(Slight warning. Season 4 has a lot more Jack in it, so... it's a little more PG-13 than my previous seasons. But honestly, with Jack, how could it not be?)

Coming soon...

"—of course, on an existential level," Seo explained, in answer to Vastra's first question, "perhaps we're all trying to work out why we're here. What's our purpose? What are we hoping to achieve—?"

"One word," Jenny Flint cut in. Again.

"Not fifty," Vastra added. "Not a thousand. Just one."

Vastra raised up her index finger as the number "one", to make the point.

Seo thought a moment. Then, on her own hand, counted the words as she said, "That's rubbish."

She revealed her two fingers to Vastra.

To make her point.

— "One Word"

"Oh, you are in so much trouble when I find you, Seo!" the Doctor shouted, racing outside in his shirtsleeves. "Everything I've done to the Daleks will be nothing compared to what I'll do to you if you've harmed my bow tie! Mark my words!"

— "One Word"

"Strax really liked my chocolate," Seo added. She put an arm around Strax — who, next to her, didn't look all that short, anymore. "And I really like all his explosives."

The Doctor rolled back to his feet. "If you ever meet Ace," he muttered. "The universe is doomed."

"I have met Ace!"

—"One Word"

"I've had enough." Acathla turned to his demon minions. "Kill her."

"I can give you the Earth," Buffy offered, very calmly.

— "Acathla"

"1.2 million," Jack repeated. "I'm gonna be that, someday."

It was a depressing thought.

Realizing he still had millions… billions… of years of this.

Running away. Disappointing people. Losing everyone. Causing the deaths of the people he loved.

"Course you are, sir," said the barman.

"Hey, I'm a hundred and fifty, you know," said Jack. "And lookin' good on it." Gave a tired smile. "By some standards, I'm two thousand, one hundred and fifty. But I spent most of that time buried in the ground beneath Cardiff."

"Most of the statue's time was spent buried in the ground of the first moon of Ergola," said the barman. "Sounds like you two would get along famously."

Jack laughed. "Bet we would." He turned around, raising his glass to the statue, in a toast. "Well, statue! Here's to…"

His laughter stopped.

His breath choked in his throat.

And the glass slipped out of his hand, shattering against the floor.

— "Irkoli"

"So you're David Walter Korjensky III?" Jack looked Dave up and down, approvingly. "Heard a lot about you, but I never thought you'd be a hottie." He grinned. "She's definitely got good taste."

"You know Seo?" Dave pressed. Then, his heart racing, added, "You two aren't…?"

"No," Jack put in, quickly. "Oh, no. Her father would kill me." He paused. "And if you think you're a good-looking hero, you should meet him. Every face is better than the last!"

— "Perfect World"

"I was right to do what I did," Dave said, sternly. "Those aliens deserved to die."

Seo spun around on her chair. "And that's still how you see the universe, isn't it?" she hissed. "Even after the Autons and Professor Trinch and all those humans betraying you, after you escaped that Rechortia — you'd still rather gun down an alien like me than gun down a human being."

Oh, great.

Somehow, even when they were talking about normal things like alien oppressors or slavery or planets plagued by tyranny — Seo could always twist it into some critique of their relationship.

"Not everything I do is always about you," Dave told her. "Believe it or not, when I gunning down those alien bastards to stop them killing innocent humans — I wasn't asking myself what you'd think!"

"Obviously not," Seo muttered, eyes narrowing on him.

— "Perfect World"

Jack chuckled, patting Oliver. "Mischievous little kid."

"Mischievous little time machine!" Seo retorted, smashing the console with the heel of her shoe. "And naughty!" She leaned down, so her face was directly above the console. "You hear that, Oliver!" she shouted. "I said you were naughty! And I stand by it. Now stop taking us to Massachusetts!"

—"Un-Minority Report"

Jenny reached out to touch the dead body of Jack Harkness. Then winced back, as she felt a stinging sensation in her head. She shuddered.

"That's not right," Jenny said. "He's… dead."

Officer Hopper nodded, slowly. "Bravo, investigator."

— "Un-Minority Report"

"You have selected a classic movie," the vending machine chirruped. "Please be advised that classic movies were not originally intended for the viewing formats available. Full Sensory Recall for this movie may be purchased for an additional 500 credits."

The display options whizzed up in front of Jenny.

Dreamscape viewing.

Concentrated packet download.

Memory alteration insertion.

Hallucinogenic projection.

Jenny made a face. Suddenly realizing that this machine was vending movies in pill format, not vending movies in any format she'd actually want to watch.

— "Un-Minority Report"

The Doctor trailed off.

As he noticed Jack analyzing the TARDIS.

"Ah, yes," the Doctor added. "I redecorated."

"I can tell." Jack looked around. Gave a whistle and a grin. "Like it. Modern. Sleek. Sexy."

The Doctor pat his ship, fondly. "She's a marvel, isn't she?"

Jack winked at the Doctor. "Wasn't talking about the ship, Doctor."

— "We Must Survive"

The Doctor felt himself fuming. "Time Lord calling Evil Hell Goddess!" he shouted, rounding on her and leaning down right into her face. He shoved the sonic just in front of her nose. "Come on out, Glory! Face me!"

— "We Must Survive"

"Aw," said Glory, with a fake pout. She stroked the Cyberman's head with her free hand. "Sh, sh."

The Cyberman gave a metallic whimper, as — with her other hand — she yanked at a string of goo dangling out of its torn apart casing. Bypassing the destroyed emotional inhibitor.

"I know you're in pain," Glory said, patting the Cyber-helmet. "So am I. But mine counts more than yours." She leaned down. Whispered, where its ears should be, "What's it like in your head, right now?"

The Cyberman couldn't speak.

Could only scream, as she plunged her hands back into its insides, twisting and pulling things that caused it utter agony.

"Pain, horror, fear," Glory agreed. "All the usual! Boo-hoo, get over it!"

— "We Must Survive"

Seo leaned down, a little closer, to the reflecting pool.

Her nose almost touching the surface of the water.

"It's funny," Seo said. "But ever since arriving on this planet, whenever I pass a mirror… it's as if… there's a reflection."

Her nose accidentally poked the surface of the water, which rippled beneath her.

Like normal water.

"As if I have a reflection," Seo muttered, pulling away.

— "Mirror Vision"

"At last count, there were 500 conference attendees, today," said Lord Nyin.

"Five…?!" Jack shook his head. Pointed outside. "Have you looked? There's no way there are five hundred people out there."

"Many are in lectures, I believe," said Lord Flascarf. "Or relaxing in chambers such as this, awaiting—"

"I've seen five hundred people, before," Jack interrupted. "Second moon of Orip, small place called Cavalo's — that's an orgy I'm not likely to forget." He glanced around himself. "Trust me, five hundred people doesn't ever look like this."

— "Mirror Vision"

"It's like he's throwing some kind of temper tantrum, or something," Seo said. Trying, in vain, to regain control of her ship. She yanked down a lever, and Oliver's engines gave a piercing scream, the ship jerking Seo and Jack around so that Seo could barely cling on.

"I'm starting to understand why the Doctor was so proud of his ship being 'old'!" Jack shouted, through the noise. "How long does it take for one of these TARDISes to grow out of the 'Terrible Twos'?"

Seo was too busy trying to calm down her ship to answer.

"Sh! Sh! It's okay — we don't have to go to ancient Egypt if you don't want!" she tried. Then, when that was getting nowhere, in a stern voice, "Oliver! You turn this ship right back to the time of the Pharaohs, or I'm giving you the time-out to end all time-outs!"

Oliver wasn't placated.

In fact, the scream of his engines got even louder and more needy.

"Maybe he's doing it to get attention!" Jack offered. "And if we ignore him, he'll get bored and stop!"

— "Redemption"

"Where am I?" Seo asked. "When am I?" She tried to recall what they'd told her, just before she'd been transported here. "They'd linked up a time tunnel, connecting their own time to…"

Seo only just registered movement out of the corner of her eye.

Didn't have time to spin around.

Before she was tackled to the ground by a woman with dark skin and wild-looking hair. Her face heavily painted in ceremonial colors. Her eyes blazing with insanity and power.

"Slay," the woman hissed. Adjusting her hold on Seo, to strike the vital areas. "Slay!"

"…to the time of the first Slayer," Seo squeaked.

—"Redemption"

"No," Buffy sobbed. Rocking the body of her dead daughter. "Come back! Come back!"

"How far would you go to revenge them?" came a familiar voice.

Buffy looked back.

And found Yiprit, standing on his many legs, just behind her. The light reflecting against his face, making him look almost ghoulish.

"The Daleks are smart enough to open the Doorway," Yiprit said. "Open the Gate. After you get back to your universe, you could steal their time technology. Go back and undo all of this."

"No," Buffy said, because she knew she was supposed to say it. Because changing history was bad and that made sense if you didn't think about it too hard.

"Why not?" Yiprit crept forwards. His eye fixed on Seo. "She almost tore apart the universe, to get you back. She'd do it again. Wouldn't you do the same thing for her?"

— "Invasion of Hell, Part IV: the Doorway"

"Do you care when you step on an ant?" said the Genie. "Or squish a spider? Look, I'll admit — some of you lesser beings have your plus points. Your friend, Jack, for instance… now there's someone who can show a girl a good time!"

Seo looked at the Genie's messed up hair and clothes.

And Seo buried her face in her hands.

"You slept with Jack," she muttered. "I really didn't want to know that."

— "A Single Act of Kindness"

Seo stooped down by Jack. "Then, of course, there's the obvious thing you've overlooked," Seo continued telling the Genie, while putting her free hand on Jack's shoulder. "Maybe, if you hadn't been so absorbed trying to kill or manipulate everyone nearby, you'd have taken the time to actually look at us lesser beings and see…"

Jack jerked upright.

Gasping back to life.

"…that Jack can't actually die," Seo finished. Helping Jack to his feet. "How are you feeling?"

— "A Single Act of Kindness"

"Come in, Summers," the red-horned demon requested. Gesturing inside. "We have been awaiting you."

Buffy stayed her ground.

"Details, first," Buffy demanded. "You can't open the Gate, right?"

The red-horned demon shook his head. "But we can let you save your friends," he told her. "Despite your being stuck outside the universe."

"How?" Buffy demanded.

"By playing our game!" the red-horned demon laughed. "All the game-pieces have gathered — Jack, the Doctor, your daughter. The board's been set up at the turning point of history. And you — Buffy Summers — will play."

— "Tartarus Gate"

"It doesn't make sense," the Doctor was saying, as they ran from the Cybermen — and he pondered the latest mystery.

"I know!" Seo agreed. "I mean, why are they wasting time going after us, when there are all these people—" gesturing at the crowds around them "—that they could be converting into Cybermen?! Don't they have any sense of priorities at all?"

The Doctor shot Seo a sideways stare.

"What?" Seo asked.

— "Tartarus Gate"

"So this time, instead of destroying Gallifrey," the Doctor concluded, "I yanked the planet out of the universe at just the right second, and moved it somewhere else. I didn't know if it had worked. Or if I'd just vaporized the planet completely. But, turns out… it worked!" The Doctor beamed. "I saved Gallifrey! See?"

Seo was silent.

Staring at him, her jaw dropped.

The Doctor's enthusiasm wavered, just a hair. "Impressive? Congratulations? Anything?"

"You're delusional!" Seo cried.

— "Reunion"

The Doctor took the water. Sipped it. Eyes never leaving the unconscious Seo. "You'd think it would be easier," he remarked, idly, "when it's not really your child. But… it isn't. Not at all."

"Isn't she yours?"

"Some other me," said the Doctor. "Some other Doctor, in some other timeline, living some other life. He's dead, you know. That whole universe is dead."

— "Reunion"

"The Slayer can't save every single person," Buffy said, in a low voice. "Or that's what everyone always says." Her eyes fixed back on the vortex, before them. "But today's the day… I prove everyone wrong."

— "Reunion"

SEASON 4 OF THE CHILD OF BALIME

COMING SOON!

One Word

Acathla

Irkoli

Celebrity

Perfect World

Invasion of Hell, Part I: Genesis

Un-Minority Report

We Must Survive

Invasion of Hell, Part II: Dream Stealers

Mirror Vision

Invasion of Hell, Part III: The Nightmare

Redemption

Invasion of Hell, Part IV: The Doorway

A Single Act of Kindness

Tartarus Gate

Reunion