(AN: thank for reading this, it means a lot. I'd really love to hear your opinions though so please review!)
When I awake, I can hear Silver knocking on my door. "Come in." I call out. She's seen Finnick in my bed far too many times for it to possibly count. "Good news for you! Train tickets leaving tonight!" Silver chimes. I sigh in relief but then look up to a sleepy Finn who looks genuinely upset. He has to stay for about a week after me going on his little dates so I guess you could say I get off lightly. But going back to an empty house is just as bad. I lean in kiss his cheek and climb out of bed taking the tickets from Silvers hand. I know he's upset when he sulks off to the shower and doesn't ask for me to join him. I wish he wouldn't do this. I wish he wouldn't act like we're together or something! Or that these kisses mean something because he has Annie and him partially loving me is not what I need. I need him to be my Bestfriend and nothing more. I can't have him being like this. So when he returns I come out and say it. "If we're gonna be friends then we can't do this anymore. We can't spend these drunken nights together." I say firmly pulling on my dressing gown. Finnick begins to get dressed in his shirt and trousers.
"You breaking up with me Mason?" He asks me. I try to laugh to make it sound like he's joking but he's not. "Since when have we been together?! Look I care about you but this isn't good for me." I explain walking out my room to get some coffee but he follows. Despite the fact Silver and Blight are sat at the table, Finnick doesn't hesitate to continue. "Don't be so melodramatic Johanna, We've hardly fallen in love." He shoots back as I pour myself some coffee. Blight doesn't even flinch which makes me realise how used to this he is. "You say that but you're the one messing with my head asking me to kiss you and wanting to stay in my bed!" I shout back in exasperation. His beautiful sea green eyes swarm with hurt.
"Ok that was harsh but it's true Finnick! You want Annie at the end of this so I'm not being your substitute." I cry out running back to my bedroom and slamming the door. I'm say pressed against it so he cannot come in. "You know I didn't mean that last night. I was drunk." He tries to apologise but it's no use. Drunk or not drunk he said it.
"But it's true isn't it?" I reply probably only just loud enough for him to hear. His silence is my answer.
"Johanna you're more than that to me and you know it. But I don't love you enough so I'm just gonna go.." He replies and I can hear him standing up but something inside of my will not let me move. As stupid as it sounds, I feel as if we've just had a break up. But then I have to ask myself that if I push Finnick away then who else do I have left? I'm good at that you see. Pushing people away.
I make the decision to find him before I leave and spend the rest of my day packing. I even go into Gaia's room and cram as much of the stuff she made me into my bag. Like the thick wooly cardigan for example, I mean that would be good back in 7 where we're knee high in snow. Silver is gathering my toiletries from my bathroom while I empty my underwear drawer and shove them in my suitcase. "Johanna what's going on with you and Finnick?" She asks me carefully. I sigh. She was in the room wasn't she?!
"You heard what happened Silver. Finnick's beginning to realise that he can't just kiss me when he likes." I laugh but it sounds odd and iffy.
"What like when you kiss him whenever you feel like it." She points out. Trust Silver to side with him. Ok yes I do but not since I found out about Annie.
"I'm not gonna deny that but it's just..a routine." I sigh. I've become so used to us being like that I don't even realise half the time that I'm doing it! "Anyway what do you suggest I do? Not say goodbye?" I ask her since if she thinks she has all the answers let her decided for me. I ram the final possessions into my suitcase and sit myself on top of it fighting with the zip. "God damn zip!" I curse as I only manage to get it a quarter of the way around. I know it's not the zip that's frustrating me it's Finnick. No stuff that, it's me because I'm the one that cannot just let him walk away or find other company at these games. I'm the one who needs him. I'm the one who goes and gets drunk and has to be saved by him. But answer me this, why can't he walk away from me? If I'm such a burden to him then why can't he just stay away. I realise that the zips now tangled in my shoe lace, when I return to the real world. "Just leave it for an Avox. Go on go say your goodbyes because once lunch is over you'll be having your final interview." She reveals to me. I sigh.
There's no way I'm ready to see Finnick yet. Why do I even have to have an interview? What can I possibly say? But the look Silver's giving me tells me to not question her. I roll my eyes Johanna Mason style and pull on my shoes. "As my escort Silver, I'll leave it down to you to write me a script." I shoot at her flouncing out the room. I can hear her huffing even when the door slams. Typical teenager I am. I decide to say buy to all the other districts first. I don't bother with 1 or 2 because I hate them. But I do say bye to the other districts. My finger lingers on the button labelled 4 when I reenter the lift. Can I leave it like this? With our last words being: Johanna your not enough. I'm not sure but really I feel as it ought to be him apologising for that one. My fingertips press down on the number 7. To my surprise, Silver and Blight are stood waiting for me when I return. I usually let Blight talk at these kinda events since he's usually a little more polite. You see, I don't really have a filter in my head. I don't think. I just say things and that's why at events like this I'm usually scripted or cut out. Can't have a rebellious teen like me in TV. I sit in silence nodding my head all too unnaturally as Blight bangs on about how 'worthy' the girl from 2 was of winning and when the cameraman swivels to me I give him a nasty look. "Hey Panem." I smile into the camera in fakery. The cameraman rolls his eyes and shuts off the lens.
"Hey! I wasn't finished!" I exclaim but then I see that they are wheel some machine through with writing on. They place the script in front of my eyes and tell me to read it. I nod.
"Well hasn't this years games been eventful? We've had hurricanes, fires, giant waves and mutts! But as always, the strongest person won." I say but then cut off with a disapproving shake of my head. "You could at least right something that I'd say!" I shout settling back in my chair refusing to continue. But Blight's giving me a look that says: 'get in with it so we can go home' so I continue.
"Blight and I are still very upset that our tribute Tom is not coming home with us but clearly the odds were not in his favour. Give Blight a reassuring stroke on arm." I read out. The man behind the camera hits himself on the face. Ah I wasn't meant to say the parts in brackets. I sarcastically rub Blight's arm then turn to the camera putting my middle finger up at it. "I'm out." I say marching off the set. I can hear them all complaining about my behaviour but that they'll manage to work with what they have. Well I said the first part didn't I? Blight's looking pretty smug as we head out of the set and back to the main foyer where as Silver is the disappointed mother. What a let down child I must be. Just as the Avox is loading the taxi with our belongs I hear my name being called. Finnick. The man I had almost managed to avoid. I go to get the door but his arm stops me. "Goodbye Finnick." I say giving an inpatient shake but he doesn't let me go. "Johanna I'm sorry. Please I'll be better next year." He begs from me. I drop the door hearing him out. Do I really want to loose him? No. "Fine but you have to be Finnick because you can't be messing me around like this." I say firmly but really I know that by a years time this will be completely out the window. He nods rising his hand in scouts honour.
"Brownie Promise." He winks pulling me into a tight embrace.
"Be good Odair. See you in a year." I say feeling the tears begin to swarm my eyes but I push them away like every time.
"You too Mason. Take care don't go doing anything silly." He tells me firmly kissing my hair. I chuckle, me silly? More like reckless.
"Bye." I breathe ducking into the car but his hand is blocking it from shutting.
"I love you Mason." He smirks. I shoot him an unhappy glance.
"I'm sure." I say shutting my door.