"LINKS!" screamed Ganondorf, "LINKS EVERYWHERE!"
Bowser looked up from his copy of the Fourside Financial Times. He had been relaxing on his favourite armchair, the one he had carefully formed a groove in that made the chair impossible for anyone not Bowser-shaped to sit in, with his usual cup of very strong coffee. Donkey Kong lay curled up on the sofa, eating a banana he held in his feet. Wolf stood in the corner, lounging against the wall. He had been on his phone for the last five hours. It hadn't been a busy time of day for the Ninten Lodge of the Level Guardian Society until their Master teleported into the middle of the room. It was unusual to see him flustered over his arch-adversary, thought Bowser. Ganondorf didn't get flustered about anything, let alone someone he considered little more than an idiot boy. It was an extremely unprofessional attitude for a reputable Final Guardian.
"Is something the matter, Boss?" asked Donkey Kong, springing up on his left arm and leg.
The tall, powerful man in black plate mail pushed past the huge ape, walked up to Wolf and snatched his phone away from him.
"Hello, is this Samus Aran? Yes, I've got a commission for you... its an emergency... a dire emergency... HOW MUCH? Okay, forget it... damn rip-off mercenary bitch..."
Ganondorf threw the phone on the ground and stamped on it. Wolf opened his mouth to complain but one look at the genocidal expression on Ganondorf's face warned him against it.
"We don't have the resources to cope with something on this scale." he said, pacing the room, "I'm going to have to go interplanetary with this. Ragnaros owes me a favour anyway. If only Giygas were still among us..."
"If I may ask, Sir, what appears to be the problem?" asked Bowser, raising an eyebrow. He didn't really feel like working but if it avoided having the pyromaniac set fire to the Lodge again, it was worth it.
"Links!" he repeated.
"Link is what?"
"No, Links! Lots of them!" he said, "Something's gone wrong with the Hylian Closed Reincarnation System. Link isn't being reincarnated as Link any more... EVERYONE is being reincarnated as Link!"
"Oh dear."
"Never mind 'oh dear'! If I don't put this right, there could be MILLIONS of Links! Millions of people running around with swords trying to kill me!" he said, "I can't hold off THAT many of them! And what's worse, I'll get the blame. I always do whenever anything in Hyrule goes wrong."
"Donkey Kong will defeat them!"
Everyone in the room turned to look at the monkey.
"Donkey Kong will defeat the Links and save Mr. Ganondorf from their wrath!" declared Donkey Kong, roaring and beating his chest, "Then Donkey Kong will make a name for himself and earn his promotion!"
"What promotion?" asked Ganondorf.
"DONKEY KONG WILL EARN HIS PROMOTION!"
"Go away, you big stupid..." Ganondorf paused, "You know, I think that's an excellent idea. You go and fight all the Links. I hope you return victorious. It would be such a shame to lose such a... valuable member of the Society."
"Mister Ganondorf, Sir..." began Bowser, but Ganondorf had already teleported back out of the room, "NO! Donkey Kong! OPEN the door before you run thr... Too late. oh, well..."