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They carry him into my house laying him down on the dining room table. He looks as pale as a ghost and just about ready to pass out.
"Please.. He needs snow on it." I beg to them as he moans in pain. I can tell for my sake that he's trying not to cry or look distressed.
Benjamin takes a bucket outside to collect some. His back is just pure flesh but as blight keeps reminding me: Some are dead. He got lucky'. I don't think he feels very lucky.
The boys come back with the snow and they begin lathering it on him. Chuck cries out in relief. "I..I have some Capitol medicine." I remember running for the cupboard but my feet are so numb and abused it makes things difficult. I push the pain relief pills into Chuck's mouth and place my shaky fingers over his quivering lips making him swallow.
After buckets of snow and tablets I eventually make the boys leave. "Thank you. Now you must go home. Don't be seen." I tell them firmly. Stupid clueless boys.
Then I look up at Blight he's got snow pressed against his neck himself. "Thank you." I whisper telling him he can go. What Blight did tonight shows that I do have someone left who cares. He cares too much to see me be hurt and now I know the lengths he'd go to protect me.
When we're alone, I look down at Chuck now pain free on these high dosage tablets. "Why Chuck?" I whisper as he holds out his hand begging me to hold it.
He swallows loudly. "We shouldn't have to live like this." He whispers. In those very few words, I am made to feel paralysed. No. No we shouldn't. He shouldn't have had to loose his brother. "You could have got yourself killed." I say having to swallow back the lump in my throat myself. He squints his eyes shut and shakes his head lightly. "You could have!" I say more firmly. His face pulls across into a very weak smile.
"But you came. You saved me." He says lightly giving my hand a slight squeeze. I look down at my lap but I can feel his sleepy eyes fixated upon me.
"I had the power to save you. With Tom I didn't." I whisper looking up at him noticing that his eyes are swarmed with tears. To say that Chuck is 22 ,like this, he looks so much younger. "I've never seen you like this." He breaths still clamping hold of my hand in a way that makes me wonder if he'll ever let go. My brow creases in confusion. "Gentle." He whispers sending shivers down my spine. I look deep into his watery brown eyes.
"I've never seen you like this either." I reply breaking away from our moment. "Defeated." I answer.
His face looks pained as he mouths an 'ouch' I know that's harsh but it's true. "You didn't honestly think you could achieve anything did you?" I ask him thinking he'll pull his hand away but he doesn't. "I don't know anymore Johanna. I just get so angry and frustrated. I just wanted to do something." He sighs closing his eyes and shaking his head.
I begin to grow aggravated so I pull my hand away. "Don't we all! Do you honestly think I like waking every night in sweats from nightmares? Do you think I like watching kids die?! I want change Chuck but burning down a few buildings will achieve nothing!" I say in exasperation gripping at my hair roots.
His warm deft hands clasp around my arm trying to comfort me. "I'm sorry. I..I wish I could take all that badness away from you I do." He admits stroking his fingers along the back of my palm. I can feel the water pouring in my own eyes but I manage to keep it in. "They've...turned me into a murderer Chuck. They're made me bad. I don't want you to be bad. You're too pure for that." I whisper raising my head.
Our eyes lock on each others for a second. "I'm already bad." He whispers. I can feel his warm breath now on my icy face. "I've killed hundreds so that makes two." I whisper moving closer towards him.
Before I can stop him, he attaches his weak quivering lips to my own. This kiss felt different. It wasn't like all the others. It wasn't vulgar like Secrena Cranes, it wasn't joking and flirtatious like Finnick's and it wasn't pure like Jacks.
Chuck was bad. I notice the other scarers smothered on his arm as his hand caresses my neck. But I like that. I like the fact I'm kissing someone, who like me, isn't saint worthy and has made mistakes. I like how he doesn't dampen down all the bad things I did. Despite the fact his lips are moist with sweat this kiss is the first since Jack's that has made me yearn for more. I am the first to pull away. His breath is ragged as he lies his head back on the cushion. For a moment we sit in silence.
"We can't kiss again." I whisper about to stand up but his eyes are on me, pleading and pained. I stay. All I can see is Snow luring Chuck into some deathly trap when I leave to mentor again and that I cannot bare the thought of.
That may have been a mistake but I care about this man and yes I'll admit in those few minutes I felt at ease. But I shouldn't be allowed to love again not when we still live like this.
"Why?" He breathes trying to figure out what's plaguing my mind. He knows about what Snow did to my family now but not about Jack. I take a deep breath of exasperation. Am I ready to open up to someone? Am I ready to tell him why I have no partner? No. No I'm not. Not when I stand in a place that's haunted with memories. "Because we leave in a dangerous place." I whisper. A very dangerous place. A place where I am not free to show my desire for anyone. Nor am I allowed to take the risk of loving someone again. But that my friend is Karma.
I must have been dragged in by the demon of tire because I am awoken by Chuck's soft voice. "Johanna pass me your feet before they fall off." He asks of me as I look up blinking with my eyes hastily. Was he really laid on my dining table battered, bruised and whipped? Did we really kiss? Yes. Yes we did because I can still feel the warmness of his lips on my own.
I look down to my blue feet damaged from my rampage through the snow and sigh. I cannot loose my feet so I allow Chuck to take them in his warm hands. He begins too wince as the slight movement of his arms send palpitations of pain down his raw back. I try to pull away but he refuses to let me go. I don't argue because once he's finished I'll just fetch him more tablets.
I can't help wonder how long he's been staring at me to notice my feet. I'm well aware it's the early hours of the morning though.
"It doesn't seem fair somehow that I get these when some have been whipped all 50." He mutters as I give him the tablets once he's finished with my feet. Yes others did get whipped more but none of them have families that I owe. None of their brothers were killed because of me. None of them are my best friend like he is.
"I'm going to get back on the phone to the healer." I announce standing up from the table. He catches my hand before I go making me directly at him.
"I thought you'd be brave enough to fight the dangerous place." He breathes the venom behind his voice makes me shudder. I smile. "None of us are strong enough to fight the dangerous place. Look around you. I'd have a family if we were." I whisper pulling venom behind my words too. His jawline tightens making me realise we are so past the kissing romance stage now. Good. That's what I wanted wasn't it?