Chapter 33:
The game goes on:
There was nothing that Severus longed more for than sleep and water. To get rid of this thirst and exhaustion was all he still wanted.
He had lost all sense of time. Had it been hours? Days? It felt more like months, even if he rationally knew that it couldn't have been longer than two or three days at the most, since otherwise he would already have died of thirst. He had been hung up by his tied-back hands over and over again, until his shoulders had given in under the pressure and had dislocated. Then his arms had been relocated and his shoulders and wrists were healed, only to start the game once again.
Every time that he had lost consciousness out of fatigue or pain, they had brought him back with an Awakening Charm.
Severus would never have thought that he'd ever fear a curse more than the Cruciatus. Enervate was originally meant to wake somebody from the stunning spell, but it also seemed to work perfectly well to keep somebody conscious. Still, as exhausted as he now felt, Severus suspected that the curse wouldn't work much longer anyhow, or that it would render him insane.
They didn't take his most fundamental needs into any kind of consideration, and he was only hosed down to wash away any blood, which flowed down from the cuts that the manacles caused, grime or other bodily fluids which just couldn't be held back for such a long period of time. At first, that had been more than humiliating but soon it lost all importance under all the pain and fatigue. And at a point it had become unnecessary to clean him anyway, apart for the blood. There was just no more fluids left that his body could afford to shed.
The absence of water had dried out his mouth, made his tongue swell and his lip crack. Every time he was hosed down they gagged him, and he was thus unable to ingest more than a few drops of fluid. He could feel the water on his skin, could smell it even, but he wasn't able to drink.
Nonetheless, he had yet to give in. He still had managed to keep his stubbornness, still willing to fight and win against Malfoy and Voldemort. He would never acknowledge Voldemort as his master.
The door opened again and Snape closed the eyes. They were early this time. His shoulders were still intact. The Death Eater, who was always in the room to wake him whenever he drifted into unconsciousness, was usually then replaced when his shoulders were relocated and healed.
The chains were loosened and he was lowered to the ground, where he fell into a formless heap, before two unknown Death Eaters approached, opened the manacles, grabbed him by his upper arms and lifted him upright.
Severus' arms started to prickle uncomfortably as the circulation started to flow again and his legs failed to carry his weight. After one more unsuccessful try to get his legs under him he gave up, going limp in the grip of his two guards. The two Death Eaters didn't waste any time and hauled him, half dragging, and half carrying, out of the room.
At the moment it didn't matter to Severus where he was brought. It just couldn't get worse anymore.
The two Death Eaters dragged him down several corridors, his naked feet dragging over the raw floor and Severus started to drift again.
„Enervate!"
With a mental groan, Severus jerked up under the pulling sensation of the curse. He must have lost consciousness for a short moment because he was now sitting on a plain wooden chair, his arms tied magically to the armrests. They had brought him into a darkened, gloomy room with an arched ceiling. The chamber was big but so dark that it was not possible for Severus to make out many details.
He felt miserable and almost sick, so tired was he. His throat, shoulders and arms burned, his stomach clenched and he had the feeling to have his mouth stuffed full of cotton.
"Hello Severus," Malfoy, who was sitting on another chair facing him, greeted. "How are you doing?"
Severus couldn't answer. He didn't want to, either. All he wanted to do was sleep. If he could only close his eyes...
„Enervate!"
Again, he was brought back into reality before his senses could completely cloud over.
"Give him some water," he heard Malfoy say.
'Yes, give me water', he begged inwardly. The thirst was almost as bad as the exhaustion.
All he was given, however, was a wet piece of cloth, which was held against his mouth. Yet, he couldn't care less and sucked greedily on the wetness. The fluid felt good on his dried-out mouth and run soothingly cool down his throat. It was heavenly, and only too fast, the cloth was taken away again. Severus only just managed to suppress a disappointed whimper, and instead licked his cracked and hurting lips with his now wet tongue.
"You'll get more later," Malfoy said, looking amused and Severus closed his eyes, exhausted.
Somebody grabbed him by his hair and pulled his head back into his neck. "Look at me, Severus."
Malfoy's voice was friendly, but Severus knew this friendliness to be fake so he chose to ignore it.
"One would think that Dumbledore should have found you by now, or, at least that he would have searched," Malfoy said, and with that had Severus' attention back again. The potions master glared at the other man who smirked at him.
"What good did it do you, Severus? What has it brought you to betray us? Our lord has freed you from Azkaban. Dumbledore isn't doing a thing to search for you. Surely you were due to report to him a long time ago with information of our last place of gathering."
Severus smiled briefly. Malfoy was still suspecting the letter to be genuine, but Dumbledore would probably not know for a while what had happened to him. They had agreed to cut any contact to keep the risks as small as possible. Malfoy wasn't aware of that. If Dumbledore knew that he had been found out, he would never abandon him. The old man was too Gryffindorlike sentimental for that.
But Lucius' smile broadened too. "I recon that I know what you're thinking about. You think that the old fool would search for you, the minute that he knew of your situation. Well, my friend. He already does know that your cover is blown."
Severus' eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. That was impossible. How should Albus know about it? Severus wanted to protest, but his hurting throat didn't let any sound pass.
Malfoy, however, seemed to guess his train of thoughts. "I would like to be able to say that my son was giving us all this information. But it was Goyle's son who seemed to take a vast amount of pleasure in writing to his mother about everything that happens in school. Most of it is only teenager rubbish, but some of it is quite useful. He has already given us detailed information about your change of behaviour, and now he has let us know that the Gryffindors had thrown a big party, because our mutual friend Potter has had a vision about the fact that you have been found out."
Severus had trouble to process that all. They knew? If Potter knew, then Albus would too. Which meant that there was still a small shimmer of hope. If Albus found him in time, he just may have a chance for escape. His resolve to fight the Dark Lord's demands grew to new intensity. Albus would get him out of this private little hell. Sooner or later, he would find him here, wherever that was, and for the first time in his life, Severus thanked destiny for the existence of Harry Potter.
"Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you, if you're thinking that he would save you. Goyle told us that a veritable wave of euphoria went through the school, and almost everyone, apart from the Slytherins, are happy to be rid of you for good. Dumbledore seems no different at all, and doesn't even appear to try finding you. Strange behaviour for someone who claims to care about you, don't you think? He even goes so far as to name you his grandson. You're not really related to him, we both know. He has only manipulated you. Played the big caring act to get you to do what he wanted of you. Just like everybody else who ever treated you with respect and friendliness did. But this you know yourself, don't you, Severus? Whoever wants to be friends with someone like you without any ulterior motive? With a bitter, greasy, ugly looser like you. You have always been and will always remain a means to an end, so desperately in search for acceptance that you'll never understand that someone like you will never be liked or cared for."
Severus tried to move his head in the negative, as if he could shake off Malfoy's words like that, but the Death Eater still held him immobile. Albus wasn't like this. Malfoy was lying. Undoubtedly, the headmaster would already be searching for him. He wasn't a tool to be used and discarded by the headmaster, because, even if the letter had been a fake, Dumbledore considered him like family. Like he did with so many others, especially those under his care.
Against his will, Severus felt a weak feeling of doubt blossom in his chest. But what if that wasn't the case? What if he had only read things in the headmaster's friendly words and compassionate and patient gestures towards him that weren't there? What if Malfoy was right after all? Sadly, the whole school was most likely celebrating and albeit that it was his own doing in keeping everyone at arms length, it still felt quite unfair. Hadn't he done enough for those imbeciles that they would at least keep from throwing a party when he was being tortured? Hadn't he already suffered enough, so that they would remember him without abhorrence? It was like back in his school days. Back then, he had been hurt and humiliated, because of which he had built a wall around himself. A wall that would keep all those disgusting, pathetic and false people out. But all it had brought him, to keep the others from hurting him, was to hurt himself in the end. Malfoy was right in one thing. He was a bitter, greasy, ugly loser. Nobody had any reason to like anything about him, apart his usefulness. Nobody in his right mind would ever miss him – not even Albus Dumbledore.
When that thought took root, he felt a hot sting in his eyes even though the tears didn't come to surface. Somewhere inside, he knew that the sleep deprivation, the torture and his weakness made him prone for Malfoy's words, but there was nothing that he could do against it.
The hand let go of his hair and Malfoy almost gently supported his chin, as he leaned down to him until his face was mere centimetres before Severus'. "Tell me what I want to hear and I'll free you of this life where nobody wants you to be."
Malfoy's voice sounded sincere, but in his clear eyes laid a sparkle of triumph, which pulled Severus out of his exhaustion-born self-pity, letting him think clearer than he had for a long time. Like Malfoy had said, he had up until now never been more than a bitter, ugly loser, but he wouldn't die like that. It didn't matter if Dumbledore would find him or not. If all were the truth or merely a manipulative lie, this time Severus Snape would not lose.
He opened his mouth to tell Lucius what he thought of him and Voldemort, but still he was unable to articulate a sound. So he contented himself to glare darkly at the other man and shook his head forcefully, even if that movement made him dizzy and gnawed away his last reserves of strength until he started to drift off again.
"Enervate!"
Severus hated this curse. He hated it above everything. Despite his being awake again, he stubbornly kept his head down.
"All right, Severus. If you want to do it the hard way, it is quite all right with me," Malfoy hissed, all friendliness erased from his voice, as if it had never been there at all.
"Nott, come and hold his head. I want him to watch."
Someone, Nott most likely, moved up behind him, grabbed his head on both sides and forced it up.
"Hello Severus; it's nice to see you again. It has been a while." Nott's voice in its cynical anticipation chased a cold shiver up Snape's spine.
But his attention was led from the man at his back onto the short knife, which Malfoy now held in his hands. The blond Death Eater lifted the blade up in front of his face as if he wanted to inspect it. "Are you quite sure that you don't want to make it easier for yourself?"
Severus concentrated to push back his growing fear. He had no idea what Malfoy planned with the relatively small knife, but it couldn't be anything good, this he knew. So far, the deatheater had hardly used any of his usual torture methods and had with that taken a big part of knowledge and therefore orientation from Severus. Still, he held Malfoy's gaze and forced himself to take deep, calming breaths.
Lucius sighed theatrically, before he lowered his gaze to Severus' left hand. "You have always had very skilled hands, Severus." He moved the tip of the blade absently over the individual fingers of Severus' hand. "You never particularly cared about your looks, Severus, but in our noble position one should care about a decent appearance. Even if there isn't much hope in your case, without the help of magic. Still…." He paused, covered Severus' hand with his own and placed the tip of the knife against fingernail, "…a manicure wouldn't do you any harm."
And with those words, he took the thumb in a vicelike grip and pushed the blade brutally slowly under the nail bed.
Severus grit his teeth, as the pain shot from the finger up his arm. Malfoy pushed the knife deeper and wiggled it a bit until he had loosened the nail sufficiently to hold it down onto the blade and pull it off the finger with a strong yank.
Severus gasped in pain, but he didn't scream. Still, his hand started to tremble whilst the pain throbbed where the nail had been ripped off the finger. Lucius held the bloody nail up for him to see and Severus' stomach clenched. He felt really sick now, even though he knew that this was only a relatively harmless little game that Malfoy had pulled out of that sick brain of his, and that in the big scheme, this wouldn't be the worst of what would be done to him.
Still, he shrank back instinctively, as the blade now lowered to his left index, tracing it from hand to tip. Nott laughed amusedly behind him, still holding his head immobile, and Malfoy grinned sadistically whilst he grabbed the index, holding it tight and placing the knife at its nail bed.
T.B.C.
Thanks to Slytherin's silver snake and Sadistra for betaingJ