Day 3
Dark waters lapped against the hull of the Regal Princess. The light of the rising sun danced across the waves, mixing its oranges and reds with the blues and greens of the Atlantic. Nick smiled at the sight before him with a sigh; Ellis was sitting across from him, his back towards the sunrise, as they ate breakfast in one of the three dining areas along the aft of the ship. The sun continued to peek over the horizon as the light slithered across the decks. Ellis was surrounded in a halo of light; the image was breath taking for Nick. He moved his leg to brush casually against Ellis' under the table and smiled once more at the beauty before him. The smile turned into a sneer of disgust though as the familiar shrill voice of a woman sounded behind him.
"Well lookie here, was wonderin' when the cat would drag your sorry ass back into the world." A sneer stretched across Rochelle's face as she walked up behind Nick. She spread a smile before looking at Ellis though, "Well good mornin', sweetie. You look as handsome as ever, with the sun coming up behind you like that." Moving her way around the table, she slid into a seat next to Ellis. Coach threw out some tired 'hello's' before grabbing the chair between her and Nick. They sat in silence a few minutes, eating their breakfast of eggs and pancakes while Nick tried his best to ignore the woman he'd come to despise.
"So where were you hiding all day, Ellis? You came and grabbed breakfast, saying you were taking it back to the room because Nick had a bad dream but.. we never saw you again." Coach tiredly said, a yawn coming to him as he ended.
"Oh that's right! Little Nickie had a bad dweam?" Rochelle cocked her head to the side and put on a pathetic attempt at a teasing pout.
"You really are a bitch, Rochelle. After what we've been through, hell fucking yah I had a bad dream. It's none of your damn business though, so keep your shit to yourself." Nick shot back, a suppressed rage visible in his features. "And, you!" His gaze shot back to Ellis causing the younger man to shrink back a little. "We'll discuss this later, you can bet your ass on it."
At that, Rochelle leaned over to Ellis, and softly whispered towards him. "Honey, if you need a night away, Coach and I could let you use the extra bed in our room." Her whisper wasn't as quiet as she thought it had been though, and Nick slammed his fist down onto the table.
"He's my roommate, he isn't sleeping anywhere but … Did you say yours and Coach's room? Extra bed?" Nick slowed his argument down as the last bit of information finally came through. He turned to Coach, a concerned look in his eye. "I'm really sorry man.. I know we have a limited supply of women to choose from these days but damn.. Her?"
"Nah man.. she's.. She's really sweet when you don't have zom.. I mean, 'Infected people', chasing you all the time. You know.. when she's not worried about her life ending as soon as she opens a door."
"Damn right! Jackass!" With that she stabbed at her food and grumbled as she cut the pancakes into sections, ending the conversation in her mind.
Ten minutes of a tense silence passed while everyone ate their breakfast quietly. Nick looked up and stared at Ellis as his thoughts drifted away. When green eyes finally met the pair of hurt grey, he sighed. "It was about you, Coach…" It took a moment before Coach realized he was being talked to and responded with a confused 'Excuse me?' "The dream, it was about you. It was about all of you, really. It was horrible.. We.. I.. Everyone was dead. It was just so.. vivid.. As chaotic as it was, it felt so real. It felt as if I had really lost you guys." He paused to wet his dried out throat with some water, his hand shaking as he set the glass back down. "It felt as if I'd lost my new family." Quietly, he let the confession pass his lips. As he looked up, he saw the pleased smile Ellis was giving him and it warmed him to the core.
"We are.. aren't we." Coach looks around at everyone before giving a soft pat to Nick's forearm. "Definitely dysfunctional, but most families are."
Rochelle gave a sigh before looking over at Nick, a hint of moisture at the edge of her eye. "I'm so sorry Nick, I didn't realize it was something that.. that.. It must have affected you pretty badly if you stayed in your room all day. Though I'm not sure why Ellis chose to hide away with you." She shot Ellis a questioning look while Nick tried to look anywhere but at him, hoping he wouldn't give away their secret.
"Oh. Heh. It's simple really.. we've helped each other out over the last month, looked out for each other. I wasn't gonna just abandon him when he needed someone the most. Yah? I only left again to get us lunch and dinner, though I admit.. I avoided runnin' into you guys so I didn't have to answer anythin' about him. Otherwise, we just sat there in the room, keepin' each other company until he felt better." He gave a little sigh before continuing. "Honestly.. it was pretty nice, having a chance to finally relax. Even if I did have to share my relaxin' in the company of Nick." He beamed a smile that melted Nick's heart, as it did every time, whether he knew it or not. Nick was good at masks though and sneered at the man across the table, hoping everyone, especially Rochelle, was content with Ellis' answer.
"You're such a sweetie, Ellis." Rochelle patted his hand, admiration lacing her voice. "I'm not sure I could have done exactly the same, not with him being the ass he is. Not after all the times he's put you down and.." Her words were cut off as Coach clasped his hand over her's.
"Phew I'm full. I need to go walk off this meal, especially with a lovely lady like this officially in my life." Coach moved to stand, bringing Rochelle with him, the force behind his tug clear enough to her that she needed to step away before she said more. "We'll see you guys for lunch though, right?"
"Of course, Coach." Nick said with a nod, not really looking at the man in his efforts to avoid looking at Rochelle. "We'll see you at lunch."
As the two walked off, Nick looked over at Ellis, a cool and relaxed mask upon his face. "You." He let the word linger, filling the air between them. "You are going to be punished so hard tonight."
"Heh.. actually.. Nick.. I need to talk to you about that. If anyone is going to be doin' some punishin', it definitely won't be you. As if you couldn't tell from our first night here. But, c'mon.. we'll talk about this somewhere a little more private." He beamed his alluring grin at the older man. Nick hesitated, still trying to fool himself into thinking it could be any other way, but he finally gave into that smile. Damn that smile.
"Fine." Nick rose from his seat, tossing his napkin down onto his emptied plate and heading off towards the opened area of the deck.
-x-x-
The morning sun hung in the air just above the horizon. A strong wind picked up as it blew across the ocean waters, its current tousling Nick's dark chestnut brown hair. Ellis stepped beside him, his hand running along Nick's lower back before he let it drop. He spotted an isolated section of the deck and led Nick over to it with a soft look and a nod of his head. As the two reached their destination, Ellis gave one last look around before leaning in towards Nick, just close enough that he wouldn't need to talk too loud.
"The other night.. I need to know how it made you feel." Ellis asked as he looked into the grey eyes just a few feet from him.
"You'll have to specify, Ellis. Quite a few things happened the other night. Some of it good, some of it…" His voice drifted away as the look in his eyes did the same.
"The roughness, Nick. I need to know how it made you feel. I need to know if you liked it or not. I need to know what your limits are if we're really gonna do this." Ellis turned away, placing his arms upon the railing of the ship and looking out towards the sea.
"It was.. different. I've never had anyone react like that before. I certainly didn't expect it from you, of all people." He turned to mimic Ellis, taking in the profile of the man beside him as he does so. "I'm not saying I didn't like it, but I'm also not sure how far I'd be ok with it. Quite frankly.. I'm just a bit curious how the hell someone as .. as.. well, someone like you would be so aggressive. I.. know I may have crossed the line with my fingers but.. you were showing a rough side of you even before then. In.. in the way you talked to me. I just… what the hell was that, Ellis?"
Ellis nodded slowly, taking in his words, trying to run through his mind how Nick might react if he ever went as far as Keith always begged for. "It's a story you probably don't want to hear."
"I wouldn't have wasted my damn breath askin' if I didn't want to know, hillbilly." Nick sniped back in reply, his eyes turning to bore into the side of Ellis' face.
"Keith…" The name came out as a sigh from Ellis' lips. Not hearing the usual groan from the man next to him, he turned to stare at the grey eyes as he continued to speak. "Before all of this happened, Keith would use me as a… Well.. as a.. punisher for his stupidity. He begged for it. I.. used to have to be drunk to do it, but after a while.. it just.. It became so second nature I was numb to it." He scanned Nick's face, trying to gauge his reaction but the man just stared back with a blank slate. "I guess.. old habits really do die hard. I'm just.. sorry it came out the way it did.. I was really hopin' I could be more gentle with you. I really like ya, Nick. I don't want to hurt you… and then yesterday, holdin' you down.."
The next words came out muffled as Ellis' lips were quickly covered by Nick's. Placing a second soft kiss upon the younger man, Nick pulled back and looked around to make sure no one saw before leaning back. "Sometimes.. a little pain can be good." He whispered and gave Ellis a sly little wink. "But.. if habits really do die hard for you.. I better not even hear the first letter of that boy's name come out of your mouth while we're fuckin'." A small growl left the man's lips before turning into a smirk as he saw Ellis' cheeks turn red and his lowered eyes gained an innocent look about them.
"Like I said though, Ellis. I'm not sure how much I'd be willing to take, or how much I even could take. There's gotta be.. some way.." Nick's voice trailed off as he ran through all the things he'd ever seen in movies or from various friends talking about their freaky fetishes. After a few seconds of digging, he finally remembered a piece of information he'd heard two years ago. "That's it! A safe word. We need a safe word, Ellis."
The dumbfounded look on Ellis' face told him enough. Sighing and rubbing at his temples, Nick went on to explain how some couples who bring pain into their relationship would use a safe word if the receiver ever got to their limit. Eventually, the look of comprehension dawned in the green eyes. A smile creeped its way onto Nick's face as he thought over a decent word. "Shifters. Yes… I think that'll work. It's one of the words on the shirt you were wearing when I first laid eyes on that gorgeous body of yours back in Georgia." He paused and tilted his head towards the side as he gave Ellis a questioning gaze. "So.. does that work for you?"
A short and almost shy nod came from Ellis. He wasn't really sure it'd be needed, he hoped they wouldn't get so far that they'd need it. Giving pain was never really enjoyable for him, not in the way Nick seemed to think it would be, at least not with Keith. Maybe though.. Maybe with Nick it'd be different. He must have zoned out while thinking about it because Nick pulled loosely at his hand. "Well.. if that's all you needed to talk to me about. How about you show me around the ship since I skipped out on all the sightseeing the other day?" A nod and 'Sure' were all that he got as Ellis barely registered the request and started heading towards the lifts located back inside.
-x-x-
An audible groan left Nick's lips as him and Ellis approached the table for lunch. Rochelle and Coach had already seated themselves, flanked by Zoey and Francis. He turned to give Ellis a pleading look, a "Do we have to?" asking from his eyes. Ellis nodded weakly and guided Nick the rest of the way to the group. They were met with a bout of laughter, Zoey gesturing something foul with her hands as she mimicked the way Francis behaved when they had to enter any sewers.
"Ellis! I'm so glad you could make lunch today!" Rochelle called out as she saw the two approach. "Zoey, honey, do you mind scooting over? I want Elis to sit next to me. Come sit by me Ellis! I want to hear about your day." She beamed a smile at him and motioned to the seat now between her and Zoey. He obeyed, even though he knew it would only lead to trouble with Zoey being so close to him. It would raise too many questions if he stopped obeying Rochelle's mother hen attitude towards him. Sometimes she was just infuriating with it, and so damned inconvenient. The thought crosses his mind to give Nick a kiss on the cheek just to show he's off limits but he throws it out, thinking the older man would rather keep things quiet. He had a reputation as a sly and cunning, but very straight, man to keep intact, even in this dying world.
Hiding his annoyance, Nick took the last free seat between Francis and Zoey. "So, you don't like to get dirty, 'eh tough guy?" He snickered as he looked over at Francis. The inked and rough looking man just sneered back before darting dark eyes back towards Zoey. The six continued to eat their lunch though, sharing more stories of the recent events. It seemed the two newest members were in the area where it first started, just a month or so before Nick ran up the hotel stairway with Ellis, Rochelle and Coach. He shuddered at the thought of it, one month of being surrounded by the.. whatever they were to be called, was bad enough but he couldn't imagine being around the place that started it all and still surviving this long.
Half way through eating his lunch, he heard his name called out from behind him. As he turned, it was the Vice Admiral that addressed the ship's survivors the morning after he first arrived. He quirked an eyebrow and waited as she walked confidently towards him. "Don't tell me you don't remember me, Nicholas Dillon." She sat her lunch down on the table and pulled at the collar of her dark blue dress shirt revealing the deep black symbol of a crown resting on a skull tattooed at the left tip of her collar bone.
A startled look fell over Nick's face as he looked at the ghost in front of him. "Catherine..? Catherine the Cutter?" He let his mouth fall agape, bewilderment filling him. His mouth closed and opened a few times before he was finally able to wrap his brain around it. "How in the damn hell did you get… Like this?" He waved his hands up and down her body to indicate her being in the Navy. Shaking his head, trying to make sense of it, he offered her his chair as he went to fetch another one. Sitting down between her and Zoey he looked at her expectantly, waiting for an answer.
She gave him daggers for eyes. "Nicholas, it may have been almost twenty years ago but I remember you used to have more respect for women than that!" He stared at her, baffled as to what she could be talking about. "Much has changed, for both of us I guess. Though, I do expect a full apology for swearing in front of me and these other two ladies. Which, I might add, you have yet to introduce."
"I… I.." His voice stammered, not sure where to go with this or what to even say. He never imagined he'd ever see this woman again. "I.. apologize, Cat. This is Ellis, Coach and Rochelle. If it weren't for them, you wouldn't be seeing me today. The other two," as he points to Zoey and Francis "we met in Georgia briefly as we were trying to escape to New Orleans. I don't know much about them." It wasn't a complete lie. He knew Zoey and Francis were from the Pennsylvania area, that Francis hated the sewers and Zoey was a tart that needed to keep her hands off his man, but he didn't bother to really get to know them. "What about you though? What happened? Last I saw you…"
"I was a whore for Tommy and of little use to anyone except for sex." She cut him off, a sneer etched upon her face. Everyone else stopped eating to look at the two. "A lot has changed since then. I still can't believe you left. I eventually left too and joined the Navy to keep myself busy." She sighed, the memories flooding back.
"What about Timothy? Is he here with you? He survived, right? I mean, you're here so the immunity must be in your family too." Hope glimmered in his eyes, the boy was his first love and you never let them go even after nearly two decades.
"Hey.. Coach." Ellis leaned over and whispered to the man on the other side of Rochelle. "Trade places with me." Coach and Rochelle both gave him a questioning look, they had noticed Zoey kept placing her hand on the man's leg throughout the meal and were both curious why Ellis would want it to stop. "I don't like bein' touched while eating." He honestly didn't mind, but he wasn't about to let Zoey ruin what him and Nick were working on, even though Nick seemed to not notice since the officer had arrived. The two switched places, barely getting a stir out of Francis as he was too wrapped up in stripping Catherine with his eyes and completely ignored by Nick and Catherine while Zoey just sat back with a hurt look upon her face.
A sadness filled Catherine's eyes as she lowered her head, her voice barely coming out loud enough for him to hear. "First, as far as I know, I'm not immune. Most people aren't, they're just lucky. Timothy though, no.. he isn't here. Things weren't the same when you left with your dad. You know how much he adored you, he was crushed when you left. You were always there for him when the boys would threaten him for following us around, you protected him.. you made him happier than anyone. I still don't see how, and back then I really didn't care as long as you kept him out of the way." She gave a deep sigh and bit back the tear forming in her eye.
"There wasn't anyone to protect him after you were gone. He didn't even last a year. If he could have just held out a little longer.." The tear broke free and fell down her cheek. Nick rested his hand on hers and waited for her to finish, needing to hear what was about to be said even though he knew he didn't want to. "They would always beat him and threaten him with worse when he'd still follow me, trying to see what I was doing. One day though, Tommy pushed the line with me and demanded I sleep with the guys as a reward for a big heist. I refused, and after he beat me.." A shiver ran through her body, her face going red from the effort of holding back more tears. "After he beat me, the guys found my brother waiting outside. I wish he'd just listened and stopped following.. They pulled him inside and.. and…"
Nick rubbed her hand, trying to soothe her though he knew it wasn't going to work. Whatever happened, it was too big for such a simple gesture to fix. "What happened, Cat? What did they do?" His voice was calm but shaking.
"They raped him. They beat him and raped him, Nick. He screamed so loud and cried out to me, but I couldn't do anything. I was too weak. You weren't there.. Nick. You weren't there…." Her voice trembled as the tears continued to silently fall. "I took him home and tried to clean him up before our parents got home. I left him alone, thinking he was going to sleep. I went to the store to try and steal some pain killers for him. I shouldn't have left.. When I got back, my parents were home and so were the cops." She sniffed, wiping at her face. "He killed himself while I was out. He left me a note, on my bed so no one else would find it. I still carry it.. in case I ever ran into you." Digging into chest pocket, she pulled out a stiff booklet cover with a single piece of paper inside it. Her hands trembling, she handed it over to Nick. "He mentions you in it. He requested you read it, somehow knowing I'd see you again, or just hopeful. I never knew how much you really meant to him until.."
Nick leaned over and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. He had no idea what to do, he could only try to calm the woman down and give her at least some comfort. As he held her in his arms, he opened the letter and read it as she cried onto his shoulder. "Sister, I'm sorry but I can't take it anymore. I can't live in a world where you would let your own brother be beaten every week and finally raped. I don't understand how you could care so little about me. I hope one day you can escape it like Nick did, before it eats you alive like it did me. When you see him again.. let him know I love him. He was my first, sister. He was the best thing that ever happened to us. I will always love him, even in death, and I will always love you even if you never showed it back."
His arms closed in around Catherine even tighter, his own body shaking from the sobs he held back for her sake. "Catherine.. I.. am so sorry." He whispered into her hair as he kissed her head and rubbed his hand up and down the top of her back. She pulled back and wiped the tears from her face once more before looking up at him.
"Father had great news for us that night too… he had gotten a promotion at work that required us to move away." She sniffled, fighting back more tears. "If he had just stayed at home… if you had just been there to protect him like I couldn't.."
"I.. am so sorry. I wish I could take it back, I do. I'm not sure how I could have changed it, but I wish I could." He kept his hand on her arm, rubbing his thumb back and forth still trying to soothe her. She nodded before turning towards the others, an apology on her lips. Before she could fully say it, they were interrupted by another man from the Navy handing her a paper. She briefly read over it before nodding to the man and letting him know she'd be there shortly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put my burdens on your friends. This really should have been discussed in private. Now though, I need to strategize how we're going to safely get through the Panama Canal as we need to have someone on land to work the locks." Sighing, she makes to stand but Nick's hand stops her. He gives her a look and she simply shakes her head, knowing the look he used to give so many years ago. "No, I can't let you risk it. This is a military matter."
"And, just how many of your men have fought these things on a regular basis? I can do it Cat. Let me do it. I want to be there… I need to protect you like I didn't protect him."
"Ah, so that's the reason. I guess I should let you, you are the reason he's dead after all." She spat out, her words being more hurtful than she intended but the wound was fresh again and she needed someone to blame other than herself. "I'll discuss it with the rest. Expect an answer tonight. Is there anyone else with a death wish before I leave?" Her eyes glare at the rest of the table, though the daggers are really only meant for Nick.
"I'll go. I'm not letting Nick do this alone, not after we all worked so hard to get here in one piece." Ellis tried to speak with confidence but the hesitation was evident in his voice. Rochelle and Coach spoke up too, adding the same sentiments. They were a family now, and family saw each other through no matter how messed up things were. Catherine merely nodded, the sadness in her eyes betraying the stern look upon her face. She stalked away, collected once more as anyone would expect of a high ranking officer.
"Well.. that was…" Francis started up before Rochelle shot him a glare that she used on Nick way too often over the last month in order to let him know it wasn't the time to keep running his mouth. He nodded in agreement and the six ate in an uncomfortable silence once more.
-x-x-
As Ellis closed the door to their cabin behind them, Nick abruptly turned around and threw himself against Ellis' firm chest. His hands clenched at the white fabric stretched across Ellis' torso, digging his claws beneath it and scrapping the skin. He let out a shuddered sob as he leaned into Ellis. Strong arms wrapped around him and held him in a tight, comforting embrace as Ellis slowly rocked him back and forth, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
"You… you said you liked it rough.. You said you were used to punishing…" Nick pulled back and stared into the green eyes of his comforter. "I.. I need you to punish me, Ellis. For.. Timothy." Ellis only stared back at him as he tried to figure out if he really wanted to do this. Even if they had just discussed it only a few hours ago, he wasn't sure if he was ready to hurt Nick like that. "Please… I need you to. I need you to tell me how wrong I was to let my dad take me across the country. I need you to tell me how wrong I was for not being there to protect him. How.. it's my fault.. he was raped and died." His sobs became uncontrollable as his body shook from the effort of holding it back. His grip became even tighter on Ellis' shirt as he pulled himself against the man again.
Swallowing the huge lump in his throat, Ellis rested his hand firmly upon Nick's shoulder and pushed him away. He stared down at the older man, a look of anger on his lips but complete sadness of what he was about to do screaming from his eyes. With a strong grip, he led Nick backwards towards the bed and threw him forcibly down onto the mattress. "How.. dare you." The words dripped like venom from his lips as the back of his hand slammed across Nick's right cheek. "How dare you leave that poor boy to defend himself. How could you be so selfish. How could you be so pathetic, when he needed you the most." Another hard backhand raged across his face, a bright red forming where it had landed.
"I'm.. I'm sorry! It isn't my fault! I had to leave…" He cried out, his hand coming up to hold the reddened cheek.
"Sorry won't bring him back, Nick! He's dead! He's dead because you wouldn't stand up to your father like you did the boys you ran around with!" Ellis reached down and lifted the sobbing man by the arms and threw him to the floor. He waited long enough for Nick to stand again before stepping over and striking him hard in the stomach with a clenched fist. "Now his sister is alone. Without her family. Without any family. Not like you, no, you had to move on. You had to find a new family. When are you going to leave them too though?" Another fist met the man's stomach, causing him to bend over in pain. "Huh? Answer me, Nick! When are you going to leave me like you left Timothy?"
"It wasn't my fault! I didn't have a choice! I do now.. and I'd never leave you, Ellis!"
"Lies! It is your fault, you're a selfish bastard that only looks out for himself! That's why you're really going out there tomorrow. You're leaving me like you left him, except this time there won't be any coming back! You're pathetic!" The back of his hand once more found Nick's face. "You're worthless!" He pulls Nick's arm around to his back and pins him against the wall connected to the bathroom. "You're a selfish, arrogant, bastard." His hot breath flamed across the side of Nick's face as he punctuated each word with a shove against the wall.
"I'm.. so sorry.. Timothy.." Nick quietly cried out, the tears freely flowing down his face before Ellis grabbed him by the collar and threw him to the floor once more. He turned to stare down at the crying figure below him and took another step to continue until the man coughed and blood spat out onto the floor. With a horror in his eyes, he rushed forward and pulled Nick into a soft but firm embrace, holding him against him there on the floor.
"Fuck man, why'd you let me go so far." His voice trembled, both from the fake anger he had to put in his voice and from the extreme concern he now had for the man in his arms. "I can't.. I can't do this to you. I love you too much.." He paused, his eyes popping open when the realization of what he just said finally sank in. Judging by the lack of change in the man he's wrapped around, he's pretty sure Nick didn't hear it anyhow. "We'll find some other way for you to get over things. This.. this just isn't it."
Pulling him even closer into him, the two of them sat there on the floor, Ellis trying to comfort him the best he can while Nick just sobs quietly. It doesn't take long before Nick becomes quiet and still, his breathing a steady rhythm. Ellis kisses the mess of chestnut hair and awkwardly picks the man up before carrying him to the bed. Taking off their shoes, Ellis crawls into the bed beside him and cradles him until he too falls asleep.
-x-x-
A/N: I don't own Left 4 Dead characters or world, etc etc.
Phew.. this took a while to write. Sorry guys. –sad face- I had a really hard time writing this one. Not just because of distractions, but because the last two scenes were really uncomfortable for me. I had to push through it though, as I felt they needed to be added in somehow. I just hope I didn't do a horrid job on it, considering how much I hated writing it.
Thank you everyone for your lovely reviews. I know this chapter is a bit longer than my previous ones but hopefully it isn't too big a chunk to read. I still have to finish out this day in the next chapter before we deal with the Panana Canal. I've done a little poking on Google about the mechanations for the canal but honestly, I'm just going to wing it. So.. I apologize to anyone who is really into accuracies on how real life things work. –grin-
Again, thank you everyone for the reviews and/or follows/favourites. It touches me heartstrings.