Fills in this chapter: None
Author's note: I normally don't put one of these at the front but I needed to address something first. San and Britt will talk about what happened and if it was rape or not. I know a lot of you saw it as rape and a lot of you didn't. I wrote the chapter as it wanted to be written. It went a direction I didn't see it going but the characters did their thing. Some of you might hate how the conversation goes or how it doesn't go. I can't please everyone but I do write this for you all and I do try my best to keep my writing realistic though this is a supernatural fic but you know what I mean. I don't want to lose follows but that is every fan fic writers dilemma so I'm going to end this note and let you get to reading.
Brittany curled into Santana's pillow, a small smile on her lips while she slept. Santana couldn't watch her any longer, heart wrenching painfully in her chest. It wasn't hard to see the small bruising around Brittany's arms and legs. She did that. How could she have lost control like that?
She turned away, anger burning under her skin. She was furious with herself, with her wolf. She was meant to protect her mate. Not rip her apart. Not to mention the state of her apartment. She was surprised that Brittany was still alive if anything. Maybe they got lucky with just the small bruising. No, it didn't matter how lucky they got, Brittany was still hurt because of her.
How serious could this have been? Her carpet was in shreds in a few places, the kitchen table in splinters, there was a huge hole in the drywall behind the bent headboard. The only room that didn't look damaged was the bathroom. With the pure scent of wolf on Brittany's skin she figured they didn't use that room at all. Her wolf had purred in perfect content at Brittany's scent but it just made Santana sick to her stomach.
Brittany was going to wake up and want nothing to do with her. How could she blame her? She'd bruised her and ridden her mercilessly. She could never lose control of herself like that again. It was determined she was never spending another mating cycle with Brittany. She would not allow this to happen again.
She ran her fingers through the tangles in her hair. She knew she looked a mess, she'd had rough sex for a week straight. It was possible all the knots in her hair were from Brittany trying to yank her off. Her stomach turned and it made her throat burn keeping the bile down. She was disgusted with herself. How? How could she let this happen to Brittany?
She smelt the sun rise in the morning air and was very tempted to get out of this sex dungeon she'd created. Just smelling how much, how many times made her want to escape this room and forget that she was even capable of doing something this horrible. No, she couldn't leave. She wasn't a coward so she'd face Brittany leaving her head on. It would rip her apart but she had this coming after she practically ripped Brittany apart.
The sheets of her bed, well what was left of the ripped up fibers, ruffled as Brittany shuffled over onto her back and released her pillow. "You'd be a better snuggle buddy," Brittany mumbled as she stretched . Santana felt like crying when she saw Brittany begin to tear up as she stretched. She didn't know what to say to Brittany. How could she apologize for this? How do you start an apology like that? Sorry I nearly pounded you to death. No, the best thing she could do was to never do this again. She would take Brittany leaving her.
Brittany sat up with a painful wince, sheet falling around her. She smiled at Santana softly, "What are you doing over there? Come cuddle with me." Santana tensed. Brittany wanted her to touch her? Did she not remember it was Santana who put those bruises there? Or that she was responsible for that soreness she was certain was aching through Brittany's body? "Please?" Brittany asked, sadness filling her expression. Brittany sat there looking so sad, with pain etched on her face and in her stiff awkward movements. It was obvious how much pain she was in and how sad she was.
Her heart tightened and her mind went blank. She moved before she realized what she was doing. Brittany smiled as Santana laid in bed next to her and snuggled up into Santana's side. Brittany sighed and smiled as she buried her face into Santana's neck. Calm settled through Santana's body, wiping her mind of any thought of leaving. Hatred for herself still settled low in the pit of her. Once Brittany realized how battered she was she'd kick Santana out and never want her again. Santana would hold her for these last few minutes and engrave them into her memory.
"What's wrong?" Brittany asked after they laid together for a few minutes, her smile back to a frown. Santana stiffened in her arms. Did Brittany not know? Could she not feel the damage that littered her skin? Santana couldn't find her voice but she reached out, running her fingers over some fading bruises that lined Brittany's arm that was wrapped around her chest.
Brittany watched her fingers trace the bruises and she sighed, "That happened on Monday. That was my favorite round. It was like you couldn't hold me close enough."
Santana's blood ran cold. Brittany liked it? She enjoyed Santana holding her so tight it caused bruises? That didn't make any sense. "I hurt you," Santana couldn't stop the hatred of herself lacing her voice or disbelief that Brittany liked it.
"You didn't mean to. That's what matters so stop beating yourself up over it, like I know your doing," Brittany sat up, looking down at her. Santana didn't mask her guilt at all. Brittany needed to know that Santana knew she'd done wrong. That she hated herself for hurting her. But what confused her was that Brittany didn't hate her. She wasn't kicking her out or screaming or crying.
"I hurt you. I raped you," Santana snapped, pulling herself up so Brittany wasn't hovering over her.
"Rape? No, babe, you didn't," Brittany defended, shaking her head violently to protest her statement.
Santana scoffed, "I remember you saying no and I didn't stop."
"I did say no but that doesn't mean I didn't want to," Brittany defended, frustrated. Santana shook her head but Brittany reached out and grabbed her cheeks. "No, listen to me. I only said no because I was tired and sore but I still wanted you. I wanted you each and every time so no, you didn't force yourself on me."
Santana pulled away, breaking out of Brittany's grip on her cheeks. She pulled herself out of bed and paced next to it. It didn't matter if Brittany wanted her, she still forced herself on Brittany's tired and sore body. That caused her mate pain. How could her wolf be okay with that? Wasn't she suppose to have some control that kept her from hurting her mate? Even during the cycle when she wasn't in control?
"Stop," Brittany demanded. Brittany sat up on the bed on her knees and reached out to grab at Santana's arms to get her to stop pacing. "Stop beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong."
"How can you say that?" Santana snapped, turning to look at Brittany. She reached out pointing out every bruise that littered Brittany's body. "I hurt you. I touched you too hard, kept going when you couldn't."
"It's okay. We didn't know what this week was going to be like. We'll be better prepared for next time. We'll know what can happen and,"
Santana cut Brittany off, "NO! This is never happening again. Fine, you don't want to leave me. Great! I love you. But don't even pretend this will ever happen again."
"So you'll just lock yourself up again?" Brittany asked, pain etched on her face from the though of Santana wrapping chains around her again. Tears pooled at the corner of Brittany's eyes.
"I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. Even keeping you safe from me," Santana answered, all the fight leaving her as her shoulders slumped.
Brittany sat back, butt resting on her heels. Santana ran her hands through her hair and sat back on the bed, reaching for Brittany's hands. They held limp in her own and she sighed. Brittany wasn't leaving her. That was some miracle and the bruises along Brittany's skin was fading fast.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" Santana asked, kneading the back of Brittany's hands in her own.
"Love me," Brittany whispered looking off to the side trying not to let the tears fall from her eyes.
"I do love you. I can see why you think I don't. I did hurt you so much," Santana whispered, the images of Brittany's body bruised burned into her mind.
"Not that. I don't want you locking yourself up. I hate the idea of you in chains and in pain from being away from me," Brittany tried again.
Santana shook her head, pulling her hands back. "It's not going to happen Brittany. I'm locking myself up from here on out."
Brittany turned from her, lying on her side and burying her face into her pillow. Santana just sat there pissed off at herself and heartbroken that Brittany didn't see what Santana had done to her. How could she be so okay with it?
"I woke up so happy this morning. Couldn't you see that?" Brittany asked, not turning to look back at her. No, she couldn't see that. How could she when all she saw was the damage she'd done to her mate. Santana didn't say anything, just sat on the edge of the bed silent. "Can you just hold me? Or do you never want to touch me again too?" Brittany asked. Santana heard the edge of tears behind her voice. She sighed, happy at least that Brittany still wanted her touch. She laid down behind her and wrapped her arm around a slim waist, nose buried in Brittany's hair. Her wolf was quiet, aware with her anger at herself.
"How sore are you?" Santana asked, wondering if Brittany would take some pain pills and let her ice some of the bruises or put some icy/hot on some sore muscles.
"It aches but I feel tons better with you holding me," Brittany confessed. Santana didn't respond. Brittany wasn't going to let her physically distance herself. She realized she'd have to be the stronger one. She'd have to mentally distance them from this so it never happened again. Her hold was loose against Brittany's waist but Brittany reached up, intertwining their fingers and pulling Santana tighter against her. "Plus your warmth is better than anything," Brittany admitted with a sigh.
"I will never hurt you again," Santana vowed. She felt Brittany's chest shake as if holding in a sob. She pulled back, not wanting to hold Brittany to tight, believing that Brittany was sobbing from the pain she wouldn't truly confess she was in but her sudden distance only made Brittany sob some more. She could never let this happen again. She would do whatever it takes to never cause Brittany anymore pain.
xxxxxxxxxxx One Week later xxxxxxxxxxx
Brittany, Santana, Quinn and Kurt were in the library working on their research papers. It was very rare that they all got to have a moment in school outside of lunch together but their History class was doing a research paper and so their English and History classes were collaborating. It just meant they all got extra time together. That could be a bad thing or a good thing and the way Kurt was staring down Santana and Brittany, well it could be a bad thing.
Santana tried to not let her pack see the strain between her and her mate but it was like she and Brittany were off center from each other. Santana still walked her to class, gave her sweet pecks, bought her ice cream and other couple stuff but they just weren't revolving around each other anymore and it was Santana's doing.
Brittany would lean into those pecks, wanting to draw them out and lose her breath. She wanted to curl up and cuddle and touch and feel wanted but Santana wasn't there anymore. It was like they were doing the minimum to sustain their relationship but they weren't thriving from it anymore. Santana wouldn't let them.
Brittany hadn't stayed over at Santana's at all. She hadn't even been inside the apartment since Santana had taken her back to her house when she could move around without wincing. Of course Brittany had thought that if she hid it better Santana would go back to treating her normal but then Santana was distancing herself even more.
It ripped her heart out and she cried into her pillows every evening; needing and wanting Santana to hold her, touch her, make love to her. Brittany knew this was because of how Santana had treated her during the mating cycle but Brittany was okay, mentally and physically. Okay, she'd been sore and tired but after a good nights rest she was fine. Her bruises even went away super quick. She wanted to talk about it more with Santana but she would cut her off, change the subject or just have to be somewhere else when ever Brittany brought it up.
Santana was convinced it was rape but it wasn't. Sure it was rough, demanding, and Santana just couldn't stop but Brittany loved it. Even when her body felt like splitting in two. She'd broken a little during the last day. She admitted to feeling used, like Santana only wanted her body. She was tired and couldn't focus and the tears just came.
When Santana looked down at her, that fog gone from her eyes and the love shining through she knew she was wrong for feeling that way. All she had needed was some sleep and when she'd woken up she was so happy and content and proud. Then Santana had flipped out on her. Seeing their intense expression of love and desire as something wrong and dirty. Now she couldn't get the 'before' Santana back. She felt so lost and so damn lonely. Santana kept pretending like they were okay but they both knew, they weren't. Their bond was dying and it was breaking her heart.
Santana tensed next to her, brows furrowed together and her breath caught in her throat. Something was troubling her and Brittany reached out to comfort her with touch, but Santana flinched and Brittany felt her chest clench and her heart stutter. No, that wasn't okay.
"San?" Brittany whispered, not wanting to bring attention to them but she realized Kurt was already watching them with hawk like eyes.
"I," Santana took a deep breath and avoided looking at Brittany. "I'll be right back," Santana whispered before standing up, chair scraping against the floor.
Brittany watched Santana hastily leave the library and disappear from sight. Quinn looked up from her extensive notes and cocked her head to the side. Brittany recognized that as her thinking face. She slumped in her seat, not feeling like doing this research anyway. She would be more focused if Santana wasn't so distanced. Ugh, she really hated this. Did Santana not even want her anymore? Was that possible because she thought their bond was meant to keep them together like without choice but it seemed Santana was making a choice and Brittany wasn't a part of it. Was Santana falling out of love with her?
"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Quinn asked. Kurt shot a look towards Quinn but she simply shrugged and tugged on her cheerleading top so it fell back down to her skirt.
"Santana thinks she raped me," Brittany blurted out. Okay, so she did need to talk about this with someone and this was the root cause of their distance so she thought 'let's not waste any time getting to the point.'
"Why would she think that?" Quinn asked with a confused scowl.
"The mating cycle," Kurt answered for her.
"Oh, well since I've never experienced one of those guess I can't comment," Quinn spoke with bitterness. "I'll go check on Santana. You got this one Kurt?"
"Yeah. Be empathetic to Santana please? This isn't uncommon after the very first mating cycle," Kurt commented. Quinn packed her bag and left them alone while Kurt moved a seat over to sit next to Brittany. "So tell me what's going on."
She took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and explained how she felt and how Santana reacted the morning after the week and how they were now as a couple. Kurt listened, nodding his head at parts and rubbing her shoulder at others.
"Do you think she's falling out of love with me?" Brittany asked.
"Oh honey, no. You are the only one for her," Kurt soothed with a soft shoulder squeeze.
"But it feels like it. She will barely even hold my hand and she doesn't spend any time with me alone anymore. I miss her," Brittany couldn't stop the well of tears pooling at her eyes and spilling down her cheeks.
"It's going to be okay. You and Santana just need to talk this through. If it didn't feel like rape to you then it wasn't and she needs to hear that," Kurt advised.
"But she won't listen to me. I tried telling her how I felt about it. That I wanted her to do everything that she did. I just needed a nap to keep going. I loved how much she wanted me, needed me. How she couldn't hold me close enough. I've never felt so connected to her than in that week. Like she needed me to live and without me she would have died," Brittany was sobbing her head down on Kurt's shoulder staining his designer sweater with her salty tears.
"I know how she feels. I felt like I raped Blaine after our first time. It took him awhile to convince me that it wasn't and we were okay. Now that we've been through so many cycles together it's easy as air. I don't hurt him and I can control myself long enough for him to rest. It only comes with practice. It'll get better for you two. I promise," Kurt hugged her tight.
"San says it's never happening again. She's going to lock herself up from now on," Brittany sniffled and wiped away her tear tracks, feeling somewhat better having gotten all that out.
"Maybe she needs to a few times just so she can trust herself again. Really, you two just need to talk and get all of these feelings out in the open before one of you breaks for good," Kurt smiled softly and helped wipe away a few of her tears. "Besides, it breaks my heart seeing you cry. This is utterly not allowed."
Brittany chuckled and smiled softly, glad she had Kurt as a mentor through all of this new mating stuff.
xxxxxxxxxxx Meanwhile xxxxxxxxxxx
"What do you think you're doing?" Quinn demanded. It wasn't hard to find her. Santana had only managed to get to the girls empty locker room before breaking down herself. She knew her mascara was smudged and ugly tear tracks could be seen. Santana just couldn't hold it in. She'd been feeling the shift in the imprint, it was weakening. Brittany was finally realizing the truth and was going to free herself from Santana and her horrible bond.
"She's slipping away from me. She realizes what I've done to her and she doesn't want me anymore. She's finally seeing me for the monster I am," Santana slumped down onto the bench and dug her palms into her irritated eyes.
"You are an idiot," Quinn shook her head in disappointment and folded her arms over her chest, one hip cocked out. Santana's head shot up and she growled at Quinn but the annoyed girl persisted, "That girl is still madly in love with you despite how thick headed your being. Have you even talked about what happened?"
"We talked the morning after. I swore I would never hurt her like that again and that was all we said about it," Santana shot back.
Quinn snorted and rolled her eyes, "Sounds like you did the talking and she did the crying. That's not communication Santana. Promising not to hurt her like that and then proceed to do exactly that is very idiotic of you."
"I'm just trying to protect her," Santana mumbled feeling the fight drain out of her.
"Pushing her away and making her feel not wanted isn't protecting her. If anything now is the time to be reassuring with romantic gestures and that sickening display of affection you two are always doing. Not jumping up and running out or not spending time with her. How does that convince her that you just didn't use her for her body or something?" Quinn came forward and took a seat next to her.
"I bruised her. I touched her so hard that I marked her skin. She cried in my arms and nothing I could do would take back that pain. Even after I made sure she took some pain pills and rubbed on some icy/hot she still winced every time she moved. How could I touch her again knowing I'm capable of that?" Santana asked.
"It's about trust and faith," The locker room door opened and Blaine stepped inside with a soft smile. "Kurt sent me an S.O.S and I overheard your voices." Blaine explained, waving his phone to help.
"Thank god for some backup. Maybe you can get through to her," Quinn breathed a sigh of relief.
"I don't know about that but I can explain how it was like for me, being on the other half of the mating cycle with Kurt," Blaine shrugged coming to sit down on the bench across from them.
"I remember how broken Kurt was. Seeing it happen to you too really makes me upset that I've found my mate. But then again he's all Mr. Sunshine when Tina is around and I don't ever think I'll get to experience this. This week I've been rather happy about that," Quinn muttered.
"We'll figure that out," Santana promised picking up on her pack members pain through the thickness of her own. It was just part of being an alpha, focusing in on her pack's pain despite her own.
Quinn chewed on her bottom lip and looked down at her shoes knowing that Santana was sensing her pain and using that as a distraction to her own. Quinn needed her and Brittany to fix this and she didn't need to be a distraction. "Blaine, do you think you could take it from here? Coach needed to see me when before practice today."
"Yeah, of course," Blaine nodded and shook his head.
Santana reached out and grabbed Quinn's arm, "It's going to be okay." She promised, she was going to help Quinn despite her own mate problems. Quinn deserved happiness and hope even though Santana wasn't really showing her that it was rainbows and sunshine once your mated.
"Convince me," Quinn challenged.
Santana watched as Quinn left, silence filling the locker room as the door swung closed and clicked shut. Blaine leaned forward, resting on his elbows and watched her. They silently stared at each other for a long moment before Blaine sighed and his lips twisted to the side a bit.
"You know, Kurt was convinced it was rape," Blaine broke the silence looking up at her and she visibly tensed.
"How could you forgive him?" She asked.
"I didn't have to forgive him because he didn't do anything wrong," Blaine shrugged.
"But I did. I hurt her. I can never take that back," Santana countered.
"I can tell you that you're hurting her more now. We've been waiting all week for you two to finally break down. I can't tell you how you should feel about this but I can tell you how I felt after my first cycle with Kurt," Blaine offered.
Santana remembered how those days had been. It took them much longer than a week to finally break and the tense stressed air between the entire group had been exhausting to deal with. She felt even more guilty for making her pack sit through it again. She nodded, remembering that those two finally locked themselves in a room and talked about it and came out back to being their normal happy selves.
"I was never upset with him or felt raped. It was the best week in our relationship at that time. I felt so needed and wanted and it was rough. So rough. Sometimes I couldn't get hard for him or he would be too rough and the pain made me tear up but at no point did I want to shove him off or not want to. All he saw were the bruises and how hard it was for me to walk or how sensitive some things were. Not to mention he bit me in a rather um...well someone that took a while to heal properly. Then it took over a week for all those marks to heal and every time he saw them it broke his heart. He wouldn't talk to me and I couldn't tell him how I felt about it all," Blaine scooted forward on the bench and reached out for her hand. He patted it twice and smiled softly, "I know Brittany is feeling the same way. She talked to me a few days ago and hinted at some things. Being through it myself I was able to read through what she was saying. She doesn't hate you or thinks that you raped her. You two just need to talk about this. Just like Kurt and I needed to."
"I promised to protect her. I couldn't even protect her from myself," Santana shook her head, thinking over Blaine's words and processing them.
"A relationship isn't just about protecting someone. It's sacrifice, communication, trust, hope, and so much more," Blaine gave her hand a squeeze and smiled softly again.
xxxxxxxxxxx After school xxxxxxxxxxx
Santana spent the rest of the day thinking over Blaine's words. When she made it back to the library after cleaning herself up she'd found Kurt and Brittany gone but Quinn was working on her research paper. They talked for a bit avoided the topic about mates as they both wanted to deal with their issues quietly.
Santana didn't see Brittany again till after their last class. Kurt finally left Brittany's side and ran off with Blaine for the rest of the day leaving Santana to stand awkwardly at Brittany's locker waiting for her.
"Hey," Brittany whispered walking up to Santana who was waiting at her locker. Santana smiled softly before it lost all its energy and disappeared from her face.
"Can we go back to my place and talk?" She asked. Blaine's words made it through the thickness of her guilt and shame and she knew that she had to talk to Brittany. Beg for forgiveness and plead with her to love her still. She felt the imprint weakening, she couldn't lose Brittany. She needed to make this right.
"You want to talk now?" Brittany asked. Santana winced but not because Brittany's words had hurt behind them, but hope.
"Yeah. If you want to," She whispered. Brittany nodded a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Santana reached out, linking their pinkies and led Brittany out to her car.
Quinn was leaning against the hood of her ugly red bug and smiled when she saw Santana lead Brittany to her car. Quinn nodded at herself, happy now that things were going at least in the right direction. It hopefully meant she wasn't on carpool duty anymore since Santana was driving Brittany. Then she realized that she might not want to be within hearing range of Santana's apartment and decided that she might work on her own mating situation. She pulled out her cell and sent Mike a quick text asking if he wanted to hang at the Lima Bean after football practice.
Santana opened the door for Brittany and helped her into the seat before closing the door and heading for the drivers side. The drive was quiet with hopeful glances in each others directions when the other wasn't looking. Santana gripped at the steering wheel, nervous and trying to find the right words in her mind. Brittany's foot kept tapping out some beat against the floor which was a nervous habit of hers.
With both of them lost in their thoughts and nerves they were winding up the Fabray's long driveway and pulling up in front of her apartment before they even realized they'd reached their destination. Santana turned off the car and looked over at Brittany, smiling softly again as Brittany looked at her with wide blue eyes.
She shook her head softly to snap herself out of her daze, pulled the keys out of the ignition and exited her car. Brittany was out and closing her car door before Santana could get to the other side of her car and do it for her. They stood for a few seconds awkwardly before Santana motioned to her apartment and led them to the door.
Once inside they dropped their stuff down by the entrance which was habit for them. Brittany took a look around and saw that the couch was replaced, the hole in the wall repaired, the bed frame was gone and the mattress and box spring rested on the floor instead, and the kitchen table was missing. The room didn't even smell like Santana, more like mango kiwi and Brittany found it was from the handful of scented candles that littered the apartment. It hurt her heart to think that Santana had masked thier scent in her apartment. Brittany braced herself for the coming goodbye, Santana was leaving her.
When Santana turned around she saw the quiver in Brittany's chin and the redness of her eyes. Santana realized this was it, Brittany was trying not to cry before telling Santana it was over. "Oh god, you're going to break up with me," She sputtered and Brittany looked completely shocked by that.
"What? No, you're breaking up with me," Brittany was convinced and Santana's head snapped back in shock.
"Why would you say that? I could never leave you," Santana confessed.
"Then why does your apartment smell like mango's?" Brittany asked completely distraught.
"Huh?" She asked confused.
"You're apartment always smells like us. Like peachy woods but now it smells like mango's. You're leaving me aren't you," Brittany collapsed on the couch, tears streaming down her cheeks as her shoulders shook with her sobs.
Santana knelt in front of her and grabbed her hands, "I would never leave you. I know I've been distant this past week but I was just...I was trying to protect you from me."
Brittany sucked in a shaky breath, "You've been so far away."
"I know. I didn't want to hurt you, I don't," Santana tried explaining but it wasn't coming out like she'd planned in the car ride over.
"You didn't hurt me. I tried telling you that. But you're hurting me know," Brittany wiped away at her tears, trying to slow them down and properly breath.
"Honey, you were covered in bruises. I put those there," Santana was surprised that Brittany didn't think of that as Santana hurting her. How could she not? Brittany had been so sore.
"I wanted you to hold me tighter and you did. That's how those got there. I wanted it. I wanted you. I was just tired but that doesn't mean I didn't want you every time or in each way. I love how much you needed me and it finally felt equal to how much I need you," Brittany explained, reaching out to cup Santana's cheeks. Blue eye's pierced chocolate brown and Santana saw the depth of truth there. Brittany really didn't think Santana did anything wrong but actually thought opposite of it. "Then I woke from that beautiful reality I was living and was tossed into this nightmare where you won't touch me or you, for once, don't understand what I'm trying to say." Brittany pulled back, tears flowing again and Santana leaned forward pulling her into a tight hug.
It felt like coming home to have Brittany in her arms again. She felt so stupid for denying them this and for not seeing what Brittany was trying to tell her. Brittany wanted it, every time. "I don't ever want to hurt you. Or to see you hurt," Santana whispered into her hair, fingers trailing over memories of where the bruises were on Brittany's skin.
"You hurt me more this week than you think you did during your cycle," Brittany confessed and Santana's heart shattered.
"I'm so sorry Britt. Please forgive me?" Santana asked, running her thumb over the tear tracks on her rosy cheeks.
"There's nothing to forgive," Brittany whispered.
"I love you," She said and Brittany smiled pulling her in for their first real kiss all week. Brittany captured Santana's bottom lip between her own. Santana could taste the salt and sadness on her lips and she reached up, running her fingers over the back of Brittany's neck and pulling them tighter together, trying to kiss away the pain, doubt and heartbreak.
"I love you, too," Brittany smiled against her lips and Santana pulled Brittany's top lip back between her own, kissing her just that much harder. Brittany still loved her. She felt that chain that pulled them together pull tight once more, not leaving any slack in their bond. Everything came back into tune with Brittany something she hadn't realized, outside of her dark thoughts of hurting Brittany, was missing . She could sense Brittany's relief, happiness, the echo of sadness, and peace.
Brittany's scent filled her senses again and she realized that mango's was a horrible cover to her mates sweet peachy smell. Note to self: Toss out ridiculous candles soon as possible. But on top of the relief of feeling Brittany's emotional state again and the power of her scent, she also felt that undeniable pull that came with smelling Brittany. It was want and need and raw sex. Brittany needed her, not just to fix them emotionally but physically as well.
She hesitated in her kisses and Brittany pulled back with furrowed brows and a pout, "What's wrong?"
"I," She stopped looking down at her thighs, hands falling from Brittany's hair and neck where they'd gone without her realizing. She rested her hands on Brittany's thighs and felt the muscles twitch there. Brittany was wanting to tap her foot out of nerves and she sighed before she answered, "Can I touch you? Love you?" It was the wierdest way to ask what she wanted but for some reason the words 'let me make love to you now' just didn't seem to come out like they were suppose to.
Brittany stood, pulling Santana to her feet and led them back to Santana's bed. Santana's hands shook and her breath was shaky. She was nervous, scared and she couldn't figure out why. Brittany stopped when her heels hit the box spring and she dropped Santana's hands.
Santana's breath caught when Brittany reached forward, grabbing the hem of her shirt and lifting it over her head. Brittany pulled her close, kissing her softly and sighing against her lips. Santana reached out, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist and breathed in Brittany's scent and finding that both halves of her were at peace again. She only ever felt complete when she was with Brittany.
Her fingers danced at the edge of Brittany's shirt and then she slipped them under, pulling the fabric up till Brittany had to pull away so Santana could remove it and toss it to join her own discarded shirt. She let her fingers trail down from collarbone to the button of Brittany's jeans where she snapped them open. Brittany shimmied her hips to help her jeans fall and pool at her ankles.
Brittany teased her fingers at the band of Santana's jeans, dipping them occasionally between to tease against the skin before popping the button and tugging them down Santana's thighs. Once they kicked themselves free of their jeans, Santana pushed them forward, one arm wrapped around Brittany's waist helping them lower to her bed.
Santana made sure to keep her weight off of Brittany as they shuffled up the mattress till blonde hair was spilling across the pillow. She kept her weight on her elbows as she leaned down and took Brittany by the lips again. Long slender fingers danced across her back from her shoulder blades to the ridges down the dip of her spine. She shifted her weight to balance better on one arm and reached down to tickle fingers across Brittany's ribs, abs, and thigh. To feel her skin hum at their touch, to reconnect them again with touch.
Brittany initiated the next phase by unhooking Santana's bra and bring her hands to rub and massage Santana's breast. She hummed into the kiss, the hum of their contact turning into licks of fire at her skin.
She pulled back from the soft kisses and trailed them over Brittany's closed eyes, her tear stained cheeks, to the hollow of her neck and then back to place lingering kisses at Brittany's lips. She ran her hand to Brittany's back and undid the bra clasp. She leaned up enough to pull the material off and toss it somewhere beside them.
She stayed propped up, looking down at the perfection of Brittany. Everything about her took Santana's breath away and it felt like her lungs kept forgetting how to work. She smiled softly as Brittany traced a finger down from her temple to the corner of her jaw, "What is it?"
"You are so beautiful," She whispered. Brittany's cheeks turned pink and she smiled shyly. Santana smiled back then leaned down to kiss her again. They kissed for long minutes but when Brittany's scent shifted and hips rubbed up against her she parted their lips with a wet pop and trailed kisses down to heaving breasts where she took a nipple between her lips, running her tongue in circles around it. Hands reached up, burying into her hair and keeping her head in place. She shifted her weight a bit to be able to reach up and rub and trace over Brittany's other nipple. After a minute or two she switched the attention over and repeated till Brittany was squirming beneath her.
"San, please?" Brittany asked pulling a bit so Santana would look up at her. Seeing that look in Brittany's face made her stomach do flips and her nerves return. Brittany was ready for more, ready for her and Santana's fears rippled beneath her surface, afraid of being with Brittany like that again and hurting her.
Her wolf was silent, content with her actions but she was still so upset with herself over losing control. The possibility was there and it could happen again. Even before her cycle it had come close. She closed her eyes and took a deep couple of breaths before snapping out of her mental pep talk when hands cupped her cheeks and drew her up to Brittany's waiting kisses.
Brittany reached down removing her own underwear and then Santana's compression shorts. Now they connected fully skin on skin and Santana bit back the possessive growl her wolf wanted to let out. Brittany was still her's despite everything this past couple of weeks. Santana kept a tight grip on herself but it left Brittany to make the initiative to move them further.
Brittany reached down, hand wrapping around Santana's hard member and guiding it home into velvet heat. Santana gripped the sheets, feeling the warmth engulf her with pleasure as Brittany pushed against her hips till she was sheathed fully. They both sighed, both feeling completely whole again.
Brittany buried her nose in Santana's neck, arms wrapping tightly around Santana's shoulders, legs around her waist. Brittany was pulling her in tightly and she focused on keeping her arms loosely wrapped around Brittany's waist as they adjusted to being together like this again.
Santana buried her nose in Brittany's hair and rocked her hips back and forth slowly. Brittany hissed and moaned as they moved together. Brittany held her tighter with a small whimper and Santana stopped her movements.
"What's wrong?" She gasped out, feeling the sweat against their foreheads.
"Hold me closer," Brittany asked shifting her hips and Santana pulled out and then pushed back in. She set her jaw and pulled Brittany tighter against her not realizing just what Brittany was doing by asking her that. Their thrusts stayed slow, steady, and strong as they both reconnected physically and emotionally. Brittany squeezed at her again and Santana recognized the hint this time and pulled Brittany tighter still, completely terrified she was already holding her too tight.
Brittany's back arched up into her, pulling her in more as their rhythm picked up. Santana buried her nose in the hollow of Brittany's neck, smelling the intoxicated aroma of Brittany's pleasure. Santana could feel herself come closer to the edge as ripples of pleasure shot down her spine, the coil in her gut twisted so tight she could explode any second.
She pulled back, nudging at Brittany with her nose till blue eyes met hers. Brittany tensed first, orgasm rushing through her body like a tidal wave and then Santana was spilling out after her, her own orgasm taking over. They jerked and twitched together till Santana dropped her weight back down, unable to hold herself up fully.
Brittany sighed, content and happy with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Santana kissed every surface of Brittany's face before whispering, "I love you.."
"This was perfection," Brittany sighed, "Having you hold me so close like we can become one person. This is heaven on earth with you."
Santana stiffened and realized what Brittany had done. She thought about how she felt holding Brittany so close despite being afraid of hurting her, it did feel like perfection. Like she could keep her mate safe and love her all at once while driving them over the edge of bliss. She understood why Brittany wanted this feeling, why she'd asked for it. Again.
"You're a genius," Santana whispered, keeping them wrapped up tightly as she laid down on her side. Brittany smiled and tucked herself under Santana's chin, arms still tightly wrapped around each other as they laid on their sides cuddled into one another.
"I'm glad we're okay now," Brittany sighed in relief and happiness.
"We'll be better than okay," Santana promised.
Author's note:
I know I left one at the top but now that you've read the update...agree/disagree? I wrote how Brittany felt about it and how Santana felt about it. Our ladies are back on the right track and we'll get back to filling those prompts. Make sure to send in your requests.
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I have posted a wanky outline. That's right, it's an outline of the prompt fills. Some chapters may have more than what was mentioned or it might just be that one but the outline shows that every chapter will have one and so far the wanky outline hits 20 chapters but I have plot outlined up to 30 chapters so math suggests that I need more prompts.
I look forward to your reviews and I hope to keep you all in a happy Brittana bubble from here on out. Or at least a Wanky Brittana bubble from here on out.