Pointless Apologies
I boarded the train ignoring everyone in my path best I could. Blight was just a step ahead of me and as soon as my foot hit the the inside the doors closed. No tributes were coming home with us. Just me and Blight. I was almost scared to return home. I was scared to return home to nobody. I was trying to think of something to say to their families. Something that would fuel them with what they needed to go on. That things were going to change. But I had no knowledge of that even being true. After a few days the journey, where I practically ignored Blight the whole time, came to an end. Silver was helping me pack when the train pulled to a stop. She stopped me pulling me into a tight squeeze pressing her powdery pink lips to my cheek. "Be good. I'll ring you once a week." She tells me as I hop off the train.
"I will. Thank you Silver." I thank her just as she pulls Blight into a hug too.
"Try stay of the booze? Both of you!" She tuts with a smile.
"Bye Silver." We both chuckle as the train doors slam and we are faced with the crowds. I know Tom's grandfather so I spot him straight away. Beside him is a lady perhaps in her forties, and a boy perhaps 13. Then behind them all is a man of about 20 staring at me in a way that made my whole body shake. I took a deep swallow deciding to go greet Lacey's family first. I can only presume that was Tom's brother staring at mr in a way that made me realise he hated us both. Lacey's mother is just like her. Small framed but with these bursting beautiful brown eyes. So are her younger siblings and when I saw them it almost broke my heart. Her father was a small man too. I couldn't imagine he'd be very good at cutting wood. "I'm so sorry." I say to the mother and to my surprise she pulls me into a firm hug.
"She's always been a stubborn one. It's not your fault dear." She promises me. Yes. She was stubborn after all I said to her about not hesitating just running. She completely ignored me. I break from the hug and look down at her three younger siblings and smile. "Your sister was a very lovely girl and I want you to remember her for that." I tell them.
I don't want them to remember her as the girl who got a spear through the chest in the first 1minute. I want them to remember her as the girl who had no role in the games. Her father is looking at me now. "I know you tried you best for them both." He says quietly. It always tends to be the father who struggles to forgive the most. "I did. If its any consolation I was awake for 4days with no sleep for that poor boy." I tell him softly. He nods then reaches out his hand. I'm shocked but I take the offer of a handshake. "The games are an evil thing dear. District 7 are proud of you." He whispers. I nod walking away from that poor family to be greeted by another. I approach Tom's family with nervous steps. What are you meant to say to a family that's child came so close. For a few seconds I stand in silence until the older boy who had looked so angry earlier spoke.
"There's no point you apologising because there wasn't anything you could've done." He says firmly. To be honest, even though that comment was meant to unsettle me it actually makes me feel better. "I just want to say what a credit to you Tom was. He was lovely. So so kind and I want you to remember him like that." I say having to walk quickly away because for some reason I feel like I might cry. But just as I am about to get to the path of the road a hand places itself on my shoulder. "You know what you're saying is hard to follow for some people." The same boy/man says. I turn around to face him cocking my head to the side in confusion. "What I'm saying Is that I'm sure people found you 'lovely' before hand. But now most people see you as 'bad'. So how are people meant to remember Tom as 'lovely' when the last time we saw him he had just stabbed a boy to death." It's boy says firmly turning around and walking away. "But I've always been bad." I mutter continuing to walk in my tracks.
"Me too. Chuck by the way." He calls as I open the taxi door. I nod.
"See you around." I reply slamming my taxi door. I wonder what he did that was so bad? When the taxi pulls into my drive, I tell the driver to take my bags to my door because I need to go check on Egor. He's Blight's mentor and is too old to come with us to the games so we left him here. I don't bother knocking because I'm pretty sure he won't hear it. He's sat at his table singing with I enter. Yeah like I said he's old and slightly bonkers for that matter. "You're back!" He smiles gladly so excited he knocks over his coffee. I groan but go in search of a cloth for him. He apologies for being inconvenient but his apology is almost as pointless as mine to them families. As I'm rinsing out the cloth, Egor's voice pipes in again. "Where is he then?" He asks his voice full of excitement. His fingers are scratching his bald spot on his head. I've never seen a reseeding hair line as bad as his before. I don't mention it though because my hairs hardly any better. "Who Blight? He'll be at his." I tell him picking up his coffee and putting it in the sink. It's cold anyway plus I'm pretty sure it doesn't help his shakes.
"No silly. I mean out new Victor." Egor sighs. I stare at him in confusion. Did he see the end of the games? Is his memory loss honestly getting this bad?
"Tom didn't win." I tell him. His own eyes match my confusion.
"He didn't? But you didn't did you..." He asks staring at me in confusion. I shake my head taking his arm and leading him to the sofa then getting the hell out of there. Wow he's lost it. I unlock my own house door to be greeted with the most painful silence possible. No delighted squeal from my baby brother. No Mother shouting for me to take off my shoes. No father asking me about my day. No Jack jumping up on me and kissing me all over. Nothing but silence.