WARNING: This guide may be offensive to die-hard Brainiac 5 fans. Read with caution.

Congratulations! You have received your new BRAINIAC 5! In order to make sure he is a happy Ryan Seacrest-haired, green Legion-backstabber, please read and follow the following instructions carefully!

Real Name: Querl Dox

Code Name: Brainiac 5

Home Planet: Colu

Power(s): Twelfth-level iintelligence and Transformer-like weapons

Height: Slightly taller than last season, but he's still a shrimp. Just not THE shrimp.

Weight: Less than last season. He took off a few unneccessary upgrades. And cut his hair to make him look less like a vulnerable little kid that fangirls are attracted so much to.

TO ACTIVATE YOUR NEW BRAINIAC 5:

You should have a small box. Do not panic, your BRAINIAC 5 is probably trying to caclculate the probability of the packing boxes getting larger(as in.....0 divided by 0).

1. BRAINIAC 5 comes with a delusional magalomaniac alter ego/ancestor and the mental capacity of a large solar system. Merely say a wrong equation, such as one plus one equals pie, and BRAINIAC 5 will burst the box open in a moment just to be a smartbutt and correct you.

2. Say that chaos is mandatory and turn the hero switch on his refuse to give it back until he acknowledges that you are his OWNER.

3. BRAINIAC 5 will become content and associate you with OWNER.

THINGS BRAINIAC 5 COMES WITH:

You don't have to spend a ton of money and time caring for BRAINIAC 5. BRAINIAC 5 comes with various things to amuse himself with when you don't want to help him struggle between his loyalty to his friends and the legacy of his ancestor.

Legion of Superheroes Flight Ring

Legion of Superheroes Communicator

THINGS BRAINIAC 5 CAN DO:

Your new BRAINIAC 5 comes with a twelfth level intelligence and an adorable little face, which can help with many things, including the following:

PASTRY CHEF- For some reason, Brainy has this odd desire to bake more than TimberWolf. I think it's because he's a little.....twisted in the head. My far more sane assistant, Pie, says Brainy took Kell's idea and ran with it. Either way, he caters!

WORLD DOMINATION- A lot of our models seem to have this ability. By flipping the hero switch on his chest to villain, he will let Brainiac 1 take over his mind and help you conquer the world. And when I say help you, I mean delete you and take it over himself. Sucks for you!

CALCULATOR- Because Brainy is a smartbutt, he can calculate any equation, word problem, or probability you can throw at him. It makes Calculus seem like first grade addition!

DRESS UP DOLL- I know. You love to dress things up. So now you have your very own mannequin to try things on! And he moves, making the clothing have more effect. He models both male and femal clothes. (NOTE: Not recommended for people who want their BRAINAC 5 to stay at home and not run away from sheer horror.)

COMPATIBILITY:

SUPERMAN-COMPATIBLE as hero and fanboy

SUPERMAN X NOT COMPATIBLE, Kel has issues with Braniac 5 because of his future

LIGHTNING LAD COMPATIBLE as comrades

SATURN GIRL COMPATIBLE as comrades

TIMBER WOLF COMPATIBLE as comrades

PHANTOM GIRL COMPATIBLE as comrades

TRIPLICATE GIRL COMPATIBLE as comrades

BOUNCING BOY COMPATIBLE as comrades

CHAMELEON BOY-COMPATIBLE as comrades

SHRINKING VIOLET-COMPATIBLE as comrades, and maybe more?

IMPERIEX-NOT COMPATIBLE, they are enemies

FAQ:

Q: He has freaking SKIN! I want the robot!

A: There's a switch somewhere on him that turns him back. I'm sure you'll find it.

Q: Fangirls won't leave my Brainy alone! How do I get rid of them?!

A: I suggest a fire-breathing dragon. One that feasts on Mary Sues and their creators.

WARRANTY

You may return BRAINIAC 5 if he admits that he's gay for Superman.

I'm kidding, here's something a little easier: If your BRAINIAC 5 does NOT burst out of the box after you say one plus one is pie, you can return him for no money or credit or exchange AND buy a new one.