iDiary
Chapter 2: "Heartburn"
A/N: Hey there! Sorry it has taken sooo long to update. Since I keep missing the bus in the morning, my mom "computer banned" me. I'm still not supposed to be on here till Saturday, but I had to post! I'm at school. We're using laptops. I'm so naughty! XD I don't own iCarly.
The bus ride went fairly quickly; Freddie searched for facts and Sam and Carly talked. Unfortunately, the bus was later today than usual. They had to take a long side route due to a traffic accident.
Once at the school, Freddie frantically ran inside to his locker, stuffing books in and taking some out. He would not be late. He could not be late. It is physically impossible for a Freddie Benson to get a little "T" -for tardy- mark next to his name on the attendance.
He was all frazzled and stressed by the time he made it into his seat, literally a second before the bell rang. He looked around, expecting to not see Carly and Sam; after all, he had not seen them at their lockers. To his surprise, Sam was sitting in her spot (two seats to the left of him and one seat up, right in front of the teacher) and Carly was in hers (one seat to the left and three seats back). (He sat all the way to the right, second chair.) They were not out of breath like he was.
The morning announcements that no one cared about, because everyone always talked over them, came on. Freddie took this time to turn around to Carly and ask why they weren't late. She was "busy" talking to Jake, so he left her alone. Stupid Jake. He didn't want to get out of his seat like some of the other students were; he was a model pupil.
But he was too curious about Carly and Sam not being late and got up to ask Sam. Sam was at her seat, looking suspicious.
"What are you doing, Sam?"
"Making paper airplanes for study hall."
"Okay…"
"Why'd you come over here?"
"I wanted to know why you and Carly weren't almost late and I was."
"For someone so smart, you can be so stupid sometimes, Freddie!"
"Hey!"
"We didn't have to go to our lockers. We had L.A. homework last night, which I didn't do anyways, but I still brought my book home. We all had it in our backpacks. So we just ran here. Feel stupid?"
"Yes, as I often do when you're around."
"Good, I'm doing my job. And isn't that kinda funny considering our grades?"
"CLASS! Please settle down and get in your seats." Mr. Morri, their Language Arts teacher, brought some order back to his classroom. "Please pass up your answers to your homework questions. Today, we are going to continue on our poet project. As you know, you present tomorrow, so whatever you don't finish in class will be homework. If you happen to finish early, go over your work. If you are satisfied with it, then you may read."
Freddie, back in his seat and angry at himself for almost being late, (even though Mr. Morri didn't really care since the students were never in their seats until after the announcements) opened his backpack. He pulled out his green L.A. folder and passed up his homework. He looked in his backpack for his L.A. text book. He couldn't find it.
He had put it in his locker by mistake. Now he was really angry with himself. He was so stupid. He had finished his project yesterday, but he wanted to go over it, like Mr. Morri had said. His poet to research had been Robert Frost, so it was easy. It wasn't some obscure poet that was hard to research. Freddie had written 10 pages over the maximum for the project, but Mr. Morri always forgave Freddie for over-doing it because his was "of such high quality".
Realizing that he couldn't do anything, Freddie raised his hand.
"Yes, Freddie?"
"I was wondering if I could use my laptop for more research."
"I know you probably are over the required number of pages already, but if you feel as if you need more information, you may use your laptop. I know you will, but it is standard that I must remind you to only use your laptop for school purposes- no games."
"Yes, sir." Freddie got out his laptop and, for the first time, he purposely disobeyed a teacher's orders. He opened his iJournal document and began typing.
Entry #32
Dear Journal,
I am writing this in class, surprisingly. It's just that I really don't have anything else to do…I'm not even sure what I should write about, but I have a lot of class time left to figure out what to say
Freddie paused for a while, thinking.
Okay, here's something. I've had a really bad morning so far. The bus was late, I went to my locker when I didn't have to, Sam said I was stupid, I left my L.A. book in my locker by accident, I was almost late to class and Sam said I was stupid.
I can't believe Sam said I was stupid! I just wasn't thinking, and I was having a bad morning. But I'm not stupid. She knows I hate it if she alludes to the fact she is smarter than me in anything. But I'm better at her at everything except insults, being lazy, and toughness. I know, I know, she's tougher. But I…I don't know why Sam bothers me so much than she usually does.
Right now, she has her textbook open and she's writing in it. I think she's drawing mustaches on all of the people in the book. Last time on iCarly, she said, "Hi, I'm Sam, and I like to deface my school books by adding mustaches to all the faces!" It was cute. Whoa! Cute! Why did I say cute? Sam's not cute. Sam is tough. But…I know there's more to her than she lets on. There's something…there's more than what meets the eye.
Freddie stops and deletes the next part the sentence he wrote, "Even though what meets the eye is very…"
I can't believe it, but I keep almost writing she is pretty.
Freddie stops to gaze at Sam.
But I guess she is. She's the opposite of Carly. With Carly,
"Start packing up, class. I'll see you tomorrow. Remember to finish your poet projects tonight!"
Freddie was angry. He didn't get to finish writing down his feelings. He hadn't figured them out yet, and was confused. He saved his iJournal and closed his laptop; it didn't need to be shut down. He had everything packed and walked out the door. Sam was ahead of him, talking to Carly. He started comparing then in his head.
Freddie was so enveloped in his thoughts that he walked past his next class, math. He turned around, more upset with himself. Then he had a brilliant idea. He wouldn't be able to sort through his feelings going over math problems, so…
Freddie walked into the classroom and over to Miss. Yevery's desk instead of his seat.
"Um, Miss. Yevery?"
"Hello Freddie. Do you need something?"
"May I have a bathroom pass?"
"Sure." She opened a drawer in her desk and took out the pass. "Here you go."
Freddie tried not to smile as he left the classroom. He was one of her favorite students. She almost never gave passes, but he had got one. Perhaps he was one of her favorites because he actually got the questions she asked him right.
He entered the bathroom. No one else was in it- good. He was worried there would be someone who was late to class still in the bathroom. He took his backpack off, he forgot to leave it in the classroom, and tossed it by the door. He took out his laptop and walked into one of the stalls. He immediately left and went to the next stall.
Still disgusted at the rude person who had previously used the first stall, he put the toilet seat cover of the second stall down and sat on it. He laid his laptop on his knees and opened it. He was aware of the awkwardness of the situation, if someone was to come into the bathroom and hear typing…But this was a quiet place. Other surroundings would be a lot better, but he had to make do with what he had.
His computer, since the top had been shut, asked for his username and password. Freddie typed in "Fredster" and then "iCarly159". His settings loaded and he opened Microsoft Word. Once that loaded Freddie opened his iJournal. He read where it had left off (I can't believe it, but I keep almost writing she is pretty. But I guess she is. She's the opposite of Carly. With Carly, ) and then continued.
…you see she's beautiful right away, and you want to get to know her. But Carly's not much more, I mean she has personality, but…there's no right way to say this…with Sam you might be scared of her, or think she's bad, but she actually cares and she is prettier as you get to know her, you see her person, who she really is, and she is wonderful and more beautiful than you thought before you knew her and I think I've just fallen in love with her…
I am in shock. From myself. I don't know what happened there, but know that I know for sure; I can't deny it! I love Sam! Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. I can't believe it! Who would've thought I would have loved Sam! Or would decide I do in a bathroom stall! How messed up is this world? I can't believe it still. Who would have thought? But, then again…we would make a cute couple. Okay, I'm losing the little manliness I clung to when I started this: I'm talking about cute couples!
I wonder how Sam feels toward me. Her teasing must be because she is insecure of her feelings, right? I have to make sure of that before I tell her I'm in love…
But then there's this whole Carly thing I have to take care of. I can't believe I was interested in her. That wasn't even a crush. It was a shallow obsession because she was a close friend who was pretty and if we dated, I would be the envy of all the guys, even stupid Jake!
On the subject of Jake, he is…I don't know how to say this without using any bad words, but I'll try…an arrogant, self-obsessed, majorly shallow, repulsive, unintelligent,- no, wait, make that brainless-, uncaring, little slime ball without any singing talent. I'm feeling much better now. I can't believe how many girls go after Jake! Anybody, even Jeremy, is better than Jake. Of course, Jeremy isn't as attractive to girls, but he is a much better person!
I cannot stand how Carly obsesses over Jake! Even Sam thinks he's cute! But of course, she would rather hang out with me. Score one for Freddie! Plus…okay, sorry, I'm using all my limited time bashing Jake when I could be typing about Sam! I can't wait until Briggs! Ew! Never thought I'd say that, but it's my next class I have with Sam before lunch. And we have to work together on our project.
I have to wrap it up in here, or Miss. Yevery will start to wonder… Okay before I go, I am giving myself a mission: I must find out how Sam feels towards me. If the feelings are mutual, I will tell her I love her. And I have to find it out without asking Carly. Because Carly will just tell Sam I'm interested in her before I can. Okay, Operation SamXFreddie, go! Actually, it should be one word. I'll combine them. Fam or Seddie. Seddie sounds cooler. I'll go with that. Operation Seddie!
Goodbye for now,
- Freddie
Freddie knew he had taken a long time, probably about 15 minutes. There was no way he could pass it off as simply "he had to go". He shut the laptop lid in his hurry without closing his iJournal, or saving it for that matter. He opened the stall, shoved his laptop into its case and grabbed his backpack.
As he rushed back to the classroom, he was worried about getting in trouble. Then, suddenly, another brilliant idea "fell from the sky". He was a little shaken that he had so many authority-defying moments today and was about to have another.
He had reached Miss. Yevery's classroom. He tried to contort his face into a painful expression. He opened the door. Miss. Yevery was writing something on the board. She turned around, her red hair rubbing some marker off the whiteboard.
"I…don't feel so good…got sick…need to go the clinic…" Freddie thought that actually sounded like he was about to get sick.
"Okay, Freddie. You can go to the clinic. Make sure to ask your classmates about this lesson later, it's important."
Freddie was impressed with himself. Maybe he should start an acting career if a technical producing one didn't work out…but he did feel a little queasy. He had asked to go to the clinic because he couldn't stop thinking about Sam. He wouldn't be able to concentrate in class until he got to Social Studies class with Sam. Then he would be able to concentrate (on Sam).
He entered the clinic. No one else was in there except Mrs. Totters, the nice, old, clinic nurse.
"Name?" She asked.
"Freddie Benson."
"Okay." She typed his name into the computer log; the school had a certain system that had to keep track of clinic visits and such. "What's wrong, dear?"
"Well…I uh, don't feel so well."
"Can you be a little more specific?"
"Uh, my stomach feels funny, like I'm nervous and I feel dizzy. I also have this weird headache that won't go away. But it doesn't hurt. It's just weird and makes me feel off-balanced."
"Interesting." Mrs. Totters smiled wisely. "You may lie down if you need to." Freddie laid down on one of the cot-bed things.
"When did you first start to feel this way?" She asked, sounding concerned.
"It's been coming gradually all day, but I just was overcome by sickness about 20 minutes ago." Freddie said, realizing that, oddly enough, he had begun to feel all this just around the time he discovered his love for Sam.
"Interesting." Mrs. Totters smiled a knowing smile.
"What do you mean by interesting?"
"Honey, you have a very serious disease."
"What!" Yelped Freddie.
"Yes dear, and it's call love."
"Oh…"
"Things making a little more sense, now?" She laughed. "I've seen it many times. I'm not going to give you advice on how to handle your…newfound obsession, I'm kidding, don't overdo it. No stalking and whatnot. Too much of a good thing, you know? No, but no matter what you end up doing, telling this lucky girl or not, to get rid of these feelings, you should express your feelings to yourself. Either talk to someone about it or write it down."
"I already have a journal. I have written some things already."
"Good. Do you need to talk about it?"
"Well, I don't really want to go to my next class…"
"I'll excuse you. You need to talk things out. Now do you want to write, or talk to me?"
"Um…I guess I'll talk. I've already wrote stuff."
"Okay, so, you don't have to tell me names, but explain your situation."
"It's fine, I love…" Freddie paused; this was the first time he was going to say he loved Sam out loud. "…Sam. Sam Puckett."
At this, Mrs. Totters chuckled, "Oh yes; I know Sam quite well. She's always coming in here after fights. Not that she wants to, but her teachers make her. I've also talked to her several times while she was waiting to be called into the principal's office. She's much better-behaved than others think…I know her quite well."
"Are you gonna tell her!?"
"Oh, never, dear, I'm leaving that up to you. What do you think about telling her?"
"Well…for sometime now, I've had this notion that…"
"Yes?"
"I thought that she liked me way before I liked her more than a friend."
"That sounds very promising. What made you think that?"
"Besides the fact that we've been friends for forever; she always teases me. And, like, it isn't the mean type of teasing…it's more like…she's fighting down her own feelings."
"That sounds like Sam- fighting. What do you think about telling her that you like her more than a friend?"
"I'm still not sure if she likes me the same way…"
"Freddie, sweetie, you're having doubts now. You just said that you thought your feelings were mutual."
"But what if they aren't? And, I don't mean to sound rude, but are you just trying to get my hopes up?"
"In one sense, I hope to make you see the situation is more probable than you think." Her eyes twinkled when she said this.
"But-"
"Remember this, hon, with love, all things are possible."
"If Sam does-"
"Excuse me; I need a Band-Aid." Freddie turned to see an older girl wearing all black come into the clinic.
"Sure thing, Lauren. So how are you these days? I haven't seen much of you since you stopped needing your crutches…" Mrs. Totters handed the girl a Band-Aid for her scraped knee.
"I'm okay. I have Mr. Mason for science, though…ugh."
"Yes, he gives out too much homework. I've heard lots of kids complaining about his assignments. Come back if you need another one. Or, here, I'll give you an extra bandaid now. Take care, sweetie."
The girl took the extra bandaid and said goodbye.
"You're friends with all of the students, aren't you?" Freddie asked Mrs. Totters.
"I would hope so. You wouldn't trust someone who wasn't your friend giving you advice, now would you? And by advice I don't just mean medical advice. Now where were we?"
"I was gonna ask you…what should I do if Sam doesn't like me back?"
"Hold it, hon. You're forgetting two things. One, you're friends to begin with. You're very lucky. Lots of people fall in love with people who don't even know they exist. She at least loves you as a friend. If she doesn't like you more than that, you will still have a friendship. And-"
"-But it would be a weird friendship. If she didn't feel the same, we would both…just…it wouldn't be the same as before I told her…"
"So you're trying to decide between a secure friendship with the misery of not telling Sam and the possibility of an insecure friendship, but your feelings have been expressed. You think it's either friendship or love, huh?"
"Exactly! How do you know, do you read minds or something?"
"I was a kid once, a long time ago, perhaps, but I was one. Let me tell you the second thing you were forgetting. Before you even think about Sam rejecting you, which she won't, you have to decide how you're gonna tell her."
"But shouldn't I also prepare for the worst?"
"Freddie, you're just delaying the message. If you are going to tell her, then tell her. You never know when you will have the chance again. If you wait too long, she might be in love with another, perhaps someone like Jake…" Her eyes sparkled mischievously when she said this.
Freddie didn't realize that Mrs. Totters had indirectly said Sam was in love with him. His mind kept imagining Sam holding hands with that…that Jake. Sam wouldn't ever dare! Would she? She would rather be with her Freddie, right? That made him wonder how it would be like, to hold hands with Sam…
"How should I tell Sam?"
"Finally, dear, the first question I asked you…" She chuckled, amused, but in a kind way. "You should tell her how you see fit. When the right opportunity comes."
"But when will the right opportunity come?"
"Don't ask me! I'm no psychic. I don't know what will happen, or when it will. But you will know the moment is perfect right when it comes. Try Tuesday…"
"Tuesday?"
"I'm just kidding about the mind reading, sweetie. Seriously think about how you will tell Sam."
Freddie sighed.
"You don't have to know right now, but just keep it in mind. Wait for your moment and no later."
"Okay, thanks. I think I have an idea about how to do things. But, just at that special moment…on Tuesday." Freddie laughed.
Another student came in. Freddie recognized him from his L.A. class.
"Hi, Mrs. Totters. I got stung."
"By what, Kyle?"
"A bee. I'm not allergic, though."
"Well that's good. Why don't you sit down, and I'll have a look at it."
"Freddie, hon, you better leave now if you want to make it to your next class on time. I'm glad we were able to have this talk. Just to let you know, you can come back to me anytime and talk. Your…uh…heartburn needs to be treated soon, hear me?" Her eyes shimmered again in that special hidden-meaning way. Freddie gathered his belongings and headed for Social Studies. It meant Ms. Briggs, but it also meant Sam.
It was there, in the hallway, Freddie understood what Mrs. Totters meant by heartburn. It was literally correct, in a way. He felt as if his heart was on fire, being consumed. But it was a good fire. And didn't some people say the "flamed" for someone else if they desired them?
His heartburn was threatening to take over his mind. In order for his to be cured, he would have to confess his love. It burned inside him, waiting to be let out, even by accident. He had to control it until the perfect moment came. Heartburn, indeed!
A/N: I really love this chapter! It's a lot longer than it was going to be, but I couldn't stop! Tell me what you think. I'll post chapter 3 when I'm allowed to, on Saturday. :)
With all my purple fuzzleness,
the-purple-fuzzle