Okay, so, for starters I apologize for this taking so damn long. I'm sorry. Life has been really hectic, and inspiration... not so much. With college applications and everything, I've been pretty sapped and stressed lately, and I have zero willpower to even do my homework. And sleep. I like sleep lately. But here it is, finally, after I set my mind out to finish tonight. Phew. Plus this story kinda does the opposite of de-stress me.
And I wanted to post this two days ago, but unfortunately circumstances beyond my control intervened, such as me getting the worst cold ever. And I had a fever yesterday of 101.8, so I was pretty much forced into bed at ten-eleven-ish.
But, okay, it's not just that. It's other things, like this Edwin/Lizzie fic I've been secretly working on which is far more entertaining to me than this... (If you're interested, I'll show you a clip) Although who knows, that might change next chapter... Anyways, in addition, the first half of this chapter is fluffy and at times a bit dull. I apologize, but it says a lot about Casey's frame of mind and such. And Derek's happy, which is so surreal.
Normally I'd write a longer A/N 'cause I feel I'm missing things. Kudos to anyone who catches the Strange Days references. Um, review if you want, I guess... You can also check out "At Last" if you feel like it. I like At Last quite a bit, but not as much as that Lizzie/Edwin fic I'm writing. Seriously, people, we need more of those because when I'm looking for pure Lizzie/Edwin fics for inspiration, I can't find very many, much less any that are updated. They're usually one-shots or Edwin/Lizzie is relegated to a minor subplot, and there's even less of that nowadays. So write them, people. Write one and get a spoiler, hell, write one I like and get two! I seriously actually think I like them more than Derek/Casey now because D/C's kinda played out and I haven't seen any new eps in a while. Plus I can't completely like Casey like I loooove Derek. And I like both Edwin and Lizzie equally.
Anyways, here it is... finally, hope you enjoy. Comment if you feel like it.
"Well, she didn't get you, but she got the next best thing!"
Hi, I'm Casey McDonald... and I'm Derek Venturi's girlfriend. Wow. It's a little hard to believe.
Bonjour (pour tous les Quebeçois), je suis Casey McDo, et je sors avec le captaine de l'équipe d'hockey, Numéro 44. Et si tu pense qu'il est chaud dans la glace...
Hey, I'm Casey McDonald, and I'm dating the most popular and most wanted guy in school. Aren't you jealous?
I'm Casey, and... I'm dating my stepbrother.
Well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. Like I should be a guest on Jerry Springer. Honestly, though, I really like the sound of it. The first three, anyways. I like being Derek's girlfriend. Isn't that strange? I never thought I'd like it either, but it's been really nice. I've only been his girlfriend for a little less than a week, but Derek has been a surprisingly excellent boyfriend, especially given the circumstances, like the fact that we can't go out in public or tell Mom and Dad- I mean... George... his dad. I never would've expected it from him, but I'm really glad I gave him a chance.
It was worth it... for a lot of reasons.
Derek makes me happy, for one. Sam never made me feel like this. I loved Sam, and I still do... A girl never forgets her first love... But Sam didn't treat me right. He never made me happy. He always came first in our relationship, and I was just along for the ride. He never loved me, not even a little. Derek was right about him, completely right. Sam never paid for me, never even thought about it. He was always late. And he never even showed up to my birthday or gave me a present, not even on our anniversary.
Derek is a gentleman. He'd take me out if he could. He took me out and paid even when we weren't dating. Last Saturday he drove us all the way to Toronto, just so we could hang out in public. Over four hours to and back... all for me. He even went to see Uncle Donny with me. Uncle Donny loves him, by the way, but he's loved him ever since they first met. He completely approves, and he's so picky when it comes to boys! Derek is so... different... than what I'm used to. I never thought it would be like this, being with him. So... perfect.
He's so different from Sam and Max. In a good way. He gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday, and two Christmas presents. Derek's so generous. It's an unexpected virtue, but he likes to share when he has things. And I think about all the stuff he's done for me, even when I was completely horrible to him, and it blows my mind now. I never really appreciated it like I should've. He threw me an awesome sixteenth birthday party, even if Sam didn't show up, and how many guys give a girl their dead mother's diamond necklace and stand up to their father so you can have it? Especially when you're not even dating... not even remotely close. Not many, just Derek.
He made me breakfast in bed the other day (the morning after I became his girlfriend), just like he did on my birthday. He winked and said it was the least he could do after keeping me up all night. I didn't mind that, especially since it was so... but it was the best meal I ever had. Even better because Derek was there with me. We shared it, feeding each other and all. Isn't that sickeningly adorable?
I think he's being so sweet lately that he's going to give me a cavity.
He loves me so much; I can't comprehend it. Why would he love me, of all the girls ever known? Me? I feel so undeserving. I've never treated him that well, and I've always thought the worst of him. Yet he loves me, despite all that, despite the fact that I'm still in love with Sam, and I don't feel the same. I want to feel the same. It'd be so much easier if my feelings went one extreme or the other. If I completely hated him or loved him or... But they don't. They're stuck hopelessly in the middle, all mixed and twisted and muddled up.
It's still all so new to me, this whole having-a-relationship-with-Derek-thing. A decent, romantic one. I still can't believe that we can actually have actual conversations, minus all the yelling. It's so hard to pretend to fight with him when I feel like doing anything but. You know, so the parentals and, more importantly, the younger sibs, don't get suspicious. I don't want to set a bad example for them. I feel like such a hypocrite for criticizing Lizzie when I'm doing worse. But it's different for me and Derek. We never even pretended to think of each other as siblings. He won't ever be a brother to me. Nothing could make him my brother.
It's kind of great, actually. The first few weeks of any relationship are, but Derek makes me feel different.
It's Derek's birthday today. He's been looking forward to this for a long time. Derek's crazy about birthdays. He's officially seventeen. One year closer to being able to vote, drink, and enlist. I thought he'd want to throw a huge party, since there's nothing he loves more than a killer party. George and Mom are gone for the weekend, as if to help Derek in throwing a party. It's kind of a secret all-clear. Marti's over at Dimi's for the weekend, and, since we had a freak blizzard, Lizzie and Edwin are over at one of their friend's houses for at least the night. Maybe (hopefully) longer. It has snowed an awful lot today, even for Canada.
It seems like Derek should be throwing a party now, even despite the blizzard, but he's shown no interest in any of my attempts to throw him a huge birthday bash. He said next week would be better, and that he'd rather spend the whole weekend alone with me. I can't even go out of the house to get him anything; Derek won't let me leave! He said that I'm the only present he needs. I guess that's true. What do you get for the man who has everything? According to Derek, in giving him myself, I gave him the best gift he's ever received. Sweet and cheesy, just like a cannoli. I almost miss the old Derek... but not quite.
There's something about discovering what a stranger Derek really is to me that's so utterly appealing. I've had simple, now I want complex. There are so many more layers to Derek than I ever gave him credit for. I actually like learning about him. It's a nice chance to take advantage of the intimacy so I can finally know what he's thinking.
You know how long that's consumed me, wondering what goes on in Derek's head?
Far longer than I'm willing to admit.
Honestly, though, I'm kind of creeped out that I gave myself to Derek, but he's completely right. I was what he wanted most, and now he has me. Derek's into the chase, so I think he'll eventually turn around. Normally Derek loses interest fast, but he hasn't lost interest in me yet. I don't know why... maybe it's the forbidden angle, or that we have to sneak around, or the love.
Probably the love. It's still a novelty to him, which is kind of adorable.
Anyway, I'm trying to think of something special I can do for him, since he's done so much for me... other than the all-too obvious. That's why I'm making him lunch. Derek, bless him, is still sleeping. He's completely beat. He had a huge hockey game yesterday. The team won, but he got back home by 4 in the morning. It was an away game, and the party was very long. Then Mom and George dragged him up at seven to see them off, and he stayed up until nine, helping me help the kids get ready to go to their friends' houses. He went right back to bed after that, and I stayed up, doing menial household chores.
I don't mind, though. It helps to clear my mind, distract me. I like cleaning. It's simple. It helps to calm all these thoughts and feelings I've got swirling around in my head. I tried to think of things to do for his birthday, but I came up with nothing... except cooking. So I'm making him his favorite meal and a giant birthday cake. I also like baking, which is so ridiculously domestic of me, like I'd actually like being a housewife or whatever. It's Derek's birthday, but I'm not going to Donna Reed it. I'm not going to bring him his pipe, his paper, and his pantouffles. Especially since I don't approve of his smoking habit. When I kiss him after he's smoked, it's like licking an ashtray... only an ashtray can't do those sorts of things with its mouth.
Derek's birthday cake is a masterpiece, if I do say so myself. It's a triple-layer Black Forest cake with German chocolate filling. Cherries, creamy frosting, and flakes of chocolate decorate the top. It's delicious, or at least it will be. But I suppose Derek won't think it's the real dessert. He's absolutely insatiable, but he wouldn't be Derek if he wasn't. And then I wouldn't know what to do with him at all. Not that I especially do now. Life with Derek has always been unpredictable... multiply that by a thousand and you get how unpredictable it is to date him.
And I never thought I'd say this, but sometimes a little chaos is a good thing.
I think I'm finally beginning to appreciate disorder... if only a little bit. After all, as Edwin pointed out, the second law of thermodynamics says that everything tends towards entropy anyways.
Hence Derek's appeal: he is chaos personified.
After all, who am I to defy the laws of nature?
Dating Derek's exciting, to say the least. Honestly, after one boring, predictable relationship after another, that's exactly what I need. It was always commitment and then that nervous fluttery feeling but never any real passion. Derek is full of passion. Derek's fun, and I already know how he feels, so I don't have to worry all the time or over-analyze everything he says. It's such a relief, really, because Derek knows who I am. So I know he isn't just going to up and leave, and for once I feel like I'm in power. He just has this way of calming me down that has to be unnatural. And, even stranger, Derek and I almost never fight. I never expected this, really. You never know what you're gonna get or what he'll do next, and sometimes he just pulls this completely romantic thing out of nowhere.
While thinking this, I pulled the steaming chicken out of the oven, carefully setting it on our two plates. I put some rice down next to it along with some potatoes au gratin. Then I poured sauce on the chicken. I set the two plates on the meticulously set table, then brought in the salads, bread, salad dressing, and butter. I filled both glasses with ice and water. Okay, so chicken sautée with salad isn't exactly Derek's favorite meal. He likes pizza and raw meat, steak, hamburgers, that sort of thing. I wanted a nice meal, though. Besides, he's having steak for dinner. I had carefully hidden Derek's birthday cake in the freezer and was in the middle of making the dessert (strawberries dipped in chocolate with a side of whipped cream and powdered sugar), when I felt hands on my hips.
My heart immediately leapt into my throat. Derek wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning into me. I was suddenly very glad I'd hidden the cake. "Hey, babe. What's cooking?" He mumbled, voice still heavy with sleep. It sounded like he had just woken up. I smiled and finished arranging the food on the tray. "I smelled food, so I thought I'd come down. Were you making something for me?" Derek asked in a lilting tone, amusement evident in his voice. I turned around and nodded briefly, walking past him and into the dining room. I set the tray in the middle of the table and turned around to see the look on his face, undoing my apron and throwing it on the floor.
His eyes were wide with shock. He licked his lips, clearly hungry. I didn't know whether his hunger was for me or the food, but Derek's smile said it all. He sat down and practically fell upon the food. I was a bit disappointed at his brutish behavior and the fact that his hunger was solely directed towards the food. A few moments later, however, I seated myself and dug into the food. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. Before I knew it, all the food on my plate was gone, and I had to look up at Derek. Surprisingly, I met his eyes straightaway. He was smiling. "Mm... That was delicious. Are there seconds?" Derek exclaimed contentedly. I shook my head.
His face fell a little, but I motioned to the strawberries, grinning. "There's dessert, of course." Derek smirked, shooting me a very, very suggestive look. He motioned me over to him. I grinned back and picked up the platter of strawberries, plucking one off the platter to feed Derek. He ate it absolutely shamelessly, so suggestively that it made me flush all the way down to my bones. I remembered all the wonderful things he could do with those lips and that tongue. My throat went a little dry.
He tasted like strawberries and chocolate when I kissed him, which was about two seconds after he finished the second strawberry. Sue me, but I couldn't take it anymore. It was just as well, I suppose. Derek is not renowned for his self-control, so it was really less of a victory for him. Oh, I forgot to say we have little games like that, teasing one another to see who caves first. I usually win, since I held out longer than Derek for seventeen years. I've had quite a bit of practice with it, but something about him is just irresistible to me right now.
Let's just say I finally understand what all those girls have been raving about in the locker room. After that, I kind of let the tray fall back on the table and wound up on Derek's lap. His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His fingers brushed across the flesh above my skirt. The skin tingled where he touched me. And it felt good. He played with the zipper of my skirt, beginning to undo it when... the damn phone rang and ruined everything. Both of us tried to ignore it, but eventually the ringing was so annoying that I had to extricate myself from Derek and walk into the living room.
To say that I was flustered would be an understatement. My clothes were slightly rumpled, my hair mussed. And it was Max on the phone. Why did I insist on keeping the phone plugged in? Derek had practically ripped the cord out of the wall once everyone left. Said he wanted us to have a little privacy.
Oh, right. I said that we should keep it plugged in just in case Mom or George called about something and for emergencies. Why am I so stupid?! I should've at least screened my calls. Instead, I was forced to be cordial to my evil ex-boyfriend. "Hello, Max. To what do I owe this phone call?" I replied as civilly as I could. In reality, I kind of wanted to bite his head off. He wasn't a great boyfriend by any strides. He was half a boyfriend, and Derek told me how he always laughed at me when his friends made fun of me. I can't believe I never saw that. But now, after hearing how he sent his goons to harass me; well, that's the final straw.
I refuse to pretend to get along with him. You know, he told everyone he dumped me, even though half the class and Derek saw me break up with him. He always was so obnoxious and horribly vain. Therefore, I was not happy to hear from him, especially now, when I have so many better things to be doing. I don't even want to tell him off, really. I'd just prefer never to hear from him ever again, really. "Since when does Derek fight your battles for you?" He countered gruffly. I bristled at the statement.
"Derek does not fight my battles for me. He was only looking out for me. I can't believe you don't even have the nerve to harass me yourself! You have to send some dumb jock to do it for you! And why now, why after Sam's dumped me? We're not together anymore, Max. Get over it. I have!" I retorted sharply, perhaps a bit too sharply. I glanced up, noticing that Derek stood waiting in the doorway. I tried to smile, but it was strained at best. Unable to look at him, since I felt guilty that I was even talking to my ex-boyfriend on Derek's birthday.
Max scoffed over the phone, obviously remembering the Casey who had scared Ryan off. I just remembered how he had stood there and done nothing. With a word, he could have easily stopped a fight, but he didn't. He just laughed and thought "how amusing". He was just going to let Derek get his ass kicked. Sam was at least better than that, minus his preference for cheap whores. Max, although a player, tended to prefer dipping from his vast pool of ex-girlfriends. Hence why I dumped him: Amy. That bitch.
Derek walked over to me slowly. "Oh, I'm over it, Casey. I'm sorry to hear about you and Sam," Max stated coolly. He is such a foul liar, isn't he? Everyone knew about it because Emily can't keep a secret. I was polite enough not to mention who I caught him cheating on me with. I rolled my eyes. If he was really okay with it, he wouldn't bother calling me for no reason. "However, I was thinking about it... And I feel like it's time for a reconciliation." There was a distinctly lascivious tone in his voice, and I knew what that meant.
It disgusted me. I was with Derek anyway, but no one knew that. Even if I wasn't, I still wouldn't be desperate enough to take Max up on his sleazy offer. "Thanks, but no thanks," I said briskly. My eyes flicked over to Derek, and I noticed he was grinning. He started to walk towards me. My eyes followed him all the way to the couch. He plopped down right next to me, casually throwing an arm around me. He sighed, rolling his eyes. I nodded whole-heartedly.
I could tell that Max was angry with me. I wasn't alone anymore, though. I didn't have to put up with his harassment now that I had Derek behind me. "I don't think you've considered it enough. I could offer you a lot of comfort, Casey... especially in your time of need. Think it over before you reject it. It doesn't even have to be anything serious," Max suggested semi-flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes again, pulling a face. Sleaze. Man, even Derek had more class when he was pursuing me.
I needed to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Derek leaned his head against my shoulder, toying with the ends of my hair. His lips brushed against my neck. "I don't need to consider it, Max. I'm with someone else. Someone a lot better than you," I said automatically. Derek seemed to perk up at this. He draped his other arm around my waist protectively, turning his head to kiss my neck passionately. I sighed dreamily, a bit too dreamily for a conversation on the phone with my ex. I could practically hear the smarmy smirk forming on his slutty face. "I'm not going to have sex with you, Max. Get that through your thick head. I didn't have sex with you when we were dating, and I'm certainly not going to do it now. That's why you cheated on me. Because I wouldn't give it up to you," I snapped plainly. It would do him best to remember that.
I hung up right after that, because Derek's lips had meandered down to my collarbone by then, and I was about to let out an unladylike moan that would definitely give Max the wrong idea. Then I dropped the phone with a clatter, tilting my head to pull Derek closer. I fell back on the couch suddenly and hit the remote accidentally. The TV turned on, and I pushed Derek away, feeling embarrassed. I shifted, picking up the remote, turning to see what was on.
It was a really old commercial for beer. The Joe Canada one. Derek suddenly turned to stare at it in silence, a frown forming on his face. "Hey, he looks like my science teacher!" He exclaimed strangely. I blinked, looking at the all-too familiar face. Science teacher? I scoffed, smacking Derek lightly on the arm.
"Please. Like science teachers are that attractive," I retorted amusedly. If that was true, I would be a lot more interested in science. Besides, we have the same science teacher. A woman science teacher. Derek shot me a look, but laughter was in his eyes.
We settled down to watch some TV show. It was more along the informative type, and I know Derek loathes documentaries. Unless they're interesting. Otherwise, though, he hates them. I moved to change the channel; it was some science show. Derek knocked the remote out of my hand. "I want to watch that," He declared, surprising me. I blinked, glancing at the television. The program was on tesseracts. I turned back to look at Derek, who was indeed watching. I blinked again, but he was still watching when I opened my eyes.
That's the thing about Derek. He continually surprises me. I stared at him in disbelief. Derek was watching the show with rapt attention. He answered my unspoken question without even turning his head. "Yes, Casey, I know what a tesseract is. It's a four-dimensional cube, so they're generally associated with the fourth dimension- a.k.a. time travel," He replied matter-of-factly. Now I was just impressed. The guy on the TV hadn't even defined it yet. I stared at Derek in awe. "Why is that so surprising?" He asked a moment later, sounding almost exasperated. He seemed kind of annoyed or angry, so I forced myself to watch the program and stop staring at him.
I like science and all, don't get me wrong, but Derek was a whole lot more fascinating. Admittedly, I knew the answer to his question, but I was too ashamed to say it. Because I never thought you had a brain, much less one that actually gave a crap about abstract scientific theories. I felt guilty just for thinking it, but Derek had never shown an interest in it, so how was I supposed to know? Besides, I knew next to nothing about them. I smiled, trying to watch the show. "Next thing I know you'll be telling me about wormholes and string theory and alternate realities and the butterfly effect," I quipped brightly.
Derek turned to look at me, traces of a smile beginning to appear on his face. "Well, for all we know, there could be some alternate world out there where I'm a total geek and you're starring in movies with Lindsay Lohan," He retorted mischievously. I laughed really loud. Derek a geek? Me, in movies with Lindsay Lohan? Oh, yes, definitely an alternative universe. Besides, didn't I deserve a starring role more than that ex-Disney drug addict? Just saying... Where does Derek get these ideas, I wonder.
I laughed, putting my hand on his thigh accidentally. "Yeah, that'll be the day!" I exclaimed. I turned, noticing that Derek was staring at me. He gently brought my hand to his lips. He kissed my fingers slowly, one after the other. I closed my eyes and felt him kiss his way up my arm. His lips were so warm. I tilted my neck so there would be more space for him to kiss, sighing dreamily and waiting for him to reach my lips. Unfortunately, just before that happened, Derek pulled away.
I opened my eyes, feeling vaguely annoyed. Then I noticed that the TV was back on. I couldn't be mad at him, but I also couldn't help but roll my eyes. It just figures. Typical guy. I sank into the couch, burying my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck, leaning in to whisper in his ear. "Der, I'm hurt. Since when do you find science more interesting than your girlfriend?" I murmured jestingly. Derek immediately turned to face me. I pouted. I was going to kiss his neck.
He looked a little sheepish, shrugging like it was no big deal. "Okay," He admitted, "so maybe I like science." Derek looked down as if embarrassed. I personally thought it was cute, not embarrassing. And, honestly, it was kind of cool to find out that there was more to Derek than the player I knew. Then he looked up at me like a little boy. "But haven't you ever wondered about the paranormal?" He said.
Not really, but the idea that Derek did interested me. I fought the urge to grin insanely, plastering a serious look on my face. "Since when are you a conspiracy theorist?" I quipped, trying to hide my amusement. What was funny was how Derek got all defensive. I wanted to burst out into loud laughter, but I refrained wisely. I tousled his hair affectionately.
He actually blushed. "Jeez, I'm not Edwin, you know..." Derek retorted a bit sharply. I turned my head so he didn't see me grin. "It's just... When I was little, I wanted to win a Nobel Prize," He replied reluctantly. I thought that was just about the most a-fricking-dorable thing I'd ever heard. Who knew Derek had dreams? That was so cute that I just had to kiss him. I jerked his head towards me, slamming his lips against mine. Derek fumbled with the remote, muting the TV. He pulled me onto his lap, and I kind of lost track of time from that point forward.
By the time Derek and I were done (which was much, much, much later), it was five-thirty. The both of us were ravenously hungry. I was going to cook that steak for Derek, and make some mashed potatoes and stuff, but I needed him to do something so he wasn't there watching me. I knew if he was, I'd act like a klutz and completely screw everything up like I did that one time Uncle Dennis came to dinner. So I turned to Derek, trying to think of something for him to do. Then I noticed the dreamy way Derek was staring at me. He smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Penny for your thoughts?" I whispered, running my hand through his hair.
The grin stayed on his face. "How 'bout a kiss instead?" He suggested flirtatiously, waggling his eyebrows. I nodded anxiously, waiting for him to tell me. "I was just thinking that this is the best birthday I've ever had, and I owe it all to you," He murmured, pressing his lips against my temple. I smiled back. He's so sweet sometimes, when we're all alone, and he can just be himself. "And how much I love you," He continued, sounding awed by it. I kissed his neck softly.
"Mmm, Derek. How 'bout you go shower while I make dinner?" I hinted, pushing him off the couch in the direction of the stairs. Derek pouted, but I motioned for him to go up the stairs nonetheless. I bent down, slowly retrieving my clothing. Obviously I'm not going to cook naked. That's just inviting trouble... and Derek, of course. Derek watched me with a satisfied grin on his face. "Now go on, Der... You get cleaned up!" I got dressed quickly, pulling my clothes on before going into the kitchen. "And think about what else I can do to make this birthday even better for you!"
I swiped my finger across the top of the cake, licking it. Mmm, it tasted sweet. I read the recipe and started to prepare the steak. I'd reached a point where it didn't need constant watching when the phone rang. I went to answer it, frowning and wishing I'd joined Derek for his shower. I felt disgusting, and the water would be so nice. That'd be breaking my one rule, though. No sex in the bathroom. I walked over to answer the phone, picking it up. Unfortunately, it was Max, again.
"Casey, we didn't finish our conversation!" I groaned loudly, walking back over to the stove to watch Derek's steak. I suddenly wasn't very hungry anymore. "Now, I don't believe you. It was good between us, wasn't it? I could show you a good time, Case... Better than you've ever known," Max wheedled. I rolled my eyes. Max, better than Derek? Please. I should've just dumped Max for Noel when I had the chance. Why do I always choose crappy boyfriends? I mean, seriously, I think Derek's the best guy I've ever dated. Which is sad.
I just have this awful habit of picking a guy and thinking he's my world, and then he turns out to be completely two-faced and psycho. At least I know what to expect with Derek. I've already seen all his ugly sides, and even so, he's still the best of them. Not to mention a far better kisser. "Max, cram it. It was never that good, so don't flatter yourself. Dating you was a mistake, as is you calling me," I retorted sharply. I needed to do something with my hands, so I started dicing vegetables for the salad. I amused myself by pretending they were Max' head. "Now, really, I'd like it if you hung up."
He didn't, of course. I scowled at him, feeling rather annoyed. "Casey, baby, come on..." Finally, I'd had enough. I threw the knife down, sweeping all the vegetables into the salad bowl.
"No, Max! I will not! Just because I'm vulnerable from breaking up with Sam doesn't mean you have an open invitation between my legs! You've got your easy slut of a girlfriend for that," I shouted, absolutely furious. It sounded like I was jealous when I was really just extremely pissed off. So I took a deep breath and continued in a calmer tone. "Now, as I told you before, I'm with someone else, who, I assure you, is a thousand times better than you in every way. And he loves me, so you can just kiss off. Bye Max," I replied rather tersely, slamming the phone down. Plus I don't want to get back with Max ever again.
Then, just to be certain he didn't call me again, I finally unplugged the phone. Screw Mom and George. If there's an emergency, they can reach us on our cell phones. I sighed dreamily. The thought of absolute privacy with Derek seemed just what the doctor ordered. I waited for the steak to finish cooking, made some mashed potatoes, and reset the table. I lit the candles and put the salad, salad dressing, and other dishes on the table while the steak simmered. Admittedly, I'm no pro at cutting a steak, but I think I managed rather admirably. The cake, however, remained in the fridge. The birthday candles and lighter I'd borrowed were on the counter.
Having finished all that, I called Derek downstairs. He was dressed surprisingly nicely. He looked almost good enough to eat, but enough of that... Derek sat down and immediately began to eat. I grimaced a little. He still eats like a starving barbarian. That is not to say that Derek isn't a starving barbarian because, of course, he is. But I am not so much as kissing him until he flosses. I refuse to kiss someone with meat in his teeth. Even if I was in love with said person, and I am certainly not in love with Derek.
I ate much more slowly and carefully, as opposed to my boyfriend, who pretty much stuck his knife in it and started munching. I wanted to point out how obviously dangerous that was, but I refrained. It was a good meal, I suppose. Derek confirmed my belief loudly with a comment and a loud belch. He was at least civilized enough to look sheepish and apologize for the burp. How kind of him.
Well, one can't expect perfection overnight. Besides, despite his lack of polish and manners, Derek is far more of a gentleman than anyone I've ever dated. And he makes up for it in... other ways. Finally, we'd both finished (Derek finished thirds), and I pushed my plate further back on the table. Derek leaned back, satisfied, staring at me dreamily. He looked a bit sleepy, so it surprised me when he decided to start a conversation. There was a faint smile on his lips. "So, I heard what you said on the phone about me to Max," Derek commented with a full-on grin.
I felt myself flush. I hadn't intended for him to hear that. Why would I say something so nice about him if I knew he was listening? Great. Now Derek was smirking. "Did you mean it?" He asked in a curious lilting voice. I nodded somewhat shyly. Derek was actually smiling now. He leaned across the table to grab my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand.
"Derek, I-" I started to say, needing to somehow explain or qualify the statement. Derek didn't seem to care much, though. He stood up abruptly, bending across the table to kiss me. I let him, but then I pulled back sternly. "Not until you floss." Derek made a face, but I stared at him until he relented. He relented much quicker than he usually did, probably because I had what he wanted. To tide Derek over, I reached across the table, grabbing him by his collar. I flashed him a convincingly seductive grin. "Besides, Derek, I'm going to go change into something a little more... comfortable," I hinted suggestively, pressing a kiss lightly to his lips before releasing him and heading upstairs.
Needless to say, Derek got the message and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. I think he was done flossing in maybe under a minute. I, on the other hand, had some serious contemplation to do... What to wear, what to wear? Should I wear that lingerie or the shorts or the robe? I was deliberating over clothes for some fifteen minutes until Derek knocked on my door. "C'mon Casey! It can't take you that long just to get dressed! You're cruel, but even you aren't this cruel!" Derek whined through my (locked) door. He tried the door, and, finding it locked, he shouted through the door. "Since when do you lock your door?" He cried.
I grinned. "Well, Derek, I'm changing... Wouldn't want to have you come barging in," I replied back, feeling somewhat amused. Derek groaned in frustration and probably was about to say something about the fact that he'd been in there many times before, so I broke in. "Besides, Dere-Bear, it'd ruin the effect. Now go clear off the table. I intend for you and I to put it and the counter to good use," I exclaimed flirtatiously. Needless to say, Derek backed away from the door, practically leaped downstairs, and rushed to the table.
A few moments later, I got an idea. I unlocked and opened the door, peering into the hallway to see if Derek was anywhere around. He wasn't, so I smirked and snuck into his bedroom. I grabbed his hockey jersey, which I'd fortunately just washed. I put it on over the lingerie he'd bought me for Christmas before spraying myself with that perfume he liked. Then I swept some cherry Chapstick across my lips (I didn't want something really sticky or messy that could get smeared easily, and, besides, we both liked cherries) and ran a hand through my hair. I smiled into the mirror, feeling self-conscious. Then I reminded myself that Derek is in love with me and that this is any sane, straight hockey player's fantasy.
Needless to say, I was effectively reassured, but I could've done without the annoying reminder of Sam. It gave me an unwanted pang to think of it. I headed down the stairs no less than a moment later. I peeked in the direction of the kitchen. Apparently Derek was still cleaning up because I saw him scrubbing dishes with a fury. I bit back a giggle at the sight of something I never thought I'd see: Derek actually doing his own chores. I was headed towards the dining room when suddenly the doorbell rang. I hollered out to Derek that I'd get it and dashed towards the door. Derek growled in frustration, and for once, I agreed with him.
Seriously, what tactless loser interrupts someone's dinner time? Never mind the fact that we weren't actually eating. Well, food, anyways... It's pretty safe to say that we both had a healthy appetite. Seriously, though, doesn't this ignorant jerk who's interrupting our romantic night realize that seven o'clock is still a dinner time? Especially here in the McDonald-Venturi household. Derek and I only ate a little early because we're all alone. Now, who can possibly be interrupting us at such a time in such weather? I've half a mind to give the interloper a piece of my mind! That's it! The dumb yokel keeps knocking like it's urgent!
Now, I know that isn't Edwin or Lizzie. Our parents raised them better than that. Fine. I'm going to open this damn door and give whoever's behind it what for! So I opened the door angrily and was completely stunned to see who was behind it.
Sam was standing on our porch. SAM! My ex-boyfriend and first love, Sam! My jaw dropped and suddenly I felt horribly faint. "Sam. Hi. What are you doing here?" I said in a monotone. I was still kind of frozen in shock. I hadn't even realized that Sam had seen me in next-to-nothing. Luckily Derek's hockey jersey was very long on me. I felt a chill, so I crossed my arms over my chest. Sam looked at me kind of awkwardly, shuffling awkwardly from one foot to another. He said nothing, and I found myself feeling rather annoyed. He comes here, sees me, interrupts me having sex with Derek, and has the nerve to stand there and say nothing.
For a moment, I waited for him to say something. Unfortunately, he said nothing. I was about to close the door in his face when suddenly he shot out an arm. He was holding something, and I suddenly looked down and noticed it was wrapped. It was a Christmas present. Or maybe a birthday present. Sam looked at me with pleading eyes, and I couldn't help but give in a little to his flushed cheeks and windblown hair. "Open it, Casey," Sam begged. I heard the strain in his voice and gave in, taking it from him and opening the present.
It was a beautiful necklace, nothing like what Derek had given me, of course... but still nice, nonetheless. It might've been slightly pricey, but again, nothing compared to Derek's gift. I think the only time I've ever taken it off has been to shower. Hell, Derek likes it when I wear it. The necklace Sam gave me, however, was a mixture of stones, none of them... well, maybe they were semi-precious. I smiled slightly. "Thanks, Sam." After all, it was a nice gesture, and he didn't really have to do it. I didn't put it on, of course. That would be like cheating on Derek, and I'm not going to do that with Sam, of all people!
I'd forgotten up until then just how disgusted I was with him. Immensely. I frowned, taking in his appearance. "What are you doing here, Sam? If this is something about Derek, you might as well go home right now because he's busy. And... if it's for me, turn around right now. There's nothing here left for you," I murmured icily, stressing the fact that Derek was busy. I just didn't say he was busy with me. Sam swallowed, but he didn't go, confusing me. He can't possibly be here for the parents or our siblings. He must be damn crazy if he thinks I'm letting a lech like him near my baby sister. Lord, I'd rather have her with Edwin!
Sam shuffled his feet, clearly nervous, for a few more moments. "It's not about Derek," He blurted suddenly. He looked at me desperately, taking my hands in a fit of passion. "This is about you, Casey," He said in a whisper. I stared at him for a long moment in surprise. Okay, so I'd kind of expected it was about me. "I realized what I did was wrong." At that I tried to draw my hands out of his grip, disgusted. No, I thought, you didn't! You're only sorry you got caught. "Casey, I'm sorry!" Sam proclaimed dramatically. I dropped his hands and walked back to the door. The cold of the night was seeping into my skin. I scowled at him. What the hell does that mean? Sorry? What a miserable excuse for an apology that is!
I shook my head in disgust. Sam immediately dropped to his knees, holding out his hands prayer-wise as if that would make any difference at all. "Is that supposed to mean something to me, Sam? Just because you go down on your knees it's supposed to mean something to me? Newsflash, Sam, but it means less to me than it did to Trashy Cassy!" I sniped, flinging the necklace back at him and turning to close the door square in his face. His stupid, lying, cheating, absofrickinglutely insincere face.
Sam's hand reached out to stop the door from closing as he stood up. I shot him a disgusted glance. "Casey, please at least let me talk!" He pleaded with a pout. "I was wrong. I was stupid. I was confused, and I didn't know what I wanted. But I do now. I love you, Casey. I've been miserable without you, and I have to have you back," He confessed sadly, a look of utter desolation crossing his face. I could only gape at him, and for a moment I forgot all thoughts I had of shutting the door in his face. He took a hesitant step towards me, holding out the necklace. "I'm really sorry, Casey."
He looked so sincere and so contrite I didn't know what to do to myself. At first, I couldn't even speak. He was so close it was distracting, but I eventually managed to regain my self-control. "How am I supposed to believe you, Sam? How can I know if you're telling the truth when I can't even trust you!" I managed in a somewhat broken voice. I was trying desperately not to cry. Sam hung his head and looked depressed, but he was silently acknowledging that I was right. He didn't seriously think I'd just forgive him, did he?
Sam nodded. "I know that. I wouldn't trust me either. But I am telling the truth," Sam swore. I frowned, but... well, at least he was being honest about that. That was something, right? He grabbed my hand. "I missed you, Casey." He shot me a look, and what I saw in his eyes was so real and so genuine that it just hit me in the stomach like a sucker punch. I couldn't help but cave a little. His eyes sparkled. "Take me back. Please. I was in a bad place before... and after you broke up with me... but I see clearly now. And I see you. Losing you made me realize what really mattered. I love you, Casey. Please..." Sam literally begged. Admittedly, it was hard to say no to that.
I managed it, though. "I'm afraid I can't do that, Sam. You thought that I'd just be here waiting for you, needing you, and that isn't it at all. How presumptuous is it of you to expect that I'm not in another relationship... or that I even want you back, Sam? Did you think I'd take you back immediately, that I'm that desperate?" I said coolly, hearing my volume go up with each word until I was practically yelling at him. I was about to say some more, but brother dearest happened to interrupt at that precise moment.
"Casey, I'm done cleaning the table! Get your ass in here now!" Derek demanded imperiously. He said it in sort of a bark, and I felt myself flush self-consciously at the mandate. I'm kind of glad he interrupted, actually, because I probably would've said something very stupid instead, plus it managed to distract me from Sam. Funny, isn't it? I'd almost forgotten about Derek, and, trust me, that is a very hard thing to do. Even when I wasn't dating him, I never quite could get him entirely out of my mind. Maybe that means something.
I turned around to shout back a reply, and I wound up wishing that Derek wasn't so loud. I briefly wondered if Sam suspected anything, but I quickly shook the thought out of mind. "In a minute!" I screeched, wishing he wasn't so impatient. I whirled back around to face Sam, smiling awkwardly, leaning on the door frame. I was still clutching his necklace, I realized suddenly. I stared at him for a minute, with all those annoying feelings coming back at me. Of course I still loved Sam, but I couldn't trust him, and he repulsed me. I couldn't imagine myself with him again, and I realized that I didn't really want to be with him.
Once again, Derek ruined the moment. "You know I'm not a patient man!" Oh, yes, yes I do. I felt my flush deepen, and I was suddenly terrified that Sam knew everything. I didn't want him to know, not really. Not yet, at least. He'll call me a slut and then... But revenge was kind of what I wanted, I guess, only it's better that he doesn't know. Still, ir doesn't exactly take Einstein to figure this out, with Derek yelling at me to get in there all impatient and me in his hockey jersey and pretty much nothing else. Sam had to have noticed that! He must've, I think, because his eyes darkened somewhat. I crossed my arms over my chest and took a defensive position, trying to soothe my doubts and worries.
"You can say anything, Sam, anything, but it doesn't mean that things have really changed between us. How can I know that you're not cheating? How do I know that you'll treat me right? I don't, and so I can't get back with you," I finished honestly. It wasn't what Sam wanted to hear, but it was what I needed to say. I sighed, feeling suddenly weary. All I wanted to do was get back to Derek. I didn't need Sam or his games. I didn't want to think about him anymore. "Goodbye and goodnight, Sam. I suggest you go home soon. Wouldn't want you to freeze. Night," I muttered, swiftly moving to shut the door.
He spoke quickly, before I'd had time to properly close the door. "Goodnight. Think it over, Casey. Remember that I love you," Sam managed, staring at me until the door closed. Damn it if my heart didn't flutter at those words. But I didn't want to think it over. Not now. Now I wanted something mindless.
Sex with Derek is mindless. And fun.
I was so exhausted that I didn't notice what I was saying until it was too late. "Love you too Sam. Night." Then I shut and locked the door. A full minute later, as I watched Sam walk away with a silly grin on his face, I realized what I'd let slip. "Damn it!" I cried out frustratedly, flinging my hands against the door in exasperation. I can't believe I just did that. I banged my head against the door, cursing my own idiocy. Why didn't I just cut him off like a sane person? Why didn't I just close it right after that first sentence? Why did I linger like I still liked him and cared what he said?
I sighed, taking a deep breath. Okay. Maybe if I don't think about it, I can pretend it never happened. Ha. Yeah right. Okay, so that doesn't work... Derek... Um. Well... just because I had that nasty little Freudian slip, it doesn't mean I'm getting back with him. I'm not even thinking about it. That would be insane, and I'm clearly not insane... Then again, I am dating Derek, so what's that say for my sanity?
It says that I have a weakness for charming, sexy brown-haired guitarists who know what they're doing. A.K.A. Derek.
Frowning, I snapped out of it, carelessly plopped the necklace on the credenza, and started walking through the living room. I was still thinking about Sam, seriously thinking about him, and I didn't want to. I felt guilty, bad, dirty even... After all, I was going in the kitchen to let Derek have his way with me, and thinking of Sam? Or, worse, hooking up with Derek to avoid thinking of Sam? I was the opposite of turned on, and I'd been looking forward to this too!
Damn you, Sam.
Feeling more guilty by the second, I decided to make it up to Derek. So I walked a little more slowly, reaching up into the back of the shirt. I found and unfastened my bra, letting it fall to the floor. A pity, but a rather necessary one with all these awful thoughts I'm consid- thinking. Yes, thinking. Just... Oy. Must stop thinking about Sam. He wasn't that convincing.
Lie. He wasn't that cute. Lie. He wasn't that sincere. Lie. You don't want to get back with him...
I haven't heard voices arguing in my head for a while. Clearly this is bad. Derek. Only Derek. There's no room for Sam because Derek's a very demanding person. Yeah.
Exhaling raggedly, annoyed that my thoughts kept straying to Sam, I sighed and pulled down the panties. I slipped them off my legs and dropped them on the floor, feeling plenty guilty. I was determined to make it up to Derek, even though he would never know. It was wrong to think about his best friend when I'm with him. I'm not supposed to have these stupid, pointless lingering feelings for Sam. I'm supposed to be into Derek. Only Derek.
Derek.
So I sashayed into the dining room, smiling coyly at an impatient Derek. He looked over me with admiration, looking completely thrilled that I was wearing his jersey. His frown eased into a smile, and he walked over to me, taking me by the hand. "That looks scarily better on you than it does on me," He whispered, lips brushing against my ear. I smiled and tried to push those niggling thoughts of Sam out of my mind. Derek pulled me close and trailed his hands down my side, discovering that all I was wearing was his necklace, his hockey jersey, and a smile. Derek was a happy birthday boy indeed.
He wrapped his arms around me, pressing his lips against mine softly at first. He pulled back quickly and did it again. And again. And again. The whole time I was thinking of Sam, and that just wouldn't do, so I wrapped my arms around Derek's neck and kissed him bruisingly, hoping it would make me forget. It didn't, though, not quite. Sam still lingered on the corners of my mind... Sam, lonely, missing me, wanting me, loving me. But Derek was here now, and he'd been there for me then, and I knew he loved me without a doubt... and didn't that matter something?
Derek responded in kind. His grip was rough, almost hard, and suddenly he surprised me by picking me up. A breathless feeling like butterflies bubbled up inside of me, making me gasp involuntarily. Instinctively I wrapped my legs around his waist. He didn't even stop kissing me for air, backing up until I was sitting on the dining room table. He'd pushed the chair back savagely earlier. The table was hard and cold, and I felt a little uncomfortable, but Derek was pressing a stream of tantalizing kisses down my neck, applying just enough force to make me almost lose my mind. I buried my fingers in his messy hair, tugging on the ends as I tilted my neck to give him better passage.
I slowly lowered my back to the cool table until I was laying on my back and had pulled Derek so he was practically standing over me. We were attached at the mouth and pretty close everywhere else. Between breathless kisses, I managed a few words. "Derek, you're overdressed," I mumbled, gasping for air. My fingers tore at his shirt needily, ripping it off of him before sliding down to the zipper which I quickly pulled down. I easily pushed his pants down to his ankles, pulling him closer still to me. He didn't mind one iota.
He hiked up the hockey jersey up to my stomach, and, for a moment he pulled back and just stared at me breathlessly. It was almost like the sight of me had taken his breath away, but that wasn't it at all. Sam never looked at me like that. I felt suddenly embarrassed, though, self-conscious even though Derek had seen me naked many times. I'd already slept with him, but I felt like a schoolgirl whose skirt had blown up in the wind. I shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts and tugged Derek's boxers down, needing nothing more than oblivion.
I achieved it some minutes later in a brilliant flash of heat and contact and bliss.
Some people seek their oblivion in alcohol or drugs or sleep... I seek mine in earthy lovemaking with my stepbrother.
Wow, I have seriously got to stop reading romance novels.
I worked harder at it this time because I was so guilty. Then after recovering for a few moments of catching our breath, I completely removed Derek's clothes and dragged him into the kitchen. I wanted to be bruised this time. I wanted to be marked up. I dug my nails into his back, and I bit his ear and sucked on his neck. And I grabbed at whatever I could reach, and his skin was so warm and slick, and it felt so good... So I asked Derek to do it harder and faster this time, and he had me twice up against the counter before we both collapsed in a naked, tangled, sweaty pile on the cool floor. He'd slammed my back into the counter, grabbed both wrists fiercely and pinned me to it, and, most of all, screwed me so hard and so thoroughly I felt raw. I was battered and worn out, but it was a relief. It hurt to move, and I couldn't walk straight afterwards for the rest of the weekend. I got a few splinters, too, which is saying something considering that counter isn't even made of real wood. But I knew who I was with and who I belonged to.
And who my mind should be on.
But no matter how tired or how lost I was in Derek, the thoughts of Sam would always return to haunt me. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of them for good. No matter how much I reminded myself of Derek. No matter how many times I remembered how Sam had done me wrong. I did it completely without sensibility, but I suppose love is rarely ever rational.
You can love someone even if you have all the reasons in the world not to, to love someone else. In the end, the heart wants what it wants, I guess.
After all, a girl never forgets her first love... even if she should.
The only question is... what do I really want?
- Loren ;
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas (if I don't update again before then)! Thanks for all your reviews and for sticking with the story. I do it for you guys and your dedication. Seriously.