Chapter Thirteen Notes: The plot of this chapter is built out of a cliché, underage drinking, but don't worry, it is the foundation for good stuff. Yet again, this chapter turned out to be uber-long, so I'm posting the second half as Chapter 14. It will be up before I leave for vacation this weekend.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Irresponsible
"I'm telling you, Quil, you're not lighting it right. It's supposed to shoot up a lot higher than that."
"You're an idiot. The fireworks are the problem, not my pyrotechnic skills." Quil smirked, further enraging Embry. "I mean, you know me, I'm a total pro."
It was early Saturday evening. The sun was still setting, but Jacob and his friends were too impatient to wait for it to completely vanish behind the horizon. Sam's disappearance and mysterious reemergence two weeks ago put a damper on their original plans to stage a firework display with Embry's illegal stash of explosives; now the usual crowd, sans Leah and Sam, gathered at First Beach to rectify the situation. At first, expectations were high, but as Quil and Embry bickered, I had a sneaking suspicion that the evening may be a bust.
Jacob sat next to me, absentmindedly twirling a piece of my hair around his index finger. We hadn't discussed my college plans since my birthday dinner, but that didn't mean I'd forgotten his assumption that I was too responsible to take risks when it came to my future. His words ran through my head every couple of hours, taunting me. "You're just not the type to do something crazy… You're smart and sensible." Despite his good intentions, Jake made me sound like a golden retriever.
As I stewed in my passive aggressiveness, Jake stood and crossed the beach to offer his expertise to an exasperated Embry. After a few minutes, he was laughing along side Quil as Embry walked off in a melodramatic huff down the shore.
"These things are terrible. Embry totally got hosed." He shook his head, chucked a few defective fireworks down the beach, and took up his position at my side. "So, what do you want to do tonight, Bells?"
Normally, I was happy to curl up on the couch and watch campy action movies with Jake and his buddies or just sit on the beach and goof around. Tonight, however, I felt stir crazy and a bit rebellious, which explained why I blurted out, "There's this party over at Mike Newton's. We could make an appearance."
Jake looked at me skeptically. "You want to go to a party at Mike Newton's house?" He grinned as he raised a hand to my forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"
"We always hang out here, Jake. A change of scenery might be nice." I was irked at his cynicism over my desire to escape my comfort zone, so I defiantly added, "Plus, he's getting a keg."
"We don't drink, Bella." I blanched at his overconfident use of the word "we." He continued to eye me suspiciously as he added, "Why do you want to go hang out with a bunch of people from school that you don't even like to do something that you hate? What's up with you?"
"I don't know that I hate drinking, Jake. The only alcohol I've ever had was a sip of my uncle's Stag beer at Renee and Phil's reception." I was stretching; Jacob was correct that I wasn't a drinker. I'd always thought it was pointless and irresponsible, but tonight I wanted to be immature and take risks. It wasn't exactly in the realm of applying to an Ivy League school, but it was a risk nonetheless. I suddenly felt compelled to make the mistakes teenagers made on after-school specials, if only for one night. It was something that wasn't safe; it was idiotic and reckless, and it proved that in least some small way, Jacob was wrong about me.
"I don't get you, Bella. I can think of better ways to spend a Saturday night than slurping beer from a keg around a bunch of people we hardly know. How about we get a group from the rez together and head to Port Angeles instead, maybe get some dinner and a see a movie?" He scooted closer and stared down at me attentively. "Or it could be just me and you. We could get some pizza and eat on the beach. What do you think?"
"I think I want to go to a party with my friends and do something different. For once." I knew I reacted out of bitterness. After all, I'd never called Mike and my other school acquaintances "friends" before, but I felt like Jacob was placating me like I was a petulant child. Also, I couldn't stand how he'd never left the twenty-mile radius surrounding La Push and never wanted to, yet I was the one was playing it safe.
"What is wrong with you tonight? Why are you picking a fight with me?" Jake looked more wounded than angry.
I sighed. I was picking a fight, but I had my reasons. In the most even tone I could manage, I explained, "Look, I like hanging out with your friends, but that's all we ever do. Charlie's worried about me because he thinks I'm too wrapped up with you, that I don't have my own life."
Missing the point, Jacob sarcastically rebutted, "Yeah, you're right, Bella. I'm sure Charlie would be much happier that you go and get trashed at some party than spend time alone with me." Then, he added the line that sent me over the edge. "This is so unlike you."
My nostrils flared. "Well, you're wrong about that," I responded automatically, fully aware that given my track record, Jacob was right. "And even if it's not something I normally do, so what? There's nothing wrong with trying something new."
I stood and began to walk up the hill to my truck, congratulating myself on not asking Dr. Snow if I could drive now that my cast and crutches were replaced with a removable brace I could walk on. His silence meant yes, at least to Charlie, who hadn't asked any questions when I took off for school on Friday morning without waiting for him to offer me a ride.
Because I wasn't exactly a speed demon with the brace squeezing my ankle into place, Jacob caught up to me without much effort. He stepped in front of me, blocking my path.
"Whatever this is really about, you can tell me. We can talk through this," he pleaded. "You don't have to run off and drink a bunch of cheap beer just to piss me off."
"Oh, so this is about you?" My voice was so accusatory that I barely recognized it. "The only reason I want to spend time doing anything out of the ordinary is because I want upset you? Jake, this is about me." Not until I said it did I realize it was true. This wasn't about Jacob as much as it was about me proving something to myself, that I could take a chance, even on something as ridiculous as a night of binge drinking.
Folding his arms, he mockingly gestured for me to pass. "Go ahead, Bella, have a great time."
Ignoring his derision, I stomped past him, never looking back. I pushed my truck to its internal speed limit on the way back to Forks. Only until I approached Charlie's house did I slow down. I flung myself out of the driver's seat and headed straight toward the phone in the kitchen.
After four rings, she picked up. "Angela?" Hopefully, she didn't notice I was out of breath. "Are you going to Mike's party tonight?"
"Uh, I don't think so, Bella." Her father was a minister, but I crossed my fingers that Angela would ignore this fact in the interest of spending time with Ben in a non-school setting. "Why? Are you?" She sounded surprised; I was getting sick of that reaction.
"Yes. We could go together, if you want. I mean, you don't have to drink; I'd just like the company." With Angela as my date, at least I'd have a buffer against Mike's inevitable advances, and, despite the show I'd just put on in front of Jacob, I was a little nervous; I wasn't exactly a party person. I waited with baited breath as she mulled over my offer.
"Okay," she finally answered, "I'll go. But I really feel weird about this, Bella. I don't like drinking."
Twenty minutes later, I scribbled a note to Charlie, telling him the half-truth that I was out with Angela, and I bolted from the house to where Angela was waiting in her car. I greeted her with a smile, hoping to ease both her nerves and mine. In the end, it wasn't very effective given how we spent the ten minute ride to Mike's in silence.
It was barely after eight when we pulled up, but the party was already in full swing. The weather was unusually accommodating, which resulted in many of my classmates scattering throughout the Newton's sizable lawn. They all held red plastic cups, indicating that Mike's quest for a keg had been successful.
Angela and I gingerly made our way into the house, where Mike spotted us immediately. He looked shocked that we showed.
"Holy crap! You guys made it!" His voice boomed with such enthusiasm that anyone who didn't know better would have thought we rose from the dead to make an appearance. "Let me grab you some cups."
When he returned, Angela declined hers, but I took one, trying to appear confident. "Where's the keg?" My voice squeaked, and I knew my cover was blown.
Mike smiled warmly at me. "Come on, I'll show you how to pump so you don't end up with a glass full of foam."
He started to drag me to the keg, but I hesitated as I looked over my shoulder for Angela. Relief flooded through me as I saw Ben shyly approach her. I couldn't help but smile when I noticed that he too lacked a red cup.
It took me three beers before I could even begin to master the art of foam-free keg pumping. Having virtually no tolerance, I began to feel less inhibited, but I wasn't exactly enjoying myself. Mike talked my ear off, but I found it difficult to pay attention. Jessica gabbed about the upcoming homecoming dance, and I struggled to nod and utter relevant remarks during pauses in the conversation. Mostly, I continued to drink, not because I was looking to live dangerously, but, rather, out of discomfort. This rang especially true when I encountered Lauren in the living room.
"Oh, hi, Bella." She didn't bother to fake a welcoming smile.
I walked right past her, mumbling hello. Behind me, I heard her tell Conner in a voice filled with scorn, "Nice to see Bella Swan come down from her pedestal for once to spend time with us commoners."
Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe I was just sick of pretending to be someone I wasn't, but I let Lauren's words get to me. My face flushed, and I looked for an escape. I stumbled into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.
Tears began to flow as I realized that I was incapable of change. I wasn't a risk taker, not at all. I'd pushed Jacob away simply because he'd been right about me, because he knew me better than anyone else. My stupid, irresponsible risk of coming to this party made me feel worse, not better. I wasn't having fun. I didn't fit in with any of these people. In a roundabout way, Lauren was right. Even though I didn't think I was better than any of them, I certainly didn't belong with them either. Nor had I belonged with my classmates in Phoenix. The only time I was at home, content with those around me, was in La Push. Recently I'd tried to fight it, telling myself to take a chance on Dartmouth. In truth, I wouldn't be happy there, just like I'd never been happy back in Arizona or at school in Forks. I was gambling away my one sure shot of happiness in my otherwise dreary life.
I stood, deciding to leave and call Jacob before I did any more damage. However, suddenly the fact that I'd had five beers became unavoidably obvious as the floor spun beneath my feet. Begrudgingly, I told myself that my escape plan would have to wait; I didn't want Jake seeing me as a drunken, flakey mess.
Instead, I searched for a place to recover in solitude. Across the sea of drunken teenagers, through the window, I saw it. The back of the house was dimly lit, but I recognized a dock jetting out into the pond in the Newtons' backyard. It was bathed in moonlight, and more importantly, it was empty.
I struggled to slide the patio door open, and eventually my shoes hit the damp grass and I practically sprinted to the dock. Soon, I could pass the time wearing off my beer buzz alone while repenting my horrible treatment of Jake and forgetting about my emotional isolation from my classmates.
The downward slope to the dock was steeper than I expected, and with the whirling sensation that flooded my brain, I barely made it unscathed. Holding my head steady did nothing to ease the spinning, but I continued to the end of the dock, determined. I removed my shoes and then went to work on my brace, wanting to dip my feet into the cold water in an attempt to reach sobriety faster.
As I hopped on my good leg, loosening the brace, the horizon shifted and panic caused my body to go rigid as I realized I was falling. In the half second I was suspended in the air, I saw the wooden edge of the deck below me, poised to impound my forehead with uncompromising force. .
And then, just as I closed my eyes in morbid anticipation, it stopped. I was motionless, floating midair, but free from contact with the menacing wooden plank below me. It was then that I felt his arms around me, one supporting my neck, the other around my waist. I opened my eyes and found that Edward's face was inches from mine.
Chapter Thirteen End Notes: For those of you who don't mind the slower pacing of this story, I appreciate you patience! I keep writing super long chapters and then have to split them up, simply because I find natural stopping points in them that I didn't originally intend. I think it flows better. Also, drunk Bella… a cliché, I know, but the kid needs to get out of the house (and La Push), even if she does get herself into trouble. Chapter 14 will be up late tomorrow. It's the chapter where Bella gets out of her funk, and it's kind of awesome, at least in my opinion. Again, thanks for all the reviews! You guys make me blush…