10

Al had told Tessa she could enjoy the day as she wanted, as he had a few things to take care of. She did not ask for more details - she had a pretty clear idea already - and decided to stay home and enjoy a quiet restful day before... before whatever had to occur soon!

She had started with a long hot bath with relaxing essential oils. Then she had wrapped herself in a long comfortable night gown, as she had decided not to dress at all. She could feel the soft material on her skin warmed by the bath. It felt like a caress and the thought of long-fingered hands popped into her head, at the precise moment she reached to pick up her tea mug. She looked at the little bear design on the mug and heard the echo of long forgotten softly spoken words - my favorite teddy bear - although these words had not been meant for a fur toy, but to someone whose souvenir she had never managed to erase - even just a little - from her bleeding memory.

She put the mug back on the counter and breathed deeply a couple of times. She was about to cry out loud, as this was one of the ways she had found to release the pressure in her throat: the other one was to shout for a few seconds and let it all out. But since she was aware of the mikes, she now had to restrain herself and keep it in. Whoever was monitoring her would not understand her odd behavior now, as she had always been the perfect model of apparent serenity at The Rose. She had to pretend, again and again.

She had a hard time coping with the pain. For the last three years, she had been lying. To all around. But most of all, to herself.

After that night, she had never been quite the same again. Oh, no one had to complain about her mission, about her behavior, about what she was supposed to do, day after day. She had done everything she had been requested without asking any questions. And she had been efficient, as always. Because she had always been performing to the top of her abilities. Since she was a little kid.

The fact she had to measure up to a bunch of older brothers had certainly been a strong incentive and she had soon learned that she would have to live and fight in a men's world and to prove she was to be taken into account. Her dad was sweet and gentle with her when they were both alone - which did not occur that often - but he sometimes allowed himself to show a little tenderness to his little Tessa, gently caressing her hair when hugging her goodnight, smiling when she had carried out a special task with brio. Of course, he would first make sure no one was watching him. His sons would not mock him nor her, for that matter, because they all displayed a genuine respect for their father. It was more their father who was refraining from showing gestures of what he considered softness in public.

Soon after she was born, the last of five kids, her mother had been killed in a car crash and her father had done the best he could - and even more than that - to raise his four boys and his little girl by himself. He had done a great job. They all had followed the path they had chosen and discussed with their father. None of the children had been pushed in one particular direction. Each one of them had been free to decide upon his or her own destiny. When Tessa had told her father what she wanted to do with her life, he had first been a bit worried. The way he had looked at her that day had hurt him more than he would have admitted. Tessa was very much the spitting image of her mother and when she would look at him with that little smile, he was melting inside, but of course, not showing anything on the outside. He had blessed her choice, told her to be careful and assured her he would be there anytime she would need him.

And she had moved. Not too far away from her family but far enough to start to feel a sense of real independence, from the males of her family, from the protection they would surely offer, from the safety of a city she knew like the back of her hand. She wanted more. She had always searched for more. More... more... more.

Until she met him. Lightning struck and she felt trapped. Obviously it had been reciprocal and they had started to live together very soon after their first encounter. Neither of them had really fully understood what had happened but, there they were, madly in love with each other. What did people call this? Huh, perhaps Love at First Sight. Yeah, she knew, it could be, she had experienced it. She had felt like she was finally complete, being part of something bigger than herself, something so special and strong that she thought nothing in the whole world would ever be able to break it. Each passing day had brought more love and trust between both of them. They were planning ahead. They started to buy things for the apartment they were now sharing. And she bought him a mug with a teddy bear leaning on a wall and saying "Gee, I'm good!" She was calling him My Favorite Teddy Bear. He was calling her Busy Bee. They were not afraid of anything. Because they both felt nothing would ever stand between them and ... well, whatever cloud or darkness which kept falling onto others around them.

How wrong she was. Because that night, that very special and terrible night, she had learned. The hard way. The most awful way. She had been hurt, but the worst was, he had been killed in front of her and there had been nothing she could have done, despite what she had been trained to do. Fate had taken the face of a shadow, lurking in the dark and waiting to strike. The pain had been sharp. Her body had healed, slowly, eventually. But her soul remained shattered and she had been trying for the last three years to pick up the pieces.

She had barely heard the knock on the door. She suddenly noticed she had ended up sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch, holding a cushion against her heart, and gently rocking back and forth, as she had done at the hospital early after they had saved her from total madness. She emerged from her memories and shook her head to clear the dark feeling which had invaded her mind for a moment. She slowly stood up, checked and adjusted her night gown, put the cushion back on the couch and headed to the door.

She heard the gentle knock again. She recognized Alejandro's touch. Only he would knock so elegantly three times. But just in case, she decided to make sure it was him, behind the door, and not Ricardo, trying to fool her.

"Yeah. Who is it?" she asked, standing very close behind the door, tightly holding her night gown, wrapped around her body.

"It's me, Babe."

It was Alejandro, all right. She unchained and unlocked the door and slowly opened it. Alejandro was looking at her with that sweet gentle smile of his. He was standing with his hands hidden behind his back.

"Good evening, Al. I... I thought..." She was about to ask him why he was there, then she quickly kept her mouth shut, for he was paying for the place she was living in.

But I don't belong to him, he always said I was free. So why do I feel like I'm guilty of something? Shit, get a grip, Tess. This is just a make-belief.

She opened the door in full. He entered and revealed what he was holding in his hands. A bunch of champagne roses.

"These are for you, Babe." he said and kissed her on the cheek.

"What... what's the occasion?"

"Do I need an occasion? Let's say you seemed a bit sad and I bought your favorites."

He headed to the bar and served himself a large glass of bourbon. He turned to Tessa.

"Shall I prepare you a cocktail?"

"Huh... no, thank you, I just had some tea."

He nodded and sat on the couch. Tessa was still standing in the middle of the apartment, holding the roses in her hands. She suddenly had the strong impulse to throw them on the floor and trample on them. She wanted to scream her heart out and run away from this place as fast as she could. Almost two months … and she felt she could not take any more of this. She made up her mind to go and talk to the one who maybe could get her out of this for good. But right now, she had to hold on, she had to master her feelings of anger and disgust, most of which were directed to herself.

Instead, she put the most believable smile on her face and said in her usual melodious voice:

"I'm gonna put them in a vase."

And she headed to the kitchen.

Alejandro had never been the talkative one with her, with anyone in fact. He was comfortably relaxing on the couch, methodically sipping his bourbon and looking at the young brunette who was taking care of the flowers he just offered.

"Tessa?" he called her very softly.

"Yes?"

"Are you happy?"

Tessa shivered for a brief moment but he did not notice it.

"Yes... why do you ask, Al?"

"I've been watching you for the last few days. Sometimes you seem... lost... or sad. What's the matter, Babe?"

"Nothing, I assure you. It's just..."

Quick, think of something! She thought while arranging the flowers in the vase. She put the vase on the bar.

"It's just that...I've been thinking a lot about my Mom lately."

Alejandro did not reply. Tessa felt this could be the perfect opportunity to let go some of the tension she had been feeling during all these weeks. She had briefly spoken of her to Al when they first met. It turned out that her reality matched the role she had buried herself into.

"I'm gonna be fine, don't worry. I... I miss her... but I'm okay." she went on, still standing in front of the bar, with her back turned to Alejandro.

The tall man stood up from the couch, put his glass on the table and approached her. He tenderly put his arms around her, holding her back against his chest. His cheek rested on her hair. He could smell the remaining fragrance of what she had used in her bath, a delicate smell of orchid.

He held her for a bit longer and let go of his embrace. He stepped back just a couple of steps. He had learned to respect her will to cope with many things and to show a strong attitude.

"I wish there was something I could do. But I know the pain takes time to get over. Well, we actually never get over the loved ones who are gone, but... you know what I mean."

Tessa turned and looked at him for an instant then turned her eyes away from him and stared at the lamp, next to the couch. She remembered the microphones.

"Thank you, Al. I appreciate. It must have been hard for you too. And for Rico, I guess."

Okay, let's try to launch a few hooks – I'm one of them, yeah, even feel like a hooker - see what I catch.

"Yeah." Alejandro sighed. "He has always tried to be strong and tough. But you know, I raised him as my own son and..."

Here we come, listen very carefully, Rico, I guess what's coming next is for you, she thought.

"And?..." she softly said, encouraging to go on.

"I don't think he's up to it. I mean, he developed a violent temper, he always seems ready to burst and ... I think he is about to engage in some irreversible decision."

"What do you mean?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Tessa, after all these years dealing with... well, you know what... I felt I paid too high a price in exchange for a comfortable life. First, my mom, my father, my sister, and then..."

He stopped talking, swallowed hard a couple of times. Tessa suddenly saw him clench his teeth and close his eyes. If he were any other person and not who he is, I'd almost feel sorry for the guy. Go ahead, man, talk to me, I'm not the only one listening!

"What are you gonna do?" she asked.

"About what?"

"About... the business? About Rico?"

Alejandro heaved a sigh and went on.

"I think I'm gonna do one more deal and leave this place. Rico can take care of himself."

"Oh? And... where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know yet. I just want to leave all this behind."

"But you are some big guy around here."

"I don't care anymore."

Sounds so weird. I've never heard of a drug dealer, who is well established in the business for so long, deciding to quit. Don't tell me I stumbled on the only bad guy in the world who could actually feel guilty about his "job"? Rico must be having a hell of a time, hearing this through the mikes.

Tessa did not reply, as she did not know what to say next. The tall man in front of her seemed to have shrunk just a little. He headed for the bar, left his glass on the counter and turned to Tessa. He was about to say something more, yet the words seemed to remain stuck in the back of his throat. Finally he found the courage to say what he had come to say.

"Tessa...if I leave all this behind... I... huh... I'd like you to come with me."

Tessa tried not to show her surprise and disgust at the same time. Al did not notice her discomfort and added.

"I'd be honored if you'd accept. And I promise, nothing bad will ever happen to you. I'll protect you. I swear."

"Al..." the young woman started, but she could not go on. She was about to burst into tears, but not of joy or sadness; they were tears of rage. Fuentes mistook her attitude for a hesitation or even expectation. He came to her, gently caressed the young brunette's hair and put a single kiss on her forehead. Then, without another word, he left the apartment.

Tessa quickly walked to the bathroom, splashed water on her face. She raised her eyes and looked at her reflection. She closed her eyes and opened them again. In an uncontrollable reaction of anger, she grabbed the soap and violently smashed it on the mirror, as if to erase the image of her face.

When she finally stopped hitting the smooth surface, she let her tears freely fall down her cheeks.

I can't take this any more! Shit, even if I committed to this freely, I'm gonna get out of here. I don't care. They have all they need now. I gotta split... or I feel I could kill him myself.

She would have felt better if only she could have spoken these words aloud, but she somehow kept her self control intact and remembered at all times where she was and why she was there.

She went back to the living room and approached the writing desk. She extended her hand and reached to feel what she had hidden there. For a brief moment, she was tempted to take it, but she withdrew her hand and instead, let herself fall on the couch. With her head in the opposite direction, she was at the right place to stare at the lamp.

One day for sure... one day soon...

She realized she had uttered the very last words aloud, shivered at the idea Rico or one of his men had been listening, but thought there was nothing to worry about. These words were not putting her in any more danger than she already was.

Completely exhausted by the recent tension she had felt, she fell asleep on the couch.

Soon after her breathing was regular and shallow, the man who had been listening to the conversation between her and Al took the headphones off his head. He frowned to himself. His lips turned in a suspicious half smile.

One day soon... and even sooner than you expect, my dear Tessa...

He left the apartment located in a building in front of Tessa's place and walked into the chilly night, his hands deeply stuck in the pockets of his dark overcoat.

S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~ S*H ~