...for the life of me, i cannot remember...
...what made us think that we were wise, and we never compromised...

Castiel sat in the library, observing his reflection in the window. It was getting dark early now in late October.

He was trying to read his chemistry text but he was too distracted. The weekend before Halloween was coming. There were a bunch of parties on campus. Unlike during high school, Castiel had already attended a couple, although he didn't really enjoy them. They were always in frat houses, with too many people crammed into the basements while house music blared. The lighting was always dim and there was always plenty of terrible beer to drink in plastic red cups. The first time he saw those he felt like he would cry. They were just like the ones he and Dean were using on prom night.

Then there was that time he got trashed, an experience he had no desire to repeat.

...

The night he got stupid drunk, Castiel had seen a frat guy that looked like Dean, with a similar build and similar hair. The reminder made him heartsick, and he chugged a bunch of cups at once. He stumbled out of the frat house, almost tripping down the front steps. Brandon was at the same party and noticed Castiel falling out the door. He quickly followed him.

"Cas! You are so wasted!" Brandon exclaimed when he caught up to him, surprised that his quiet roommate was drunk.

"Hey Brandon! I thought I saw Dean, only it wasn't Dean..." Castiel slurred. Brandon grabbed Castiel's arm so he wouldn't fall.

Brandon wondered who Dean was but didn't ask. Instead he said,
"Cas. I better take you home."

"Sure, sure. But I'm fine!" Castiel flapped one hand at Brandon. He staggered back a step.

"Anything you say, buddy. I'm just keeping you company. I forgot something back in the room. Just let me text Sarah to let her know." Brandon pulled out his phone and quickly pecked out his message. He slung an arm around Castiel's back to support him.

Brandon helped Castiel stumble home, and unlocked the dorm and their room door. Castiel flopped on the bed. Brandon grabbed a water bottle from the mini fridge and opened it. He handed it to Castiel.

"Make sure you drink tons of water." He told him. Castiel sat up and took a few gulps. He wobbled a little bit.

"Thanks Brandon. You're awesome." Castiel bobbed his head.

"Well, if you're all set, I'm gonna head back. Sarah's waiting for me." Brandon opened the door.

"Oh! Ugh...my stomach feels horrible..." Castiel exclaimed. He got up and staggered past Brandon. He pushed the bathroom door open and ran into the stall. He vomited.

Brandon came into the bathroom. "Thanks for not doing it in our room." He said wryly. "I better let Sarah know I'm going to have to stay."

Castiel wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He waved at Brandon weakly.

"I'm ok, go back to the party."

Brandon looked at Castiel with concern but then shrugged and left. Once the door was closed, Castiel vomited again. He stumbled to the sink and rinsed his mouth, using his hands to scoop water from the faucet. He stared at himself in the mirror. His glasses were askew, and his hair was a mess. His face was pale and sweaty.

Castiel made it back to the room and collapsed on the bed. The next morning was ugly. He had a massive hangover; his mouth tasted like shit and his head was pounding. He felt achy all over. Never again, he vowed. He didn't understand how so many students willingly got trashed every weekend.

...

Castiel didn't go to anymore parties after that night. He preferred to sit in his room and binge watch Netflix. But now Halloween was coming, and he thought a costume party would be fun. He wouldn't be drinking, of course, but he loved to cosplay. He had an awesome Legolas outfit, complete with pointed ears and a blond wig. "The Hobbit" movies had just come out recently, so people would actually recognize his costume. He was bothered by the canon divergence in the movies, but on the other hand, he was grateful there were more movies set in Middle Earth.

Brandon and Sarah were also going to the same party. Castiel was glad he had a roommate he got along with and liked. Castiel considered both of them to be friends. It was hard not to bond with someone after they had seen you drunk and puking. His friends were dressing in matching costumes: Brandon was going as Rick and Sarah was going as a femme Daryl. They were huge "Walking Dead" fans. Both of them had friends at the art house and invited Castiel to join them at the Halloween party there.

The evening was freezing, as most nights were around Halloween in New England. Castiel was glad that his costume included a warm cloak. He had left his bow and quiver props back at the dorm. He figured they would be a pain to keep track of at the party, and he didn't want to lose them after spending all the time making them. Sarah shivered in her sleeveless vest and Brandon tossed the poncho at her.

"Told you should have brought it, Daryl!" Brandon teased.

Sarah laughed as she pulled the poncho over her head. "It'll be hot inside, and guess who's going to have to carry it, Rick?"

Brandon squeezed Sarah to his side and they both giggled. Castiel smiled, even though his heart ached. He wished he had that easy kind of relationship. With Dean, he thought. Although there were only a few couples in high school that were openly gay, in college it was more commonplace and not as big a deal.

Castiel wished Dean was here. He wondered if Dean was dressing up for Halloween. He was sure Dean was just as popular in college as he was in high school. He must be getting laid a ton, Castiel thought. A wave of jealousy washed over him, even though it was baseless. He had started typing an email to Dean awhile ago, but chickened out before he could press send. He had still heard nothing from Dean since graduation.

As they walked toward the party, they passed by Frat Row. There were a few people lounging about and walking from house to house, but it was still early. Castiel saw lots of skimpy costumes on the girls clicking by on heels, while the guys were mostly dressed in t-shirts that were printed with the likeness of a costume. The art house was on the next block, set a little bit away from the frats.

The party was still quiet when they arrived, but it was only 9:30. Brandon and Sarah disappeared to get drinks in the kitchen. Castiel looked around. There were a few groups chatting, and most people were in costume. Someone tapped Castiel on the shoulder.

"Legolas! Mae g'ovannen!" A red haired girl dressed as Tauriel grinned at him.

"Hello," Castiel said awkwardly. He looked at her costume an admired the details. It appeared to be screen accurate. "Nice costume."

"Thanks! Not bad yourself." She pinched the fabric of her tunic and rolled her eyes, "I know, Tauriel isn't even canon, but there's a terrible lack of female characters in Middle Earth."

Castiel nodded uncertainly. The girl smiled broadly at Castiel. "I'm Charlie, by the way."

"I'm Castiel," he replied. He was happy to find a fellow fan, but he felt shy.

Charlie grabbed Castiel's arm. She spoke conspiratorially and pointed at a raven haired girl with bright red lipstick and pale makeup. She was wearing a long black dress that dipped low to her stomach, showcasing her breasts and her belly button. Her outfit was completed with a pair of twisted horns. "That's the hottest Maleficent I've ever seen."

Castiel was a bit surprised but nodded. Charlie was still holding on to his arm and Castiel found himself being guided into the kitchen. Charlie opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine. She grabbed a couple of plastic cups and poured. She handed one to Castiel.

"Almien, mellon!" Charlie touched her cup to Castiel's. Castiel took a sip of wine. It was a was cheap Chardonnay, but at least cold and infinitely better tasting than a warm frat beer.

"Le hannon," Castiel replied seriously.

"You're too awesome. I love meeting fellow geeks!" Charlie said happily. "Are you a freshman?"

Castiel nodded.

"I'm a junior. Computer science. Stereotypical geek, right?" Charlie laughed. "How about you?"

"I haven't decided yet. Probably chemistry."

"Pretty geeky." Charlie approved.

Charlie looked over Castiel's head. "Check out Daryl! But looks like she's taken by Rick already." She said with amused disappointment. "I totally ship that." She laughed.

Castiel turned and saw Brandon and Lisa coming into the kitchen. They waved.

"Yeah. That's my roommate and girlfriend." Castiel introduced everyone. The party was starting to get crowded. The music was getting louder, a pounding bass being the main component. It was getting hard to have a conversation without shouting. Castiel had trouble taking a step without bumping into someone.

Brandon and Sarah saw some of their friends nearby, and excused themselves. Sarah told Castiel to find them later if he wanted to walk home together. Castiel nodded gratefully. He and Charlie finished their wine and then she dragged Castiel back to the living room. There was a set of stairs going down to the basement and Charlie motioned to Castiel to follow.

Downstairs was even darker, with Christmas lights flickering around the edges of the ceiling. The sound of the music was quieter here and it was less crowded and cooler. There was also the smell of pot and smoke drifting around. Beat up couches and beanbags has been pushed to the sides of the room. Charlie plopped into a couch. Castiel followed.

"Less claustrophobic down here. I kinda hate crowds." Charlie commented.

"Me too." Castiel agreed. Now that he was getting used to Charlie's exuberance and overly familiar manner, he decided he liked her. After all, she seemed to be as big a Tolkien fan as he was.

Charlie suddenly bumped Castiel's shoulder. "Look!" she said excitedly, "Maleficent is down here too! I'm going to go for it!" She winked at Castiel and headed over to chat up the dark fairy.

"Good luck, Charlie," Castiel offered. He watched her intoduce herself and put an arm on Maleficent's shoulder. Then she was sitting on the couch with her, and they were talking animatedly. Castiel smiled; he wished he was able to make friends so easily.

Castiel felt a buzz in his pocket. He pulled out his phone and noted the time. 11:11PM. There was a text message was from a number he didn't recognize.

Unknown Number: hey cas

Castiel typed back.

Castiel: who is this?

He sat back and waited for the response. A second later there was another buzz.

Unknown Number: dean

Castiel's heart raced. Dean was texting him? He quickly saved the number to his contacts. He typed back:

Castiel: hi dean, how are you?

What Castiel really wanted to write was: hi dean, i love you and miss you and why aren't you here?

Dean: good. ok tbh no

Castiel felt concern and pecked out a reply.

Castiel: what's wrong?

Dean: drunk. feel like puking.

He's drunk texting me, Castiel thought. He shouldn't be surprised. After all, that one time they were together, they were both drunk.

Castiel: better go puke then. you'll feel better. drink lots of water afterwards.

Dean: yup gross. hate it.

Castiel: ok. well, feel better. happy halloween

Castiel grimaced. What a lame thing to type.

Dean: miss u. angle.

Castiel's heart leaped. Dean missed me? he wondered. He assumed that "angle" was supposed to be "angel". He blushed thinking of the last time that Dean had called him that. Probably the alcohol talking, he concluded sadly. He took a chance and typed back quickly.

Castiel: me too. wish you were here.

He sat starting at his phone, waiting for a response. A minute passed, then ten. He shoved his phone back in his pocket. Charlie looked over at him and noticed he was looking dejected. She came over with Maleficent in tow.

"Hey Castiel, everything ok?" Charlie asked. She was holding hands with the other girl, who smiled at Castiel.

"I'm ok, thanks." he looked at Maleficent. "hi."

"This is Laurie." Charlie beamed. "We're actually on our way out...but I just wanted to make sure you're ok."

Castiel forced a smile. "Totally fine! Go!" He made shooing motions.

"Ok Cas. Hey, what's your cell?" Charlie pulled out her phone. Castiel dictated his number and Charlie punched it in and then texted him so he'd have her number.

"I'll see you later. Namarie." Charlie winked. She looked back and gave him the thumbs up while she and Laurie made their way upstairs. Castiel returned her thumbs up and grinned. He looked back to his phone but there was nothing. Suddenly it was buzzed. He whipped it out of his pocket but it was only Sarah.

Sarah: going home soon. u?

Castiel: yes. i'll meet you at the front.

Castiel sighed and got up. He made his way upstairs and shouldered his way through the thick crowd. He took a deep breath once he was outside. The chill air felt wonderful.

Sarah and Brandon came out a moment later. They greeted Castiel and then the three of them started walking back to the dorm.