of what may happen if I try to do this alone. I'm scared of making myself perfect and trying to live the life I've been living. I'm not even sure when or where it started Raph. When did I become the responsible one, when did I become the leader, at what point did I become the Perfect son?"

I felt tears burning my eyes and rolling down my face. "I remember Splinter telling me so many times it was okay to fail. It was all right to strive for perfection but to accept the failures along the way, it was all right to make mistakes but I never felt like it was okay to make mistakes. I hated feeling like I failed." I admitted.

I shook my head, "I can't go on like this Raph. I can't do this alone. Not now, I need help." I felt at a loss to explain to him all that I had left unsaid, the other fears and uncertainties I left unspoken.

I suddenly felt Raph's arms around me and he was hugging me tight, "Glad to hear ya admit it Leo. You have almost as hard time askin' for help as I do. It's all right Leo. You don't have to be perfect for us bro, and you ought to know by now we are your family and we are here for you." he shook his head, "I just can't figure out why you want me as your second instead of Donny."

I took a deep breath feeling comfort and reassurance, as I hugged him back. "Don and Mike attribute you to keeping the family together. They both agree that it was you who kept them in what little practice you did. You did far more than what I would have expected of you. I'm impressed and you know I don't impress easy." I said, with a bit of a sniff as we broke off the hug.

"Tell me about it." Raph grunted.

"Splinter would have been proud of you and all you did to keep the family together. All that and more tells me you are my chunin Raphael, so what do you say?"

Even as I went through my reasons. I admit I had my doubts about him. Logically, Don really would be the better choice for Chunin. But I couldn't deny all that Raph had done or the changes I saw in him. Nor could I deny that in both practice and battle Don and Mike followed his lead as quickly and easily as they followed me.

I waited wondering what his answer would be.

"You can count on me Leo. When you need me, I'll do whatever I can." He vowed in all seriousness.

I let out a sigh of relief. I felt better knowing I wouldn't have to do this alone. I knew he would live up to his vow.

I knew I wasn't, I couldn't be the Perfect son anymore. But to figure out who or what I really was, even I knew, that would take a lot more time to figure out.

The End.

Author's note: Big thanks to all of you who read and reviewed. Reviews are always appreciated. The part of Jonin, chunin etc. is based on real ninja- got it from ninja books. I know this story sort of ends unfinished. When I first wrote this back in two thousand three, I planned on at least one sequel but it has never been written because other more demanding plot bunnies attacked me. So, I don't know if you will ever see a sequel though I still have all my notes for it. There is one other story connected to The Perfect Son you might want to read. It is a very confusing story because it is an inside look of Leo's mind when he went crazy. It is called "The Battle Within." I posted it as the missing chapter of The Perfect son when I first posted it. Since I have many stories written you can either do a search for it, or click on my authors name and scroll down to one hundred three, if you care to read it. If not, it has been fun taking you on this ride. Take care all. Ramica