Okay, first of all, I would like to say that I'm sorry about how long it took for me to update. Really, I am. My other story is sort of monopolizing and attractive. ;) I suck at writing two stories at the same time. I miss the days when I could write both of them simultaneously and have one updated and then update the other one the next day.

At first, this chapter was just so hard to write, but then it got easier and easier... After I finished the update for my other fic. I think it's because I haven't seen a new episode of LWD in ages, so it's hard to get inspired. Weirdly enough, there's actually a lot of stuff about why Derek's character in this chapter. A sort of view into his slightly tormented psyche, if you will... Especially his relationship with his father. Not to take away from the action. It's a pretty emotional chapter for Derek, kind of like Temporary Insanity was for Casey. And, since it's a lot like Temporary Insanity in some ways, I honestly think you'll find it worth the wait. And I do mean that. You'll see why...

I started out hating this chapter, but you know, now I really like it. Originally, I had planned for this chapter to come much later on, or at least a little, but I decided I'd speed up the storyline a bit. Not that that means that the story will skip whole months or anything. On a side note, this chapter is set a bit after the last chapter, but not long after... Probably a little around a week. So it's still in the month of November, around the 20s. Anyways, I don't own Life With Derek.

It's funny, at first I agonized over what to name this chapter. But then I listened to this beautiful song, and, well, you have the chapter title. So spoilers to anyone who names the band who sings the song. Bonus points if you can get the lyrics and why I spelled it "Greys". Also bonus spoiler points to anyone who guessed who sang the song for last chapter. ;) And "Falling". And any other chapter, unless I've already stated who sings it, which I have for most. Yep, that rules out "Temporary Insanity", "Bring It On", "Into the Morning" I think, "Lethal Lipgloss" I think, and the first three. See, this way you get to make a soundtrack! Yay! Random fact: As of this chapter, it's 45.2 minutes long according to iTunes. ;)

Anyways, hope you enjoy the chapter...

"I either have or I don't have... But usually I have."

I know what you're thinking. You think that I'm actually mad at Casey for what she did. I guess I was at first. But I get why she did it. Or maybe I don't... I just... I don't really get why she cares. Especially after what she said to me. I'm pretty confused about the whole ordeal. But one has to pretend, you know?

So I act like I'm mad at her. I've been playing pranks on her all week. And I bring a girl in my room twice as much now. I mean, I figure the getting-drunk just makes me look stupid. Smoking, well, I'm trying to cut back, really. I wasn't really doing all of that to get her attention. I know that's what she probably thinks. That's what Dad thinks anyways. He thinks it was a cry for help.

It wasn't, though. I guess a little of it was to make Casey aware that I'm human too... But, and I don't like to admit this... Casey yelling at me really did a number on me. I was hurt. Ugh, I hate to say that. It makes me sound like a pansy. And I'd rather shoot myself than become Sam. So I started drinking, which helped numb the pain, I guess. That makes me sound like an alcoholic, doesn't it? I guess it helps you to forget when everything's all hazy.

The cigarettes are really more of a way of releasing the stress. I get the point now. I'm not going to go out and get wasted every night. I'm just going to sleep with as many girls as possible. Casey'll never be able to study or sleep. I'll make sure to bang them against the wall. Hard against the wall. After all, she can most definitely hear things. And, trust me, it's fun. I know you're really sort of wondering why my dad's putting up with all of this.

He was enforcing rules. That lasted um, up through Friday morning. He got this huge case from work, so he's sort of swamped. Which means that he can easily ignore me... just the way I like it. Even better, he didn't tell Nora about the whole thing. Which means I have pretty much free reign, since I bribe Edwin into getting everyone out of the house or situating themselves in places so Casey can't study. Ooh, I made him lock Casey in her room once. Then I gave him money to take Lizzie out for ice cream. I have to say it, the kid really likes her. I wonder if she's noticed yet. Then again, if she's anything like her sister, Ed will be waiting for a very long time.

So it's pretty much down to the nitty gritty. Casey and I left to our own devices. God, our parents are idiots. I mean, come on, how much of a tool is my dad? What kind of father lets his teenage son drink, smoke, and sleep around like I do? Then again, they did get a 6 on that test. Or was it a two? It was dangerously low, though.

Speaking of which, my dad and I have to have a little talk. You see, after some reflection, I'm not quite so sure I'm in love with Casey. Then again, that probably has to do more with the fact that she hates me than anything else. After all, it is a hell of a lot easier to be in denial than love. Especially when Casey is concerned. She's just... difficult. Yeah, I know. That's like the pot calling the kettle black, but... She's about as equally uncompromising as me. Always by the books, that one. I'm going to have to fix that.

I mean, she still thinks me kissing her... and touching her... and wanting her is wrong. And if we're ever going to hook up, well, I just can't have that. Hey, I told you I was uncompromising. I've never been in love before. Hell, I grew up with Dad, a stream of bitchy women after My Dad the Lawyer, a baby, and a little brother to scare. Not exactly the stablest home, or for the matter, the most nuturing. There's not so much love going on here, you know? I mean, there were those bimbos Dad dated, but they just taught me about... Not love. Yeah, let's put it that way. Thinking of my dad with women just makes me sick.

Which is why I have to ask him. I don't want to, but I think there's a chance that I can still be saved from this... unhealthy, inconvenient, annoying infatuation I have with Casey. Okay, so I get verbose when I'm upset. I only pretend to be stupid half of the time. I mean, hey, if the teachers let me slide, then why actually do the work? I'm lazy by nature, and I'd rather be partying than doing math homework. Or hooking up with a girl or a few, which is what I've slated for tonight. Mm, delicious. I love my After School Specials.

Okay, here goes nothing. Hmm, but how exactly do I phrase this? Oh, Dad, yeah... I think I'm in love with Casey. Yeah. I can just picture him hitting the roof from here. Okay, try again. Dad, what would you say if I told you that I was in love? Yeah, hysterical laughter is not the way to go. Maybe an analogy? Er... Okay, Dad, this is it... Casey and I sorta have this Romeo/Juliet thing going down. Only I think she's about the densest person on the planet, so she doesn't know yet. So should I marry her or what? Whoa. I have got to stop reading Shakespeare. It makes me think about stupid things like matrimony!

I can do this. Just take a deep breath, Derek. Or twenty. Why am I being nervous? God, it's just my dad! Who I've only lived with since birth. Get a grip, Derek. You're acting like a girl. You're acting like... Sam. Why does the Sam one scare me more? Okay, as twisted as that is... Dude, the guy (if you can even call him that) is dating the chick of my dreams. Of course I want to be him. No, I don't. Then I'd be some candy-ass pansy like Sam. Who cries. A lot. I remember that we went on a double date once. Not with each other, stupid. Though I'm honestly not sure that Sam doesn't swing that way. I mean, seriously, the way he looks at me when we're in the shower at Hockey? Totally not right. Mega creepy. It really makes you think, you know?

Anyways, back to the Double Date from Hell. Well, it wasn't that bad. Wait, yes it was. I didn't get lucky that night. We had to go watch A Walk to Remember. Ugh. Hideous movie. Worst movie ever. On the face of the planet. And Sam sees it and cries like a girl at the end. Baby. I was like, so what? I mean, come on, it's just a damn movie. Then both of the stupid girls started crying and fawning over him, and I really just wanted to smack all three of them. But I don't hit girls. Sam kept crying. I swear that he was still crying when I threw him on his front porch. Wuss.

Okay, right. Daaad. Focus on that. On what, his rockin' comb over? Well, he doesn't have one yet, but I've seen that receding hairline, and trust me, he will... Good thing male pattern baldness is inherited from the mother's side. And I happen to know that my grandfather's a hippie complete with the long hair and slight odor of weed. Hey, I'm a popular kid... You think I don't know what grass smells like? I'm not naïve like Sammy and Casey. On girls that sort of thing is cute. Totally not true of guys. We have to be experienced. Unless you suck in the sack. Then just say you're a virgin. The girls will think it's sweet that you waited for the right person. And then they'll be flattered in thinking that person was them.

I was going to talk to Dad. I'd even opened my mouth and everything. Only Lizzie walked in the room. She tugged on my sleeve. At first I just ignored her, but then she channelled her sister and yanked me out of the room before I could say a word. Gee, thanks. I peered in the mirror, fretting over my jacket. I hope Lizzie didn't do anything to it. I love this jacket. I smoothed down my jacket somewhat nervously. Oh, good, it's fine! I love my jacket. Did I mention that already?

I stopped when I noticed that Lizzie stood behind me, glaring. What does she want now? I sighed annoyedly and turned around to face Lizzie. Lizzie and I have this sort of unspoken agreement... If she stays out of my way, I'll stay out of hers. Unfortunately, sometimes her sister rubs off on her, so she nags me. That girl can really piss me off when she gets all sanctimonious. Oh, and she's taken up the annoying habit of intervening in Edwin's life, which is mega irritating when I'm trying to torment him. Oh, another part to the agreement... Lizzie isn't allowed to cook. She must be the worst cook alive, seriously.

Lizzie continued to glare at me. Okay, out with it, Liz. I don't have time for this. I have to talk to Dad about this whole maybe being-in-love-thing. And then I have a few girls to ba... I mean see. And that means I have to find and bribe Edwin to get the kids out of the house. And I have to do... something about Dad. Not to mention order dinner. Then again, if I order dinner, the girl will probably assume that it's a date, and I really have no intentions of getting that serious with her.

Oh, damn. Lizzie's still here, isn't she? I returned Lizzie's stare, scowling. Okay. I'm counting to three, and if you don't say anything, I'm getting the hell out of here. Some of us have things to do. One, two, thr... "What did you do to Edwin?" Lizzie growled accusingly, crossing her arms over her chest. I have to give it to Casey. She really has Lizzie brainwashed. The girl must think I'm the Antichrist or something. No, wait, Casey thinks I'm Lucifer. Not that there's much of a difference. Anyways, I resent that. I'm not that evil.

Now, see, that pisses me off. That Lizzie thinks I've done something automatically. Especially since this time... I haven't actually done anything. Actually, I've been rather nice to Edwin lately. I give him money to go to the movies, for ice cream... I don't think he realizes that I'm not made of it. Oh well... I can afford it. My business ventures are doing incredibly well lately. Ooh, that girl band is phenomenal. My dTunes CDs are selling like you wouldn't believe. Great record sales. They also do a mean Skid Row cover. I've never before met a girl who can sing heavy metal, but they blew me away. Their lead singer can sing anything. She's hot too. I'd go out with her, only I'd ruin it, and then I'd have to find another band.

"Huh?" I muttered intelligently. "I didn't do anything," I protested angrily. Naturally, Lizzie didn't believe me. And why would she, with a sister like hers? Why does she even think I've done anything? I mean, let's see... Edwin doesn't have any unaccounted-for bruises that I can think of. Hmm, I don't think he's been acting strangely. That's relative, I suppose... Edwin's not the most normal person to begin with. He and Lizzie are tight, though, so I guess if anyone would notice... It would be her. You can say a lot of things about Lizzie... But you can't say that Lizzie isn't observant, unlike Casey. I swear, I could write a message in the sky, and she still wouldn't get it!

Lizzie gave me a look. Okay, Liz, explain away. What have I done this time? I hate that. Everyone thinks I'm a screw-up. They just expect it. They don't even ask anymore... They just assume. And it's not like anyone ever tries to help me, either. I mean, if Dad was a good father, he would've done anything possible to prevent me from failing English. He's supposed to love me, right, and want what's best for me? Guess who winds up helping me instead... Casey, my stepsister, who absolutely loathes me. Casey helped me over my own father. You know, I don't think I've quite properly thanked her for that, by the way... Maybe I ought to surprise her sometime... in the middle of the night.

I could just sneak in her room and, yeah... Oh, the possibilities!

But Lizzie's talking. Yeah... Right. "Edwin's been acting weird for a few weeks. You've been acting weird. I'm not stupid, Derek. So tell me, what did you do?" Lizzie interjected with a frown. Hey, his weirdness and my weirdness are totally unrelated. I'm weird because Casey told me to drop dead, pretty much. And Edwin's acting weird because he likes you, Lizzie. I guess she can't really see that though. On second thought, maybe she's a lot more like her sister than my previous estimate.

I rolled my eyes at Lizzie, feeling my irritation increase by the moment. "You know, Lizzie, as hard as it is to believe... Not everything that goes wrong in this house is my fault," I retorted sharply. I swear, it's like Casey thinks I'm responsible for everything bad in the world... from Hurricane Katrina to Glitter. I'm not some kind of criminal mastermind. I frowned, fixing Lizzie with a look. "Trust me, other things are making Edwin weird," I muttered, hoping she'd get the hint. I mean, really, it's so depressing seeing Edwin mope around these days.

He wants Lizzie bad. No, not like that. He's too young to be lusting after her. It's just... He's practically screaming: "Love me! Want me!" And she doesn't notice. So I say what the hell, you know? I mean, I'm sure I'm probably thinking the same thing about Casey, but at least I go after it. You can say many things about me, but you can't say that I don't go after it... to Casey's great displeasure. For now, anyways. I'll change that. I swear it.

Lizzie rolled her eyes, clearly disbelieving. Well, fine, don't believe me! "Okay, then," Lizzie snapped. Excuse me, what? Did she actually... agree with me? Uh oh. She's talking again. "Then what is wrong with Edwin, Derek?" Oh, crap. She just had to ask that question. I hate her. She knew I couldn't answer, the bitch.

Just what, exactly, am I supposed to say? I can't tell her Edwin's in love with her. That would piss Ed off. But I can't tell her anything, because that would piss her off... and prove her point. I would do the first one, really, but there are some things you don't meddle in, you know? I rolled my eyes at her, putting my hands on my hips. Hey, wait, no... I can't do that! It makes me feel gay... Ick. Okay, hands crossed over my chest. That's good. "Hey, Liz, here's a tip... How 'bout you actually ask Edwin instead of bluntly accusing me of a crime I didn't even commit! Hell, I don't even know what you think I did!" I retorted sarcastically, fixing Lizzie with a stern, enraged look. Yeah, so maybe I sort of yelled at her.

Oh, don't you give me that disparaging look! I don't care that she's a little girl... You know, she's not that little! Yeah... They teach Sex-Ed in her grade, uh huh. I should know. I know just about everything about Sex-Ed... and Anatomy. Not the point, though. It wasn't even that bad of a blow-out on my scale. I mean, it was only half of my explosion at Casey on Fiona's Wedding Day. I'm not going to call her my aunt because A. we're only related through marriage... B. I made out with her daughter... and C. She's a friggin' nutcase, okay? I honestly don't get how Nora put up with that lunatic. Wow, I actually feel bad for her, Nora, that is. Weeeird. But, yeesh, if I had to grow up with some overgrown ungrateful, whiny, bitchy crybaby... Oh, wait. I think I do. And her name is Casey.

No, that's not true. Casey's just a Drama Queen. I think I've only made her cry... once. Or something. No, no... Twice. Maybe. I think. I don't know. Three times? Oh, I can't keep track of how many times the girl cries! I can keep track of how many times she tries to strangle me, though. She was pretty upset then. Eh, oh well, I wasn't. I was pretty damn happy. I mean, I got to make out with Casey. Aside from watching her hang all over Sammy-poo for hours... That was a pretty good night for me. You know, minus the strangling.

That I could've done without. Lizzie pursed her lips, frowning at me. "Don't curse, Derek," She muttered sanctimoniously. Prim and proper. I rolled my eyes like her. God, so much like her sister. Except Casey has much more personality. Mm, Casey. Right. I shot Lizzie a glare as I walked away, mentally cursing enough to make up for a thousand swears. I smirked, walking back into the kitchen. After all, I still had to talk to Dad.

About Casey and love and...

Except not Casey. I can't tell him it's Casey. She's just... a girl. Then again...

Oh, come on, Derek! When has Casey ever been "just a girl" to you? If she was "just a girl", you wouldn't be having this problem. She'd be all over you. And you wouldn't even be contemplating love.

You know what? Maybe that's it... Maybe I just think I'm in love with Casey. Yeah, yeah, yeah! That sounds reasonable. Like... Maybe I just think I love her because I can't have her. After all, that is a relatively new feeling for me. Case wants nothing to do with me. So of course I'm attracted to that! It's the unknown, you know? And everyone's attracted to the unknown...

No, Derek, no one's attracted to the unknown, you idiot. People fear the unknown. Because it's unknown. And, to you, love is, well, pretty much unknown. So maybe you're just afraid of being in love... being vulnerable like that.

Oh, god. I sound like Oprah. Kill me now. Please. I don't wanna be a chick. If I did, I'd have a sex change. And I would be hot. So hot. I'd be smokin'. And probably a really easy slut. Not the point, though. Off the subject of love, please. Something nice and safe.

Like my "newfound" rivalry with Casey. Puh-lease. It's a wussy competition. I'm just faking it. I know that I deserved what she did to me. I'm probably even a little better off for it. My liver thanks Casey. And, yeah, it's not like my dad's done anything about it... so nothing's really changed. Yeah, so I don't go after guys as aggressively in hockey (boy, does that sound wrong!). Except Sam. I find it hard to control that overwhelming urge I have to punch him in the face. So maybe I slam him against the wall a little. Okay, so I do that a lot. And, yeah, so maybe he lost a tooth last time.

But that sort of thing is common among hockey players. In fact, that's how I lost my first tooth. And it was a baby tooth anyways. His last one. Had to come out sometime. And better that way than me punching him straight in the kisser... That would just be plain suspicious, and I can't let anyone know what I'm up to. I mean, how would it look with me going after my best friend's girl? Okay, so maybe I've done that before.

This time's different, though. She's my stepsister, after all... my majorly uncool stepsister. And, while I may not give a damn, other people will. But I am Derek Venturi, and I will change their minds. Because I am stubborn. And I get what I want... and I want Casey. So I'm going to get her. And no one is going to stop me. Not Sam, not Emily, not our family, not my friends, and, most certainly... Not Casey. After all, I always get what I want. Always.

I'm man enough to admit that I had it coming. Plus, hey, she said she cares. And, that, my friend, is progress. You know, since she hated me and all... I need all the progress I can get.

Just like I need to talk to Dad about this whole love debaucle. I sighed, forcing myself to go back into the kitchen. Well, here goes nothing. And I do mean that literally. I have no idea what to say. Well, I'm Derek Venturi. I'll figure out something. I always do, don't I? And it's always perfect. 'Cause that's what I am.

Perfect.

Not that I'm conceited or anything. Casey hates that in a guy. I oughtta know, right? But what I lack in modesty and humility, I make up for in experience and make-outability. I don't care if that's not a word. It should be. It's a great quality to have. Sam, for instance, humble as he may be, sucks at making out. I know because every girlfriend he has that I've ever wanted I've gotten. Because he sucks at making out. I know. They told me. What, did you think I know from experience? Ugh. Please! If I were gay, I could do so, so, so much better than Sam.

Besides, I'm his best friend. And I know that he only wears that hat all the time to make up for the fact that he like, never washes his hair. It's completely sickening. I honestly don't get what Casey sees in him. I, for instance, shower every day. Twice a day when I play hockey. And I don't hide behind some ugly-ass hat like my so-called best friend. I happen to have nice hair. And so I don't have the blue eyes. Big deal. I can express more in a look than Sam can with his whole body. Plus I can benchpress more, and my muscles are ten times better than Sammy's. Make that twenty.

And yet, Sam has Casey.

Well, there are ways to fix that. And I will fix that... fast.

I took another deep breath and slowly approached Dad, who was looking at me with trepidation. This is just Dad. And I'm going to be talking to him about Casey. More specifically: How I feel towards Casey. That's like poking a bear. I just... I have this feeling that somehow this whole thing is going to majorly backfire on me. Well, that look he's giving me really isn't reassuring. I'd better say something before he jumps to conclusions.

Oops. Too late. "What is it now, Derek? Come to tell me you're flunking out of school? Did the test results come back positive?" Dad sniped bitterly, fixing me with a glare. Dad was usually really laidback. I guess this case must be getting to him. Still, it hurt a little that he automatically thought the worst of me. I wasn't kidding when I told Casey that I act out because it's what people expect... Not just everybody in the family, either. All my friends... Everyone at school, even the teachers. That and the fact that nobody really stops me, except Casey, that is. She's the only one who's even really tried.

I gulped. I have to do this. It will be fine. Nothing is going to happen. And Casey won't find out about this little conversation. I shook my head, trying to think of what to say. I'm not too good with words. Sure, I could charm a girl to the moon... but that's when I'm in my element. Same with arguing. But it's in awkward situations like these that I falter. I'm not used to having heart-to-heart type conversations with my horribly out-of-touch father. And, see, if I just say what's on my mind (which is pretty much what I usually do), then I'm bound to say something stupid, like, for instance: I'm in love with Casey! Which is still... Maybe, hopefully, please, I'm-begging-you-God, not entirely certain or true... yet. I think.

"Dad," I began slowly. Dad gave me a curious look. Derek, you have to do this. No wussing out. I mean, do you really want to become Sam?

HELL NO! Isn't that obvious? Okay. So I'm doing this. Well, here goes nothing.

I smiled weakly. I don't think Dad noticed that I was faking it. "How do you know if you're in love?" I asked, finally laying it out on the table. I felt somewhat relieved that I'd been able to get it out. I might be the master of secrets, but keeping all of it to myself was just killing me. Besides, Dad was probably too clueless (HA!) to put the pieces together. I should say that Dad was drinking tea when I said this. Man, the look he gave me was absolutely priceless. His wide-open eyes looked like golf balls. His eyebrows were actually so raised that they were obscured by his hair. Not to mention that his mouth was gaping open like that kid's from Home Alone. All of the tea he had been drinking was now, welll, everwhere. It was pretty disgusting. Luckily, me and my jacket remained unscathed.

I shot Dad a mildly disgusted look, brushing myself off in case any particles of his spit had landed on me. He was still looking at me, slightly horrorstruck. Oh, come on, it can't be that shocking! Get over it, old man! Eventually, Dad got over himself and primly closed his mouth. He spoke again, clutching his chest, "I am too young to be having a myocardial infarction, Derek." He looked somewhat mad.

Well, that's what I get for breaking the Guy Code and talking about my feelings. Damn, now I feel like Sam. I must fix this. I sent Dad the look I send people who give me questioning glances, y'know, the one that said "Don't mess with me, fool." complete with the ghetto accent. Not that there really are ghettos here in the Great White North- at least where we live anyways. "I'm serious, Dad," I muttered icily, looking down. I just want an answer to my frickin' question. How damn hard is that, huh?

Dad gave me a blank stare, clearly still doubting me. I continued to look at him until he responded, which was soon, given the force of my deathglare. It's really benefitted from the practice with Casey. Dad sighed, motioning for me to sit down. I didn't oblige him. I didn't want a big fancy conversation. Just an answer to a very important question that happened to be slowly driving me mad... madder, I guess. Dad shrugged, and I had a feeling he was going to go all lawyer on me and give me one of those crap convoluted answers. I have no patience for that crap. I trusted Dad with this. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. I bet I can look it up on the internet...

I was contemplating just walking off when Dad opened his mouth. "Derek," He replied quietly, staring pensively into space. "Love is a very complex emotion. There are many forms of love, not all them romantic. Some love is not even love at all. Do you get what I mean, Derek?" Dad said cautiously, fixing me with a suggestive look. Well, gee, Dad, you're not trying to hint at anything. Yeesh. I just want to know an answer, dumbass! How hard is that! You graduated from the best law school in Canada! How hard can it be?

Yeah, I've been a bit on edge lately. I don't deal with confusion well. "For the love of God, Dad, stop quoting Alexz Johnson songs and give me a straight answer! I want to know if I'm in love! It's not exactly a difficult question!" I growled, getting up in my dad's face. Ooh, I wanted to punch him. Dad appeared somewhat taken aback by the outburst. Well, bucko, get used to it! If I'm actually in love with Casey, he'll have bigger problems on his hands than that!

Luckily for Dad, he decided to answer. "Love is different for different people," Dad replied calmly. I rolled my eyes, so Dad really got the show on the road. "I don't know... Do you feel butterflies when you see her?" That would be a negatory. How unmanly would that be? "Are you even attracted to her?" I nodded vigorously. A little too much, I think. That was a numb question. Jeez. "Do you feel fireworks when you kiss her? Sparks when you touch her?" Yes, but Dad's really creeping me out here! Maybe I shouldn't have asked him for help after all. I mean, what does Dad really know about girls that I don't? Outside of sex, probably a lot more than you do because he's been married three times. Okay, fine, whatever! I'm not going to get married to Casey though! Especially since I don't even know if I... Oh, I can't even say it. Ugh.

Dad pursed his lips and continued, "Does she make you feel differently around her? Is it hard to get the right words out? Do you come on too strong?" That would be a yes on all three counts. In fact, I usually make a total ass of myself around her on a daily basis. I sighed. Okay, yeah, so what. None of that means I'm in love with her.

Dad smirked a little. Now is not the time to have a sense of humor, man! "Do you slip and lose control, act out of character... around her?" Dad asked, a sickening smile on his face. Yes, you idiot, yes! Get to the point already! Dad paused; I think to deliberately piss me off. "Okay. Do you think about her all the time... every second of every day? Do even the littlest things remind you of her? Would you go to any lengths to make her happy? Do you feel guilty when you do something you know she would disprove of? Does she make you want to change?" Dad questioned seriously, staring straight into my eyes.

I had no answer, but Dad asked one more question. "Can you picture your life without her?" And you wanna know the sad thing?

I can't. I really can't picture my life without Casey. And that... That absolutely terrifies me.

I must've turned white or something because Dad gave me this real concerned look. Ha, like he's ever cared before! Dad was suddenly looking at me in a whole new way... with what looked like admiration. Okay, great, so I'm actually in love with Casey, who hates me, yet still cares about me... How friggin' polarizing is that? Is that even possible? And Dad, Dad's giving me that weird droopy look, like he's actually proud of me... Proud of me for what, being in love with some chick? I don't think he'd be so damn happy if he knew that it was Casey. I think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown here. Maybe... Maybe I just need to sit down.

Dad was suddenly looking at me with interest. Great, just great. Now he wants to know who the girl of my dreams is. Just peachy. Eh, well, he's no detective. He probably won't figure it out anyways. "I'm not telling you who it is," I muttered moodily, interrupting him before he even spoke. I sighed, feeling suddenly melancholic, and sat down at the table. Dad was trying to give me a puppy-dog look. Only I invented that and he's my dad, not... Casey... or anything. So it, of course, won't work on me.

Dad rolled his eyes at me. I was burying my head in my hands, so I couldn't see him... But I knew he was doing it. Fathers are so predictable. "Come on, Derek. So you're in love with a girl. What's the big deal?" Dad whined, somewhat badgering me. You know, I was beginning to wonder the same thing myself. "Why won't you tell me who it is?" He insisted, trying to sound hurt. Well, it wasn't working on me. Besides, he'd flip if I told him. So I won't. It's my business, after all, not his.

I mean, he's my dad. Not Casey's. And I can lie to my father all I want. "Dad, don't, okay?" I snapped irritably. Fine, he wants truth, he's going to get some! I brought my head up, shooting him an immediately venemous glare. Yeah, eat that! I was pissed off, what can I say? Well, what do you know? He looks slightly frightened. How terrible. "She fu-" I stopped at Dad's look. Fine, fine, okay, you got it, Big Guy. No swearing will come from my lips. I'll just keep it on the inside, even though it's horribly unhealthy to bottle things up. Oh well. I'll let him pay my shrink. It's his fault I have these psychological issues, after all...

"She effing hates me, Dad. That's it. That's why I can't tell you. She doesn't love me back. And, you know what, why should she? It's not like I've given her a reason. No wonder she hates me. Oh, and she has a boyfriend. So why don't you tell me what the hell I'm supposed to do about that, eh, Dad?" I snarled bitterly, feeling the scowl form on my face. Love sucks. Life was so much easier before Casey...

I buried my head in my hands again. Well, I'm not going to kill myself or anything. The world won't end because Casey doesn't love me. She cares. At least. I'll make sure she comes around... Hopefully. Dad just gave me a blank look, again surprised at the outburst. I was surprised when he stood up and leaned out of the door. "CASEY! Come here, I need you for a minute!" Dad called up the stairs.

My eyes widened immeasureably. Oh crap. This is just craptastic. I have got to stop that man from informing Casey of my... feelings. She doesn't need to know. She doesn't want to know. So why is he... I jumped up from the table, ripping Dad away from the door violently. Wow. I can beat my dad up... Wow. Okay, enough marveling over that. I have to make him stop before Casey comes down here.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" I shouted, grabbing him by the collar. Dad squirmed, looking afraid. So even Dad's afraid of me... Unconditional love, my ass. I am so falling off the wagon tonight. Something tells me that I am going to get absolutely positively stinking drunk off my ass. And I don't know why. My gut instinct is just warning my liver to get ready to start pumping its little heart out... Wait, it doesn't have a heart! Oh, who gives a friggin' damn? I was headed for alcohol poisoning anyways.

Casey walked in just then, as I had my father pinned up against the wall. If we'd been there any longer, I probably would've hit him. Not that that's saying much. I've been hitting everyone lately. Only guys, though. My mom did teach me some manners, thank you very much. You know, I just HATE living here sometimes. I want to just rip my hair out. No one thinks anything good about me, you know? It's such a negative environment to grow up in. Plus I wanna bang the girl in the room next door. How's that for screwed up family dynamics? Although this is a mixed family, so we're screwed up already.

Why'd she have to be my stepsister? I bet I wouldn't be in love with her if she wasn't. Oy. Speaking of Casey, she shot me a rather frosty glare. Okay, I get the message. Your mom needs her husband in one piece. D'accord. I got it. I reluctantly let my father go with a bit of a jerk, forcing myself to back away before I did something crazy like attempt to strangle him. Ooh, but I'm tempted. So tempted.

Casey smiled politely- but only politely. Can't have me getting the wrong message and actually thinking I have a chance... now can we, Case? I hate her sometimes. Is that twisted? To hate someone you love more than anything you've ever known? I think it is... Maybe I wouldn't be having this problem if she wasn't dating Sam. Or if she wasn't, for all intents and purposes, my sister. You never want what you can get. Hence the bizarre, unshakeable attraction. "What do you want, George?" Casey asked somewhat wearily.

What does she have to be tired about? Casey must've felt my stare because she crossed her arms over her chest, fidgeting uncomfortably. Dad cleared his throat, and I felt my blood run cold. Dad better not open his mouth. If he does, trust me, he'll regret it. I'm already getting ideas. I can frame him. He ought to know that. Just like that, I can make it so Nora's pissed at him. I'm not sure just yet what I'll do, but, trust me, it'll be good. I gave Dad a look, but he just ignored it. What a pity. I guess I'll have to destroy him, family or not. "Well, Derek likes a girl. And I was wondering if you could..." Dad trailed off, obviously knowing Casey would pick out the hint.

Casey looked a little surprised, and I felt a surge of satisfaction at that. She raised an eyebrow and actually looked at me. I felt a little bit better at that and smirked at her widely. It was a false show of confidence. I was really sweating it out pretty badly. But you can't ever show your fear. Casey smiled at me coldly, shooting me an icy glare. She then turned to my Dad, smiling thinly and nodding. She was going to help him. I felt sick to my stomach, and that's not a feeling I'm exactly used to. Casey pretended to think before both her and Dad turned around to question me. "Mary?"

I frowned. Mary? Who's that? You know, there are quite a few Marys that go to our school. Let's see... There's Marianne, Mary-Jane, Maria, Mary-Lou, Mary-Catherine... Hm. How many is that? Casey rolled her eyes at my obviously blank look. "You know, from our English class?" Um, I don't remember her. Is that bad? Wait, was she the one who...? Nah, that wasn't her. Okay then.

Casey sighed frustratedly, shaking her head at my behavior. I could've sworn I heard her call me a whore. "Sandra?" I shook my head no. Definitely no. Let me tell you, I've seen the Nazi side of feminism, and it's not pretty. Though according to Sandra, that's unfair and very misogynistic of me. Eh, screw her. I didn't, by the way. Said it'd violate some of her values... Whatever. But true to her nature, Casey persisted. "Laurie?" No, not Laurie. Though there are a bunch of them too... Lori, Laura, Lauren A, Lauren D, Lauren B, Lauren M, Lauren S, the other Lauren S, the other Lauren M, Lora, Lauryn, Lauree... But not Laurie, not for a while. "Lynn?" She asked hesitantly. I just shrugged. I can't believe she remembers them. "Susanne?" Dude, she just buys me lunch sometimes. Well, and I've made out with her a bit... How does Casey know about that?

Oh, right. 'Cause I might've mentioned it when I crashed Sam first asking Case out. Righto. "Amy?" Oh, please. Amy is my designated driver. She thinks alcohol is poison. She dumped me when she found out that I drank like a fish. She said she "didn't like who you are when you're drunk". It's not like I'm that different when I'm drunk. She should know. She first had sex with me when I was drunk. And then she had sex with me when I was sober. I blew her mind both times. Hey, I'm not lying. She complimented me on it...

Not the point though. Guess that just proves that Casey's right about me. Oh well. No one expects much from me anyways. Casey's eyes narrowed irritably, and a cruel gleam flashed in her eyes. "Emily?" She snarled. No way! I shook my head no vehemently. If it was possible, Casey's glare intensified. Geez, what did I do to... Oh, wait, I did the molasses one today, didn't I? Hm. Yeah. She'll be sticky for days. However, it was quite amusing seeing her covered in molasses... Made me just want to lick it all off. Mm, molasses.

I groaned at the thought. Casey must've thought I was thinking about Emily because she just sent me a dark glare. "Oh, really, Derek? Because she told me that you made out with her at Chrissy's party! Want to explain that, Derek?" Casey snapped suddenly, without warning. Whoa, I did what? I would never make out with Emily. She's off limits. Plus, hello... She's Emily. Hey, wait... That's what this whole rivalry's about. You're telling me she narked on me because I made out with Emily. That's insane!

Or maybe I did. I got really trashed at Chrissy's party. I almost had to have my stomach pumped according to Amy. So I remember bits and pieces. Who knows? Maybe it's true... Dad was gaping at me, but I just shrugged and said nothing. That pissed Casey off... a lot. Surprisingly, Casey stalked towards me purposefully. Mm, she looks so hot. I just blinked at Casey, who was suddenly all up in my face. She's wearing this real low-cut outfit. It reminds me of the shirt she wore when I had chicken pox and she accused me of dealing drugs. It was practically falling off of her. But that was before I liked her, the whole Poxfather business... I just thought it was the fever makin' me all hot and bothered. Well, it wasn't.

Unfortunately for me. I swear, life was so easy before Casey. "Who is she, Derek? Do I know her?" Casey growled venemously, practically spitting the words out. Ookay, so someone's irked. Honestly... it's like she actually cares or something. What was I supposed to say? I hate it when people put me on the spot like that.

I shrugged noncommittally. Had to act like I wasn't worried, you know? Oh, yeah, Case, you know her... "Better than you think," I muttered half under my breath. Casey shot me a suspicious look. God, I already told you it's not Emily! I don't need to tell you again, now do I? "It's not Emily," I said, interrupting her just before she was about to speak. Still suspicious and surprised, she closed her mouth. Wow. So that's how I finally get her to shut up. Good to know.

Casey gave me an appraising look, crossing her arms over her chest. "Who is it?" She continued sharply. Boy, is she persistent! But why does she even want to know? It's not like it's any of her business anyways. Well, it is. But she doesn't know that! I didn't answer. I was just so damn sick of getting the third degree. Did I question her about Sam? No. No, I did not. She could at least show me the same courtesy.

That's when I split, heading for my room. I have this nifty editing program on my computer, and I felt like making another movie or something. I don't know. Maybe I'll do Edwin a favor and insist that he and Lizzie star in my next production. I'm thinking of doing a love story. Okay, so maybe I get some extra credit for my English class if I film a version of this play we read in class. Or something. I don't know.

Here's the thing, though. Casey followed me. She actually followed me. I know... I was all what the hell too. In fact, I was just marching up the stairs when she grabbed my arm and jerked me around on my heels. I swear, I almost fell headfirst down the stairs. I glowered at her, violently pulling my arm free from her grasp. What is her problem? "What is it, Casey?" I grunted tersely, staring her down.

Casey scowled at me, only repeating the same question once more. "Who is she, Derek? Who is this girl that's managed to satisfy you for more than two seconds? Because, whoever she is, she must really be something... You're insatiable," Casey drawled mockingly. Normally that'd probably be flattering to me or something, the insatiable comment. Not the way Casey meant it. I felt so insulted. If only she knew, eh?

I sighed heavily and just looked at her for a minute, wondering why I was really in love with her. Normally, I would've argued with her, but this time I didn't have the energy. Couldn't she see that I just wanted to be left alone? Can't I ruminate pathetically over unrequited love for five seconds? I mean, she moped around after Sam when any idiot with eyes could see that he was crazy over her. It was seriously painful. And I felt so guilty about keeping them apart too. It has nothing to do with Sam. Sam deserved it. If he was a real man, he wouldn't let me push him around.

It was just... Casey was so broken up about it, you know? She was crying. That was what did it for me. Sure, I might've given in when Sam and I talked, but that had nothing to do with him. I guess I sorta know how she felt then. Augh. I am really not the sort of guy who wallows in self-pity. I'm not used to this sort of thing. "Don't, Casey," I hissed, turning away from her and marching back up the stairs. I was heading down the hallway when I felt her presence behind me. I rolled my eyes, clenching my teeth. What part of "I don't want to speak to you" doesn't she understand? "Leave me alone, Case," I growled, not even bothering to turn around.

Does she have to rub it in like that? It's just making it worse. I couldn't see Casey, but I knew by the rustling of fabric that she was standing there, arms crossed over her chest. I knew she was going to say something, so I just headed towards my door. "You know, I never would've pegged you for a coward. Besides, I'm going to find out anyways. You know just as well as I do how thin the walls in this house are," Casey murmured huskily, walking toward me. She was wearing these ridiculously tall high heels, and I could hear them click-click-clicking towards me. The sound drove me nuts.

That being said, she was looking hot tonight. She had a date with Sammy. I don't know. Maybe it was their anniversary or something. It was a big one, that's all I know. Six months, maybe? She was wearing this bright red dress that was sort of out of character for her. By that I mean that it was low cut... Not you know, exposing anything, but with a lot of cleavage. It wasn't really short. It was a little above her knees, I think. All I know is that it made her legs look fantastic. It was sort of vampy... The sleeves hung low on her shoulders. It always looked like one day they'd just slip right down and off. It really accentuated her chest. I think she was wearing a push-up bra... The dress was tight silk (at least at the top), with this filmy sorta see-through stuff on the skirt. I sound like a girl, but Casey was usually in layers, so this was all pretty new to me.

So I turned around. I was tired, yeah. And I was in love with her too. But I wasn't about to back down and let her call me a coward. Yeah, I did know how thin the walls were. Not that I've heard much from her side. I turned around really slowly before sending her a glare that could freeze ice. She stiffened a little, but other than that, there was really no change in her demeanor. Well, too bad. I'm going to break down her walls. I surprised her by meeting her halfway in the hallway, and all of the sudden, something occurred to me.

To tell you the truth, at first, I couldn't believe it. I thought maybe it was me temporarily losing my mind or something, but the more I thought about it... The more it made sense in my head. Why she was so... insistent... so furious. My eyes widened with realization. "You're jealous," I said, somewhat disbelieving. For once, I wasn't being cocky about it. I was just stating it.

Casey's eyes widened with shock. She couldn't believe I had even come to such a conclusion. Her jaw actually dropped, and she even shook her head so hard a lock of hair escaped from the sleek up-do. "Are you crazy!" Casey exclaimed in a gasp, like she couldn't bare to go louder. Not quite living up to her usual dramatic antics. I just looked at Casey, letting the smirk slide sinuously over my lips. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was right.

Hey, I'm cocky. It's what happens when you grow up like I do. You have to be one of those people who gets things done... Or they won't happen for you. You have to be your own support system because there's not going to be another person out there you can depend on. I mean, Dad's not exactly the most supportive guy there is. I mean, if you depend on him to support you, he'll let you fall and land flat on your ass. He gets distracted sometimes... To tell you the truth, it's a wonder he even met Nora at all. Dad was a huge workaholic before he met her. He always got wrapped up in his cases... "You know, I was counting on the thinness of the walls. Did you enjoy the performance?" I remarked sweetly, almost as if I was doing her a favor, beaming wildly.

Casey looked absolutely disgusted. Not that that surprised me. Wasn't she always disgusted with me? She made a face and then smirked herself. She'd obviously come up with a good insult. Well, in the spirit of good sportsmanship, I say we hear it. "I wonder, Derek, just how many of those orgasms were faked?" Casey pondered, putting a finger to her lips. The smile dropped off of my face right after that. That was just hitting below the belt. Besides, what does innocent little Casey McDonald know about sex? She only knows what they taught her in school. Sure, she's hot, and she's pretty... but she's no sexpot.

I pursed my lips at first, feeling them turn white with frustration. I am getting way too worked up about this. So I relaxed a little and licked my lips instead, giving Casey the old once-over. "Wouldn't you like to find out," I murmured suggestively, carefully measuring my words for emphasis. I smiled wryly and winked at her. I swear, she turned red in the face. She was so enraged. I'd forgotten just how fun it was to annoy Casey. And even the littlest things got to her.

I grinned and started to saunter back towards my room, supposedly home-free. I loved getting the last word. It was a prerequisite for all of my dealings with Casey. If possible, always get the last word. I thought I had. But once again, Casey's persistance amazed me. She was more than a match for me sometimes.

"I noticed that you didn't answer the question, though. You know, Derek, if you can't tell me... Could you even muster up the guts to tell her? Or are you just a complete chicken in matters of romance?" Casey pointed out, deliberately baiting me. Well, I'm not going to return the favor. I'm quickly tiring of this argument. For once, I'm going to be the bigger person. Wow. Weird. See the things Casey does to me? They're not all good, you know.

"You know that's not true," I growled through clenched teeth, standing still in the hall. I felt my muscles tense. I was referring obviously to my... conquests. She knew it was true better than anyone. I might want to say another thing right now. I hate people calling me a chicken. Now, I am well aware that I have a reputation. And it's mostly true, but a lot of it's an image. In other words, I'm a lot of things to a lot of people. But one of the things I am not is a coward. I have taken many steps in my life to prove that I am not a goddamn coward. I have done a lot of things, most of them stupid, just to prove those people wrong. That's part of how everyone said I was stupid. I don't much like that one either, for future reference.

But I can't stand being called a coward. So Casey saying that really pissed me off. If she was Sam, for instance, I probably would've started a fight to prove the contrary. But Casey was most definitely NOT Sam. And if she weren't so goddamn oblivious, then she would realize that she IS the freakin' girl. So it was a pretty big deal that I was (mostly) holding me back.

The thing that really got me riled up was the fact that I hadn't actually told her, and that, in some people's eyes, made me a chicken. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment. I just don't like having a serious girlfriend around to crimp my style. And I'm in love with Casey. And it's not that I'm afraid of rejection. Because I'm not accustomed to getting rejected. In fact, if someone does reject me or deny me something... I work my ass off to get it. I know no one thinks that I ever actually work at anything, but I do. Like, take hockey, for example. Okay, in the beginning, the guy wouldn't give me the position I wanted. So I worked harder than anyone... I practiced like a maniac, spending hours training... at home, at the skating rink, in the backyard in the snow... I worked my body to the bone. And I auditioned for the coach again, and I've been captain of the hockey team ever since. That happened in sixth grade, okay, see my point?

And our team wins, too. We're the best hockey team in our district. And let me tell you, it has little to do with Coach. I whip everyone's asses into gear, seriously. I mean, I've been playing hockey since like, what, kindergarten? So that's over two-thirds of my life. I'm serious about it. I even practice in the summer, just to keep in shape. Plus that means I can kick Sam's ass in any season. I so enjoy doing that. Especially that one game when I had like... six hat tricks. No joke. And it was so easy I also got an ultimate hat trick. Ah, that was a good game. A very, very long game. But it was so worth it. Oh, and I had a Gordie Howe hat trick at the end. I so kicked Sam's ass. Literally too. Oh, yeah, this was after he started dating Casey. In the summer. He hadn't been exercising at all 'cause he was busy with my sister. Ugh. I wiped the floor with him, though. I mean, hockey isn't a game of many points, mind you, but the score was 37 to 0. Can we say shutout?

"Just as I thought. You really are too chicken to even tell me her first name. Gee, Derek, have we regressed to first grade? Why can little Derek have a crushy-wushy and tell his daddy, but not his little sister?" Casey continued maliciously, digging into me mockingly. The bitch knew she was getting under my skin. My fists clenched, and I was almost shaking in rage. Casey smirked at me. "I promise I won't tell," She whispered, putting a finger to her lips in the universal quiet sign. I turned around swiftly.

Okay, fine. She broke me down. She oughtta win a freaking prize. Casey broke Derek. Go ahead. Okay, fine! I tried to get out of it, but it seems like she really wants to know. So, you know what, I'm going to tell her! She better remember that she asked for it. She was practically begging for it, in fact. Screw the consequences! You know what, screw it all! I don't have to sit here and take this mockery. I don't have to listen to her baby talk and her snickering and her insults and her accusations and her patronizing Holier-Than-Thou attitude. I don't. I might love the girl, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her just walk all over me. I have some self-respect, thanks. I have too much self-esteem to bend over backwards for her like this.

I shook my head at Casey. Oh, she'll get what she wants, all right. But she's going to find out that it isn't what she wants at all. And I can deal with that. It's not like I'm used to people loving me anyways. I'm not missing anything. I'll just get wasted tonight and screw some pretty girls to get her off my mind. Hey, I can relapse. It's not like I'm in AA. My problem's Casey, not alcohol. I hope she knows I'm going to hold her to that joking promise. Then again, I bet she'd be too embarrassed to tell a soul, even her precious Sammy-Whammy. So, you know what, screw it. Just... screw it. I don't even care anymore. I just can't keep this inside anymore. I can't keep it a secret anymore. And I'm not gonna cower in cowardice any longer. I'm going to lay it out on the table in the open and just accept the fall-out. This act I've been putting on is getting real thin real fast.

I nodded mockingly, feeling so irate that I saw red. I looked her straight in the eyes. "You really want to know, don't you, Case?" I muttered, looking her over coldly. I was unconsciously clenching my teeth. Casey nodded too, clearly sick of the argument and ready for the truth. Oh, she only thinks she's ready for what I have to tell her. That's what she gets for pushing me to this extreme. I'm gonna burst all over her, and it'll be one hell of a mess for her to clean up and fix, now won't it? "Fine. I'll tell you, Case," I stated tersely, fully staring her down. Good. Casey met my stare. She won't be doing that anymore, not after this.

"That girl that I like?" I began almost hestitantly. That was just an act, though. I wanted to keep her in suspense for a bit, for starters. There was nothing hesitant about what I had to say, though. Not a hesitating bone in my body. "She's you," I snapped bluntly, pausing for a brief instance before continuing on. I had no mercy left for Casey. She pushed me to this, remember. The look of surprise hadn't even registered over her face yet, but I strode on. Better to drop two big bombs at once, after all. Who knows, maybe the shock will move her into a coma? Maybe she'll just faint or drop dead or something. Wouldn't that just be great? "And there's really no like about it at all, Case. You see... I'm in love with you, Casey McDonald," I snarled brusquely, completely without any tact to speak off.

To say Casey was floored was an understatement. Her jaw practically dropped to the floor, and her eyes bugged out like saucers. It was somewhat nice to see that I had such an effect on her. I smirked because, really, it was all I could do. "I don't believe you," Casey whispered under her breath. That didn't surprise me. What did surprise me was her pulling me into her room and slamming the door behind us. You know, maybe I'm not going to get rejected after all...

I smirked, glancing around her room. Why am I doing that? It's not like I haven't been in here before a bunch of times. "I knew you wanted me," I mumbled, putting my hands in my pockets. After all, who didn't want me? Casey's eyes flashed angrily, and a look of disgust crossed her face. Now that's a familiar face. But she'd better be careful or her features will get stuck like that. And as hot as I think that look is, I'm not sure I'd want to see it every day. I personally prefer her wrathful look. That glare is so hot.

Casey rolled her eyes at me, crossing her arms over her chest. "You just love to get under my skin, don't you?" Casey asked tiredly, walking closer to me. Does she even have to ask? I grinned in response, nodding slowly. I reached out a hand, putting it carefully on her shoulder. I can't believe she just let me do that. Then again, I just told her I'm in love with her.

"You're right. I do. I love a lot of things about you, Casey," I replied suggestively, trailing my hand down her arm. She's lucky I didn't drop some sexual innuendo in there. She was just asking for it with that "under my skin" comment. Casey swallowed hard and moved out of my grip. She sighed, looking at me and shaking her head at me. She obviously still didn't believe me. Oh, I'll make her believe, all right.

Casey shook her head hard. "You don't love me. You hate me, and I hate you. That's the way it's always been," Casey argued, not even able to look at me. She's honestly crazy if she thinks that. You know, I wish that was really all true. But you know, I do hate her sometimes. It still stung to hear her say that. I don't lie all the time, you know. Never really to Casey.

This time I shook my head almost violently. I laughed. She's so naïve... it's sickening. "I hate you, yeah, Case... But that doesn't mean that I'm not in love with you. You ever hear the saying... There's a thin line between love and hate? Well, it's true, okay! So if anyone's crazy here, Case, it's you, for not believing me!" I shouted, feeling indignant. I just couldn't believe that she didn't believe me. When have I ever lied to her? She had to have noticed how reluctant I was to tell her. How much I tried to get out of it! Is she blind?

Casey's eyes widened. "I'm in love with Sam. You know that!" Casey hissed, throwing her hands in the air. I know, I know, I know. I've had to hear about how much she loves Sam more times than I can count. And every stinking time I wanna puke from the sappiness of it all. She can't love that asshole. Honestly, she harps on that way too much. It's like she's overcompensating or something... Trying to be Super Girlfriend. Sam's a lousy boyfriend. I mean, late to his girlfriend's Halloween party and without a costume? Lameage. And she just let him get away with it. No arguing or nothing. She wouldn't let me get away with something like that. God, when it comes to Sammy, she's such a pushover. Well, they're a pushover power couple, I suppose. Maybe Casey's different around different people too...

I rolled my eyes at Casey, leaning in a little closer. "Does it look like I care?" I retorted irritably. I didn't, I really didn't... Had I ever? I wasn't even sure she was telling the truth most of the time. Casey bristled, shaking her head at me yet again. Jeez, Case, get a new gesture. What did I have to say to prove it to her? What Casey was really saying was that she didn't feel the same. She is so infuriating! Fine, you know what, I'll improvise. After all, it's what I'm best at. "Okay, you want proof? Why do you think I'm nice to you sometimes? Do you think it's just a coincidence that I started down a path of self-destruction right after you and I got in that awful fight? Why do you think I'm always flirting with you... I've tried to kiss you about twenty times, Case. That's not me messing with your head... It's something else entirely. Why do you think I introduced you to my Granny as my girlfriend? Did you honestly buy that excuse? And why do you think I target Sam specifically in hockey practice, Case? Could it be because of the glaringly obvious fact that he's your boyfriend? Think about it," I snapped, stating my reasons. God. I've become a lawyer. As if she'd even believe me then.

Casey doesn't trust me, and I can't blame her. Casey's eyes were wide and wet. Great. I'm making her tear up... That means nothing good. She looked scared too... I guess from all the yelling. Yeah, I was frustrated on about fifty separate levels, but I felt guilty. Only Casey can make me feel guilt. And Marti, but only because she reminds me of my mom sometimes, and you know... she looks up to me. Marti's about the only person in the world who actually... I don't know. She just, she cares. She doesn't automatically assume the worst. And she never compares me to Casey or Sam or Edwin or some other, higher moral standard. Then again, Dad's not one to talk. He wonders why I'm so wild? Maybe it's because he's a spineless moron! Dad's the one who forgot his kid and his stepkid at school. He has no excuse. None whatsoever. So I don't get why he treats me like some second-class citizen. I mean, where the hell does he get off, huh? I don't forget that my little brother exists! Not like him.

In clearer terms, Casey looked absolutely petrified. She was even trembling slightly. I felt bad. Maybe I'd been too harsh. Should I... Should I apologize? "You do it all just to mess with my head! I don't believe you! The granny thing you did just to torture me. I don't know why I ever agreed. And don't you dare blame your addictions, your problems, on me! It's not my fault! As for what you said about Sam... I can't believe you would hurt your best friend just to get to me!" Casey screeched, fighting back tears. Great. She's crying.

"I only told my grandmother that because I wanted to touch you without you trying to kill me. So sue me. And, for the record, I would've let any of your friends come to the party, no strings attached... if you'd just asked. And it is your fault, Casey! Yeah, I might've made some crummy choices, and I can accept the blame for my actions... But that's no excuse for you telling me all that stuff, acting like I didn't have feelings! God, Casey, you act like you're the only one who ever feels any pain! I told you there are worse things than physical pain, and I meant it! You tell me that the day after I'd figured out that I was in love with you... and you call me heartless! You as much as pushed me to the edge of that cliff, Casey!" I screamed frustratedly, pointing an accusatory finger at Casey. I paused briefly, coolling down a little, before I went on to the subject of Sam, her "loving" boyfriend.

"As for Sam... Please. I'd rather have you than his worthless friendship any day. Besides, what the hell kind of boyfriend is he anyways? He's late for about half of your dates, like now for instance. It's what, your sixth month anniversary and he's, what, over an hour late? He came to your Halloween party two hours late and without a costume. He didn't say goodbye to you after you fell asleep that night, and he practically begged me to put you to bed. Sam is the biggest pansy I have ever met! And you know what, when you're around him, you act all spineless too! For crying out loud, you two wouldn't even be dating if I hadn't given him my approval and told him to go after you. I practically had to force him. Now, tell me, Casey, what the hell kind of boyfriend is that? I treat my flavors of the week better than he treats you!" I argued passionately, feeling my hate for Sam increase by the minute.

Casey shook her head, mouth slightly open in outrage. "It's not true. Sam's a perfect gentleman, unlike you," Casey disagreed primly, shooting me a disdainful look. It was true. She just doesn't see it. Oh, and you'd think that was enough, right? But nooo... Casey continues. Casey goes on about her oh-so wonderful boytoy. "And if there's one thing I know, it's that Sam is not at all like you. Sam is a feminist. Sam loves me. And Sam is not a whore. He would never, ever make me do something I don't want. He would never cheat on me. Sam is a good person... and you are not," Casey continued snobbishly, practically sticking her nose up in the air.

I just shrugged. Nice to know that she thinks so little of me. "I might not be perfect. I might not be a good man. And I am most certainly not a gentleman. But just let me tell you, you don't know Sam as well as I do. I've known him for eleven years. Trust me, they don't just call him King of Babes because he rocks at Babe Raider. He's been with girls before you, Casey, and he will be with girls after you. As for the way you say I treat girls... First of all, I always pay for dinner. It might be chicken, but I will pay for my date's dinner. On a rare occasion, we will go dutch. And Sam's the one with the job, isn't he, Case? Funny how that works, isn't it? I'm never late for a date, but if I am... I at least have the decency to call. And even then, it's only a few minutes. Yeah, I might be a bit of a playboy, but I don't give any of them illusions about the relationship. I don't cheat on them, since we're never exclusive in the first place. I don't lead them on. And I go after what I want on my own initiative. So, Case, who's the one with more courtesy towards women? It's not Sam," I muttered heatedly, irritated beyond belief. Sam isn't as good of a guy as they make him out to be.

Casey shook her head again. Why the hell can't she see that Sam is a loser? "You're an ass, you know that?" Casey hissed bitterly. She looked down, fidgeting so much it drove me crazy. And then, in a very quiet voice, she spoke again. "And... you c-can't love me. You can't love anyone except yourself!" Casey began slowly, weakly... but then the comment degenerated into an insult a la Carly Simon. That most certainly was not true. That... That was the last straw for me. I mean, yeah, disbelief is one thing... but saying that I'm incapable of love? That was just vicious, cruel, and untrue.

I clenched my jaw, clenching my hands into fists so hard that my nails dug into my skin. I think I was silently shaking. My face must've been completely red by that point, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I was fed up. I forced myself to exhale. I didn't care that Casey looked afraid. I had to get her to grasp this. Period. I sighed once more, forcing myself to relax a little. I plastered that bitter smile on my face, and I told her like I've never told her before. I was damn serious, and it was about time that she saw that. "You wanna know why I'm such an ass to you all the time? It's to cover up for the fact that every time I see you I want to kiss the living daylights out of you! But I can't do that. Think of how it would look... So I say something stupid instead to try and cover up how I feel, and I unleash that frustration on you. And I'm sorry for that. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to act like I do. But I do it anyways... because I'm just a screw-up. That's all I really am to you, isn't it, Casey? And I'm not stupid. I know you don't feel the same. But, you know what, I don't care! I just thought you needed to know," I declared passionately, almost violently, gesticulating rapidly with my hands. I paused for a second, finally pressing onwards and finishing my damn speech with a big bang. "So don't you dare say that I can't love you because I can and I do and that's not going to change anytime soon!"

That being said, I grabbed Casey and pushed her against the closed door. I did that and I gave her the biggest kiss of her life. I could feel my lips bruising at the touch, but I didn't care. I could taste blood, but I didn't care. I wanted Casey. That's all. I wanted her so bad it physically hurt. So I just kissed her harder and I closed my eyes. Because it was all I could do. She wasn't going to love me. And she wasn't going to leave Sam. But she couldn't quite reject me either. And it's not like she fought me off. She kissed me back, all right. I engraved every minute detail of the moment into my brain. The way it felt, the passion, the energy, the sparks, the way she tasted... the way it felt like the heart she says I don't have was breaking, but I was still whole and in pain. And it hurt, but it was like kissing her was holding me together. Even though I'd completely lost my mind and fallen head over heels for her. And I can't be with her. That's what kills me. Guess you can't always get what you want, can you? Well, sorry, Mick, but I'm not getting what I need either. I need Casey.

I ran my hands down her skin. It was so soft, and I knew she'd never let me touch her again. She was so warm through the thin fabric... I pushed her sleeves down a little more. Let's see how far I can push it, shall we? I groaned, bit her lip. Then I let my lips trail down her neck, but I couldn't stay away. My lips trailed back up, and I savagely crushed them back against hers... where they belonged. I licked her lips, tasted her. I moaned, felt her tears against my cheek. I wanted more. I didn't even breathe. I didn't want to. I just wanted to kiss her. I broke the kiss for one second, looking her straight in the eyes. "I love you," I swore vehemently, honestly... seconds before I captured her lips again, moaning against her lips in rapture. A second later, a breathless Casey broke the kiss.

Her lips were flushed and very swollen. I was proud to admit that her lipstick was horribly smeared. I was tempted to wipe it off, but she'd deck me if I tried it. I knew that. So instead I swiped at my own lips. Gotta look manly after all. Can't look suspicious, or they might actually realize what's going on with Casey and me. Ha, yeah right. Casey looked horrified and quickly opened the door, practically shoving me out of her room.

I did what I usually do... acted my ass off. I smirked like I was still that cocky bastard I'd always been, who was actually... happy! I winked at Casey and looked as amused and proud of myself as I could. Like I hadn't just given her my heart back there without her even caring. I leaned in so close that I could see the fear written all over her face. And then I said enigmatically, "No matter how hot the girl is, I always pretend I'm having sex with you."

That wasn't entirely true, but I'd thought about Casey more often than anyone else. I smiled merrily at the horribly red blush on her face. She looked like a tomato. But she was my... Sam's. Of course. How could I ever forget? The smile immediately dropped off my face to be replaced with a frown. She wasn't mine at all. It would do me best to remember that. I heard Dad call Casey once again from downstairs. "Casey, Sam's here for you!" He shouted.

I felt my skin crawl at the name, a look of disgust crossing my face. Casey shot me a glare and pushed past me forcibly. As amusing as the idea of Casey going downstairs with lipstick smeared drunkenly all over her face was... I wasn't about to let Casey's infidelity be exposed. After all, she'd started things... but I'd finished them. "Hey, Sis, you might want to wipe off that lipstick that's smeared all over your face. Wouldn't want the boyfriend to find out about the secret affair you've been having with your stepbrother, eh?" I grunted nonchalantly, enjoying mocking her immensely.

Casey grimaced, giving me a dirty look. She looked positively disgusted with me... but she wiped her lips nonetheless. Ha. I win this time. Her lip curled into a sneer. "How can you even call me sister after what you just told me? You're sick, Derek," A disgusted (yet flustered) Casey spat, wiping at her lips harder... as if she wanted to get me off of her lips. The taste of me, I mean.

I just smirked again, shrugging. "No blood relation!" I called smugly after her. My eyes narrowed irritably. "Give your boyfriend my regards!" I yelled bitterly, turning around and charging towards my sanctuary. I swore that I wasn't going to look back, but I did anyways. And Casey was looking at me too. She was still looking at me when she tripped on the first step. Maybe it's not as hopeless as it seems... Maybe. Just Maybe.

Then again, a second later, she was glaring at me so coldly it made me stop dead in my tracks. She headed stiffly down the stairs without another word. Her cold posture was enough. How's that for a mixed signal. Still... That wasn't much of a reaction on her part. I still don't know how she feels. And that's what really irks me. But, as much as I would love to ruminate on that subject, and stew in my room... I need a drink.

All I have to do is sneak out the window, and... Maybe if I drink enough, I can forget this night even happened. It's not like I even matter to Casey. Who cares what happens to me anyways? Marti. That's it. On that note... I know how I'm going to spend the rest of this fine night. Drinking it is.

Loren ;

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