"Shall I have the pleasure of this dance, madame?" Beast Boy reached his hand out to Raven.

The girl smiled. She took his green wrist, curtsied, and glided out with him.

Hand in hand, the two spun their way across the lake of ice. Their sweater-adorned bodies twirled in the softly settling snow. Raven's hair was a blur of blue beauty. Beast Boy's handsome visage stared lovingly down into her eyes. They pressed chest to chest…heart to heart…and danced their passionate embrace across the ice on swishing skates.

On the far side of the lake, Robin and Starfire waved. They sat happily entwined on a park bench. Starfire said something. Robin giggled. And on a snowy path up the hill, Cyborg walked hand and hand with Jinx. The two stopped under a mistletoe and kissed before Cyborg handsomely fed Jinx strawberries bite by bite, which she girlishly devoured and giggled from the sweet sensation.

"Oh Beast Boy…," Raven cooed. "Life is so full of love and happiness all around us! Ever since I spontaneously woke up one morning and realized that I could control my emotions without any worry or fret about my universe-dominating, demon father Trigon…I realized that the only person in my life was you. I love you, Beast Boy. Your jackass personality and comedic foolishness in the face of everything I and the rest of the Titans stand for makes me swoon like a bride desperate for a knight to sweep her off her feet!"

"And I love you too, Raven," Beast Boy throated. "The days you never-ceasingly gave me the cold shoulder and treated me like a bitchy ice princess with no regard whatsoever to either my humor, love of life, or sex appeal has made me realize that you're the only girl I would ever, EVER want to copulate with."

"Oh Beast Boy….."

"Oh Raven…."

And as they performed their ice dance, their faces drifted close together…

Lips pursing.

CRKKKKKKK!

A huge crack flew through the ice. The white shards split and Beast Boy and Raven were thrown back.

"Yaaah!"

"Eeek!"

Beast Boy caught Raven's petite body in his manly arms. She shivered and clung to him. Teeth gritting, the emerald changeling looked up towards a tall, snowy hill. Raven gasped. Beast Boy snarled: "Terra…."

"RAAAAUGH!" Terra stood atop the snowy peak. She flexed her arms and glared down at the ice-skating couple with heated eyes of bitchy gold. "I'm sorry, did I interrupt your FILTHY LOVEMAKING?"

"Terra! Why don't you leave us alone?" Raven sobbed helplessly.

"I will NOT LET YOU TAKE BEAST BOY!" Terra pointed with bandaged forearms. "I slitted my wrists over you, I slitted my wrists over him, and I'll slit my wrists over your children if I have to! All I wanted was his penis and maybe his prostrate gland! Was that too much to ask for!"

Beast Boy hugged Raven close to his chest and shouted up at the evil, ugly blonde. "Terra! It was you who arranged my death! It was you who had me gang-raped by Slade's robots between Betrayal and Aftershock Part 1! It was you who bound and gagged me and dragged me into some lonely closet for castration via a half-sharpen pencil! After all I've bled and suffered and loathed from you, the least you can do is ruin my and Raven's future!" He lovingly stroked his chin against Raven's cheek. "Raven was the one who bandaged my wounds, licked the tears off my face, and had happy make-up sex with me alone in some wooden cabin surrounded by orange blossoms! She cares about me like no other pale-skinned, gothic stereotype with telekinetic powers has or ever could! Which is the least I can say about you, you bitchy son of a bitchy bitch bitch!"

"You're a meanie!" Raven squealed.

"I'll show you!" Terra whipped out a kitchen knife and dove off the snowy mountain. "GO TO (the) HELLLLLLL!"

"EEEEEEEK!" Raven squealed in Beast Boy's chest.

Beast Boy softly put Raven down before pulling out his own switchblade and diving at Terra. "YAAAAUGH!"

As the two knife-fought, Starfire and Robin on the sidelines shook and shivered.

"Friend Robin, we must intercede on our friends' behalf!"

SWOOOSH! THWACK! A shadow moved in and shoved Robin out onto the ice before kicking Starfire into the snow.

Robin shook out of it and stood up. He gasped. "Slade!"

Slade pulled out a bo-staff and glared at Robin. "I'm here to molest you, Robin. Like I've always WANTED!" And he dove at the boy. "RAAAUGH!"

Cyborg gasped, tossed Jinx aside, and charged down the hill.

SWOOOSH! THWACK!

"UGH!" Cyborg tumbled to the side.

Brother Blood landed. His eyes and wrists glowed bright red. "Cyborg….your private circuitry is MINE!" And the burning lecher leaped upon the Robot.

Starfire got up. Gasping. "This is (the) horrible!"

SWOOOOSH! THWACK!

Blackfire put her into an elbow lock from behind.

"INCEST IS THE BEST! RAAUGH!"

"Nnngh!" THWOMP!


And soon every Titan but Raven was fighting their worst sexual predator. Jinx saw it all, gasped, and slitted her wrists.

In the meantime, during the climactic knife-battle scene between Beast Boy and Terra, Raven watched helplessly from the icy floor when Beast Boy got the best of Terra and slashed her across the wrists.

"OW!" Terra fell on her knees. "Third time this month!"

Beast Boy planted the knife to her throat. "Tell me why I shouldn't rip out your bitchy throat, bitch!"

Terra snarled, her eyes glowing gold. "I….am…..PREGNANT!"

Starfire gasped: "Beast Boy!"

"Slade!"

"Cyborg…."

"Robin!"

"Brother Blood!"

"Jinx!"

"……."

Raven exploded. POW!

Beast Boy screamed: "RAVEN! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!"

And he dropped his knife.

And Terra pounced on him and sank her teeth into his neck.

"RRRRRRGHHHH!"

And then the lake melted, drowning them all in pure…frozen ice.

SPLOOOOSH!

"…….."

I shoot up in bed.

Grasping the covers to my petite chest.

Breathing heavily….heavily….heavily….

"……."

Softer……..

Silence.

I gaze at the shadows of my room. The comfort of reality. The juicy sweet loneliness of it all.

"Nnngh….," I run a hand through my hair and exhale a long, winded sigh. "Been a long time since I actually had a nightmare….."

Silence.

"………nnngh….," I reluctantly kick the covers off me. The hourglass rotates, suggesting three o'clock in the morning. "I need to read something to put my mind at ease after that…."

So I softly pad over to the bookshelf in my nightgown.

I grab some H.P. Lovecraft.

I sit in a big, velvety chair…light a candle….and submerge….

Reading.