Of cookies and sticks

Author's note: Sorry, it took me a week longer than I first promised, but I had an unpleasant assignment of by own which had to be completed first. And originally I wanted to post this after it was finished, but then I ran out of time and ideas and decided that it would be most impolite to let you wait any longer, so here is another part of my story. Enjoy!

Exactly 16 years, nine months, two weeks, four days, eighteen hours and three and a half minutes later…

SLAM!!!

Startled, Obi-Wan looked up from the datapad he had been reading. Apparently, his extremely pubescent Padawan was back from his classes. And if his actions were anything to judge by, he was not in the best of moods, either.

Anakin had slammed the door shut quite audibly, and now he was stomping towards his room. He was broadcasting his anger and indignation so loudly that Obi-Wan thought he'd be mentally deaf in no time if he didn't do something about his Padawan's emotions soon.

So he tried the most tentative and non-reproachful approach he could think of, as to not annoy his fuming Padawan any further.

"Hello Anakin! Would you like something to eat?" That was always a safe thing to ask, as Anakin was constantly hungry and would forget about almost everything else as soon as food was mentioned.

Not today, though.

"NO! I can't eat anything right now. I am too angry. Stupid Council! I bet they are doing this on purpose just to drive me mad. Then they can lock me up in a loony bin and never have to deal with me again. I think they hate me! And it's not paranoid if they're after you!"

Clearly, Anakin was quite upset. Absently, Obi-Wan wondered what the Council had done this time to so infuriate his admittedly rather unruly Padawan, and if there really was such a thing as a "loony bin".

Trying to placate his enraged Padawan, Obi-Wan decided against telling Anakin that the Council probably knew what they were doing and said instead: "I am sure you are not paranoid. But before we start discussing this any further, would you mind telling me what they did to make you so… displeased?"

Obi-Wan had to suppress a snort at his choice of words. "Displeased" was probably the understatement of the century, if not of the millennium. He made a mental note to later ask Yoda about that, the ancient Master would probably know as he had lived through most of the last millennium.

"They gave me this completely ridiculous and absolutely absurd assignment. Alliteration! Did I just say four words starting with "a" in a row? I'm brilliant. I'm babbling again, right? Well, where was I? Ah, yes. I am sure they just made this up. This is probably the most stupid test they could come up with, and I am sure they have a good time laughing at me right now, rolling on the floor of their great high-and-mighty Council Chamber. I bet they just invented that test to humiliate me. This must be a joke. And besides, I am one hundred percent sure that what they ask of me is impossible, anyway. Even if somebody took this serious, which I doubt anyone would, it wouldn't work. There are some things that just can't be done, and this is one of them. The Council wants me to fail, so they can kick me out. They never wanted me and they don't trust me! They would hate me if they were allowed to!"

By the end of his rant, Anakin's face had gone completely red, and Obi-Wan wouldn't be too surprised if there was steam coming out of his Padawan's ears.

And he seriously had to reconsider what he had said about Anakin not being paranoid.

"Anakin, calm down. It can't be that bad. If the Council has given you this assignment…"

There, he was rudely interrupted by Anakin: "Don't you tell me the Councillors know what they're doing, because they don't!"

"No, that's not what I wanted to say. In fact, I just wanted to point out that the last time the Council tried out something new was before even I was born. And that means that it is highly unlikely that they just invented this particular task you are so upset about, which in turn means that someone already had to do it at some point. So believe me, there is a soliution to your problem, and you are certainly not the first one to be assigned this test. Now what do you have to do? It's not teaching Master Yoda proper grammar, is it? Because that would certainly count as entirely unfeasible."

Obi-Wan tried a small joke to get Anakin to calm down. And it seemed that he had success: the corner of Anakin's mouth was twitching conspicuously.

Obi-Wan just hoped that it was not one of the more unpleasant tasks, some of which he had his own experiences with. When he was a Padawan, he could never decide what to think of the Council: Whether they took everything serious and were completely incapable of joking, or whether they were simply one big joke and were laughing their heads off behind everyone's backs. And even today, he still had his doubts sometimes.

And he certainly had had more than his fair share of strange trials.

He could clearly remember, for instance, a test of courage which demanded that he go and tell the Archives Master that the archives were in fact not complete, that something was missing. And although Obi-Wan had the shrewd feeling that he would be grateful for that particular experience in the near future, he couldn't imagine himself ever doing that again. It had been very, very unpleasant. And the Chief Archivist had been treating him with cold disdain ever since.

But then, he snapped out of his memories and gazed at Anakin again. His Padawan seemed to have calmed down slightly and might actually have regained enough control to enable them to have a rational conversation.

And at last, Obi-Wan got a sensible answer from his upset Padawan: "The Council wants me to steal Yoda's walking stick. Can you believe that? It's outrageous. They must be making fun of me. I don't think anyone had to do such a stupid task ever before. They invented it especially for me!"

Before Anakin could start his tirade all over again, Obi-Wan interrupted him: "Oh, so they still use that one, do they? I thought the last time taught them to never do that again."

Obi-Wan clearly remembered how that nauseating smell of these disgusting cookies he had fabricated lingered in the Council Chamber for weeks. And in the kitchen of the quarters he had shared with his master, as well…

"So this is not the first time they did this to some poor, undeserving soul? But it's still unfair, and I still think they are out to get me. So do you know who had to do it last time?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Yes, I do know him quite well, in fact. But I wouldn't recommend the method he used; I don't think it would work a second time. And also it wouldn't be a test anymore if I told you how it was done the last time. You are supposed to find a solution all by yourself. Maybe after you have finished this assignment, I will tell you who had to do it last time and how he achieved it." Obi-Wan tried to motivate his Padawan.

Still, Anakin was none to pleased with his task. "I am sure you never had to do such dumb tests when you were a Padawan." he grumbled, but still he went to his room to work on a solution for his little green problem.

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Author's note: There you go. I hope it was funny. Thanks to all those who reviewed. Also, as exams are looming, I will have to do more studying and less writing for the next few weeks. I will try to write whenever I find enough time and inspiration, but don't expect regular posts for some time. I am truly sorry for keeping you waiting, and if you know how to pass exams and still be able to spend hours writing fanfiction, I would be grateful if you told me how to do it. As I haven't yet discovered how to do it, you will have to wait until exam time is over. Sorry.

By the way, I just wanted to remark that I did in fact not forget the disclaimers in the first two chapters, they are there all right, you just can't see them ;-)

But I think that invisible disclaimers are completely overrated, so this one is visible again.

Disclaimer: I can't be bothered to write a disclaimer right now as they always make me somewhat sad because they show me how much I truly own: nothing. For all those who insist on a disclaimer, leave me a review, and I will send you the longest disclaimer I can possible think of ;-)