4

The evening Alejandro saw Tessa at The Rose, he was first struck by her resemblance to his sister Miranda. Same brown hair, same hair cut, same look in her big dark eyes. Before he had even heard the voice of the woman, he had made up his mind to approach her and get to know her. Some weird intuition he could not resist. When she left the place, he felt like he had to try to start a conversation with her. All the while he was feeling like a school boy, for he did not understand what was happening to him but he sure felt like he had been punched in the stomach. The thing that was most hypnotizing him was the brunette's smile, the way she had to slightly stretch the corners of her lips without opening her mouth, while her eyes were the ones expressing what she really felt.

When he reached the front door, it was raining hard and he found her there, protecting herself under a large black umbrella, probably waiting for a taxi. He stopped a couple of steps behind her and silently watched her, the way she was standing there, enveloped in a long black coat, in black high heels. He was about to approach her when she started to sing in a low voice. And he felt trapped! Her voice was so grave, she sounded like a black female gospel singer and he was all the more surprised to hear this miracle emanating from a slender young white girl. He breathed heavily a couple of times and slowly walked closer to her. When he was only two steps away from her, he very politely asked her if he could give her a lift. Surprisingly, most probably because of the rain, she accepted his offer.

While Alejandro was driving her to her hotel, he asked her about her life and he was relieved when she confessed she had been in town for a couple of days and was searching for a job. Before she got out of the car, he gave her the number where she could reach him and told her he would be more than delighted if she'd accept to perform at his night club. Two days later, she called him. Since then, she had been the main evening attraction of The Rose and Al had been treating her like he had known her for years, like she was more than an employee, in fact like she was... his mistress. No one would ever have believed that in fact, Alejandro Fuentes was indeed falling in love with Tessa but at the same time, this love was more like some sort of worshiping of the girl who so resembled his beloved sister and the love he had lost back in Colombia.

After several girls who had been coming and going over the last couple of months, he thought he had finally found the perfect one, the one woman who had been able to make him shiver deep inside again, though he never let any of it reach the surface of his cold and almost inexpressive face. Though no one would ever know about it - not even Tessa, not yet anyway - he was afraid. Afraid of letting his feelings show, afraid she would leave if she knew about it, afraid of losing his authority if his men discovered he finally fell for someone and this was making him weak, afraid of having to fight with Ricardo to win her. Because he had seen his nephew's reaction when he was in the presence of Tessa, unaware Alejandro was watching. Alejandro was feeling weak, for the first time in his life, and all because of that woman. He had lost so many precious ones on the long way from home over the years. But for the very first time, he felt something he thought had died a long time ago. He smiled to himself, looked at his empty china cup, closed his little notebook and put it in his interior elegant silk jacket pocket.

Someday - he thought - someday soon, I will tell her, he promised himself. But not today.

S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~

The evening had seemed very long and exhausting to Tessa this time - for no particular reason however. She just wanted to escape the smoky place and the company. But for Bernie, the look of Alejandro and his gang had been giving her chills all evening and she could not make out why this time more than any other time. For she had been hanging around for weeks now and she sort of got used to it.

As she had got used to the way Ricardo was looking at her and giving her regular signs that he wanted to start some approach tactics on her, she made it quite clear a number of times she was not ready to agree to any of his attempts, using all excuses she could, and what she was good at... straight and harsh looks that had made the boys want to be on another planet when she was only a teenager, each time they wanted to fool around with her. Cutting words that would make others flee even faster, fearing they could get hurt, just by a few syllables.

Yet, she was not the aggressive type of woman anyone could have thought she was. She had always been on the threshold of aggressiveness, first because of the simple fact she had been raised among four boys, and she always had to fight for a place to exist within the clan. She and her brothers loved each other very much but they always felt the urge to fight for everything, including with their sister. So she learned how to defend herself quite early, whether it was for being first at the family table, being the best at their games, being the best student, being the best... Period!

She had learned. The hard way. When she reached adulthood, she was respected, acknowledged, confident in her abilities to make it on her own. Even though her family had been and would always be there, should she need a safe and restful place.

Soon after she got her diploma, she felt the need to get away from her roots. So she moved to San Diego, a bigger place than her small town of origin, lost somewhere in Arizona. She wanted to be part of something special. She wanted to be accounted for in the big family of special citizens. She wanted recognition. After a couple of years, she had managed to reach the goal she had set for herself, but lately something totally unexpected happened which should have shattered her beliefs and confidence for ever. The trauma should have destroyed her balance and left her freezing to death as if she had been abandoned on an iceberg drifting in the middle of the Arctic.

She had survived. Against all expectations. She had shown to herself first - and to all around - she was no fragile little woman who needed constant assistance and protection. She had made it through the rain and snow and blizzard.

And now she was here. Ready to prove again that she could make it. For this was a special place for her to be. This was where she had chosen to come. Freely. Knowingly. To accomplish one final task before she could move on with the rest of her life. Before she could forget. Before she could forgive.

She briefly touched her neck, rubbed the material of the turtleneck she was wearing and sighed profoundly. She discreetly peeked at the men sitting around the large table. There was Alejandro, dressed in a black suit and plain tie as usual; Ricardo, wearing a suit but no tie. This was his silent way - for now- of being in rebellion against his uncle, nice and soft, before he could make a more obvious move, someday. Two other men were at the table, black men she did not know and had never seen before, most probably new contacts for Alejandro's business. Standing behind, in the background but not too far from Al were Seb and Matt, the two body guards who were never far away and always alert of every single movement in the vicinity.

Tessa breathed long deep breaths and turned to Bernie who granted her one of his large smiles. He was the only one at The Rose she really and completely felt comfortable with. He was never asking questions, he never looked at her in a devious way, he was always trying to find a nice word to comfort her when she felt depressed - which had been the case more than often lately - he was, to put it simply, her best friend around here. She smiled back as sincerely as she could and put the scores in one single pile she left on the piano before looking at Bernie again.

"What do you say we call it a night, huh? I'm dead tired, Bernie." she said in that low tone the black man always joked with her about. The first time he had met her, he had told her she had a great voice for gospel. Yet, here she was, singing in a nightclub and losing her time and energy and wasting a great career, or so Bernie said.

"Yeah, Miss Tessa. You gotta get some rest. We ain't in for a race, ya know. Hey, what da ya think we try somethin' easy tomorrow, like... huh... Memories or somethin' huh?"

Bernie's voice sounded like Louis Armstrong's. Even if he did not have one bit of resemblance with the famous jazz celebrity, you could have easily been fooled by his voice when he spoke, as he had the same hoarse and low-pitched tone. His physical look, however, was a lot different; Bernie was a sixty-two year old tall guy, built like a fortress but moving like a panther, so smoothly that, at times, it seemed the image of him was being broadcast in slow motion.

"Sure... Why not. Good night, Bernie and... thanks."

"For what, Miss Tessa?"

"For... taking care. You know. Well,... I... I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Bernie," she said as she suddenly felt the need to be someplace else. She smiled one last time to the black man sitting behind the piano and headed to the table where Al and his guests had been discussing for almost an hour.

She approached Alejandro who gave her a discreet nod to come closer. She quickly whispered something into his ear and he briefly and silently nodded. She left their company, grabbed her coat and her purse and headed for the door. Ricardo's eyes were following her all the way as she exited the nightclub and he smiled to himself at the thought that had just crossed his mind. But no one noticed.

When Tessa finally found herself breathing the fresh night air, she started to shiver uncontrollably for a few minutes. Her head was full of memories she did not want right now.

When she had thought it was safe to do so, soon after they had met, and because of Al's completely confident attitude towards her, always gentle, polite, full of care and attentions, Tessa had told Alejandro she had made it out about his little flower business and the clandestine, less-than-legal transactions behind it. Because of the particular strong fragrance of the roses, no one had suspected that the crates were hiding regular deliveries of the purest cocaine on the American territory. Surprisingly, Alejandro had not even tried to hide it from her at all. When she then confessed she was hooked on some anti-blues pills, as she mildly put it, he even promised to give her regular doses when she told him she had needed them after some personal drama she preferred not to give any details about.

The rare moments she spent with Alejandro alone were paradoxically the only occasions she could relax. She discovered the man was the gentle - and even a bit hung-up - one. He had freely confided to her lots of details about his family, back in Colombia, where he was born. About his father who had built a small empire in the drug business. About his mother who was trying to keep her son away from a dangerous business. Eventually, both Alejandro and his nephew, Ricardo, had ended up here, in Bay City after a short transition period in Miami. Alejandro was thirteen years older than Rico. He had started a small business on the West Coast, importing top quality roses from a Colombian producer. Ricardo, who had attended college longer than Al, was taking care of the financial part and local distributors. But Al had always been and remained the main negotiator.

It seemed that some tacit complicity had grown between Tessa and Alejandro. He would give her the pills she needed. She would discreetly spy on Al's employees and report what she had heard. Not much in reality, but still, he'd appreciate her dedication and apparently efficient discreet spying abilities. She was good at it! She also seemed to know the city and its inhabitants very well and Alejandro had soon felt she could be useful and help him locate possible new customers in some areas where his business had not expanded yet.

Then she regained control of her present situation and headed for her car.

Okay, lady, you got yourself into this, now you gotta get to the end of it, no matter what happens, she thought. She pulled the collar of her coat up her neck and walked to her car. How and why did I get in this mess? I thought it would be easier... and most of all, I never thought it would last for so long. Gee, I'm not sure I will hold on much longer. I gotta talk to the man in charge, I gotta tell him I want out, I can't take it anymore. This Ricardo guy is the one I fear most... and I don't know why. Alejandro is the one I was supposed to ... Oh God, I'm so tired. Too much stress, not enough sleep, too much of... I can't even think straight anymore. Well... I know there is someone out there whom I can count on, but how do I get to him? How do I make a sign that I don't feel up to the job anymore? How is he gonna take it?

When she reached her car, she had calmed down and sat behind the wheel. Before she started the ignition, she was whole again, as if walking in the fresh air had invigorated her somehow.

Okay, girl, go home, get some sleep and tomorrow, you're back on what you came here to do. OK? Okay.

And, one part of her having convinced the other she was back on her feet, she drove to her apartment, without any knowledge that something had changed there a long time ago that she had not noticed before. Yet, this time, being more aware and suspicious than ever, she would. And this would change the course of events more than she had expected.

S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~