Note: I don't own The Outsiders

Chapter 17

Man, if Ponyboy thought it looked like we were in Halloween costumes in Windrixville, wait until he gets a load of this, Johnny thought with a grimace as he studied his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

He didn't look like himself, that was for sure. Miss Martin talked him into getting a haircut. He tried to protest at first, but gave up pretty easily. Reluctantly, he admitted that his hair was still a mess from the haircut Ponyboy gave him at the church, but it was finally starting to get long again. Now it was back to being short and he missed the shield of bangs he always hid behind. At least he'd won the battle over the hair pomade and he felt like he could retain that little piece of his identity. After all, he was a greaser and he wanted everyone to know he wasn't embarrassed by that.

Miss Martin was also responsible for the suit he was currently trapped in. He had nothing to wear to court - all his stuff was still at his folks, if they hadn't trashed it yet. It wasn't like he had anything respectable to wear anyway. Ratty jeans and faded t-shirts don't exactly make the best impressions with hard-nosed judges. He was glad she'd brought him something to wear; he just secretly wished it wasn't so, well, stuffy. She explained that it belonged to her brother who had grown out of it a few years ago. Johnny found himself imagining her family, sitting around the dinner table, all dressed as though they were headed to some boring business meeting - parents, grandparents, kids - all wearing matching three-piece suits.

The suit was dark gray and stiff and it almost made him wish he could wear a hospital gown to court instead. Underneath, he wore a button-down white shirt that was scratchy - he figured that was from starch but he wasn't sure since his mother sure as hell never used the stuff. The worst, though, was the tie. He was tempted to lie to Miss Martin and tell her the burns on his neck did still hurt just so he could get out of wearing the thing. As it was, the scars were beginning to itch something fierce and he found himself constantly fidgeting with the stupid tie.

He felt ridiculous, like he was playing dress up. Trying to make like he was a soc or something. They weren't fooling anyone, he wanted to tell her, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. She really seemed to care, and if she didn't … well, she was really good at faking it.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Johnny," Miss Martin said in a loud whisper, "it's time to go."

He sighed and took one last look at his reflection and the stranger that stared back at him. He looked scared - hell, he was scared. He felt his gut clench and his hands started to shake. It was the same feeling he had everyday just before he'd open the door to his house - uncertain of what set of parents would be waiting for him behind it. Would it be the drunk, indifferent parents who ignored him? Or would it be the drunk, hateful parents who would scream at him and beat him into the corner just for stepping through that door? It was a daily crapshoot which he usually lost.

He thought of Dally - Dally wouldn't be scared. Dallas Winston wasn't scared of anything. Shoot, he'd been in front of the judge more times than any guy Johnny knew, even Tim Shepard. But then he remembered - Dally didn't want this for him, he didn't want him to have to go through all the hard stuff he'd gone through. Well, he thought, there's no way outta that now.

Still looking in the mirror, he squared his shoulders, told himself not to slouch. He had to try to not look defeated. He could do this, he had to do this. If he could make himself open that door to his house day in and day out for sixteen years then he could do this.

Miss Martin was standing just outside the door, patiently waiting for him in the courthouse hallway. He was surprised to see that she was surrounded by his friends. He had only really expected Ponyboy and Two-Bit to be there since they both had to testify about what happened that night. The fact that everyone else would come was a possibility he hadn't even hoped for.

"Hi guys," he said quietly, self consciously running his fingers through his short hair.

"Hey, Johnny," Soda said with a grin, "you're looking good there, pal."

Johnny reddened and awkwardly adjusted his tie for what must have been the fiftieth time. "If you say so ..."

"Ya clean up good, kid," Steve said with a nod, as though he was giving his stamp of approval.

Ponyboy was standing next to Soda and Darry, looking a little pale and kind of scared. He didn't say anything, just gave Johnny a shaky smile.

Two-Bit, however, came bounding over to Johnny's chair and knelt down. He reached up and messed up Johnny's hair. "Hey, Johnnykid, what say you and me head on out after this shindig is over and we cruise for chicks? With your fancy duds and my winning personality, we'll be fighting 'em off with a stick."

Johnny pushed his hand out of the way and tried to fix his hair. "Sure, Two-Bit, whatever. Just stay outta my hair, man."

Two-Bit laughed as he stood up and pulled out a pack of chewing tobacco. "Two-Bit …" Steve said with a warning tone.

"What? Ya want some?" he asked through a mouthful of tobacco as he offered the pack to his unsmiling friend. Steve didn't respond, but he didn't have to. His eyes spoke volumes and they were basically telling Two-Bit to shut-the-hell-up.

A couple of people were entering the courtroom and Johnny recognized some of the socs who jumped him and Ponyboy that night. One of the guys elbowed another one and pointed at him, unsuccessfully trying to hide a cruel laugh. Johnny figured they thought they were being discreet, or they just didn't care. Either way, he was surprised that he didn't feel hatred toward them, more of an exhausted indifference. He was just tired of all of it - tired of the socs, tired of the fighting, tired of being scared.

Cherry and her friend Marcia also walked by them on their way inside. Cherry's eyes met his and she gave him a small smile that held a hint of sadness. He tried to return the smile but found that he couldn't. He'd killed her boyfriend, he didn't think he deserved her kindness.

Johnny noticed Cherry's gaze move to Ponyboy, but Pony either didn't realize she was there or he was ignoring her. His eyes were fixed on the floor and he didn't look up until she left the hallway.

Time was growing short and Darry came up behind Johnny and grabbed the handles on the back of his wheelchair. "Guess we should head on in. Okay with you, Johnny?" he asked as he began to push the chair forward.

"Yeah," Johnny answered as he grabbed the wheels, halting the chair, "but I think I need to do this part on my own."

Darry let go of the handles and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "We'll be right behind ya, kid."

A/N - Not a very long chapter, I know - but it felt like a good place to end it. I hope you liked it. Thanks again for the reviews.