iDiary

Sticks and Stones

A/N: In the "more reviews a quicker update" equation, you people have been doing your parts…it's me who didn't comply. So I'm sorry about the long wait. It seems as if I'm always apologizing about an update delay (but that's 'cause I always take forever). Some of you people make me feel guilty because you are so good with ALWAYS being on here. :)

I don't own iCarly. If you haven't already, please check out my newest story: i Love to Hate You. I have chapter 2 up now. :) Whoot.

Sam's POV

Sam glared at the ceiling, wishing it to cave in on her. She was lying in her bed, sprawled out with a box of unused tissues. Although she did shed a few tears after reading Freddie's diary-journal-thing, she didn't cry after that- she was tough. She wouldn't let it affect her any deeper.

She couldn't let a few words hurt her so. It was just letters systematically placed and spaced out on a paper. They had no real meaning…just like Freddie meant "nothing" to her.

Honestly, how could Freddie…all those times Sam thought he was giving her those "flirting signals"…the adorable way he came to her when Carly was thought to be leaving to Briarwood…but that brought her circle of thought to Carly. She thought long and hard about it and decided that she wasn't mad at her. Carly couldn't control how Freddie felt about her. Plus, if she shunned Carly, she wouldn't have anyone to talk to.

Unless she included Jake…hmm. Jake was really funny, sweet, cute, and sincere. What he says, he means, unlike Freddie. About two hours ago, Jake had sent her a text saying, hey sam, how r u? carly told me u were sick :( get better soon - Jake. He cared about her.

The home phone rang. Sam checked the caller ID- it was her mom telling her to put a post-it note on the fridge reminding her to buy something or other. Her mom was at work, doing office work or whatever she did. Sam didn't really spend much time at home and consequently, wasn't really close to her mom. Her mom didn't really seem to care at all. The cat received more attention than she did.
Sam sighed. No one understood her. She continued to lie there on her bed, arms dangling off the edges, thinking about Jake's amazing eyes. She got lost in his eyes and stopped thinking about Freddie and how, despite what she read, she still wasn't letting go of him completely. If she let go, then it wouldn't hurt- she wouldn't care. But she still cared for him deep, deep, deep down and wouldn't let go. She was mad at herself for hating Freddie.

She knew things were getting out of hand with Jake- you don't imagine yourself staring into a guy's eyes if that guy is just your friend. She was starting to like Jake more than just a friend. This could get dangerous. She wasn't just choosing Jake over Freddie; she was still clinging to Freddie while messing around with Jake's feelings. Not to mention Carly's feelings if she found out there was something going on.

Whoever coined the phrase "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" was a complete idiot…

She started thinking about how rare it would be to break your bones with just sticks and stones unless someone was rapidly pelting you with them. Whoever would be pelting would have to really hate you. Did Freddie honestly hate her? Why did she keep asking that? Would she ever answer all these questions?

With that; she drifted off to sleep…

There was darkness…she couldn't see where she was going, but she need to keep on going. She heard the crispy sounds of the dried-up leaves under her feet as well as the snapping of twigs. She assumed she was in a forest of some sort.

For an unknown reason, she started running. She saw a light in the distance, so she ran even faster toward it. She could see outlines of trees; she was almost in the light. Without warning, the sound of dried leaves and twigs disappeared. Instead, there was the sound of her converse shoes on pavement. She looked up- she was at school…odd.

She turned around to look at the forest again to find that it was gone. Behind her were the normal Seattle buildings around Ridgeview. She didn't stop to think about the surroundings for very long because she soon saw Jake. He was a short distance in front of her, just entering the school.

"Jake!" She shouted at him. He didn't turn around. She shouted his name again. No response. She knew it was him even though she hadn't seen his face. That was his hair, his backpack, his style of clothes, and even his walk. Maybe he just couldn't hear her over all of the other students.

She peered over her shoulder to discover there were no other students around- just her and Jake. The students previously there had vanished, but she didn't find this strange. She just focused on talking to Jake. She needed to tell him something, although she didn't know what.

With a newfound urgency, she sprinted after Jake. He walked normally, maybe even a little slowly, but somehow stayed ahead of her.

Ms. Briggs suddenly opened a classroom door and stepped into the hallway. Ms. Briggs started yelling at her for being in the hallway.

"You're in the hallway!" She shouted back. She looked at Jake, who had stopped walking and was leaning against a random locker. "And so is Jake!" Ms. Briggs didn't answer, but started playing bagpipes that weren't there before.

The obnoxious sounds filled the hallway. She tried to escape, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes to try to drown out the "music".

When she opened her eyes; she was outside the school. Or someplace…There was nothing but a sidewalk floating in midair that she was standing on. It seemed to go infinitely in both directions. She cautiously looked over the edge. She couldn't tell how far down the abyss went, but she could have been standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

She didn't know which way to walk- backwards or forwards. Backwards was not necessarily where she had already been, where she had come from. She happened to be facing one way when she arrived on this never-ending sidewalk. The other way was backwards. They both looked the same. She turned back and forth, comparing them. In doing so, she forgot which way was which.

Then a figure appeared in the distance. The figure was covered in mist, but she could tell it was Jake- or rather, she could sense it. This was one of those intuitive things. She started running yet again, but she didn't feel one bit fatigued. This time, he didn't walk away from her. His back was still facing her.

She was right behind him. She slowed down and stopped. She caught her breath, although she wasn't out of breath a few seconds ago. He still didn't turn around. She didn't know if he was aware of her presence at all. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. He turned around.

He wasn't Jake. He was before he turned around; he was when she was chasing him, but now that she was going to talk to him, he wasn't Jake. He was Freddie!

She couldn't read the expression on his face. It was as he was expecting to see her…not surprised. It was mostly likely a combination of sadness, seriousness, and pain. But there was something else in his eyes there…something that was stronger than the other emotions displayed.

It was a spark of life…of love…he still cared for her. And she found that she still cared for him. Those writings were a mix-up, an accident, or they didn't exist. They didn't matter. What mattered was how he was looking at her right now.

She reached out to grab his hand, to beg him to smile and enjoy her presence. Her fingertips barely touched the skin of his hand when she was cruelly ripped away from him.

Not ripped, though that's how her heart felt. She had lost her balance…she was over the edge. She was falling…falling…falling. Everything happened in slow motion after she realized she wasn't on the sidewalk. She could not recall the instant that caused her to be cast over the edge. She did not simply lose her balance.

As she panicked and fell further down, she looked up for one last glance at Freddie. Interestingly enough, she couldn't see him. She didn't see Jake either. But there was a figure up there in the mist- herself.

She was sure of it. Things switched from slow motion to regular speed as her other self, the one on the sidewalk, peered down on her. She was frowning at her falling self.

The last thing she noticed was that the figure above her, the one she was sure was herself, had several stones in her hand. The air blew her hair around as she kept plummeting. Her back hurt- like a stone had been thrown. But the pain of separating from Freddie was worse than any broken ribs…

Sam woke up still thinking she was falling. Once she realized she wasn't falling, she started to relax. That was an…interesting…dream to say the least. As her mind became clearer and clearer, she forgot the details of her dream. Things were fading fast. One of the only parts she remembered was chasing "Jake" on the sidewalk and "Jake" actually being Freddie.

And that gaze of his. That's what stood out the most in her memory. Love reverberated from those corneas into her soul. And she was the corniest person alive for mentioning corneas and love in the same sentence.

It was just a stupid dream. She didn't have two selves. Things didn't come and go without reason. Sidewalks were on the ground.

And yet, she couldn't help thinking of her dream in a symbolic way. So what did that mean? That she herself had ruined the possibility of having a relationship with Freddie? But it wasn't her fault! Sure she pried where she shouldn't have, but it wouldn't have been a big deal if Freddie wouldn't have wrote what he did. Did those words matter?

Do words really hurt more than sticks and stones? The stone was the reason she couldn't stay with Freddie in her dream. The pain of separation was greater than mere words…and the rock's damage to her back.

So, in conclusion, Sam thought, as she sat up in bed; the phrase should be reworded to "sticks and stones can break my bones, words can hurt me, but love hurts even more"…

A/N: This chapter was a little short, relatively to the other chapters for this story. But I wanted to separate Sam's dream from what happens next. (Yes, I have planned ahead!) This is an important part of Sam's "forgiving process". Even though it's merely a dream, it influences her decisions to come.

Details about the dream to notice: The involvement of both sticks/twigs (in the beginning) and stones (in the end). She's lost ("in the dark") right now, hence the darkness in the beginning, and will have to return to school to sort out her feelings. (So that's why darkness led to school.) The Briggs part was a little random, but most dreams are, not all parts make sense. Just like how she drifted to different places. I could analyze her dream a lot, so I'll leave most of it up to you. The part where "Jake" turns out to be Freddie shows that while she is chasing Jake; it's really Freddie she wants.

But will she have him? She's gonna push him away (in the dream, she "pushed" herself away, but it has the same effect) because of her stubbornness. She will refuse to talk to Freddie. He won't know what's wrong.

Again, I'm sure you realized most of the first paragraph, but I just wanted to make it clear. And what's really cool about Sam's dream is that I didn't really plan it out to be symbolic. I just typed what occurred to me. I barely made any changes to my original dream. Speaking of the dream, I hope the POV didn't confuse anyone. It was happening to Sam, but in 3rd person, not 1st, so there was a lot of hers and shes without stating that the hers and shes meant Sam.

I know this A/N is getting long, but I wanna tell you people what's coming up.

- Mrs. Totters is making another appearance

- Freddie's POV

- Jake's POV (for the first time!)

- Sam tells Jake the truth, Jake's reaction

- Carly tells Sam what she read in Freddie's real diary, Sam's reaction

- A big surprise!! (And yes, I know what it is, I'm not just putting that there for suspense; there really is a real surprise I have planned…and it has to do with Jake. If you can guess it, then I'll mention your name in the next chapter and it'll stay there for all future readers to admire! Plus, you'll get a virtual cake! ;) I ran out of virtual cookies.)

With all my purple fuzzleness,

The-purple-fuzzle