CHAPTER NINE: COLLEGE
DISCLAIMER:I own nothing Twilight. Clearly, I'm no Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
"Tell me what you know." I pulled Jacob through the door before he could knock, his fist still poised mid-air.
It was Sunday afternoon. Circumstances beyond our control (sleep for me and chores for Jacob) had kept us apart since Friday, and we hadn't been able to pool our resources to piece together the puzzle of Sam's disappearance.
"Hello to you, too." He brushed my lips with a kiss, and we settled into our standard positions on the couch, me sitting upright at the end with my ankle propped on the coffee table and Jake stretched out with his head resting on my lap.
"So," I urged, "what's the word down in La Push?"
"He's still at the Clearwaters'. I don't think Leah's even allowed home yet. Billy was over there all day yesterday, but he wouldn't tell me a thing. I guess Sam's pretty messed up."
"Ugh." How frustrating; Jake knew as little as I did. "But messed up how? Apparently, he's not bad enough to go to a hospital."
He ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know, Bella… It was the weirdest thing. Billy came home last night…" He searched for the right word. "And I know this sounds so creepy, but it was like he was almost excited."
"What? Why would he be excited over something like this?" I was starting to agree with Charlie; maybe Billy was growing senile in his old age.
"No idea. He tells me less and less these days." Jacob stared off into space. I knew him well enough to know that he was on the brink of one of his rare but all-consuming depressive funks. He'd only been down, truly down a handful of times in the years I'd known him, but each time, it grew out of Jake blaming himself for things that were beyond his control, like his older sister Rebecca giving up a college scholarship to elope two years ago or Billy's occasional frustration over being confined to a wheelchair.
I stood up, gently shoving his head off my lap. "Let's go to that movie you wanted to see." He looked up at me, reluctant. "C'mon, Jake, the one with the drag racing. My treat."
A slight grin spread across his face. "Okay, but I'm driving."
Giving him a look, I pointed at my cast. "Duh."
We made our way to Port Angeles, talking more about Sam during the drive. Neither one of us could come up with a plausible theory for why Sam turned up less than an hour away from La Push in the Olympic National Park when his car sat in a parking lot nearly a hundred miles away in Seattle. The movie did little to distract me from my mountain of questions, although it seemed to lift Jake's spirits.
As we walked out of the theater, Jacob was practically dancing with enthusiasm. "Man, I need a new car. Something really fast… and loud."
"Well, if the loud part interests you, you can always borrow my truck."
"The fast part matters, too, Bells, so I don't the truck is really an option." He looked down as we walked to the car. "But money doesn't exactly grow on trees, you know." He was lecturing himself, but I felt the brunt of the message.
Before the drama with Sam had monopolized my thoughts, I'd been volleying back and forth between shaking off Edward Cullen-related fantasies and worrying about my post-high school education. I'd always planned on college, but as the time to make a decision drew near, I found my choices limited, both by economics and by my fear of leaving behind what I had with Jake. I'd never been content until Jacob entered my life, and I knew that separation from him, even in the strict geographical sense, would force me back into a state of emotional isolation.
"You know, you're talking less and less these days," Jake commented as he dropped me off in Charlie's driveway.
"I've just got a lot on my mind, that's all." Now was not the time for this conversation, but, then again, the right time never seemed to present itself. "College stuff."
"Oh." He leaned his head against the headrest. "So what are the plans, anyway?" I knew he'd been thinking about it for awhile, too, likely stressing out about where I'd be while he finished up his last two years of high school.
"I think I need to get a job, Jake. Charlie's not exactly rolling in money, and Renee is barely surviving on her and Phil's income. Did you know that Peninsula College costs almost 2000 a semester? Even if I live at home, that's still 2000 that I don't have." Peninsula was the local community college, my only real option. It was close to Jake and the least expensive thing I could find.
Jacob watched me closely. "So you're not going away?"
I shook my head. His face was a myriad of emotions. Not looking away from the steering wheel, he said, "I always saw you in Seattle, or at least somewhere with supermarkets open past nine."
I placed my hand on his arm, my pale ivory skin contrasting sharply with the russet tone of his. "This is what I want, Jake. I'm not okay with not seeing you everyday." I paused. "My life before you was—" My voice broke off, the memory becoming too vivid. "Well, I was alone, all the time. I can't go back to that."
"We can make it work. Look at— I mean, there are tons of couples who do this all the time." I knew he'd purposefully kept himself from referencing Sam and Leah. "You are so, so smart, Bella. There are scholarships—"
"Shut up, Jacob. I'm staying. I just need money to pay tuition, so I don't end up spending my days on Charlie's couch, eating Ho Hos." I smiled, trying to convince both of us I was making the right decision. The relieved look on his face made believing much easier.
My job hunting began on Tuesday when I cornered Mike in the hallway after lunch. "Hey, are your parents hiring right now?" The Newtons owned the local sporting goods store, one of the few non-fast-food businesses within the Forks city limits.
As we walked into English, I could see the wheels turning in Mike's head. "Are you looking?" He didn't even bother to hide his eagerness. "Because my mom was just talking about cutting back her hours. I could totally put in a good word for you."
I flashed a genuine smile. "That would be so great, Mike. I am in desperate need for some cash."
He perched himself on the desk in front of mine. "Looking to replace the truck, huh?"
I narrowed my eyes at his insinuation. "No, I'm saving up for tuition money for school next year."
"Oh yeah? Where are you headed? I'm thinking of Washington State, but even in-state tuition is pretty steep."
"Um, I'm actually sticking around Forks," I answered him while pretending to examine something on the floor. "Even so, Peninsula is not exactly cheap."
Mike made a face, seeming confused. "Wait, Bella, you're a National Merit Scholar."
"Semifinalist, there's no guarantee." I hated that everyone apparently read the monthly school newsletter as if it contained actual news.
He groaned in response. "Whatever." Echoing Jacob, he added, "Look into scholarships. You know, Washington State—"
"So, if you could say something to your mom about the job, that would be so cool." I cut him off, not feeling compelled to justify my entire future.
He seemed to get it. "Sure, Bella. I'll let you know."
I gave him the warmest smile I could manage under the circumstances. "Thanks." As he turned his back and headed to his desk, my face fell, erasing my expression of feigned chipperness.
"You're going to community college." The voice dripped with skepticism. For once, I didn't even notice his entrance, but of course Edward Cullen would choose today to start speaking to me again.
I was in no mood to engage in our usual yet bizarre banter. "Yes." I hoped that if I didn't elaborate, he would just leave me alone.
"Why?" I still hadn't looked at him and wasn't planning to, but his tone was almost kind. Disbelieving, but kind. Grudgingly, I glanced over. He kept his usual distance, but I was surprised to find him leaning forward in his seat, studying me as if we'd been lifelong friends and I'd just told him I had an incurable disease.
I shifted in discomfort. "Not everyone's parents can be doctors, you know." I met my goal of not sounding cruel but unintentionally came off as pathetic.
"I don't buy it."
"I can't afford anything else. And, besides, I like it here." I had no idea why I continued to engage in these little exchanges with him, yet, as always, I found myself unable to ignore him.
"No, you don't. You hate Forks. Remember? 'It rains all the time, there's nothing to do, et cetera, et cetera.'" His eyebrows were raised, as if daring me to refute him.
I appreciated that he left out the part about my frequent trips to the hospital, but I was still exasperated. "I have a life here. Granted, Forks itself sucks but there are parts of it that aren't so bad." Jacob's face flashed in my mind.
Edward stared at me, still dubious but silent as Mr. Berty began his lecture. I tapped my pencil against my desk the entire class period in an effort to expunge my nervous energy. If it also happened to irritate the hell out of Edward, then that was just an added bonus.
Instead of his usual vanishing act, when class ended, he stood motionless as I fussed with my crutches. Pacing himself with my gimpy speed, he walked with me into the hall. I pretended that I didn't see him, but in truth, the fact that he stood mere feet from me with no intention of running away was all I could think about.
Eventually, once the rest of the class streamed past us, he turned to me and spoke. "You can't stay here just because you're afraid, Bella."
It was the first time he'd ever spoken my name. I hated that I knew that. "I'm not afraid of anything. I'm staying because this is where I'm happy. This is where I belong."
He smirked down at me. "You're staying because you're afraid to take risks." As if speaking against his better judgment, he continued, "You know, you're very intelligent. You have to allow yourself to do something more with your life. Stay here, if that's what you really want… but don't do it because you're scared."
With that, he turned on his heel and sauntered gracefully out of sight. I watched him go. I should have been disturbed that he took such an interest in my life. I wanted to be disturbed. But I wasn't. I was angry that he thought I was afraid, but more than anything, I obsessed over the fact that he thought I deserved more. Even if I didn't. Even if "more" didn't exist.
Overnight, I told myself that Edward was out of line in lecturing me on my own future. After all, I, and I alone, knew what I wanted. Edward Cullen didn't know me from Eve. Yet, despite my attempts to conjure up animosity towards him, a small part of me realized that it was very possible that he didn't really hate me at all. The theory delighted me more than it should. As with all Edward-related thoughts, I buried the reaction as deep as possible. This became quite a challenge, for when I entered English the next day, he sat at his desk with an expectant smile on his face. Next to him, lying on my chair, sat an application to Dartmouth College.
Chapter Nine End Notes: First,I mean no disrespect for community college! I swear! I just have a problem with Bella choosing it for the wrong reasons. (In turn, Edward is angry with her b/c he knows she doesn't like Forks yet refuses to go elsewhere.) Second, if you have any questions about Peninsula College, it's real and I spent a freakish amount of time learning about its quarterly tuition in order to keep this chapter accurate (because yes, I am that anally retentive). Third, I want to make clear that Jake isn't a selfish jerk for his reaction to Bella's news that she's not going away to school. He wants what's best for her, but he's also sixteen and in love. He desperately wants to believe that she's telling the truth when she says she doesn't want to leave Forks. Finally, a million thanks to those who've reviewed; it's so sad, but I'm finding that other people's kind opinions on this story totally make my day!