(Hi everyone, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. I'm wanting to get a better idea of what Chuck looks like so that I can describe him in more detail and I was wondering if you had any actor suggestions who you can see him as? Either message me or review, all opinions will be taken into consideration:-) thank you.)
Ever since the day I found out that Snow knows about Chuck and I's kiss, I can't bring bring myself to be away from him. It's made this magnetic pull between the two of us.
He's told me to meet him at our bench, which overlooks the dam that runs through city, today though.
I always found it the most hideous place when I was younger. Murky brown water. Litter floating in it. I found it repulsive. But ever since Chuck brought me here I began seeing it in a different light. I the his beauty behind it. My mind tells me it's because I'm getting softer with age but my heart tells me it's because of something else. It's because Chuck has this weird way of making you see things in a different light.
I'm sat on the bench watching a duck poke its beak at a half eaten sandwich. The waste is enough to drive me insane. I spent my whole childhood leaving on just enough to get by and people have the cheek to waste something as fine as this!
Chuck sitting down on the bench by my side stops me from getting any angrier.
"Why've we come here?" I ask him. There's usually a reason. Like last time we came here was to have a drink and some food for my 20th birthday. We ended up getting hammered. But it was a good night. We kipped on his workshop floor and laughed harder than we have in ages.
"I need to talk to you about something." He tells me. The winds harsh in my face so block it with my hand and turn to face him.
"About?" I ask.
"The night of the Uprising. The kiss." He says hiding his lips in his jacket. I let out a groan.
"I said forget it." I snap folding my arms across my chest.
"What if I wanna make the conditions for once? what if I don't want to forget it Johanna?" He asks me.
I feel for some reason like I've just been shot in the chest. This shouldn't be happening. This wasn't part of the deal. Him falling for me was never part of the plan.
"Maybe I don't either but if you wanna live then you have too!" I say firmly. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to even begin to try and love anyone else. I am not ready to put everything I have into something that Snow could so easily destroy. I'm not ready to put my whole love into a person that might not be there forever.
"I'm just not ready Chuck." I breathe gripping at the sides of my head.
Why is he doing this? We're happy aren't we? Why do we have to go and stamp a label on things? Why can't we just stay the way we were!
"Why aren't you ready Johanna?" He asks from me. Is this the time? Is this the time that I tell him about the boy that I love who is now dead?
"Because I'm sick with grief. Grief for my Jack. You see you don't know me as well as you think." I cry gripping at my head at standing up and walking over to the water in exasperation.
"Who's Jack?" He asks.
"Jack's the first person I've ever loved and he's gone! He's gone because of Snow. So don't you dare tell me I'm ready because I'm not!" I scream flinging him off of me. How dare he. How dare he question something that only I can decide upon.
"You were ready for Finnick!" He shoots back letting off all the steam that I can only imagine has been fighting upon his chest. The question as to why I'll let Finnick get close to me but not him.
"How dare you! You don't know him! You don't know what he's done for me." I shout. I cannot explain the anger I have right now.
"I don't understand you Johanna. Why're you running away from the guy who makes you happy and fighting for the one that makes you cry?!" He demands from me.
I crouch down to the floor feeling sick. Do I want to tell him why I can just shake Finnick off? Why I can't just let him go? Why a small part of my heart still yearns for him to be mine? No. No I don't because that is the only thing that is still to myself.
I just look up at him.
"You did make me happy. Until you pushed me for more. Why couldn't you just be happy with what we had?!" I demand from him.
"Because you're so god damn unpredictable Johanna! I want routine! I want common ground." He shouts.
"Well then go marry a girl from the town because that's not me Chuck." I snap grabbing my leather satchel off the bench and beginning to storm away from him.
"Why isn't it? Because Snow won't let it be?" He shouts after me.
"No because I won't let it be. I won't let myself be anyone's anything anymore. I'm so done with you." I scream.
"Go on then. Go home call your Victor Boyfriend because I know that's what you'll do." He says and to be completely honest it's the most hurtful thing anyone's ever said to me in some time. It hurts me because it's true.
"Go call him even if you can never have him." He says bitterly. I pull my fingers to my lips and for the first time burst out crying. I cry so hard that it physically pains him.
I cry so hard because it is so unbelievably true. I fight after Finnick even though I can never have him. Coming from a drunken Blight's lips it wouldn't hurt but coming from the lips of someone that I thought understood me and my messed up life hurts.
It hurts so bad.