Disclaimer: S. Meyers owns all of Twilight. But, Emmett owns me.
Six Months Ago
"You…don't…want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
"Don't. Don't do this" He just stared at me, and I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.
I started awake, nearly falling out of bed. Even then, still hearing my pathetic voice trying to plead with Edward to stay, and him telling me "no". And, then saying how…I didn't go there. I don't think I could ever go back to that, the words he spoke were far more painful then anything James had ever done to me.
Less than six months ago, I died. Not literally, although that might have been my preference at the time. No, I died inside; A slow and painful death. Constantly reliving the moment when Edward left me, and when I just didn't measure up. I'm not really sure I ever did. Can anyone ever come back from that and be expected to go on? To have their heart ripped out and try to function missing that essential piece?
I stopped thinking. Numb is better. Numb is way better. Getting out of bed, I crossed the floor to the bathroom. The hardwood cold and unyielding, so much like… Walking over to the sink, I stare in the mirror. I am greeted by a stranger. There is no light in her eyes, no color in her cheeks, nothing…That's all I am now, nothing.
"Bella, you up?" Charlie calls from downstairs, obviously checking in on me. He tries to hide his intentions but I know he is simply waiting for the moment I fall apart. Again. I guess we are similar, neither one is fooled by the other ones act.
"Yea. I'll be down in a second." I quickly undress, stepping into the shower, as I turn the temperature as hot as I can stand it. Washing away the sheen of sweat that always follows my nightmares. I grab my strawberry shampoo and quickly lather and rise my hair. It's longer than it used to be so I have to use more than I did a year ago, probably doubling how much I buy a month. I scrub my skin until it is slightly red, I barely feel it. If I get out of the shower, it means I have to face reality that much sooner, so I procrastinate. Slowly shaving although no new hair has grown since last night. After I cannot wait any longer without being late, I step out of the shower. Wrapping up in my robe, I head to my room and get dressed. No blue. Blue is a restricted color. Black is safe. I put on my black jeans and a red shirt with a black camisole that only shows at the bottom of the shirt. I really don't care, but it was a present from the Blacks as a new school outfit.
Everyone else seems excited now that I am starting college…except me. I never feel like I'm moving forward, I don't think I want to. I slip on my safe, black ballerina flats, and head to the mirror in my room. I quickly yank a brush through my hair that is almost dry, flowing into soft waves. Accepting the final product, I go downstairs. Charlie is waiting at the kitchen table, eyebrows scrunched together. Never a good sign. Sitting down, I mentally prepare myself for whatever speech he is working up.
"Bella…Um…You look nice today. Are you excited for school?" So, he's taking the "nothing is going on" method. Okay. This is bound to be good. Not. I shrug my shoulders, its best to just let him get it out. "Bells, I want you to have a good time. Meet some friends, join a club, anything. Just…you can't shut out everyone, forever. You need to let someone in." He doesn't understand. I chose that way once, and look what it got me.
"Sure, Dad. It'll be great." Without waiting for a response, I get up, grabbing my book bag on my way out. I drop my stuff in the passenger side and loudly start the dinosaur-like car to life. It snarls angrily at me then quiets down after a minute or so. Taking a deep breath, I proceed to Meyers University, my new Portal to Hell.
A/N: Okay. I'm going to upload another chapter after this, just because I'm that nice. Lol. I'm still figuring out where I'm going to take this… Pretty please, with sugar on top, leave me a review.