(A/N: Dumbledore is supposed to be like an old person trying to be cool, in case you couldn't tell. Also, the Chamber of Secrets is opened in the girl's washroom, hence the scream when Dumbldore enters the first time.)
Scene 4
[Start with Dumbledore busily making potions Downstage Right]
[Enter Neville, followed by Harry, Ron, and Hermione]
Neville: Dumbledore! Dumbledore! These hooligans were gossiping. They're planning to beat up Draco Malfoy!
Dumbledore: …EXCELLENT! May I join you hipsters? We'll keep it real. I'll get the rest of the Gryffindors!
Neville: My nan doesn't approve of this poppycock! This is absurdity! This is blasphemy! This is madness
Dumbledore: MADNESS? THIS IS HOGWARTS! [blasts Neville offstage with a spell]
[Exit Neville]
Harry: Dang yo.
Dumbledore: Word. So how are we gonna deal with that Malfoy kid?
Hermione: We're getting the Basilisk up in his grillz, yo.
Ron: Yeah.
Harry: 'Mione, you go and set up dat Basilisk and stuff.
[Exit Hermione]
Dumbledore: Alright, yo. Call that Malfoy and tell him to skedaddle over to the CHAMBER OF SECRETS. In the meantime, we'll go and open it ourselves... YO.
Harry: Alright, Imma link Malfoy right now, iight?
Dumbledore: Coo'.
[Exit Dumbledore, Harry and Ron]
[Beat]
[Enter Dumbledore, Harry, and Ron]
Harry [on cell]: Yeah Malfoy. I really think we should talk. We've been having some problems, I know. And anything you've done, don't worry. Iz coo'. So meet me in the Chamber of Secrets. We've got some talking to do, iight? Yo. Easy.
Dumbledore: Here we are youngsters. The CHAMBER OF SECRETS!
[Exit Dumbledore]
[Girl screams offstage]
[Enter Dumbledore]
Dumbledore: So that wasn't the Chamber of Secrets… BUT NOW. Behold! The CHAMBER OF SECRETS!
[Exit Dumbledore]
Harry: Yo that shizz iz crunk.
[Exit Harry]
Ron: YEAH!
[Exit Ron]