The chapter title too familiar? Check out the song index next time.
19. Broken Strings
Caleb met me the next day in my lounge.
"So, what's up?" he asked.
"I have this new song," I began. "I realized I'd forgotten one kind of hurt, love that was never even there before. Then, when I was playing, my guitar string broke. Mom said 'You can't play a broken string.' So, I thought it was a great metaphor. Although I guess we need both sides for the song."
"Okay, let's hear it," Caleb agreed,
"Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything
When I love you and so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else
Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
"Wow," Caleb merely said. "It's fantastic. Is it finished yet?"
I answered him with the next verse.
Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late
Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late, too late
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
So how can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?
Oh, you know that I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again"
"Brilliant," Caleb said. "How did you come up with it?"
"Well, like I said, Mom gave me the major idea. But then something came back to me," I said. My breath began coming out in gasps. I forced myself to continue. "Before he let go, he whispered a song in my ear and asked me to write the rest of it. I didn't realize it was going to have this theme. I laughed humorlessly.
"Can I ask you one thing?"
"Sure?"
"Why do you do that?" he pointed at my chest.
"Huh? I hadn't realized that my arms were around myself, trying to keep it together. "Oh."
"That."
"Well, it's just that I feel like I'm falling apart. Like somebody siphoned out all the glue keeping me together." I explained.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"It's not your fault," I said. "It's pretty much mine. I gave him too many chances, too much hope."
"Jake's an arse," he said darkly.
I flinched.
"Oh, I'm sorry" he said again.
"I wonder what's wrong with me," I said. "He's broken my heart a number of times already, but I can't forget him. I can't hate him."
"Do you still love him?"
"Maybe. I don't know. I'm still confused," I said.
"How do you do that?" he asked, amazed.
"I dunno," I shrugged. "My heart still loves him, I think. At least a couple of the tiny pieces do."
"Wow."
Silence stretched between us.
"So would you do it?" I asked.
"I'd be happy to," he replied with a smile.
I returned the smile half-heartedly, since half of me was dead.
We went on and practiced.
I'll update most probably tomorrow. Thanks for the understanding!