Buffy glumly walked down the hallway and sighed in irritation. Oz and Willow, coming from the opposite direction, watched her in concern.

"What's up with Buffy?" Willow wondered aloud, frowning.

"Hmm." Oz replied.

"That's all you've got to say? Hmm?" Willow asked, exasperated.

"Pretty much." Oz said.

"Well, that's not enough concern, damnit! I'm going to march over there and find out what's going on!" And with that, Willow stamped over to the depressed Buffy.

"What's wrong with Will?" Xander asked, holding a hand over his eye and magically appearing at Oz's side (well, not really.)

"She's worried about Buffy, and I'm being too stoic. What happened to you?" Oz responded.

"Well, I tried to get a drink from the soda machine, put my money in, pressed my selection, and zip. So I shook it a lot and still nothing, so finally I bent down to that slot where they arrive, you know? And then the can shot out and popped me in the eye, oh and by the way, ow."

"Huh."

"That's all I get, huh? You are too stoic. Maybe someone else can share my pain, but not literally, it hurts like a son of a bitch."

He walked over to Buffy and Willow.

Oz just raised an eyebrow, and noticed Cordelia walking by him, her make-up smeared.

"Cordelia, what happened?"

Turning to face him, she started ranting:

"Every time I tried to apply any make-up my damn car would stop and go suddenly! My make-up was flying everywhere! It was like being pelted with little missiles! And the damn mirrors kept moving! Back and forth and all over the damn place! Just look at me! It's a disaster!"

"Interesting."

Cordelia made an "Oh!!!" noise and stomped over to Xander.

Shrugging, Oz got his books from his locker and walked over to the other Scoobies.

"Hey Buffy, why did Mr. Sad Face come to visit?"

"Huh?" Buffy asked, and looked up to see Willow standing there.

"Mr. Sad Face. Is this just a brief stop-by, or is he a permanent resident in the mind-house of Buffy?"

Buffy just gave her a look that screamed the word she said earlier.

"She's wondering why you slipped and fell in the dumps. It's smelly and glum down there." Xander translated, walking up to them holding his hand over his eye.

"Oh. I didn't mean to slip, life gave me a banana peel, and down I went wearing no helmet, and are you implying I smell? I shower twice a day thank you very much!"

Xander gulped.

"Xander, why are you holding your hand over your eye like a big dork?" Cordelia asked, coming up to them.

"Because it stings like the dickens!"

"A bee stung you in your eye?! You need to go to the emergency room!" Cordelia cried.

"Not a bee!" Xander yelled in an exasperated tone, "The damn soda machine attacked me! It was like I suddenly walked into Maximum Overdrive!"

"Get the school nurse to look at it, you idiot!" Cordelia snapped.

She snatched the protesting Xander's hand and dragged him off to the nurse's station.

Buffy and Willow just stared after them, dumbfounded, and then Willow turned back to Buffy, giving her the LOOK.

"Okay, okay! Don't give me that look! I'm sad because I couldn't blow off school to go see Neil today." Buffy explained.

"Your mom, huh? All our parents are cracking down on us for spending too much time at "sleepovers" and cutting class. And Neil's being released today."

"WHAT?! When was anyone going to tell me?! What is this, keep secrets from Buffy day?!" She immediately quieted, feeling guilty.

"I'm sorry! W-we didn't mean to make it a secret, to be a conspiracy like in JFK! Bad Willow! Should never keep secrets! Bad!" Willow guiltily scolded-babbled herself.

They both stood there, wallowing in their cesspool of guiltiness, until Oz came along and pulled them out.

"Why so glum chums?" he asked.

"No reason." they both answered in a monotone, and wandered off to class, Oz following.

"Is it me or does it seem like we just walked into a bad horror flick?" Faith griped.

Neil found it difficult to disagree after being nearly killed by a rampaging car, pursued by an overly aggressive moped, buzzed by a radio-controlled plane, and angrily threatened by an enraged electric can opener(don't ask.)

"Anything like this ever happen in the show?"

"Nuh-uh. This is new."

Faith and Neil watched in disbelief as an annoyed convertible chased a howling dog down the street.

"What is up with the computers today?!" Snyder growled, "It just told me to "f" myself! The students. It's always those damn students! I'll "f" them!"

Getting on the intercom, he started speaking only to hear peals of laughter from the hallway and realized his voice was coming out all squeaky like he had inhaled too much helium.

"What is going on!?" Snyder raged.

Willow and the other Scoobies (sans Buffy and Giles) were sitting in computer class when they heard a squeaky voice from the P.A.

"What the-?" Xander began.

Willow's computer suddenly whistled at her. Willow stared at it in puzzlement.

"Hey, my computer suddenly whistled at me! That was kinda rude! Naughty computer!" Willow scolded.

"Hey, don't be that way hot momma!" the computer replied in a synthesized voice.

Willow's eyes almost bugged out.

"I can see down your top!" Cordelia's computer laughed raucously.

"Hey!" Cordelia shrieked.

"Hey!" Xander yelled. "Only I get to look down her top!"

"Shut it bitchy!" Xander's computer snarled and gave him an electric shock.

"OW! Damnit! What is it with me and machines today?!"

"Here's something you don't see every day." Oz observed.

"Duh." Oz's computer commented.

All the computers started flipping out, screaming obscenities and crude sexual comments and zapping people at random.

"Everyone stay calm! It's just a technical problem!" the panicking instructor cried.

"Fuck that! My ass is outta here!!!" one of the students yelled back, and broke for the door. Everyone followed his example.

"Get back here baby butt!" Xander's computer yelled after his fleeing form.

Buffy and Giles burst through the library doors at hearing all the commotion.

"What the hell?!" Giles exclaimed.

Astonished, they watched a sewing machine calmly roll past them on the level hallway floor, stopped to give them its version of "what the hell you looking at?" and then rolled on down the hallway.

"What the f-" Buffy started.

"BUFFY!" Willow screeched, cutting her off as her friends ran over to her. "THEY'RE ALIVE!"

"IT LOOKED DOWN MY TOP!" Cordelia screamed.

"IT IS LIKE MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!" Xander cried.

"Wild, huh?" Oz commented.

"Hit the pause and mute buttons on the remote please! What are you talking about?" Buffy replied in an exasperated tone.

Before anyone could say anything else, Neil and Faith ran up to them.

"Neil. Hey." Buffy said softly.

"Hi. We might want to dodge to the side." Neil replied.

"Why?" Giles inquired.

"Your car is trying to buttfuck us in a very serious way." Faith answered, gesturing with her thumb over her shoulder.

"Pardon?" Giles said sharply.

Everyone heard the sound of a speeding car and turned toward the school doors to see Giles's Citroen bearing down on them at full speed. It crashed through the doors and kept going, heading for them. They threw themselves to the side crazily through the library doors narrowly avoiding the careening vehicle as it bumped into lockers. Peering out the doors after it, they watched it smash through the doors at the other end and run over a hapless garden gnome as it headed back to the street.

"MY BLOODY CAR!!!" Giles howled in agonized and utter despair.

"I hit my head on the damn library door. Owie. Hello injury 207 of today." Xander moaned.

"Still livin', ain't ya? Suck it up!" Faith snapped.

"I'm only going to ask this once. What the hell is going on?!" Buffy hissed.

"The machines are trying to gleefully murder us all, and possibly each other too." Neil explained.

"Oh…" everyone (except Faith) began.

Only to hear cries of terror from the student lounge.

Buffy and the others ran into the lounge to witness the vending machines attacking the screaming and running students with snack foods and canned drinks.

"Hey! I owe you! Nobody assaults me with a cold beverage!" Xander yelled at the soda machine, and charged it only to fall on his ass from the impact with the machine. It turned toward him menacingly, only to receive a tackle from the bigger Neil and smash to the ground in a shower of sparks. The snack machines turned on them and began a barrage of potato chips and candy bars.

"Not exactly the most lethal attack ever." Giles said dryly.

Buffy and Faith lashed out and knocked the malevolent snack machines over, short-circuiting them. Everyone ran over to Neil and Xander as Neil pulled Xander to his feet.

"Xander, my god! Are you okay? That was so brave!" Cordelia gushed.

"Also wicked hilarious." Faith smirked.

"We need to get out of here. There's a ton of vehicles in the parking lot." Buffy said.

"Excellent idea. We should head for my flat. I have research materials there." Giles agreed.

"Bulldozer." Oz put in.

"Huh?!" everyone replied.

There was a tremendous crash and everyone turned to see a huge bulldozer crash through the lounge doors leading to the outside and part of the wall as well.

They ran for their lives.