I do not own Twilight or any of its' characters

EPOV

Chapter 21

The Other Side

The gentle knocking I heard on my door was a welcome distraction from one of the worst nights of my life. I didn't care who it was, I actually wanted the company. Before the door opened, I knew already that it was Alice.

"Edward?" She said unassuredly, "Are you alright?"

She probably thought I was dead by now, the state I was in. She didn't see me at first when she walked in because I was sitting on top of my dresser, curled up against the wall with the shades drawn and all of the lights off. I felt ghoulish, like I was in a tomb.

"Alice," I said gently, "I'm over here."

She carefully peered around the corner of the door, I hopped down off the bureau and walked towards her with my hands in my pockets.

I had startled her, her hand flew up against her chest, "are you almost ready to go?" she said breathlessly. I didn't answer her right away. "What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"She's meeting us there, why?" She asked, her perfect brow crinkling in confusion. It became clear to me then that Alice had no idea about what had happened the other night.

"Are you sure she's still planning on coming?"

"Why wouldn't she be?" Alice asked crossly, frowning at me, her size seven foot began to tap impatiently. "What did you do to her?"

"You didn't see?" She shook her head; I walked over to the bed and pressed the heels of my hands against my forehead as I sat down.

"What happened?" She sat by me, her tone mellowing slightly.

"I attacked her." I whispered, pressing my hands into my face harder.

"Oh no, Edward, oh no, oh no." She said miserably, "how could you?" She hissed.

"No harm came of it." I argued, my voice rising pathetically, "there's not a mark on her, she's fine, I stopped before it was too late." Then I remembered how she had winced when I grasped her wrist, "well, maybe, I, her wrist may be a little sore today." I said defensively.

Alice rose from the bed enraged, "Edward Cullen, so help me if you spilt one drop of that girl's blood I'll kill you myself." She growled at me.

"Good, I hope you do, for her sake I'd be better off dead at this point!" I snapped back.

Her expression softened slightly, but she was clearly still very put out with me, "What did you do to her?"

"Everything was fine, she was about to leave, and then, she gave me this gift." I gestured to the strap around my neck. "My damn hands were shaking so much that I couldn't get it on, so, she tried to help. Then I grabbed her wrist and my God Alice the smell coming off of her, I couldn't stop, I held her tighter and tighter and I was just about to…" My voice trailed off, I cringed, "anyway, she told me to stop and I stopped."

"That's it?" She was almost laughing.

"What do you mean that's it?" Was she really making light of something this serious? It infuriated me, "I've never come that close to hurting her before, no scratch that, I actually did hurt her, she winced a little when I grabbed her wrist."

"Edward, do you know what Jasper did to me when he was on a fast?"

"No." I said confused, I had no idea that he had ever done anything harmful to Alice.

She smiled weakly, and sat down beside me on the bed again. She pulled down the neck of her sweater so that I could see her pale, sculpted shoulder. I didn't see anything; she reached over and turned on a lamp. The light reflected off of her exposed shoulder and revealed a large, silvery, jagged scar against her clavicle. "He did this to me."

I moved closer to her to get a better look, the scar was a few inches long, and had once been very deep. The end of it closest to the bone curved slightly, like a letter J, it looked like someone had cut her with a knife. I ran my fingers back and forth along it, the edges were too jagged to be from a knife, Jasper had bitten her, more than bitten her, he had torn her flesh right off of the muscle. She watched me with her intense gold eyes as I touched her, it didn't seem to bother her at all. I stared back at her with my sunken black eyes and said the only thing that came to my mind, "Alice, I'm so sorry."

"Not as sorry as he was." She slipped her shoulder back into her shirt and took my hand in both of hers, "Bella will forgive you, chances are, she probably already has, she understands."

"She shouldn't." I mumbled.

"By now, Bella knows what comes with the territory of being involved with not just you, but all of us. She's stronger than you give her credit for and so are you."

"I find that hard to believe." I snorted.

"Edward, when Jasper did this to me, he had not hunted in a week, he was not himself. He was going through a very strong withdrawal and I interceded at the wrong time."

"This happened only after a week?" I asked disgusted.

"Bear him no ill will Edward," she warned, "Trying to wean yourself off human blood is a much more intense experience."

"He mentioned that, but a week Alice? I can easily be around Bella after a week and not be affected like that."

"Exactly. Very few of us can do that, and then when you dangle someone who appeals to you as much as Bella does after twice as long…it's a miracle that you didn't kill her the second she stepped inside the house."

"If that's true than why did you even let her come upstairs, let alone to my bedroom, by herself?" I asked crossly.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Please Edward, none of us really believe you have it in you to harm Bella. You'll do anything she asks, anything to please her, always putting your needs last, we all know it. She may occasionally get bumped or cut or roughed up here and there, but it's fairly obvious that you'd never do anything permanent to her. That girl owns you." She grinned. "You could probably try anything you wanted with her and she'd come out of in better shape than she started in." Alice winked at me.

"Alice, please, we don't need to discuss this." I said in an effort to keep my intimate life with Bella intimate.

"Alright, I'm just saying," she said getting up, putting her hands in front of her.

"You've said enough." I grumbled.

"Come on, we're going to be late, and besides, I can't stand looking at you like this anymore, you're starting to gross me out, with your dirty t-shirts and you greasy hair, it's very unbecoming for a Cullen."

"Tell me about it." I reached for my coat on the floor.

The house was very quiet as we left, Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be seen, and I assumed Carlisle was at work, the only two I saw were Esme and Jasper, discussing something at the dining room table. They caught a glimpse of me as I walked by, trying to avoid them, they sensed it and didn't make a fuss. Esme smiled weakly and gave me a little wave, Jasper just gazed at me with his patient eyes, 'it's all going to be worth it' I heard him say in my mind as I shut the front door behind Alice and me.

The animal hospital was dark when we arrived, they were closed to extend the holiday a little longer for their employees and extend a courtesy to me. Alice parked in the back and we entered through the side door that led into the treatment room. Juno was waiting for us.

She stood there, leaning casually against a sink table, her long ebony hair tied up in a messy half ponytail half bun revealing the strong curve of her perfect cheekbones. Her almond shaped eyes studied me curiously; she was not alarmed by my appearance at all. "Good morning." She cooed like a dove.

"Good morning Juno." Alice replied cheerfully.

"How are you feeling?" She addressed me sardonically. I have to say, that I did not particularly care for Dr. Patience Juno's attitude toward me. Alice raved about how kind and compassionate she was with her clients, but I didn't see it, at least not with me. Bella had a theory that she disliked men, vampire men especially. I suppose I could understand, but regardless, I would be happy to be rid of her once this was over.

"I feel fine." I replied with a smirk.

"And you haven't fed at all these past few days?"

"Not a drop for the last…" I looked at my watch, trying to draw out my personal triumph, "fourteen days." She exchanged glances with Alice to confirm my statement. My smirk grew more pronounced.

An impressed expression crossed her face and she gave me an odd look, nodding slowly, it almost looked like she was, aroused by my accomplishment. "That's very impressive Mr. Cullen, you have a strong and healthy mind."

"Well, I don't know how healthy it is, but strong, yes."

"Shall we get started then?" Juno asked.

I looked around nervously, there was a very important part missing in this equation, Alice read my expression and said, "Bella's going to be here soon. She's on her way." She looked at Juno and said, "We really need to wait until she gets here, it won't be much longer."

"I understand." Juno said, her expression softening slightly. "We'll take as much time as you need." She almost sounded tender as she spoke to me. I could not get a read on this woman, she was very erratic with her emotions, I didn't understand her. "I'll be in my office."

Once she had left, Alice threw a backpack she had been carrying at me, "here, go change your clothes, you're starting to leak again. Bella will be here any minute, the bathroom's that way, pull yourself together, do you want the first thing for her to see you as a human in be that?" She gestured flippantly at my clothes.

I had been wearing the same jeans for days, and I had come to the end of my stash of t- shirts that I had left behind when we moved. I didn't look like myself at all. For once I was grateful that Alice was motivated by fashion. I disappeared into the bathroom.

She had packed me khaki cargo pants and a blue gray long sleeved Henley shirt that had a few buttons in the front. I quickly dressed and looked in the mirror, I had to admit, it was an improvement. Then I noticed the necklace Bella had given me still clung on to my damp neck, I lovingly untucked it from the inside of my shirt and rubbed my thumb along its' smooth surface. Healing and protection, I thought, two things I would definitely require in my next life, especially with Bella's ability to attract danger. I smiled at that thought and then I was ready.

When I got back to the treatment room, Alice informed me that Bella was here and waiting in the employee lounge adjacent to the surgery suite.

"Is she alright?" I asked.

"She's fine Edward. Stop worrying, you need to focus on yourself right now, Juno is on her way in. Do you want me to get Bella?"

Yes, yes, and yes I thought to myself, but I couldn't risk another incident. Even though I was in better spirits today, I could still smell her, Alice really didn't even need to tell me that she was here, I already knew. But the scent that was coming off of her was not her floral fragrance, it again, like last night, was the smell of her blood that was pulling me toward her, and I would use that as a warning to myself that she was not safe near me.

"No." It was almost a question the way I pronounced it.

"She's fine with that." Alice stated with confidence.

"Is she upset with me?" I asked, becoming anxious.

"No, I can guarantee that she is not." Waves of relief came over me.

Juno was back, "Is everything copacetic?"

"Yes. I think so." I said.

"Follow me then." She led us into the surgery suite; there was glass all around us with the exception of one solid wall. "Sit down please," she said gesturing to the exam table. I hesitated for a moment, but then pulled myself up and onto the heated table.

She stood directly in front of me and gazed into my eyes deeply. "Edward," she said very carefully, "I need you to calm your mind. Close your eyes please."

I did as I was told, sort of, my mind was rampant with thoughts and fears and memories, I was physically beyond uncomfortable, and I could still smell Bella, my throat burned with thirst.

"EDWARD!" Juno said sternly, my eyes snapped open, "as I said before, you need to focus and calm your mind for me please."

I tried harder this time, shutting my eyes tightly. I tried to distract myself by thinking of music, which seemed to work. "That's better." Juno said more calmly, "I'm going to touch your face now, is that alright? Nod if it is." I nodded my head slowly. Her cool hands touched my temples lightly, I started to feel my migraine dissipate. She made circular motions with her fingers, and slowly let them wander across my face over my eyelids, it felt incredible to me. I heard her breathe deeply and the music in my head became more complex, requiring more of my concentration.

After moments she said kindly, "lay down please." I felt her and Alice's hands on my back as they helped to guide me down softly to the table. After a few moments of lying still, I felt Juno's hands on my face again; relaxation was beginning to overtake me. I felt her hands put pressure on either side of my neck, and then my shoulders, hips, thighs, calves, all the way down to my feet. She started to breathe deeply again, I heard no other sound. Then I felt a great pressure against me, as if I had a wooden board slowly crushing me. I felt an iciness overcome me that I had never felt before and I began to shiver. My musical distraction was no longer working, my mind frantically tried to come up with something else.

Before I could make a conscious decision for it to happen, I started seeing images…of my life. I saw my parents, my birth parents. I saw friends, neighborhoods that I couldn't remember ever existing for me. Then the more prominent part of my life flashed before me, I saw Carlisle and then Esme, Rose, Emmett, and finally Jasper and Alice. I saw me talking with them, fighting with them, hunting, spending time, embracing them, and them embracing me. And then, she came, Bella, I saw Bella, I saw her on that first day of school, her hair blowing everywhere and her looking terrified of all of the stares she got as she entered the classroom. I saw her by her locker, her truck, scowling at me, staring at me, and me ignoring her. Then came memories of us together; in the meadow, the first time I kissed her, the first time she laid her head on my chest and fell asleep on me, her attack by James, her lying broken in a hospital bed, her throwing herself on me to protect me in Italy, I saw all of it, a pictorial history of the life I had created with her and I was whole again, I felt soothed and at ease, I felt, I felt like I had just gone blind. Everything went black; I could no longer see anything in my mind or in front of me. I then realized that I couldn't move my body either, panic started to set in.

"Alice," I said maintaining my composure as best I could, "Alice, I can't see."

"I know Edward, hold on, it's going to pass." She started to pat my hand.

"I can't move."

"I know, but you need to be quiet now." She said sadly.

I obeyed, but then, dread went through me, I felt the need to breathe, to gasp for air, but I couldn't. My chest was becoming tight, I couldn't get a sufficient breath, my breathing was becoming thready and shallow, as a vampire I didn't have to breathe, but as a human, if that's what I was, I did, and I couldn't. Something must have gone wrong and now I was dying, I was going to die and I didn't even get to say goodbye to Bella.

I heard muffled voices around me but I couldn't interpret what they were saying. Then I felt the chest compressions, one, two, three, four… they went on and on, they weren't going to be able to save me. I prepared for the end; I felt immense warmth all over. My body was full of electricity, I could feel pulsing, the warmth spreading, I couldn't smell Bella anymore, I must be dead.

I felt someone squeeze my hand; I wasn't sure what that meant. I could still hear the muffled voices, and a beeping sound, the voices were beginning to become clearer now, someone was crying.

"Edward, open your eyes," an unknown voice ordered. I wondered who had said that, it sounded like Juno, I thought.

"Edward?" A second voice, Alice? The beeping sound grew louder.

And then I heard it, the only sound that could or would ever bring me back from the dead, "Edward, please…"

I felt my eyelids flicker and then open slowly. She was there, standing beside the table, holding my hand, my Bella, she looked exquisite. She smiled warmly at me, her deep brown eyes glistened with tears. I studied her, puzzled, like I was coming out of some long fever dream.

"Bella?" I said, drowsily.

"Yes?"

"What's that beeping sound?"

"It's your heartbeat Edward." Alice said, her voice trembling. I looked to my left and saw that I had been hooked up to a monitor, a red line that moved across the screen displayed a series of perfectly spaced out P, Q, R, and S waves.

A cool hand touched the side of my face, so cool that it startled me, I couldn't figure out why. It was Juno, she looked exhausted, "your body is tired, and needs to heal, it's time for you to sleep, my friend." Almost instantaneously exhaustion overcame me, my eyelids grew heavy, and I fought to keep them open, but I was losing, I took one last look at Bella, and she just smiled and said, "don't worry, I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."